Stay
by TeenWolf136
Summary: The Winter Soldier is good at surviving and has done so successfully, avoiding police detection and any remnants of HYDRA, for nearly a year and a half. Then Bucky meets Madelyn, the enigmatic girl across the hall, and suddenly he wants to do more than just survive. She makes him want to live. But how is he supposed to love her and not ruin her as well? preCACW SEQUEL PUBLISHED!
1. Well, this is embarrassing

A/N: I know, I know. I'm horrid. I haven't updated my other stories in GOD KNOWS how long and here I am. Posting another. But I have fallen in love with Bucky Barnes and wanted to write a story in which someone else does too. And before you think that I may not get very far into it I have made sure that I pre-wrote tonnes so I don't just leave you guys hanging as in the past. So I've already got like 30 thousand words and I will be updating this regularly whilst still writing more so you guys will get like, at least a solid 50 thousand, if not way more. (Hopefully). Anyway. I kind of really like this so have fun with it. Love you all! Please leave a review!

~O~

Bucky had lived in a lot of places in the two years since Hydra was taken down and he had pulled Steven Rogers from almost certain death in the river. He moved every three or so months, always renting under a false name and paying only in cash. He had to keep moving, he couldn't settle down or they'd find him. His last move had been to an old, rather abhorrent building in Bucharest, Romania. That had been over six months ago. He knew he needed to move on, knew if he stayed he was going to eventually get caught. But how could he move? How could he move and leave _her_?

~O~ _(6 months previous)_

Holding the phone between her ear and shoulder, Madelyn gripped the briefcase tightly in one hand, opening the front door of her apartment with the other and walking out into the hallway of the building.

"No dad! I'm not accepting this! I have a good job and I'm doing fine." She said sternly into the phone, turning around to lock the door behind her.

"I'm not having my daughter live in a disgusting apartment unnecessarily!" The man on the other side of the phone insisted.

"It's my choice to live in this apartment - not because of money. I'm not going to accept charity from you, I'm bringing the briefcase over now to give back to you," she insisted, spinning around on her heel and hurrying toward the flight of steps that led down. In her flurry of movement, she smacked straight into someone, landing with a _humpf_ on the ground. The mobile she had been talking into skidded across the floor one way whilst the briefcase popped open, spilling the contents within all over the concrete ground.

" _Imi pare stat de rau_!" She gushed out in Romanian - _I'm so sorry._ She looked up at the slightly startled man, who offered her a glove-clad hand. She swiftly accepted, slipping her hand into his and allowing him to easily pull her to her feet.

"It's fine," he assured her quietly, in English. He immediately picked up on her blatantly British accent and although her Romanian was good, he could tell it was not her first language.

"I was just-.." She looked at the phone where they could both hear the man on the other end of the line yelling her name. "Distracted," she muttered, swooping up the phone and pressing it against her ear. "I'm sorry dad, I'm going to have to call you back." She looked at the man she'd bumped into as she spoke. He was a face she hadn't seen before, which was rare because she knew everyone in the building. He wore a few layers of clothing - a hoodie and a long sleeved shirt underneath, gloves on his hands and a cap on his head, even though it wasn't that sunny outside. His long, dark hair brushed his shoulders and his piercing blue eyes looked somewhere caught between confusion and suspicion. Maddy couldn't blame him, considering the thousands upon thousands of dollars that had just spilled out of the suitcase. She hung up the phone, cutting off whatever protestations her father had been about to yell at her. "Um…" she looked down at the money. "It's…not mine..?" It was a poor excuse, but it was all she had.

He raised his eyebrows, disbelieving, before crouching down to begin placing the bound together piles of notes back into the briefcase. Maddy followed suit, crouching down.

"Sorry," she repeated. "For knocking into you. It's been a crazy day."

"It's fine," he replied, not looking at her.

"I'm Madelyn, by the way," she stuck out a hand. "You must be the guy that replaced George in 6A." She looked to the apartment right across from her own.

"Uh..Yeah. I'm.." He hesitated, which she thought was rather strange. Shouldn't your own name be the easiest piece of information to supply? "Bucky," he decided on. "My name's Bucky." He shook her hand.

"Well, Bucky, it's nice to meet you," she clicked the briefcase back into place once all the money was securely inside, a little messier than before. They stood up at the same time, Maddy smiling brightly, whilst Bucky mostly avoided her gaze. "We'll have to have a welcome party for you! We're all really close here."

Bucky nearly grimaced, looking at the door to his apartment. "Parties aren't really my thing."

Maddy let out a small laugh, like that answer didn't surprise her at all. "Fair enough. What is your thing then?"

Bucky had no idea, but was luckily saved from answering when her phone began ringing. Groaning as she looked down at it, she sent him an apologetic glance. "I have to take this. Thanks for the help," she held the briefcase up higher for a moment, then answered the phone. "Dad, I'm heading over now." She smiled at Bucky one last time before heading toward the staircase. She stopped just before she got to the first stair and she turned back to him, muttering into the phone, "Just a second." Bucky met her brown gaze. "I'll see you 'round, Bucky," she grinned before jogging down the steps, leaving him to watch as she disappeared from sight.

He turned and walked toward his apartment door. He gripped the handle and stopped for a minute, eyebrows furrowed. He felt…almost puffed. He pulled off the glove of his real hand and placed it over his chest. His heart was pounding against his ribcage, as if he'd just been running. He realised that, possibly for the first time in years, it wasn't because of physical exertion that his heart was racing.

~O~

Bucky had been in the apartment nearly two weeks when there was a sudden knock on the door. He'd just gotten out of the lukewarm, bad pressurised shower (which was still better than the ones at Hydra, which were always ice-cold and rarely had clean towels). Suspicion swam in him. Had he been compromised? Why else would someone be knocking on his door? He didn't exactly have weekly visitors.

He pulled on a pair of jeans and shrugged on a hoodie, not bothering to zip it up. He grabbed his gun and shoved it into the back of his jeans. He braced himself, jaw set tight and body tensed for a fight, before pulling open the door.

The pretty, young girl from across the hall stood outside his door, her arms crossed over her chest and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment - what was her name again? He let himself pretend that he had forgotten, even though he'd thought about her a few too many times since their first meeting. _Madelyn_.

For a moment, all he could do was stare at her, lips slightly parted. That was because this pretty, young girl was standing outside of his apartment, a dark maroon skirt clinging to her thin hips and…and she was wearing no shirt. Her arms, crossed over her chest, attempted to hide her bra and as much skin as was possible, but she was failing miserably.

"Oh thank god," she said when he opened the door. Her gaze ran over his exposed stomach and chest where the hoodie was unzipped. It made her a little more comfortable that they were in at least similar states of dress. "I know I probably look like such a crazy person right now - I dropped my phone outside my door on my way back from grocery shopping and I was half dressed when I realised so I quickly ducked out to grab it and the door closed behind me and my key is still in the apartment and…I'm locked out. I called Harold - the creepy landlord - and he's on his way over with a spare key but he won't be here for twenty minutes. Could I maybe…wait in your apartment till he gets here?" This all came out on one single breath and Bucky didn't think he'd spoken half as much in the past year, as she had in the past minute.

He gulped and moved to the side, shoving his metal hand into his hoodie pocket so she couldn't see it. She hurried in and he shut the door behind her. She stood, looking around the scarcely decorated apartment, arms still clutching around herself. He reached for one of his clean shirts and walked a few steps toward her, holding it out. She turned to face him, smiling when she saw his offer. "Oh, thank you! Seriously..Harold is such a creep, I did not want to have to deal with him seeing me half naked." She took the shirt eagerly and pulled it over her head. It was much too large for her, falling down and nearly covering her entire skirt, the sleeves, which normally ended halfway down Bucky's biceps, fell just past her elbows.

Bucky didn't like the idea of some creepy guy - which Harold was, he'd been super weird when Bucky had met him to discuss renting in his apartment block - staring at Maddy in her state of undress either. Although, when he thought about it, he didn't like the idea of creepy Harold staring at any poor girl half naked. He figured it was just one of his old personality traits, one of the ones that HYDRA had carved out of him long ago. One that was finally starting to seep back in, followed by all of his old memories.

"You probably think I'm such a klutz, but I swear I'm not normally. Well..actually maybe a little but not normally this bad. You've just caught me on bad days," she laughed a little. He nodded slightly, the side of his mouth ticking up momentarily. "So…" She walked around his apartment slowly, taking in the mattress on the floor, the dirty pile of dishes in the sink. He shifted, almost self-conscious. He tried to tell himself that he couldn't have cared less about what this girl thought, but the truth was…he did. He wasn't the Winter Solider anymore - he cared about things, meaningless things, in a way he hadn't for a long time. However, when Maddy next spoke, there wasn't a drop of judgement in her voice. "When did you move to Romania?" She looked at him. She knew from his accent that he wasn't from around there, not even close.

"A couple of months ago," he said. His voice was a little gravelly, like he hadn't used it in awhile. He hesitated before asking, "What about you? When did you move from England?"

She barked out a laugh. "What gave it away?" She questioned sarcastically, knowing full well that her British accent was still very strong. "Me and my dad moved here nearly 6 years ago from London. I moved out of home, to this lovely apartment block, last year." She swept her long, beautiful brown locks up into a ponytail, securing it with a hair band that was previously around her wrist. Bucky couldn't stop himself before he thought that he liked her with her hair down a lot. Whilst she still looked very nice with it tied back, he felt as though she was more comfortable with it down. The wavy, thick locks gave her an almost…wild look that matched the glint of mischief in her creamy brown eyes.

"And you? Where did you move from?" She enquired.

He licked his lips a little. "Brooklyn, America…originally."

She leaned back on the scratched up wooden dining table, facing him. "Why'd you decide to move here?" She asked, pushing herself up to sit on the table, her legs swinging slightly in the air. He shifted, looking uncomfortable. She smiled softly, almost sympathetically, clearly seeing that it was a question he would rather avoid. "That's ok," she assured him with a sweet smile that could surely rival the northern lights. "It's a real nice building here. We're all good friends. Julie, she's the person that lives next to me - I would have gone to her after I got locked out but she's away at the moment, I'm looking after her cat Polly. And Marcus and Gabe on the level below, they're a really nice couple, really great guys, good friends of mine. Mrs Ford can be a bit of a cranky old lady, but I think she had a pretty hard life, so we mostly give her a break."

Maddy continued to tell him about all of the tenants in the building - she knew every single one by name and knew a little bit about their lives. She was a very, very social girl. Bucky didn't talk much, but that was ok because she could talk enough for the both of them. Bucky thought that if it had have been anyone else talking that much to him, he probably would have found it unbearably irritating, but for some strange reason, on Maddy it was just horribly endearing. By the time her phone dinged with a text from Harold, telling her that he was outside of her apartment, Bucky was smiling ever so slightly and he was just beginning to remember what it felt like to have the sole attention of a pretty girl.

"I gotta go!" She pushed herself off the table. "Thanks so much for letting me wait in here. I'll wash the shirt and get it back to you ASAP." She went to squeeze his arm as she walked past but he had to swiftly move away, because she would have gotten quite the shock when she felt hard metal instead of warm flesh underneath the hoodie. It was a shame, really, because Bucky didn't like seeing the slightly disappointed look flash across her face as well as missing out on the opportunity to feel her hand on him. She pulled open his front door, ignoring Harold calling out to her excitedly, her focus solely on Bucky. "Well..I'll see you 'round Bucky," she said, just like last time. Then she left, closing the door behind her, although not before he heard her say enthusiastically to Harold, "Hey! Thank you so much for bringing the key over, you're the best!"

Bucky thought that maybe she was a little bit two faced, considering she'd just been calling Harold creepy, but then again he had a metal arm, had murdered dozens of people and was technically over 90 years old, so maybe he was being a bit hypercritical. Maybe it was because it was hard to find a flaw in the beautiful girl.

He looked around his empty apartment. It suddenly seemed very quiet.

~O~

A/N: Aaaaand there we go, first chapter done! I was going to make it longer, but I thought that was a nice place to end it. Watch out for the second chapter - it will be up in the next couple of days. Love you all! Until next time xx

PS Please _**leave a review**_ and tell me what you think! I'd really appreciate it!


	2. Star Wars dude!

A/N: Here's chapter 2! Enjoy!

~O~

It was another week before Maddy saw Bucky again. He was heading out of his apartment just as she was heading back up to hers. "Hey!" She beamed at him, ever so slightly breathless from the long walk up the stairs.

"Hey," his voice was considerably more quiet, but still polite.

She puffed exaggeratedly and glared at the stairs. "I've been trying to convince Harold to put in a bloody elevator forever, but he blatantly refuses!" She complained. Bucky smiled a little, although he didn't mind the stairs. "Oh!" She perked up, any remnants of her breathlessness suddenly gone. "I have that shirt of yours!" She opened her apartment door, which Bucky noticed she hadn't locked at all that time, probably too scared after being locked out the last time. She disappeared for a moment before reappearing with his perfectly folded shirt. He took it with a nod of appreciation and a gulp.

His eyes were drawn to the name tag pinned to her shirt. Printed on the piece of plastic was her name, _Madelyn Thompson_ , her company name, _GeoTech_ , and a picture of her smiling brilliantly.

Noticing his gaze, Maddy looked down at the tag as well, upside down, before pulling it off her shirt. "I hate this picture," she frowned down at it. For some reason, he didn't like her frowning.

"I think it's nice," he said without thinking. He flushed slightly, but it made her smile again, laugh a little even, so it was worth the slight embarrassment. He cleared his throat and asked her what she did at her company, just to try and divert her attention away from his little compliment.

"I'm a Geotechnical Engineer, although I have a degree in Chemical Engineering too. I just never found it as interesting, you know?"

Bucky did not know, but Maddy continued without a blip anyway.

"I mostly determine and design the types of foundations, earthworks and pavement sub grades that are required for our man-made structures, but lately I've been working mostly on designing new Geosynthetic products."

That was the moment he realised that Madelyn Thompson was not just beautiful and outgoing, normal and friendly in a way he could never be again, so completely _undamaged_ , she was also intelligent, with a great job that he could tell she was passionate about, probably a big group of friends that worshiped the ground she walked on. It made him almost angry, almost furious. How was it fair that she got to be so perfect and he was so completely fucked up?

While he had been thinking, Maddy had continued talking, either not noticing that he didn't understand what she was saying, or not caring enough to explain. "They're really good, reduce costs and improve engineering performance - and they're better for the environment too! But there's one that I just can't get right," she twirled a strand of her hair around her finger, biting her lip for a moment. "I'm trying and everything but my boss is all, 'Do or do not. There is no try.' " She laughed at the silly voice she made, imitating her boss, and also at the joke she made.

Bucky stared at her blankly. She stared back with a grin, waiting for him to laugh. He didn't.

"Come on - that was good!" He still just stared at her, now a little confused. "Yoda," she prompted. "The Empire Strikes Back." She was getting a little worried when she realised he still had no idea what she was talking about. "Star Wars!" She exclaimed, like it was the single most obvious thing in the world.

"What," it wasn't really a question, just Bucky's flat way of letting her know he had no idea what she was talking about.

"You haven't seen Star Wars?" Her eyes were wide.

"Uh.." He rubbed the back of his neck for a moment. "I don't have a TV."

"Well…" She ran her hands over her shirt as if to flatten it out, although there were no creases to begin with. "That's ok. Because I do have a TV and we have to remedy this situation. What are you doing tomorrow night? Are you busy?" She inquired, as if on a mission.

Bucky never had anything on, other than crippling paranoia and some post traumatic stress, so he shook his head.

"Perfect! You can come over and we'll watch them - I've got the whole box set!" She smiled. "Come over at like 6ish alright?" She didn't give him a chance to reply, turning around and heading back into her apartment. "I'll see you then!"

He wasn't entirely sure what had just happened, but he was glad that it did happen. Before she closed the door, he called, "Hey Maddy." She poked her head out, smiling when he finally used her name. "Lock your door," he told her, before walking down the steps.

She watched him go for a few moments, before closing the door and locking it after her.

~O~

Bucky spent the whole next day wasting time. He washed his sheets, after a long night of gruelling nightmares, he near drenched them in sweat. Then, because he had nothing to do, he washed them again. By the time 6 o'clock had rolled around, he'd decided he wasn't going. There was no point to it really - they'd both only get hurt if he got attached to the girl and it would just make it harder for him when he inevitably had to move on. Despite this active decision, somehow he still found himself outside her door, knocking on it.

She pulled it open with her ever-present smile gracing her face and invited him in. As soon as he stepped inside he felt embarrassed that she had seen his meagre, dirty apartment, when hers was so beautiful.

The floor was made of lush, soft, cream carpet, matching the unmarked, cream walls. The charcoal fabric couch was big, too big for an apartment with only one person living in it and the TV was one of the biggest he'd ever seen (Although he hadn't seen many for a fair while now - 70 years or so). Frames hung on the walls, pictures of horses and Maddy smiling brightly with different people that Bucky didn't recognise. The kitchen was clearly brand new, blinding white cupboards with a marble top bench and the scent of mouth-watering food wafting from it. There was a hallway to the left, that he was sure lead to the bathroom and her bedroom.

"Sit down," she motioned to the couch with her head. "I'm just making popcorn."

Bucky hesitantly lowered himself onto the comfy couch, as if scared he was going to..mess it up. Despite the fact that he'd showered five times in the past two days and his clothes were all freshly washed.

She made her way toward the couch, carrying a large bowl of popcorn that she set down on a cushion next to him. She plopped down on the sofa, crossing her legs beneath her, the bowl of popcorn between them. She grabbed a small handful and shoved it in her mouth as she pressed play on the remote.

It was the most relaxed he'd seen her, he realised. Although she always seemed confident and in her element, he now saw that this was her, completely. In sweats and a singlet, her hair loose down her back in long waves, hardly any makeup on her face, reclining back comfortably, hazel eyes set on the screen. She suddenly turned to look at him and he ripped his gaze away quickly to look at the TV, although they both knew that she had noticed him staring.

"The first movie - that we're watching now - was actually released years after 'A New Hope', which is technically the first one. It came out ages ago, in the late 1970's, so it's pretty bad graphics and effects and stuff, but still good overall.." She continued to talk about the movies and although he didn't really understand most of it and it meant he couldn't really understand the movie either, it was nice just to hear her voice. He liked it better than the actor's on the screen anyway. The first movie seemed to end quickly. Maddy jumped up to make more popcorn.

"Do you want dinner? I've got spaghetti or something that I could make," she offered.

He wasn't sure what the polite answer was, but he figured if she was cooking, she'd probably talk more than if they were watching a movie, so he said yes. He liked listening to her talk.

He stood up and slowly made his way toward the kitchen, where she was grabbing different things - onion, uncooked spaghetti, tomato paste - out of the fridge and putting them on the bench.

"You know, when I was younger my dad used to call me Bambi all the time. It was my favourite movie when I was little and he said that I had doe-like eyes and the innocence of a little deer," she chuckled. Not that he was protesting, but Bucky wasn't entirely sure why she was telling him that. "Is Bucky just a nickname too?" She asked. _Ah_. Now he understood. She gave up a piece of information about herself in exchange for one about him.

He nodded. "Yeah, everyone always called me Bucky - from Buchanan. James Buchanan Barnes." He hadn't said that name in a long time. Too long.

"I like that," she smiled. "It suits you. Sounds like a war hero." She looked at him. His eyebrows furrowed. _What?_

"What'd you say?" he asked. She shrugged one of her shoulders, busying herself with cutting up a carrot.

"I can see it in the way you move, how you're kind of…alert of everything. My dad's the same. He served in Afghanistan for nearly two years. You were in the army too..weren't you?" She didn't want to push him, as such, but she wanted him to open up to her all the same. She felt drawn to him for some reason and she wanted to know him, to know what he'd been through.

"Yeah," he admitted, after a few moments of precarious silence. "A long time ago." They locked gazes for a few moments. He didn't want to hide from her, wanted so desperately to have someone that he could at least semi-relax around, so he slowly pulled off his glove, revealing his metal hand. "That's where I lost my arm," he couldn't look at her then, didn't want to see the look of repellent or pity. He did hear a soft 'oh' escape her mouth and when he heard her drop the knife she was using and begin to make her way towards him, he forced himself to look at her. What surprised him was not only the look on her face - one completely free of judgement or pity - but also the fact that she was reaching out toward him. She looked at him as she did, making sure he wasn't uncomfortable. He didn't seem to be, so she lightly grasped his metal hand, bringing it up to rest between them, holding it in her small hands. She, ever so lightly, ran her fingers down his palm, the metal cold against her fingertips. He inhaled sharply at the contact, a shiver running down his spine.

Her gaze snapped up to him. "You can feel that?" She asked, curious more than anything. He gulped and nodded.

"Just," he admitted. "Not as much as my normal hand..but yes. I had to be able to, to fight with it well."

"So this was made by the military then? So you could go back out and fight?" She questioned, eyebrows pulled together. Bucky shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't lying to her, not technically - but really, truly he was.

"Somethin' like that," he murmured in agreement.

"Wow," she slowly let his hand go and he tried not to be disappointed at the sudden loss of contact. She took a few steps back and then headed back to where she was chopping vegetables. "You must have been pretty valuable. That's some pretty high-tech stuff. We don't normally have prosthetics like that. Although everyone always assumes that the Government and military are a lot more high tech than they let on." She turned to put the spaghetti in a pot. Bucky, hesitant and unsure, walked around the bench and took her place, cutting up the vegetables, slicing them swiftly with ease. She looked over her shoulder at him and smiled.

"And he cooks!" She laughed, the serious atmosphere suddenly, and thankfully, lifted.

They talked for a long time after that. Well, Madelyn talked and Bucky added in comments here and there. She always laughed when he said something amusing, even if it wasn't really that funny. They ate the spaghetti and it was the best thing Bucky had eaten in as long as he could remember. He'd been living mainly off canned food and fast food. They were just washing up when there was a loud knock on the door. Bucky immediately dropped his plate in the sink and spun around to face the door.

"It's ok," Maddy assured him. When she went to walk toward the door and Bucky still looked apprehensive, she gave him an encouraging smile. "It's fine, Bucky!"

She unlocked the door and pulled it open and Bucky didn't miss the way her shoulders dropped in disappointment when she saw who was standing at the door. "Dad," her voice had suddenly lost the playfulness that he was used to hearing. "What are you doing here?"

Maddy stared up at her father, the door still half closed so that he couldn't see Bucky, who still standing rigidly back in the kitchen.

"I need an excuse to come and see my beautiful daughter?" he questioned, a laugh to his voice. He was a big man, tall and had gained a fair few kilos over the past couple of years. He had tattoos covering one whole arm, although you could only just see the end of one poking out from beneath his undoubtedly expensive suit.

"I just wish you'd call first," She insisted. "I'm busy at the moment."

"Doing what?" he smirked, looking over his daughter's attire. "You look like you've been at home all day."

Her jaw tensed in frustration. "Well I haven't. I've been at work. Some people actually do that you know - work."

He rolled his eyes. "Darling you know that I do work." He pushed open the door with a hand and pushed past her, inviting himself inside. Bucky's hand curled into a fist. He didn't like that this man - Maddy's father - used the fact that she was small and he was big to overpower her. "Oh," the man stopped when his gaze landed on Bucky. "Well, now I see. You on a date? Really, you brought a man to this place?" He gave his daughter a disapproving look. He had never been fond of the apartment - although Bucky, and Maddy, didn't see anything wrong with it.

She sent Bucky an apologetic look whilst her dad strode up to him, holding out a hand. She slammed the front door closed, although her dad didn't even notice.

"Henry Neil Thompson," her father introduced himself. Bucky shook his hand, with his normal arm, his other hand shoved in his pocket. Henry Neil Thompson looked almost surprised at how easily Bucky's strong grip matched his own, if not overpowering it. Henry was a little taller than Bucky and a little wider, but by no means did that mean he was stronger.

"James," was all Bucky offered to him in form of introduction, not a hint of kindness or softness tinging his voice.

"Dad, we were kind of in the middle of something-"

"Oh were you?" he turned a skeptical, suggestive gaze onto her.

"Not like that. But yes we were. He's a friend," her voice was full of frustration and her hands were balled up into fists. Bucky didn't like that he was making Maddy upset. He was ready to do something about it - punch him or kick him out or both, but by then Henry had put his arms up, backing off.

Bucky realised, with some guilt, that perhaps Maddy was not as perfect as he had originally thought. Perhaps he was painting her to be more than what she was - a girl, a human, someone with struggles and problems just like everyone else. She just handled them with a smile instead of a fist.

"Alright, alright, whatever you say Bambi. I'll call next time, but you better answer!" Her dad strode toward the door, pulling it open. "Nice to meet you James, you should come around for dinner one night. Maddy never brings boys home."

"Dad go," She groaned. He left with a smirk and Bucky thought it was somewhat disgusting that he clearly enjoyed humiliating his daughter. She shut the door with a bang after him and rested her forehead on it for a moment. Bucky wanted to go over and slide a hand onto her shoulder to comfort her, but he wasn't sure whether it would make her uncomfortable or not. She took in a deep breath and Bucky could practically feel her piecing herself back together. When she spun around to face him, she had a fake - although fairly convincing - smile plastered to her lips. "Sorry about that," she walked towards the kitchen. "He can be pretty overbearing sometimes."

Bucky looked at her and for a moment she looked back, before saying, "C'mon forget about the dishes. I'll do them tomorrow. Let's finish the movie."

They moved back to the couch, sitting closer than they were before. Bucky could feel the warmth of her arm, so close to his they were almost touching. For the first time that night, Madelyn was quiet, he suspected because she was still upset over her father's spontaneous visit. He wondered if her father had always been that way - rude and mean, or if perhaps they'd once gotten along. Part of him wanted to ask her, but he didn't.

By the time the end credits of the movie began to roll, he looked over at her and realised she had fallen asleep, her head laying on the arm rest of the couch, her legs curled up close to her chest. She looked so small and innocent. He wondered briefly how old she was - 21, 22? She couldn't have been older and at that moment he thought she may be even younger than that. He stood up silently - he was good at moving silently - and pulled the folded blanket off the back of the couch and gently rested it over her. She made a small sound and shifted slightly, her legs straightening out a little now that she had more room. He tensed for a second, hoping she wouldn't wake. She didn't, her eyes staying closed, her dark eyelashes brushing her freckled cheeks. He slowly reached out his hand, wanting to brush some hair from her face, when he suddenly jerked back. What was he doing? He couldn't be attached to this girl already - he hardly knew her and he would not allow himself to get to know her. It was too dangerous - for both of them. He left quickly after that and didn't sleep that entire night.

~O~

A/N: Hey! So I hope you liked it. I'm a bit iffy about sound of the study in this chapter, but it'll have to do. I didn't get any reviews on Chapter 1 (sad face), so I would love if some of you would leave a comment and tell me what you think. Pleaseeee REVIEW! Haha, love you guys, until next time.


	3. Let's go dancing

A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed and are enjoying the story! Here's another, albeit short, chapter. I just wanted to change some things in the next couple of scenes, so I decided to just leave this chapter this short. I'll update again soon! Enjoy!

~O~

Maddy had been trying to catch Bucky for nearly a week to apologise for falling asleep on him and for her dad totally crashing their movie night, but whenever she'd get a glance of him, walking up the stairs or exiting her apartment, he'd always be just shutting his door and wouldn't stop to say hello. She wondered if her dad had really freaked him out, but then again, she didn't think he was the type to scare easily. She didn't want to push him, so she didn't go and knock on his door to talk.

Friday night finally rolled around and Maddy was more than glad the week was over. She was ready to actually have some fun instead of just working. Well - she loved work, she did. She got to think and be creative and she loved most of the people there. But they were all a lot older than her and a lot of them didn't treat her with the respect that she had worked hard to deserve. Sometimes - a lot of the time - it was tiring.

She had just pulled on her favourite pair of black pumps and was pushing one of her long, diamond earrings in when there was a knock on her door. "Coming!" She called, striding toward it. She pulled it open and grinned madly at her best friend, Ellie. Squealing in delight she launched herself at Ellie, flinging her arms around the girl. Ellie, laughing happily, hugged her back desperately.

"I missed you so much," Ellie whispered in her ear.

"I missed you too," Maddy grinned. Her best friend had been in America for two months doing a journalism course, working with a proper reporter and helping report on all different big stories. Maddy knew that it was important to her, but at the same time, she hated having her best friend away for so long.

She pulled back, keeping one arm firmly around Ellie's waist, and smiled at Allison, Ellie's friend who was tagging along for their night out. "Hey Ally," Maddy greeted warmly.

"Hey," Allison's voice was small, but friendly. She was a quiet girl compared to Madelyn and Ellie.

"Ready to go have some fun?" Ellie questioned her with her trademark mischievous look on her face.

"Definitely yes," Maddy agreed, reaching back inside to grab her clutch. She closed her apartment door and they turned to head down the steps when Bucky's apartment door opened. Maddy turned to look as he stepped outside. His gaze was immediately drawn to them, especially when Maddy shouted, "Hey Bucky! I've been trying to catch you all week."

When he caught sight of Maddy, with two other girls he didn't know, his breath caught in his throat. He managed to pull his apartment door closed behind him and walk a step or two towards her. He had never seen her so dressed up. She was wearing a black dress that, in his opinion, was far too tight and far too short. Although, she wore it beautifully - it showed off every curve of her body perfectly. Her high heels, combined with the dress ending mid thigh, made her legs look miles long, despite the fact that she was still considerably shorter than him. She had full makeup on and her hair was pin straight and let loose, so long it touched her lower back. She was grinning, as usual, but this time her smile was 100% genuine. She looked ridiculously stunning and just the sight of her made his heart rate speed up.

She skipped over to him, grabbing his normal hand in her own and threading their fingers together. He stiffened and didn't understand how she could move so gracefully in such high heels.

"Bucky, this is my best friend Ellie and our friend Allison," she introduced.

"Hey," Ellie said. She had blonde hair and storm filled eyes and a sharp smile that could cut a man in half. Allison just waved meekly.

"We're going dancing!" Maddy laughed, flicking her hair to the side and raising their linked hands, dancing on the spot. "You should come!" Her eyes lit up like it was the best idea of the century. Bucky had to stop himself from laughing - there was no way that was happening.

"Yeah you should," Ellie added, her eyes narrowed ever so slightly. Bucky wasn't sure if she was being serious or sarcastic or just daring him to say yes. He met her gaze strongly before ripping it away to look at Maddy's pleading eyes.

"It'll be fun," she promised.

"I can't tonight," he pulled his hand from her grasp and stuffed it in his hoodie pocket and hated, _hated_ the disappointment that flamed up in her eyes.

She turned to her friends, her back dangerously close to him, and said, "I'll meet you guys down there ok?"

She and Ellie exchanged meaningful looks and Bucky could just tell that they were having a conversation through their eyes. _He used to be able to do that with Steve._ The thought hit him suddenly and it hit him hard. He was glad Maddy watched as her friends walked down the stairs, giving him a moment to recover.

She spun back around to him, diamond earrings glinting from the harsh light above them. "Hey," she said, softly, like she was re-starting their conversation now that they were alone.

"Hey," he replied because she was so painstakingly beautiful and it was so _freaking hard_ to keep her at a distance, especially when she was gripping his arm with her small hands and her body was so close he could feel her warmth radiating into him.

"I'm sorry - about the other night. My dad was annoying and then I was so tired and I fell asleep," she looked upset, like she thought he was mad at her for falling asleep. She was wrong.

"It's fine," he assured her.

"Really?" She questioned, unsure. "Because it's kind of like you've been avoiding me all week." Her eyelashes fluttered and she looked down, biting one of her perfectly red lips. He clenched his fists in his hoodie pockets to keep from reaching out to her, touching her.

"I wasn't avoiding you…I've just been busy," it was a lie, but she didn't know that and hopefully it would convince her to smile again because he really liked her smile. She looked up at him and his breathing was heavy and her hand was on his arm like a weight grounding him. His mouth was dry and his hands were itching and he hadn't felt like this, not ever, not that he could remember.

"Ok," she murmured. "I have to go. I'll see you later, alright?"

She slowly began backing away and her hand slid down his arm for a moment before she lost contact with him altogether. She gave him one last, small smile and turned to head down the stairs. He watched her leave and when she was out of sight, he leant back against the wall, his breaths coming out in gasps. She was just a girl, a normal, human girl. He could crush her windpipe in one hand without blinking - and a year or two ago, he probably would have. But no, he was different now. He didn't want to hurt her. He wanted her to be safe. He wanted to hold her and press his lips against hers and -

He punched himself, with his metal arm, in the stomach, hard. He doubled over in pain - maybe he fractured a rib, but it'd heal fairly quickly, a few days tops. He had to bring himself back to reality. And his reality - his hell - was this; he was wanted by the police in over a dozen countries, he'd murdered over two dozen people, he had nearly killed a man he had once considered his best friend, chances were the remnants of HYDRA were looking for him too. Anyone that got close to him would get hurt. If he stayed in one place too long, he'd get caught. He couldn't have feelings for someone else and he didn't deserve to have feelings for someone as undamaged as Maddy. Feelings would just fuck everything up. He had a system - he moved every three months or so, he didn't talk to anyone, he didn't form connections, he just…existed. Survived. It was a good way to stay alive. _A bad way to live_ , he thought.

~O~

"So?" Ellie questioned as soon as Maddy got down the steps. She looped her arm through her best friend's. "You did not mention him on the phone," Ellie sounded scandalised.

"It's not like that," Maddy assured her, scrolling through her phone for a distraction as they waited for the cab. "We're just friends."

"Really?" Ellie questioned, raising a perfect eyebrow. "Then why are you blushing?"

Maddy turned to glare at her. "I am not."

"Yes you are."

Maddy sighed. "He's-…I don't know. Different. Kind of quiet, I guess, but I like him."

Ellie studied her closely. "How much?"

Maddy met her gaze and sighed. "Probably more than I should."

~O~

A/N: And there it is! I hope you guys enjoyed it (even though it was short, I know, I know!). We saw a bit into the fractured mind of Bucky here too and just how much he is struggling with himself. Just a little side note, cause I'm not too sure how to actually add it into the story; Bucky has kind of/will kind of latch onto Maddy. Because he has hardly had any human contact in, like foreverrrr and he has distanced himself from everyone and everything since he fled from Hydra, when someone finally kind of forces (she kind of just crashes into his life) he latches onto her because it's like the first real human contact he's had in so long (like other than the obvious at supermarkets and whatever). It's almost like an obsession or fixation I suppose in a way (which yeah sounds unhealthy but let's be honest is it going to be possible for Bucky to ever have a healthy relationship again after what happened to him?) He like sees her as his kind of thing to protect and as the only thing that he cares about in the world I suppose, because he doesn't really have a purpose other than to survive. So yeah, that just explains Bucky's feelings a bit.

Anyway, sorry for the long Authors Note. **Please, please leave a review!** It will encourage me to keep writing and keep posting! Thank you! xx


	4. Wake me up when September ends

A/N: Hey guys! Here with Chapter 4. This chapter is a pretty big turning point in Maddy's and Bucky's relationship (I know it's still very, very early on in the story but still) so yeah, enjoy! I hope I got it down right!

~O~

Grinning and tightening her pony tail, Maddy knocked on Bucky's door. After waiting a few moments, there was no answer. Maddy was not deterred. She knocked again, calling out softly, "Bucky, wake up!" The dawning sun was just beginning to melt over the horizon, gentle streaks of amber and gold flooding through the windows and bathing the building in early morning light. The door was pulled open and Bucky rubbed at his eyes, pushing his matted hair out of his face. He had a hoodie on, unzipped and she could see the glint of his metal hand, reflecting the sun.

"Maddy what's wrong?" He questioned, still looking half asleep.

"Nothing! Why would anything be wrong?" She beamed. "Get dressed. Are you busy today? I hope not. We have plans."

"No we don't," he protested. He would _definitely_ remember if he made plans with her. Or plans.. at all.

"We do now," she countered. "Get dressed. Wear comfortable clothes."

"Where are we going?" he asked, sounding exasperated, but looking happy and somewhat amused.

She smiled brightly. "Somewhere beautiful."

And they went somewhere beautiful indeed. Maddy drove them out to the outskirts of Bucharest and parked the car on the side of the road, next to a large, beautiful forest. She pulled out a backpack which Bucky immediately took for her and slung over his shoulder. They walked into the forest, Maddy chatting happily the entire time. There were a few different paths that wound through the trees that were towering above them, but Maddy seemed to know exactly where she was going, cutting off the paths here and there, turning confidently at all the forks in the trails. They came to a steep incline, an almost cliff, with a large boulder at the top. Maddy began making her way up it, Bucky close by her side. Her foot stepped on a loose rock and she slipped. Bucky, beside her, quickly wrapped an arm around her waist and steadied her. She was laughing and she looked at him happily before they continued on their way up. Maddy pushed herself up onto the boulder and stared out over the view, hands on her hips, looking proud. Bucky stood beside her, his eyes wide. There was a large lake stretching out below them, glittering as the sun rose up over it, reflecting the bounds of light off the surface. Bucky could see for miles past the lake, out over the forest that stretched before them. It was like they were on top of the world. It _was_ beautiful.

"Oh," he murmured. She grinned, taking in his profile. He really was startlingly handsome, his strong jawline and chiseled cheekbones, blue eyes glinting in the rising light. She sat down on the boulder and gripped his fingers, tugging gently and urging him to follow suit. He did, sitting beside her and shrugging off the backpack. Maddy took it from him and pulled out a warm canister of hot chocolate as well as two peanut butter sandwiches. They ate in comfortable quiet, Bucky's eyes still glued to the beautiful view.

When they finally got back to the car, it was mid-morning, having spent a good amount of time on the boulder and then taking their sweet time going back along the trail.

"Thank you," he said quietly as they drove back toward the heart of Bucharest. She lay her hand over his flesh one briefly, her other gripping the steering wheel tight. She took it back after a few moments before starting to fill the silence again with her voice. Bucky did not mind her chatter a single bit.

~O~

It was nearly 1 o'clock on a Wednesday night and Maddy was _tired._ It had been a long day at work and bloody Travis had grabbed her butt again and the stupid geosynthetic materials weren't co-operating and now, on top of that, she had forgot to put on the washing that morning and she had exactly 0 clean pairs of underpants and so she had to stand, in the musty basement, in her pyjamas, waiting for her washing to finish. She was also bored - you can only flick through your Instagram feed for so long, after all. When, finally, the washing was clean and dried in the drier, she bundled it up in her basket and began to make her way up the flights of stairs. _Damn Harold and his refusal to get an elevator._

She reached her floor landing and went to open her apartment door, dreaming of her warm and cozy bed, when she heard a low groan come from across the hall. Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked across at Bucky's closed door, where the sound had come from. She opened her apartment door and placed down the washing, just inside the doorway. The groan came again, sounding more frustrated- no, that wasn't the right word. Frightened. He sounded frightened.

She walked over to the door, suddenly shivering slightly in her singlet and short pyjama bottoms, despite her feet being wrapped warmly in her ugg boots. She knocked, very lightly on Bucky's door. There was no response. For a cheek-blushing moment, she thought maybe he had company and they were actually just having a good time behind the closed door, but the sounds didn't sound like they were from pleasure. And the thought of Bucky fucking someone else had Maddy feeling annoyed and maybe a bit jealous, so she pretended like it wasn't even an option.

"Bucky?" She called quietly. "Are you ok?"

There was silence again for a few tense moments before a shout erupted from the room. She jumped back in surprise before pounding her fist on the door again. "Bucky! Bucky open the door!"

The only reply was another shout. Maybe someone was robbing him or attacking him?

Her hand flew to the door handle, half expecting it to be locked, but thankfully it wasn't and she pulled the door open in a hurry. She'd have to tell him he was hypocritical later, seeing as he'd told her to lock her door but hadn't actually locked his own.

The apartment was completely dark and, as she surveyed the scene, she realised that none of her previous theories had been correct. There was no one else in the room, just Bucky, who was lying on his mattress, the sheets tangled around his limbs as he thrashed wildly. Maddy edged closer, slowly and pushed the door shut behind her. She'd seen scenes like this unfold before. Her father had had nightmares for years after he'd come back from war. She suspected he still did sometimes. She knew they were terrifying and she knew that it could be dangerous to wake someone out of them, but how could she just leave him to suffer?

She kneeled down next to the mattress and looked at Bucky. His hair was matted with sweat and covered half his face, which was scrunched up in pain and fear. Sweat covered his body, mingling with tears on his cheeks. He was shirtless and her breath caught in her throat at the sight of where his shoulder met metal. There was scars surrounding the metal, where it was fused with skin and the metal covered his whole left shoulder before going down into his arm. It moved as he did, like a real arm would and she marvelled that somewhere in the world, someone had been able to design something so complex. She forced herself to stop gazing at it and focus on the task at hand. A sob mixed with a shout escaped his mouth and he curled up into a ball, his large, imposing figure suddenly seeming rather small.

"Bucky," her voice was unsteady and she tried to tell herself that she wasn't scared, but it was a lie. "Bucky you gotta wake up." He began to thrash again, fighting some unknown, unseeable enemy. She reached out and grabbed his shoulder - the human one - shaking him lightly. "Buck-"

She was cut off when suddenly his eyes flew open and everything happened so fast she could barely blink. His metal hand shot out and grabbed her throat in a painful grip. He yanked her onto the bed, his hand still cutting off her airway, his other arm pinning her down across her chest as he hovered above her, a dangerous, cold and empty look in his eyes. He wasn't the Bucky she knew - in that moment, he was something else entirely.

"Bucky!" Her voice could barely be heard, no more than a wheeze. She scrabbled at his chest, desperate for air. He glared at her with those cold eyes for no less than a second before they slowly turned to a look of horror. His grip on her neck slowly disappeared and then he was scrambling backward, off her. He turned around, unable to look her in the eyes and sat, his back to her, his feet on the floor, his arms resting on his knees. His shoulders were heaving like he'd just run a marathon.

Maddy stayed, lying down on the mattress for a few moments, her own breaths coming out in gasps.

"I'm sorry," his voice was rough and raw from yelling. Tears had filled her eyes from fright, but she quickly wiped them away and sat up.

"It's ok," she assured him, although her voice came out wobbly. She reached out a hand toward him. She could feel her heart was pounding in her chest - she was partly afraid he would attack her again or jerk away, but when she gently slid her hand onto his shoulder, he didn't move a muscle. His skin was warm and slightly wet with sweat. She tightened her grip a fraction. "Bucky it's alright."

"I could've killed you," he breathed out the words and it was like they weren't meant for her ears. She got on her knees on the mattress and slowly edged closer to him, her hand a steady reminder of her presence on his shoulder. She wanted to see his face, but when she finally did, when she finally saw the look of horror and fear gracing his usually stoic features, she wished she could take it back. She had never seen him so utterly vulnerable, not even in the small moments that they had shared so far, like when he told her about his prosthetic arm.

She bit her lip, tears filling her eyes. "Yeah," she agreed. "You could've. But you didn't."

"You should go," his shoulders hunched up, like he was trying to shrug off her hand. She didn't allow it.

"I'm not leaving you," she declared and came around to kneel beside him. She slowly lifted her other hand and gently touched his cheek with her fingertips. She could feel his slight stubble and his jaw tensed as she did. She tilted his head so he was looking at her. Despite the fact that she was kneeling and he was hunched over, they were still at eye level due to their height difference. "I'm fine," she assured him. She hesitated. "Are you?"

He held her gaze for a very intense minute. His eyes were a confusing shade - at first she had thought they were almost green, but now, in this light, she realised that they were actually a deep blue, with emerald speckles. He ripped his stare away and looked down at where his hands were curled into fists.

"What were you dreaming about?" The question was soft and left open - he didn't have to answer if he didn't want to, but Maddy was somewhat curious. What had this poor man been through, to make someone who seemed so strong, scream like that?

The only sound in the room was their heavy breathing and for awhile Maddy didn't think he would answer. But then he said, "About being broken…and put back together again."

Maddy thought about Humpty Dumpty, who was broken beyond repair and despite all the king's horses and all the king's men's efforts, they couldn't put him back together again. But Maddy had always had a wild imagination and she made up her own ending. And so the princess pushed past her father's horses and men, and although she could only find half the pieces, she still somehow managed to make Humpty whole again.

~O~

Maddy made Bucky sit at his small table on one of the wooden, old chairs. She made him hot chocolate and gave it to him before stripping his sweat covered bed and putting on fresh sheets that she found in his cupboard. He didn't speak or move, just stared down into the brown liquid in his hands, not taking a sip.

When she was finished making the bed she slowly made her way back over to him, afraid he would startle like a cornered animal.

"Hey," she said softly, gently prying away the untouched hot chocolate and putting it on the dining table. "Why don't you try and go back to bed, ok?" She suggested.

He stayed silent for a few beats before slowly shaking his head. "I don't want to go back to sleep."

She gulped, her heart ready to explode with empathy for him. "Come on," she held out her hand. "It'll be alright."

He slowly looked up at her and among the pain and fear, she saw confusion etched onto his features. "Why-" His voice broke and he had to stop and try again. "Why are you doing this?"

Her eyebrows furrowed and she tentatively grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. "Because you're my friend…And I care."

He slowly stood up, towering over her, but she didn't spook away like he was afraid she would. She simply led him over to the mattress and sat beside him. He stared down at the floor for a few minutes before looking at her. His heart constricted at the sight. Her full attention was on him, her hair brushed to the side over one shoulder. She looked tired, dark circles under her eyes but she still, somehow, managed to look vibrant, glowing despite the darkness that shrouded the apartment. She shifted slightly and he wanted to cry out, _please don't leave me_. But she didn't - she put her hand on his arm, then slid it up and around his shoulders, resting her hand at the base of his neck. For one, heart-stopping moment, he thought she might kiss him, but she didn't do that either. She simply brushed her fingertips up and down the base of his neck, threading her fingers through his hair. He hadn't had human contact like that in years. Soft and soothing, instead of harsh slaps and hits.

He eventually sunk down to the mattress and Maddy went with him, her hand still stroking his hair, one hand somehow ending up on his bare stomach. They lay close together, facing each other. His eyes were closed but he was painfully and acutely aware of every cell in his body that was touching her. Their legs were pressed together, her hand moving from his stomach to his waist. He leant his head onto her arm and he could feel her breath, close to his cheek. He wanted to stay awake, to cherish every moment that she was close to him, but eventually he fell asleep. Maddy could pinpoint the exact moment he fell into sleep - his face softened and his lips parted ever so slightly, his whole body relaxed into her. Her own eyes began to feel heavy and soon she slipped into unconsciousness as well.

~O~

A/N: There we go! Hope you guys enjoyed it. I know the whole nightmare thing can be quite overused in Bucky/OC stories, but I think that it is overused because it is so realistic. Bucky would be suffering from horrid PTSD and nightmares are one of the realistic symptoms and manifestations of that PTSD.

 _ **Please leave a review!** _ If I can get 3 reviews on this chapter, I'll update tomorrow! Hahahahah! Love you all, until next time xx


	5. Give it a day

A/N: Hey guys! Thank you so much for the reviews I got on the last chapter! They really motivate me to edit these and get them out. Sorry for the slight delay on this chapter, I wanted to change some things up so I had to take my time adding in some scenes and editing some. Anyway here we are.

I'm also trying to reply to all my reviewers - just wondering do you guys like that I reply or not really mind or..? Just curious! Without further ado…

~O~

Maddy woke slowly, with a slight headache, but warm limbs. For a few, disorientated moments, she wondered where she was. But then she looked up at Bucky's face and the previous nights events came rushing back to her. He'd been so…so _tormented._

They both still lay on the mattress, Bucky still asleep after such a tiring night. Their legs were tangled together, Bucky's right leg hooked over the top of hers and her own wrapped around his left. His arm was holding her close against him, her face resting in the crook of his neck. Her own arms were wrapped firmly around him, his bare skin beneath her fingertips.

She held her breath, only moving her head enough to look up and see his face. He looked so relaxed, blissful, despite the nights previous terrors in his sleep. He looked younger as well and she thought maybe he wasn't as old as she had originally thought, maybe he was something closer to late twenties rather than early thirties. She bit her lip. She could feel his body pressed against her own - the metal of his left arm was hard and cool, his skin was smooth and soft, but underneath he was all hard and toned muscles. Maddy wasn't a virgin, hadn't been for a long time, but for some reason he made her feel like a stupid schoolgirl all over again. _I probably just needed to get laid,_ she argued with herself. She hadn't had sex in over a year, after all.

She slowly pulled her lip in between her teeth, biting it softly, her eyes travelling over his body. She felt herself become hot, her cheeks turning red and she shifted slightly at her sudden rise in body temperature.

Bucky's eyes slowly blinked open as he felt Maddy squirming in his grasp. He tightened his arms momentarily, not even realising that he was doing it, but not wanting her to move away from him. When she realised he was awake she froze and looked up at him. Their eyes met.

"Hey," she said softly. He could feel her breath feather softly across his cheek. She began to trail her fingers up and down his back lightly, tracing random patterns in his skin. He shivered slightly and fisted his hand in the back of her shirt. She paused, looking at him intensely.

He wanted to groan in frustration. How was he supposed to distance himself from her when she somehow kept ending up so close to him? Their bodies were pressed tightly together and he felt lust building up inside of him, a strange feeling that he dimly recognised from so long ago, one that he hadn't felt in what seemed to be forever. Unable to stop himself, his arms tightened and he pulled her impossibly closer. He could feel her breasts pressed against his chest and the slight gasp that left her parted lips didn't help matters at all. He tilted his head down, gently pressing his forehead against her own. He wanted to kiss her, deep, and push her back against the mattress. He wanted to strip her of that little singlet and those fluffy pyjama bottoms, wanted to run his hands over her smooth skin and kiss every inch. He wanted to hear her moan his name as he-

A shrill noise pierced the precariously silent air and the moment broke like shattered glass. Maddy jerked away, sitting up and his arms fell from around her. She gave him an uncharacteristically startled look and reached out to grab her ringing phone from on the ground beside the mattress. She quickly answered it.

"H-hello?" Her voice was wobbly and he noticed her hand shaking slightly. He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair - what had he been thinking? He'd let his body rule his mind and he was an idiot for it.

"Maddy, where are you? You were supposed to be here an hour ago, we have a meeting in ten minutes," a fairly angry woman demanded on the other end of the phone line.

"Crap!" Maddy swore under her breath, checking the time on her phone. _9:04am_. "I'm sorry Joanna, I totally forgot to call in. I can't come in to work, I need today off."

Bucky looked at her.

"What? Are you sick or something?" Joanna sounded mildly concerned but still mostly just annoyed.

"Um," Maddy gulped and glanced over at Bucky, her cheeks blushing when she caught him looking at her. "Something like that. I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Be there on time," was all the woman said before hanging up. Maddy slowly lowered the phone from her ear and then looked back at Bucky, who was half sitting up, leaning back on his elbows. She wanted to run her hands from his neck down his strong chest and toned stomach, all the way into his pants. He was so gorgeous.

"You didn't have to-.." he trailed off. "I'm sorry you missed work because of me."

She shook her head. "No…You don't-…" she looked at him, hazel eyes blazing with kindness and some other emotion he couldn't quite identify. "You don't ever have to apologise to me." Her hand hesitantly sought out his and she threaded their fingers together. For a few moments the only sound in the room was their breathing, their hearts beating in unison. Maddy gulped and pulled her hand away, rolling gracefully to her feet.

"You hungry?"

~O~

Maddy hummed a song he didn't know as she moved around her kitchen with ease, flipping a pancake here, buttering a piece of toast there. They had made the decision to move to her apartment after realising that he had next to no actual food - unless stale chips and protein bars counted?

He sat on a stool at the kitchen bench, watching her cook and hum and trying valiantly not to stare at her legs in those short pyjama shorts. He wondered if she was like this with a lot of people, this comfortable, wearing these kinds of clothes and never for a second feeling self conscious. The thought of another man sitting and watching her make breakfast after a night spent together doing more sexual things than comforting him after nightmares, made Bucky want to break something. Preferably someone's skull.

He was pulled out of his angry thoughts when Maddy sent him a sinful grin over her shoulder that could end wars just as easily as it could start them, and she picked up a hash brown, breaking off a small piece in her fingertips. "Catch," she laughed before throwing the piece of food in the air. She had pretty decent aim and he easily parted his lips and caught it in his mouth, smiling despite himself. He thought he could taste a hint of her on it and it had him hungering for more. She threw a few more pieces into his mouth and miraculously he managed to catch them every time. She was laughing and her hair was pooling over her shoulder and for the first time in forever Bucky felt _happy_ , happy in a way he thought he would never feel again, not after the war, not after _everything_. This foreign emotion swelled in his stomach and bloomed in his chest, slipped through his bloodstream and invaded his senses. They ate breakfast and then spent the rest of the day watching the remaining Star Wars movies, with Maddy talking incessantly. They didn't mention the previous night, nor the heated moment they had shared that morning. It was just so easy to be around her, so simple to pretend that he could truly be happy with her, even if all they ever were was this - friends. But it was a fairytale and it was one that Bucky could not maintain forever.

~O~

The day went quickly and before he knew it, dusk was falling, the sun setting beneath the horizon and casting the sky in a limbo of orange hues.

"I should go," he forced himself to say the words and with a momentarily crest-fallen expression, Maddy agreed.

She leant the side of her head against her open apartment door and he reached out to brush some of her hair behind her ear, his fingers trailing along her jaw for a moment before dropping back to his side. She smiled softly at him.

"My dad wants me to bring you to dinner," the smile immediately dropped from her face when she broached the topic. "He hosts a business dinner every year at the manor and he wants me to bring a date this year."

"The manor?" Bucky questioned. She sighed.

"My father's very dramatic and disgustingly rich…You don't have to come," her gaze dropped to the floor and he was surprised to see her looking bashful. She was usually so confident. He found it oddly endearing. "It's just-…well these things are really boring and it'd be better if you were there." He reached out and gently grasped her chin, tipping her head up so she was looking at him.

"I'll be there," he murmured and her face immediately lit up, making his heart skip in his chest.

"Perfect," she grinned. "Uh it's not this Friday, but next Friday. Dad'll send a car around to pick us up at six thirty."

He nodded in agreement and although he wanted to hug her desperately, he resisted.

"I'll see you 'round," her voice was soft and smooth, like honey. He turned to leave but she stopped him. "And Bucky?"

He looked at her.

"If you ever have a bad nightmare again…or if you ever need anything. I'm always here," she half shrugged.

"Thank you Maddy," he murmured, sincerity lacing his voice.

When he got back into his apartment, he sunk down to the floor, his head hanging between his legs, his back pressed against the wall. Emotions swirled around in his damaged brain and it was hard to pick out what each one was. Happiness lingered from his time spent with Maddy, but there was also sadness, despair. Most of all, he was angry. Seething. Why couldn't he force himself to stay away from her? He knew it was futile - now that he'd had the small taste of Madelyn Thompson that he had, he was like an addict, and he would continuously come back for more time and time again. The best he could do was to at least try and limit himself, limit his dosage. He could not, under any circumstances, become romantically involved with her. He was already too far gone in his feelings with her, but he thought that she probably wasn't in her feelings for him. If he could limit their relationship to just a friendship, then when something inevitably separated them, whether it be the authorities or him simply having to move on or her finding out the truth about who he was, at least she hopefully wouldn't be too devastated, as he knew he personally would be.

 _God,_ he groaned to himself. _I'm so fucked._

~O~

A/N: Hey guys! I hope you liked it! Please, please REVIEW REVIEW my friends! It seriously motivates me a tonne! I will update in the next few days - promise.

Until then xx

*whispers* p.s. did I mention reviews make me happy? *winky face*


	6. Dinner with the devil

A/N: So this chapter is pretty special and also extra long. I will have a bit of a longer Authors Note at the end so I'll keep this one short but just an important thing - if some of the chapter doesn't make sense and you are confused, then just keep reading and hopefully it will make sense by the end of the chapter. If that even made sense…oh I give up. Enjoy!

~O~

Rolling her sore shoulders from a long day hunched over a desk, Maddy made her way up the stairs toward her apartment. She stopped when she spotted Bucky's form crouching outside of Mrs Ford's door, a tool kit scattered by his feet.

"What are you doing?" She questioned, amusement tinging her voice. He didn't even look at her, having clearly heard her coming up the stairs.

"Fixing Mrs Ford's door," he replied. "One of the hinges broke." Maddy chuckled and leaned on the wall beside him.

"Right, I can see that. Why?" She reached down and pushed his hair out of his face. He gave her an almost-smile briefly before turning back to his project.

"Hand me that screwdriver," he commanded and with a sigh she scooped up the screwdriver and held it out to him. He took it from her and began using it on the hinge of the door. "She was struggling with it when I was coming up. I offered to fix it for her," he said simply.

"That's nice of you," she commented. "I'm kind of surprise she accepted to be honest. I tried to help her with her shopping once and she yelled at me."

He stood up, letting out a long breath and opened the door, swinging it a little to test out the hinge. The scent of cookies wafted toward Maddy from inside Mrs Ford's apartment and her mouth watered.

"There you go Mrs Ford, I'm done," Bucky called out softly, bending down to start packing up the tool kit. Mrs Ford, all harsh wrinkles and hair-sprayed grey hair, waddled toward the entrance to her apartment, carrying a bowl of freshly made cookies.

"Oh you are such a darling James," she intoned. "Here have a cookie, my boy."

Maddy was staring at her in shock. Had she just called Bucky _darling and my boy_? Maddy wasn't sure she believed her own ears. Mrs Ford was usually the meanest, rudest and crankiest person she had ever met. The closest she'd come to calling Maddy a pet name was referring to her as 'the loud obnoxious thing that lives above me and wears scraps of material that do not pass for dresses' to Gabe and Marcus, the gay couple that lived on the same floor as her.

"Hi Mrs Ford," Maddy mustered her brightest smile, despite still being in shock. "How are you today?"

Mrs Ford shot her a withering look. "Well I'm better now that I've realised at least some of you young people still know how to actually be useful and respect your elders," she shot back, giving Bucky a warm, kind look. Bucky munched on his cookie innocently. Maddy gaped at her momentarily before swiftly recovering.

"Yeah he's quite the gentlemen huh?" Maddy intoned, giving Bucky a look. Mrs Ford only huffed and took her tool kit back, thanking James and telling him to come by anytime for tea. The elderly lady then retreated back into her apartment, closing her newly fixed door behind her. "What the hell?" Maddy hissed as soon as Mrs Ford was gone. "Why does she love _you_ so freaking much?"

Bucky rolled his eyes and shrugged, taking Maddy's bag for her and slinging it over his shoulder as they made their way up the stairs.

"Actually no, I can see why she loves you - better question is why does she hate _me_?!" Maddy was practically speaking to herself by that point and Bucky was glad that she wasn't really paying attention to him, because he thought he felt himself blush and that would have just been embarrassing for her to see.

"She doesn't hate you," Bucky disagreed quietly.

"She does! And I swear I've never done anything to her! Ok so I threw a massive party once in my apartment and maybe the music was a bit too loud and maybe it was 2 o'clock in the morning but _honestly_! It was one time! And-"

"Maddy," Bucky interrupted with a laugh, grabbing her shoulders and halting her, turning her to face him. "She doesn't hate you," he pushed. He took in a deep breath and let it back out. "No one could ever hate you."

She sighed, smiling at him gently. "God, no wonder she loves you when you say cute stuff like that!" Maddy joked, linking her arm with his as they continued to make their way up to their apartments. They stopped outside of Maddy's door and she took her bag back.

"How was work?" He asked.

"It was alright. I basically did desk work all day though, so kind of boring. Are we still good for dinner on Friday?" She sounded hopeful. Bucky nodded and with another grin, Maddy disappeared into her apartment.

~O~

Bucky saw Madelyn a few more times throughout the next week. He met Maddy's friend, Ellie, again and she was just as terrifying as the last time he'd met her. Which was funny, because he was positive he could have snapped her neck with his eyes closed. He could clearly see how close Maddy and Ellie were, the way they practically hung off each other, the way they finished each other's sentences and could communicate with a single look. He was envious of it, in a way. With the way he lived….he didn't think he'd ever be able to have that with someone again. He wasn't sure he wanted to, not if it wasn't with Steve.

Finally Friday rolled around and he knocked on Maddy's apartment door at quarter past six, yanking nervously at his tie. When she opened it, he realised he was glad he had worn a suit, even if it had been a bitch to get, because she was very dressed up. She took his breath away, but honestly that was nothing new. He was beginning to realise that every time he saw her was like seeing her for the first time again. She shocked him - he hadn't known people could be that beautiful before he met her.

She was wearing a deep red, sparkling gown that clung to her body and fell to the floor. It dipped just low enough at the front that he could see the curve of her breasts and it was backless as well, showing the tanned expanse of her back. Her long hair was curled and pinned over her shoulder, exposing one side of her neck. Her smile seemed a little more forced than usual, but when she saw him, her eyes lit up. It made something swell in his chest.

She paused, looking him up and then down and then back up again. "Oh wow," she said. He was clean shaven and his hair was brushed into a neat bun at the back of his head. He looked ridiculously gorgeous in his dark navy suit and although his tie was a little crooked, he looked pristine other than that. Her lips, which were coloured to match her dress, curled into a smile and she stepped to the side to invite him in. "You're early," she commented after she'd recovered from being shocked at how gorgeous he looked. _Well,_ she thought, _he always looked gorgeous_. _This was just a whole new level_. "I'm nearly ready, I just have to put on my jewellery." He nodded, leaning back against the dining table and crossing his arms over his chest. He was more comfortable in her apartment now and it made her feel special for some reason. Something told her he wasn't this comfortable with many other people - if any. She disappeared into her room for a moment, grabbing her silver clutch, her phone and her jewellery. She slipped her phone into her clutch and went back out into the living area. Bucky was running his fingers over the spines of some of her books on her large bookshelf. She smiled at him.

"I feel like I haven't read a book in ages," he murmured as she slipped her sparkling diamond earrings on.

"You can borrow any of them if you like," she offered. She had noticed his apartment was painfully bare of anything like books. His gaze snapped to her and he looked like he was about to ask 'really?' before deciding against it.

"Do you have any history books?" He asked.

"Yeah, a few - although I've never really been into history that much. Too much war. I promise if we survive tonight you can read them all, if you like," she laughed. He looked at her curiously, taking a few, slow steps toward her.

"You really don't want to go tonight," he stated. She only sighed in reply, turning to look in the mirror that hung on the wall and lifting a necklace with a simple diamond jewel on it. Bucky walked closer to her, closing the distance between them and standing behind her, hardly an inch between their bodies. With a gentle grip, he took the necklace from her and secured it around her neck before brushing his fingers over her mostly bare shoulders. She gulped, meeting his eyes in the mirror. He was a lot taller than her, despite the 5 inch heels adorning her feet. He ran his hands down her arms, slowly, stopping when they reached her elbows. She shivered at his touch, leaning back slightly and pressing her back against his strong, wide chest. He leaned down, his lips nearly brushing her ear.

"Did I tell you that you look beautiful?" He murmured, holding her gaze adamantly in the mirror. She was transfixed to where she stood, hardly daring to breathe.

"No," she replied shakily.

He leaned even closer, his lips feathering over the skin right behind her ear. "Well you do." He paused for a single beat before pulling back, taking a few steps away from her and saying, "The car's going to be here any minute."

It took her a few seconds to register his sudden change in demeanour, the sudden loss of contact. She took in a deep, unsteady breath and nodded, not quite trusting her own voice. No one had made her feel like that in a long time, like her legs might accidentally give out from beneath her.

He led the way out of the apartment and down the cement stairs. Maddy stared at him intently as they made their way out of the building. The chilly night air hit her and she shivered slightly, but then the sleek black Mercedes was pulling up at the curb and she knew it would be warmer in the car. Bucky pulled open the door for her and she shot him a smile, sliding into the leather seats. He gracefully glided in after her.

"Hey Alexandru," Maddy beamed at the driver, who had been her father's personal driver for over three years.

"Good evening Miss Thompson," he smiled. "You're well, I presume?"

"Very," she agreed. "How is he tonight Alexandru?"

"Tense, I'm afraid," he replied, immediately knowing that she was speaking of her father. "As he always is at these dinners."

She sighed, leaning back into the leather seats. "And your friend?" Alexandru eyed Bucky.

"Right, of course," she blinked. "Alex, this is James. Alexandru has worked for my father for years," she introduced. Bucky gave the man a polite nod and the driver smiled knowingly.

Bucky looked over at his beautiful companion and immediately took note of the tension in her shoulders, her leg bouncing up and down. He placed his hand over her own, garnering her attention. "Hey," he said softly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she smiled, shaking her head. "I just hate these things. I'm sorry if any of the men say weird stuff to you. They're mostly fat and old and rude."

"I think I can handle it," he half smirked, hoping that her cause of discomfort wasn't due to concern that he wouldn't enjoy the evening. So long as he was with Maddy, he couldn't really see a scenario in which he didn't enjoy himself.

The car ride to the manor was about twenty minutes long, but it went quickly to Maddy. The large, black gates slowly opened for the car and it drove up the long cement driveway, rounding the large roundabout, with a ridiculous water fountain in the middle of it, out the front of the mansion. Bucky got out, thanking the driver quietly. He held out a hand for Maddy which she accepted as she exited the car with a goodbye to Alexandru and a promise that he'd be back to take them home. The house before them was ridiculous in every way. It was dark and grand and towered high above them. Bucky thought it looked more like a castle than a house.

"How many people live here?" He asked. It looked like it could fit a small town.

"Just my dad, his servants and whatever girlfriend of the month he has," Maddy replied, somewhat bitterly. Bucky's eyebrows furrowed and he put his hand onto her waist, turning her to look at him.

"Maddy," he murmured and just her name on his lips made her feel a bit better. "It'll be fine." She sighed and nodded.

Bucky could see the physical change in her as she readied herself to go inside. She took in a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face. She drew her shoulders back into the confident poise he was used to seeing them in and she ran a finger under her bottom lip to fix up her lipstick, as if it hadn't already been perfect before. Then she looked to him and fixed his tie, resting her hand against his chest for a moment. They turned and walked up to the door and she slipped her arm through his, making him feel a little guilty he hadn't offered it to her earlier.

Maddy did not knock - she turned the door handle, flung the door open and strode inside. Bucky hadn't realised how much she had changed with him since he had met her until now - until she had reverted back to being that shameless, friendly girl who could keep a conversation going for years. She had slowly morphed into someone else as he had gotten to know her - she was still chatty and brave and smooth, but she was also kind and compassionate and maybe even a little anxious. Vulnerable. He certainly liked the version she was when the two of them were alone better.

Maddy had been right - most of her father's friends were large, rude men in their fifties whose gazes lingered long enough on Maddy's body that all Bucky wanted to do was throw his coat over her and button it up. Madelyn, on the other hand, was enigmatic. She was charming and captivating and laughed at all the right times. She was a good actress - if she hadn't previously told him how much she disliked the event, then he would have thought she was having a marvellous time. A lot of them spoke in quick, fluent Romanian that Maddy had no trouble keeping up with, although Bucky struggled slightly. His Russian was flawless, but his Romanian was still a little sketchy. Maybe he'd ask Maddy to help teach it to him better later. Each word sounded tantalising coming from her lips.

Her father was overjoyed to see she had brought Bucky with her, or at least he appeared to be. He had a much younger woman hanging off his arm, who gave Madelyn an affection kiss on the cheek that he could clearly see Maddy hated. That was the only time her act faltered.

They eventually moved the small party into the dining room and sat down at the table.

"So Madelyn," one of the men sitting across from them turned the attention to her, his voice accented strongly. "How is your job - it's at that GeoTech company is it not? You're a…receptionist there?"

Bucky saw Maddy's jaw tighten. "An engineer, actually," she corrected, her voice smooth, not a hint of anger showing, although he could tell that on the inside she was fuming. He gently slid his hand onto her thigh beneath the table in an attempt to sooth her, but when it only seemed to make her stiffen further, he quickly withdrew it.

"An engineer?" Another piped up, looking almost amused. "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find a husband soon that can look after you." The table erupted into laughter and this time, some of her anger shone through. She reached tensely for her glass of champagne and took a gulp.

"So I suppose that means you two aren't planning on a proposal anytime soon?" Her dad piped up. Madelyn opened her mouth, probably to say that they weren't even dating, but Bucky beat her to it.

"Not in the near future no. Although if I did marry your daughter I certainly wouldn't have to 'look after her'. She does that pretty well herself," he took a sip of his scotch as a waiter placed another drink in front of Maddy's father. "And she doesn't need servants to do it either."

The room was dead silent for a few moments. Had he gone too far? Would Maddy be angry at him for embarrassing her? But then everyone burst into laughter, including Maddy's father, who looked somewhat impressed. Bucky's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The man sitting to his right clamped a hand onto his shoulder. "He's a keeper," the man said to Madelyn, who was grinning at Bucky with a glint in her eye that he hadn't seen before.

"Yeah," she said, taking another sip out of her champagne glass. "Yeah I guess he is."

The rest of the main course of dinner went without mishap. Bucky thought it strange that they did not speak about their work, not even once, considering he was sure Maddy had said that these men were work colleagues of her father's. The waiters brought out dessert, placing it in front of everyone. Maddy picked at hers, but didn't put any in her mouth. She hadn't eaten much all night.

She hated these dinners but she knew she'd always be required to come to them. She was her father's most prized possession after all, his best and brightest trophy that he just loved to pull off the shelf and show off. She hadn't minded as much when she was younger, but ever since her mother's death and ever since her father's switch in career…well, let's just say that Maddy highly disliked being around his 'colleagues'. She glanced over at Bucky, who was being talked to by the man beside him. James had at least made the night bearable and she found that she was growing to like him more and more with each moment she spent with him.

A sudden and loud bang jolted Maddy out of her thoughts and before she even had time to process the fact that it was the sound of a gunshot, Bucky was jumping on top of her, shielding her with his body, his reflexes lightning fast. She saw a glimpse of the man sitting across from her with a bullet wound in his chest before Bucky was shoving her under the table as another shot rang out. The room was chaos as bullets rained down, some hitting a target, many not. Bucky pushed her further under the table. "Do not move!" He growled in a voice that she had never heard from him - violent and harsh, an order not a request. Then he disappeared, like a shadow, and Maddy's heart lurched into her throat. _Where was he going? Oh god, please don't let him get hurt!_ The stream of bullets in the room continued and she realised they were coming from outside, the glass wall that had previously separated the night air from inside was in shards on the ground. She hadn't even heard it break amongst the sound of gunfire. The body of a waiter fell to the ground in front of her, blood quickly soaking the cream carpet.

She heard a few startled shouts from outside, presumably from the men that had been attacking, and the gunfire slowed down considerably. Another, very alive and scrambling body, fell a few metres in front of her but this time it had been thrown inward from outside. Bucky stalked in after the man, a dangerous, cold look in his eyes. He was reaching down to grab the man when another enemy creeped up behind him. Maddy was a second away from calling out to warn James, when suddenly his arm shot out behind him, gripping the man's throat and lifting him in the air. He smacked him into a wall a few times before letting his unconscious body fall to the ground. Then he turned back to the man he had previously thrown inside and grabbed him by the throat, lifting him in the air like he weighed nothing.

"Who are you?" Bucky demanded, his voice deeper and completely detached. The man attempted to gurgle a response, but before he could there was one last, deafening bang and a bullet was shot straight through the man's head. Bucky's glare snapped to the side as he held the now lifeless body in his clutch. Maddy peered out from underneath the table to find her father standing, a bullet wound to his shoulder, holding up the gun that he had clearly just fired. Maddy couldn't help being relieved that he was alright, despite the blood soaking his ridiculously expensive dress shirt. He'd had worse and at that moment Madelyn was mad enough at him to be glad he had been shot. Bucky dropped the dead man he had been holding to the ground and dropped to his knees, ignoring the crunch of glass under him. He reached under the table for her and Maddy immediately grasped onto him, allowing him to gently pull her up and into his arms. The cold, detached expression was gone from his face, replaced by one exuding worry and concern.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?" His voice still had that hint of demand in it, but he seemed to relax slightly when she shook her head and he swept his gaze up and down her body to be sure himself. She had a few cuts on her arms and hands from the glass, but other than that she was fine, if not a little shaken. She looked around the room, at all the fallen bodies around her. The only ones alive were Bucky, Maddy, her father and his girlfriend. The girlfriend was sobbing but Maddy's father didn't make a move to comfort her.

Bucky swept his arm under Maddy's knees, picking her up and cradling her against his chest. He glared at her father, still confused as to why he had shot the man James had been intent on interrogating. If they were from HYDRA, he needed to know, needed to know if they were there because of him, if all these people around him were dead because of him. He carried her out of the room, stepping over the dead bodies that scattered the ground. He didn't want her to have to look at them. Her father followed closely behind as Bucky set Maddy down gently on the couch in the large entertaining room. If she peered around the corner, she could probably have still seen the dead bodies, but at least she didn't have to see death everywhere she turned in here.

Bucky crouched in front of her, cupping her cheek and gently tilting her face to look at him. He was surprised at her expression. She looked shaken, but she wasn't freaking out or breaking down like he expected. Instead she just looked…angry. Furious, actually. Her gaze snapped to rest on her father and she slowly stood up, which would have been a lot more intimidating if she was taller.

"What is wrong with you?" She demanded, her glare blazing furiously and Bucky was sure he was missing something - why was she blaming her father? Her father at least had the grace to look ashamed. She took a few, calculated steps forward, her hands balled into fists. "What did you do?!"

Henry Neil Thompson sighed, holding a hand to his fast bleeding shoulder. "We hijacked one of their shipments last week but-"

"Jesus Christ Dad!" Maddy threw her arms in the air, turning away from her father like she couldn't bear to look at him for a second longer.

"We didn't think they would retaliate so quickly. Maddy if I had have known that coming here would put you in danger I would never have scheduled it," he said, as if that was an excuse.

"You can't keep doing this! You can't keep forcing me to do things that end up with me nearly being killed! It's not fair!" And that was when her eyes began to tear up and Bucky could tell that she was, in actual fact, very frightened, even if she covered it with anger. "James could have been killed! And that would have been on me!" She was crying then, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.

"Maddy," Bucky finally spoke up. "What's going on?"

She wiped furiously at the tears on her face and walked towards him. "I'm sorry," she hiccupped a little. "I'm so sorry." He reached out and grabbed her elbows, drawing her closer to him. He shook his head.

"You don't ever have to apologise to me," he murmured, repeating the same words that she had said to him days ago. She looked up at him, caught in his eyes for a few moments and the sincerity that was lacing them. She gulped on a parched throat.

"You saved my life," she said and he pushed some of her hair behind her ear.

"What's going on?" he repeated because he didn't want to say that he would always save her life, that he would give his life a thousand times over if it meant keeping her safe.

"What's going on is that my dad is a selfish, arrogant, greedy pig who consistently puts me and the people I care about in danger," she growled out and Bucky was surprised to see her like that. She'd always been so kind and caring, not angry and hateful. "He's also a drug lord who happens to run Romania's largest drug cartel." Bucky's eyebrows flew up. That… actually made a lot of sense, when he thought about it. The suitcase of money she'd had on the first day he'd met her. Her father's wealth. Her disdain with her father's presence. Her not wanting to attend the stupid dinner so badly.

"Oh," was all he said. He couldn't help feeling a bit relieved, in a way, that it wasn't HYDRA. He didn't want the attack to be because of him, didn't want that added guilt to the already considerable amount that weighed on his shoulders. It was obviously due to a rival cartel, not because he was selfish and couldn't keep himself away from Maddy. She took in a deep, shaky breath, like it was good to finally get that off her chest.

"I wanna go home," she said quietly and Bucky immediately nodded. She turned to her father. "Clean up that mess," she motioned to the dead bodies scattered in the dining room. "Get better security and just be bloody glad that James was here to save our asses. And don't call me again until you're ready to talk about getting out of the freaking drug industry." With that she stormed out of the house, into the frigid cold air of the night. Bucky threw her father a glare, suddenly seeing the man in a different light now that he knew exactly who he was, and followed quickly after Maddy.

She stood on the pavement, facing the ridiculous roundabout with the stupid water fountain. She was shivering, but no longer crying, which was good because Bucky hated to see her cry. It made his stomach twist with anger and despair. He shrugged off his jacket and placed it gently around her bare shoulders. She clutched it closer around her and gave him a small, appreciative smile as he stuffed his hands in his pant pockets.

They stood in silence, although Bucky had a million questions, until the same Mercedes pulled up. They got inside, Alexandru looking very concerned.

"Miss Thompson, what happened?" He asked, noting the cuts on her arms, her smudged makeup and the blood on Bucky's shirt, which she was glad to discover wasn't his.

"My father was a bastard," she said. "What else is new?"

She rested her head on Bucky's shoulder for the whole ride home. He wanted to kiss her forehead, but he wasn't sure it would be appropriate. (Actually he wanted to kiss her lips, but he was _positive_ that wouldn't be appropriate).

Maddy thanked Alexandru quietly when they got to their building and Bucky helped her out of the car again. They walked up the long flights of stairs and stopped outside of her apartment. "You probably have a tonne of questions," she murmured, playing with the sleeve of his jacket. It smelled like him.

"Just one, at the moment," he replied. She looked up at him - it was not the answer she was expecting.

"What is it?"

"Can I stay with you tonight?" It made him nervous to ask, but the thought of Maddy alone and vulnerable, in that apartment, made him even more nervous - even if he was right across the hall. She let out a deep breath and smiled.

"Yes please," she said softly. She opened her apartment door and they both walked inside. He flicked on the lights and she didn't miss the way his eyes scanned the whole room, surveying it for danger, before he locked her front door. She kicked out of her heels and shrugged off his jacket, hanging it on a hook for him to get later. She took off her jewellery and shook out her hair.

"Let me look at those cuts," he motioned to her forearms. She nodded in agreement, although they hardly hurt. He followed her closely into the kitchen and she leant back against the kitchen bench. He came closer to her and her heart fluttered wildly in her chest. He gently slid his hands onto her waist, rubbing his thumb over her hipbone, through her ripped dress. She bit her lip, thinking maybe he'd kiss her. But he didn't. He just lifted her, again like she weighed nothing, and seated her on the kitchen bench. Then he grabbed a cloth and wet it slightly, before coming back over to her. He held out his hand, but when she just looked at him, at his pretty blue eyes and his strong jawline and sharp cheekbones, he smiled a little and grabbed her forearm, lifting it up. He gently ran the cold cloth along the cuts, cleaning up the blood, stopping when he noticed a small shard of glass still embedded in her skin. He pulled it out with gentle, metal fingers. Maddy didn't flinch.

When he was done cleaning up the blood, he washed the cloth out and hung it over the sink to dry. Maddy hopped down from the bench, feeling impossibly tired. "Will you undo this?" She requested, turning her back to Bucky and sweeping her hair over her shoulder. Bucky gulped, walking up to stand behind her. He pulled on the string around the back of her dress, undoing it. The red material slipped downward as it loosened and Maddy stopped it from falling off completely with a single hand to her chest, pressing the material against herself.

"Thanks," she whispered, into the air in front of her more so than to him. He let his eyes travel over the exposed skin of her back, his eyebrows furrowing when he noticed a few scars, one that looked to be going from her hip up to her lower spine, another, smaller one right above the curve of her bum. He gently traced the longer one with his fingers, starting at her lower spine and moving down, slipping his hand under the fabric of her now loose dress to hold her hip.

"How'd you get that?" He asked. He knew what knife cuts looked like and that looked like one. She shifted slightly, his hands on her body ever so distracting.

"I uh…" She paused. She didn't want to freak him out, but at the same time she didn't want to lie to him. "I was kidnapped." Her voice broke, but she pretended it didn't.

His hand immediately tightened on her, almost to the point where it what painful. "What?" his voice was angry and although she knew it was not directed at her, it still made her shiver.

"Last year, before I moved to this apartment. A rival drug lord came to the house, looking for my father. He wasn't home. They took me instead," her voice was wobbly and Bucky had to pull back to stop from accidentally hurting her as his hands curled into fists. He couldn't even imagine what they had done to her. God, it made him feel sick to his stomach, not just because it was Maddy, but because anyone would hurt an innocent, young girl. She turned to face him and she looked so vulnerable, so completely unlike the confident girl he had met weeks previous. She stood there, clutching her dress to her chest, her hair a bit of a mess, her makeup smudged, her eyes wide and looking at him like he was someone special, like he could move mountains and shift seas and force the sun to rise at night.

He would, for her.

She reached up and hugged him, forgetting her dress. It fell to the floor at her feet, a pile of glimmering, crimson fabric, as she pressed her practically naked body to his, her black underwear the only thing preventing her from being completely nude. She didn't care though, she didn't feel self conscious, not even a bit. He slid his strong arms around her small body and picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her into her bedroom, her face buried in his neck. He stopped for a moment and just held her, unable to believe he was so lucky that she had come into his life. He was so, so afraid of losing her, of having to leave her. He wasn't sure he'd be able to do it. But he pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind and just cherished the moment. He remembered what it felt like to have naked girls on him, back before the war when girls had practically thrown themselves at him. But this was different. He didn't want to just fuck Maddy (although his dick thought it was a pretty great idea). He wanted to just be near her. That was enough for him. More than he deserved.

He let go of her with one arm to open one of her drawers and pull out a t-shirt. Her legs dropped from being around his waist and she slid to the ground, her breasts still pressed against his chest. He handed her the shirt and turned around with a considerable amount of self restraint. She smiled at his back, pulling the piece of clothing over her head. She moved toward her bed and he faced her once more. She climbed under the covers, fatigue and shock at the nights events settling into her bones. He sat down beside her, resting his hand on her hip, over the covers.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" she asked. He nodded.

"I'm gonna sleep on the couch. I'll be there in the morning, I promise," he said. He went to stand up. She caught his wrist.

"Stay," she whispered, into the blanket of dark air around them. He hesitated, but ultimately knew he couldn't refuse her. He unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged it off, stripped his shoes and pants, leaving him in just his boxers, but Maddy didn't seem to mind. In fact she was drinking up every inch of his exposed skin with her eyes. He slid under the covers with her and relished in the feeling of her bare legs against his. She curled up against his chest and drifted straight to sleep.

James stayed awake the whole night, not wanting to risk falling asleep and then waking to find all of this a dream. He was also slightly more paranoid than usual after the attack, the adrenaline taking its time in wearing off.

He finally drifted off in the early hours of the morning and despite the night's disastrous turn of events, he hadn't felt that content in a long time.

~O~

A/N: So yes! Haha I hope you guys liked it! Did it make sense? I hope it made sense. I could quite get the scene with the gunfire and action quite right unfortunately. Just for clarification: Bucky disappeared outside and took out the like four or five shooters that were out there. I couldn't quite make that clear enough from Maddy's perspective. I hope this flowed well. And as for the end part, I just wanted to show that Maddy was actually really comfortable around Bucky and that she looked to him for comfort. Idk I hope this worked.

 **Please please leave a review and tell me what you thought cause I'm kind of nervous to post this hahaha!**

Anyway, until next time xx love you all!


	7. O Shakespeare

A/N: Here's another chapter! Thank you for all the reviews last time - I really appreciate them!

~O~

Maddy woke fairly late the next morning. Bucky was gone from her side, but she wasn't worried. He had promised her he'd be there, in her apartment, and she trusted that he was.

She lay and stared up at the ceiling for a while. She wasn't embarrassed as such at her actions with Bucky last night, but she definitely wasn't proud of them. She just hoped that he didn't think she was crazy, taking off her dress like that in front of him, with no real intent to have sex with him. She was quite sure that he wasn't angry though, that he didn't think she was a tease like many men would.

She thought about the way he had easily taken down those men from a rival cartel, who had clearly been there to try and wipe out the competition after her father's hijacking of their shipment. It was like James had turned into someone else…that detached look in his eyes, his tone of voice. It didn't scare her, as such, but it did intimidate her a little. She knew he was in the military, but he clearly had to be very, very highly trained. He hadn't even seemed afraid or shaken.

She forced herself to get out of bed and walk out of her room. The sight that greeted her immediately made her smile. Bucky was still in his boxers - Jesus he had some muscle on him, his thighs nearly made her swoon - and he was moving around her kitchen, looking a little worried. She laughed and his gaze snapped to her, still in just her t-shirt and undies, although the shirt was long enough to hit her thighs at least. She could smell slightly burning food.

"Whatcha doin'?" She inquired with a grin.

"Uh," he looked a little sheepish and it was the cutest damn thing she'd ever seen. "Cooking?"

She laughed and walked over. He actually wasn't doing that bad. He had hash browns going that looked pretty good and bacon sizzling as well. The only thing burnt was the toast, but he'd put new pieces in the toaster and they were cooking as they spoke.

"It smells good," she commented. She pulled a carton of orange juice out of the fridge and poured two glasses. He watched her movements carefully. She looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Your food is going to burn," she pointed out and he snapped out of the sort of daze he appeared to have been in, spinning around and quickly flipping the hash browns. She giggled and took a big gulp of orange juice, studying the flesh that turned to metal on his shoulder from afar.

"Hey Bucky," she called softly and he turned to face her. "About last night-"

"You don't need to say anything," he interrupted her, gently.

"Yes, I do," she stated. "You were really brave. And you saved my life. And I hope the whole thing with my dad didn't freak you out - him being a drug lord and stuff. Because you're different. Really different. And I'm-I'm starting to really like you."

Bucky's shoulders were tense, she could see his muscles straining. His jaw was set hard and he couldn't quite look her in the eye. "I'm not-…I can't be who you want me to be, Maddy. I can't be the man you need." He forced the words out, although they felt like gravel on his tongue. He had hoped to pretend for just awhile longer that he was just a man with a ridiculous crush on a pretty girl. But he wasn't. He was a murderer, a killer. He was toxic and the last thing he wanted to do was poison her.

But she wasn't deterred. She just smiled softly and said, "You're already exactly who I need…and exactly who I want you to be."

They looked at each other for a few tense moments, then the front door lock unlocked and the door began to open. Bucky had pulled Maddy behind him within a second, before she could even process what was happening. He was tensed for a fight. When it was revealed that is was just Ellie, looking startled at the mostly naked man standing there and holding her key to Maddy's apartment, Maddy quickly slipped out of the hold that Bucky had on her that was pinning her to his back.

"Ellie," she was happy to see her best friend, but her best friend did not look happy to see her. Or, more accurately, the companion standing in Maddy's kitchen.

"What the…?" Ellie's eyes were wide and Maddy realised that her gaze was on his metal arm. She was probably freaked out. Maddy widened her eyes at her best friend, silently begging her not to bring up Bucky's missing arm - the last thing she wanted to do was make him self conscious or uncomfortable. Ellie complied - she had enough tact not to voice any questions about an amputee's missing limb, despite the fact that said limb had been replaced with technology that shouldn't really exist. (After all the aliens and things, it was hard to surprise people nowadays.) "Your father called me," Ellie said, her gaze still pinned on Bucky, who was glaring back at her adamantly. He crossed his arms over his chest. Maddy could see their clear disdain for each other becoming an issue in the future. "He told me what happened last night. I wanted to come check on you, but..seems you've already got company," her voice was scathing.

"It's not what it looks like El. I just didn't want to be alone here after what happened. We just slept," Maddy pushed. Ellie huffed, but Maddy could tell she believed her. Maddy could never lie to her anyway. Ellie crossed her arms over her chest, still eyeing Bucky who had reluctantly turned back to the breakfast he was cooking.

"Are you alright?" Ellie asked, her voice still a little annoyed, but worried more than anything.

"Yeah…Yeah, I'm fine," Maddy assured her. "I'm just pissed at my dad."

"Don't get me started," Ellie growled. She did not like Maddy's father, not one little bit.

"Do you want to stay for breakfast?" Maddy offered, but Ellie immediately declined.

"Yeah, it's a solid no from me," she stated, still eyeing James. "Call me if you need anything, ok?" Maddy nodded in agreement. Ellie kissed her cheek and left with another withering glare in Bucky's direction.

"She doesn't like me," Bucky pointed out, scooping hash browns onto two plates. He didn't sound too worried, more mildly amused. Maddy shrugged, strolling back over to him.

"She doesn't like many people," she offered. "Especially not men she thinks I'm sleeping with." Bucky jerked slightly and stopped his movements with the food.

He gulped and rolled his left shoulder. "My arm probably freaked her out," he said, quietly and bitterly. Maddy shook her head and she could clearly see that he hated the thing, hated what it represented for him, what he'd lost.

"I told her you were in the military. She's a smart girl, smart enough to figure it out," Maddy assured him.

"She cares about you," he said, pushing a plate towards her. Maddy took an eager bite of a piece of bacon. "A lot."

She nodded in agreement, licking some sauce off her finger. Bucky found the movement painfully distracting. "She's my best friend. Has been for years. There's no one in the world I love more than her," Maddy paused. "No one alive."

Bucky's eyebrows furrowed and he wanted to ask her what that meant, but seeing the way her face closed off and she looked like she regretted saying it, he decided not to push her on the subject as they ate.

When they finished, Maddy spoke, "I was thinking." Bucky cleared away their plates and put them beside the sink. "Maybe you should teach me how to defend myself. How to fight, at least a bit." She had a twinkle in her eyes, a spark that was unique to her - a mixture of mischief and hilarity and confidence.

His forehead creased and he studied her for a few minutes. He thought back to the previous night, when that first bullet had rung out and his heart had plummeted in his chest just thinking about Maddy being hurt. He thought about his anxiety to leave her alone in her apartment, even if he was just across the hall. He thought about how she had told him that she'd been kidnapped and it was with that last, troubling thought, that he was sold on the idea. "I agree," he said. "You need to be able to protect yourself." His gaze travelled over her frame - she was very small, but he also knew she would be light on her feet, quick. He could teach her to use that to her advantage. "We'll start tomorrow," he declared, wanting her to be able to defend herself as soon as possible. He knew he was going to have a hard time sleeping until she could, worrying about her and all the possible bad things that could happen - well, harder time sleeping than he was already having.

"Ok boss," she laughed. "Hey, why don't we look at those books? I promised you we would if we survived the night, which we did. Barely." She laughed again. He wondered how she could be so positive so swiftly after what had to have been a traumatic event for her. He was completely acclimatised to violence, but Maddy…well, when he thought about it, maybe she was too.

She made her way over to her bookshelf and reached up for a book on one of the higher rows. Her t-shirt pulled up, exposing her long legs and the curve of her ass in her little, black underwear. He felt his mouth go dry and heat pool in his lower stomach. "We should uh…Go put some clothes on," he wasn't sure his voice was as steady as he would have liked it to be. There was no way he could concentrate on anything like reading when she was dressed like that. She looked at him, eyes wide with an innocence that he knew, for the most part, to be false.

"Why?" Her eyes scanned his body. "I don't mind."

"Madelyn," his voice was a warning, but somewhat pained, like it took all of his self control to just be saying the words. She put her hands up in surrender.

"Ok, ok, whatever you say boss," she relented, having apparently donned him a new nickname. He gave her a glare that wasn't even slightly harsh due to the amusement in his eyes, and went back into her room to grab his clothes that he had shed the previous night. He pulled the pants on, not bothering to button them up, before ducking out of her apartment, grabbing his suit jacket on the way, and going back into his own for a moment, allowing her a few minutes of privacy to get dressed herself as he did the same.

Maddy looked at her naked body in the full length mirror situated against the wall in her room. Her hair was a mess of tangled curls that matted down her back, her makeup was still smudged over her face, her lips a pale red and black mascara streaked underneath her eyes. Cuts littered her forearms and palms and she had a bruise on her knee from when Bucky had pushed her under the table. She swallowed thickly and ran a makeup wipe over her face, brushed out the tangles in her hair and pulled on an oversized sweater, a clean pair of undies and a pair of sweats.

She walked back out into her living room and looked at her bookshelf. She thought about how Bucky had asked about history books - maybe he wanted to study history, or maybe he already had. With a start, she realised she didn't know much about him, about his life. She knew he was a war veteran, that he suffered terrible nightmares from it, but was an amazing fighter who could clearly take down people even if they were the ones holding the guns. She knew he didn't like tomato sauce on his bacon and that his favourite Star Wars character was Luke. She knew he sometimes got a far away look in his eyes, like he was suddenly lost deep in his complicated brain, or maybe even replaying some strange memory. She knew little things about him, but not much of the big stuff. He was horribly mysterious, an enigma, waiting to be solved. It made her heart beat hard.

To distract herself while she waited for him, she grabbed her favourite book off the shelf and sat on the floor, opening it up. Bucky came back into the apartment not long after, in a t-shirt and sweats, and he tentatively sat on the ground as well, in front of her, being sure to keep a fair distance between them.

"What are you reading?" he asked, quietly. She smiled.

"Shakespeare," she replied. "I love King Lear and Macbeth, but Romeo and Juliet will always be my favourite. I'm a hopeless romantic," she sighed.

He smiled softly and leaned back on his hands. "Read to me," he requested gently.

Her lips lifted at the corners as she spoke. "O serpent heart hid with a flowering face. Did ever a dragon keep so fair a cave? Beautiful tyrant, feind angelical, dove feathered raven, wolvish-ravening lamb. Despised substance of divinest show, just opposite to what thou justly seemest - A damned saint. An honourable villain."

Bucky got lost in the soothing tone of her voice as she read. He was positive he could listen to her speak forever. _An honourable villain_ , he thought. _A damned saint._ Perhaps that was him - perhaps he was just a jumble of contradictions. _A famous war hero. A ghost story assassin._ Perhaps Maddy, somehow, made it all make sense.

~O~

Bucky ended up leaving Maddy's apartment late that afternoon, the day seeming to have escaped them. He left with an armful of books and a promise to be at her apartment the next morning to start her training. He read until late in the night, still paranoid that something would happen and he wouldn't be close enough to get to her in time. When he did finally doze off, it was fitful and he couldn't help missing the feeling of her sleeping in his arms.

~O~

A/N: Yay! There we go! I hope you guys enjoyed this! This story is basically just fluff with some angst thrown in here and there. Just the way I like it.

Please leave a review and make me happy! I will update soon if I get lots of yummy reviews!

Haha love you all xx until next time!


	8. Fight me

A/N: Here's Chapter 8! Please enjoy the fun and yummy parts.

~O~

When Bucky arrived at Maddy's apartment the next day it was to find all of her furniture pushed back to the walls and a large blue mat covering a majority of the floor of her living room. He wondered briefly why she had it - it looked pretty well used. But he didn't have much time to dwell on it, as his attention was rather focussed on the girl in front of him. She was wearing a multicoloured sports bra and a tight pair of black three quarter yoga pants. The toned expanse of her tanned stomach was exposed and her legs in those pants made his stomach feel weird. He nearly moaned aloud when he saw her and although years of practice allowed him to keep a mostly stoic face, he couldn't help running his gaze over her, more than once. She grinned at him in that breath taking way of hers, her hair up in a neat pony tail and her face mostly free of makeup. They wasted no time starting and they walked into the centre of the large mat. She turned to him and awaited instructions.

"Lie down," he commanded softly. Her eyebrows furrowed and she opened her mouth to question him, before seemingly deciding against it.

Slightly confused, she obeyed and lay down on her back, her hands resting by her sides. She looked up at him expectantly and cocked an eyebrow. He hid a smirk and kneeled beside her before moving one leg across her to straddle either side of her hips. Her breath caught in her throat as his thighs pressed against her sides and warmth flooded her body.

"What are you doing?" She said on a breath. He was glad that he made her as breathless as she made him. He slowly lowered himself towards her, his hands finding their way to each of her small wrists and enclosing them with his fingers, gently but firmly.

"Teaching you," he murmured, pulling her wrists together on her stomach, then slowly lifting them and pinning them to the ground above her head. He was even closer then, his face hovering above hers, even though his arms were long enough that he didn't need to be that close. He shifted her wrists into one of his hands - his metal one - and slowly began trailing his other hands' fingers down her arm, watching as goosebumps broke out over her skin as he left a warm trail in his wake. When he reached her shoulder he dropped his fingertips to trace along her collar bone. He noticed her eyes had fluttered shut.

Maddy thought she was going to explode. Every cell in her body was on fire, aching desperately for more, more, _more._ His tantalising touches weren't enough - not even close. His hand slowly moved up towards her neck and she tipped her head back slightly, allowing him access. She was fairly certain that he could have asked her for literally anything in that moment and she wouldn't have even blinked before giving it to him.

His hand slowly wrapped around her throat and he murmured, "Good girl," at her compliance. His husky words sent a shiver up her spine and she was 90% sure she was going to pass out at any moment from being so terribly turned on.

"When I tell you to, lift your right leg up and knee me in the lower back. When I jerk forward you're going to pull your wrists from my grip and push off with your left foot and bring your body towards the right, keeping your right shoulder on the ground. This will bring your right foot to rest on my hip. Push on my hip, hard, with your foot, and then push me over with your hands on my shoulders and your arms straight, so that you're on top of me," he explained it thoroughly, but fairly quickly. "Ok?"

"Got it," she sounded like she hadn't listened to a word he had said. He let out a breath through his nose and pursed his lips together. His hand tightened ever so slightly around her throat. He could feel her pulse beneath his fingers.

"You sure?" He questioned quietly.

"I'm sure," she replied and although her voice was breathy, it was strong.

"Ok, go," it sounded almost like a dare and suddenly his hand tightened more on her wrist and around her neck - not painfully so, but enough that it made a twinge of fear appear in her stomach. She kneed him hard in the lower back with her right leg and as soon as he jerked forward, she tore her hands from his grasp and pushed her body off the ground to the side using her left foot. Her right foot came to rest on his hip and she shoved hard, using all the strength in her legs. He fell to the side, possibly because he chose to, possibly because he didn't expect her to be that strong, and she followed it up with a hard shove to his shoulders with her arms. It all happened very quickly and she rolled with him, their positions then reversed so that she was straddling his body, her hands still pinned to his shoulders, her arms straight, just as he had told her.

His eyes were wide and he looked mildly shocked.

"What?" she grinned.

"You picked that up fast," he commented. His hands slid onto her thighs and she licked her lips slightly.

"I'm a fast learner," she leaned closer to him. His eyes narrowed suspiciously. In one swift motion, he sat up and pulled her flush against his chest, an arm wrapped tightly around her waist like a vice. The wind was knocked out of her and she instinctually wrapped her legs around his waist as he stood easily with Maddy in tow. He stood to his full height, his arms secured around her, her own arms linked around his neck and her legs hooked together behind his lower back. She could feel every inch of her that was pressed against him, but it wasn't enough. She needed more. She ran her hand through his hair and rested her forehead against his. His hands dug into her bare back.

"Hop down," he commanded, rougher than before and sounding distantly like he did the other night at the dinner party when he had instructed her to stay under the table.

His control was hanging by a thread. He could feel her soft skin beneath his hands, could see the top of her breasts pushed together where her sports bra was dragged down slightly. She was pressed against him and he was just a second away from shoving her down onto the mat and literally tearing off her stupid, tight yoga pants.

She sighed, slightly confused, and let her legs drop from around him, placing her feet back on the floor. "Whatever boss," she muttered, taking a few steps back. He took in a deep, unsteady breath and turned away, pushing a hand through his hair, mussing it slightly. Then he suddenly swung back to face her, a clenched fist sailing swiftly through the air toward her head. With ease, although still in slight shock that he'd just tried to punch her, she dodged to the side and kicked out the back of his knee. He stumbled slightly but spun around quickly and kicked out at her. She managed to leap out of the way, gasping out, "What the hell are you doing?"

He ignored her and continued to throw punches, elbows and kicks toward her, each one gaining in ferocity and speed. She dodged each one, knowing that if she got hit even once it would take her down immediately. Her heart was pounding crazily in her chest and she was more confused than ever. _Is he trying to kill me?_ She thought bitterly.

She got a few good hits in (ones that she would later suspect he allowed her to), but where other men may have fallen, he hardly flinched. Finally, Maddy began to tire, her legs feeling like jelly underneath her as she dodged another punch and landed a kick to his back that hardly made him blink. He rounded on her and this time when she sent a fist toward him, she was too slow and he caught her wrist with ease. He twisted her arm, causing her body to twist with it and shoved her against the wall, face first. His body was pressed flush against her back, his grip on her arm, twisted up and behind her, harsh and nearly painful.

"You played me," he growled into her ear, his breath coming out in huffs against her cheek. She shivered, despite sweat beading on her brow. "You can fight perfectly well. You don't need me to teach you."

He was clearly pissed that she had lied to him and had simply wanted to prove his theory that she could fight just fine.

"Oh come on, you were a bit gullible. My dad was in the military and is a mob boss, you really think he'd let me live alone if I couldn't even defend myself? I'd have security on me 24/7 if I couldn't," She was puffing, although she wasn't sure if it was from the fight they'd just had or something else entirely. He growled again in her ear and _oh that was hot_ before his grip tightened on her wrist to the point where it was painful. She whimpered, before biting her lip quickly, but he'd already heard the sound. His grip on her immediately dropped and he took a step back. She pressed her flushed cheek against the cool wall for a moment before hesitantly turning around to face him. He looked halfway between still angry and guilty for accidentally hurting her.

She reached out toward him but he stepped back, crossing his arms over his chest. "C'mon Bucky. You're not really mad at me, are you?" She fluttered her eyelashes and he nearly groaned in frustration. How could he ever be angry at her? Especially when she was looking at him like _that._

"Why'd you really lie?" He questioned, eyebrows furrowed, expression completely serious. She sighed and looked down, playing with a loose thread on her pants. She ran her teeth over her lips and he couldn't help but stare.

"I guess…the other night kind of freaked me out. I-I…sat under the table like a scared child while you went off and saved our lives. It was pathetic," she looked pissed at herself and Bucky felt any and all of his leftover anger at her melt away like ice on a summer's day.

"Maddy," he murmured, her name on his lips like a hymn for a God he was dedicated to worshipping. He took a few steps closer to her and placed his fingers lightly around her arm, inspecting the bruises that had begun to show up on her delicate skin, where he'd gripped her just too hard. "You're not pathetic," he slowly brought her arm up to his lips and placed a tender kiss against each bruise. Despite the innocence in his actions, something far less innocent blazed in his blue eyes and her whole body was practically screaming for more contact. "If you want, I can teach you more, help you become a better fighter. But I want you to know…I-" He gulped, his jaw clenching. "I'll always protect you." The words somehow felt sour on his tongue, like they were a lie despite the truth in his tone. He couldn't really promise her that, he couldn't promise her that he'd always protect her because despite how much he wanted to, chances were he'd be gone in a couple of months time and she'd never see him again. The thought made him feel sick.

She nodded and smiled softly. She reached up and brushed some of his hair out of his handsome face, trailing her fingers down his cheek and stopping at the edge of his mouth. Her own mouth was suddenly dry and all she wanted to do was pull him close and feel his lips against her own. She wasn't sure why she felt like this around him. There was no explanation to it, really, no reason for why she was as drawn to him as she was. He was gorgeous, sure, but other than that he was complicated, intimidating, cold and hard to strike up a conversation with.

Bucky reached up and gently pushed her hand away. She swallowed down the lump in her throat and stepped backwards. She knew he wasn't rejecting her for lack of attraction or caring. She could see how much he cared and how his body responded to her own, but for some reason he persistently pushed her away.

"Let's see what you got," he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes that she hadn't really seen before, but somehow looked natural on him. She grinned.

~O~

A/N: I hope this flowed well because I'm not entirely happy with it but oh well. I hope that all made sense as well? How he randomly attacked her hahaha he wasn't actually trying to hurt her obvs, just guessed that she already knew how to fight and wanted to test her. Anyway hope you enjoyed it.

Please, please leave a review! Honestly your motivation means the world to me! I love hearing your guys opinions!

Until next time xx


	9. Unexpected Visitors

A/N: Hey guys! Chapter number 9. So far I have been updating nearly everyday and I am going into Christmas holidays so hopefully that won't stop but I am nearing the end of what I'd pre-written before posting this, so updates may be fewer. Well, kind of. Not really. I still have a fair bit but less than before. That didn't make sense. *Sigh* I'll just let you guys read on. Enjoy!

~O~

The next week went quickly. Bucky trained Maddy a couple of afternoons, although the pair usually ended up just chatting and laughing and not actually getting much training done. On Sunday, although they hadn't planned it, Bucky showed up at Maddy's door with two coffee's from the small coffee shop down the street. Maddy had told him that it was one of her favourites.

It took a solid three or four minutes for Maddy to pull open the door and when she did, Bucky immediately became worried. It was mid-morning, but Maddy looked like she'd only just pulled herself out of bed and her eyes were dull, absent of that usual spark.

"Oh," she forced a smile on her face that may have been convincing to someone who didn't pay as much attention to her as Bucky did. "Hey. I uh..I didn't think we were training today. I'm still sore from you flipping me over on Friday." She rolled her shoulder.

"We don't have to train. I just thought.." he held up the coffee. She gulped and tucked a strand of brown hair behind her ear.

"That's real sweet Buck," she said and he noticed how her shoulders were slumped and he thought her hands were shaking. "Rain check? I'm not really….I just don't feel so good today."

"Are you sick? Do you need a doctor?" he immediately questioned, concern flooding his face. She chuckled.

"No, it's not that. It's nothing. Tomorrow, ok?" She was forcing herself to keep it together, even though all she really wanted was for him to hug her and not let go. She didn't really want to be alone, knew that it would make her thoughts so loud she wanted to scream, but she also didn't feel like she deserved company and she didn't want to burden Bucky with her troubles.

"Maddy what's wrong?" He asked, tone serious and kind. She chewed her lip. He had a stern look in his eye - he wasn't going anywhere. It made her heart swell with appreciation. Sighing with resignation, she stepped to the side and motioned for him to come in. He walked inside and placed the coffee on her kitchen bench before turning to look at her expectantly. She sat on one of the stools at her kitchen bench and traced the granite patterns on the bench top.

"7 years ago today, my mother died," she admitted, quietly. Bucky's heart sank. For some reason, he hadn't been expecting that.

"Maddy…" was all he murmured, because he knew that there wasn't really anything he could say that would help ease her pain.

She wiped furiously at the tears that pooled in her eyes. She barked out a laugh that wasn't happy at all. "7 years and I'm still crying. How pathetic is that?"

"It's not pathetic," he growled out. "You're not pathetic."

She sniffled a little. "I feel pathetic."

He sighed and pushed her coffee toward her. She gave him a watery smile and took a big gulp of it. "How'd she die?" He asked the question so gently that she knew she didn't have to answer if she didn't want to. But she did want to.

"It's kind of a long story to be honest," she admitted. "Or rather…maybe it isn't. But there's a lot that goes along with it." She looked up at him. "Guess I come with a lot of baggage, huh?" She tried to joke. Bucky nearly rolled his eyes. _You ain't got a dime on me sweetheart,_ he thought bitterly. He sat down on the stool beside her, but she got up as soon as he sat down and pushed herself onto the kitchen bench, sitting right in front of him and crossing her legs, looking at him, still only a few inches taller despite her heightened position. They weren't even touching, but for some reason it felt intimate.

"I guess it's kind of simple, really. How she died," Maddy had a glazed over look in her eyes, like she was somewhere else in her head. "Wrong place, wrong time kind of thing, you know? We were living in London still then. She walked into the middle of a big drug deal gone wrong. She got shot. They all bailed and she was left there to bleed out." A tear slid down her cheek. She wiped it away with the sleeve of her sweater. He reached out and put his hand on her ankle, curling his fingers around her leg. She laid her hand on top of his in a silent thank you. "My dad had always been pretty…distant. The war messed him up pretty bad. But he loved my mum. He really, really loved her. I was 15 when she was murdered. Her death, it kind of…I don't know. Pushed him over the edge. He became obsessed with finding the guys that killed her and..getting revenge. It was all he could think about. I was in my senior year at school and-"

"Wait," he interrupted. "You said you were 15?"

"Yeah I uh fast tracked through school."

His eyebrows shot up.

"How do you think I had two degrees by the time I was 19?" She pointed out. He grunted a little at that. "Anyway…With my mother gone and my father….I had to basically look after myself. He was gone for days, sometimes even weeks at a time. Couple of my teachers tried to get me put in a foster home but thankfully he managed to put on a good enough front that he convinced the state he was a good parent," she shrugged.

"Did he find them?" Bucky asked. "The people who killed her?"

Maddy nodded. "It took him nearly 8 months. He didn't do anything else. But he found them. That's how he got into the drug industry. Ended up meeting with one of the drug lords who's men had been at the drug deal where my mother was shot. It was the other cartel's men that had shot her - supposedly. The drug lord was more than happy to help my father take out the other side. My father was pretty highly trained from his time in the military. He picked them off one by one. The drug lord that had helped him asked my dad to come work for him. My dad did, for a month. Then he killed him too."

Bucky's eyebrows shot up. "Why?"

"Because his men were at the drug deal too. It could have just as easily have been his men who shot her," Maddy said. "So my father killed him and took over his business - that's how he became so rich so fast - he didn't have to start from scratch. But he couldn't stay in London any longer. Too many memories, I guess. So he uprooted us and moved us here."

"Why Romania?"

She half shrugged. "I don't know, something about supply and demand in the drug market."

Bucky stared at her, taking in all of this new information. "Did you want to move?"

She bit her lip, picking at her fingernails. "No," she admitted. "I really, really didn't. I had to learn a new language and make completely new friends - which is harder than you think when everyone around you is like 3 or more years older than you. But I was so upset after my mum's death that I just…didn't really care at the time I guess."

"You didn't deserve that," he murmured, very quietly. "None of it."

She took in a deep breath and then let it out. "I guess not," she admitted. "But then again, shitty stuff happens to good people everyday. A lot of people have it worse."

"Maybe," he allowed. "But that doesn't mean that your pain counts any less."

She reached down and grabbed his metal hand, bringing it up and holding it between her two warm ones. He tensed, glaring at the glinting metal like it was his enemy. She brought it up and rested her cheek against the cool steel. "Thanks for coming to see me Bucky," she whispered. "I don't-…I don't want to be alone."

He gulped down a sudden lump in his throat and stood up, stepping closer to her. Her legs uncrossed and she let them hang over the edge of the counter. He stepped between them. "You're not alone," he assured her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down into her. He hugged her back, hesitantly at first and then tighter after a moment. She ended up crying into his shoulder, the ache in her chest, yearning for her mother, only loosening when he picked out a movie at random and (after struggling to figure out how to use the DVD player) sat on the couch with her and watched the entirety of Legally Blonde with no complaints. Maddy was pretty sure he actually liked it. He totally thought Elle Woods was a badass.

She was infinitely glad that she hadn't had to spend the day alone, wallowing in her sadness over her beautiful, dead mother.

"She'd like you," Maddy murmured. Her head was resting on his shoulder, her eyes closed. She was tired, having not really been able to sleep the night before. "My mum. She would've liked you."

He didn't reply, just clutched her tighter against him, but that was okay. She knew he heard her. He'd always hear her.

~O~

 _The city is beautiful,_ Bucky thought as he overlooked it from the tiny balcony that adjoined from his room. He closed his eyes, feeling the wind brush against his face. He loved being able to stand on the balcony, looking out over the moonlit city, breathing in the fresh air and knowing, just knowing, that he could do whatever he wanted. Or, at least, something close to whatever he wanted. There was always that pressure on his chest, that aching fear of being caught, but it eased ever so slightly, especially after a day spent with Maddy. He didn't have people ordering him around, telling him exactly what to do with horrible, dire consequences if the orders weren't followed to the letter. He had choices now - what he wanted to wear, what he wanted to eat, who he wanted to spend time with. And there was only one person he could think of that he ever wanted to spend time with again. (Okay there were two, but Steve was probably half way across the world, God knows where, so he wasn't a viable option). And she was right across the hallway. Yet, for some reason, that hallway felt like miles. It felt like an ocean, endless and infinite. (If Steve was halfway around the world, then Madelyn may as well have been on a different planet). And what made it worse was that he knew that the distance was made by himself. But the thought of hurting her, of seeing her upset face when she found out the truth of who, what, he really was….It made him feel physically sick. And he knew that if he got romantically involved with her, if he kissed her and touched her and told her how he felt, like he really wanted to do, it would only make things worse. Make her sadness turn to devastation. He couldn't do that to her - or to himself.

A hard knock at his door caused him to flinch and turn around quickly. His eyebrows furrowed and he waited a moment, half expecting to hear Maddy's sweet voice float through. Instead, there was just another hard, slightly impatient knock. He moved back into his apartment, his foot creaking over the floorboard that hid his run-away pack, the one he could pull out at a moments notice if he needed.

He grabbed his gun from his shelf and stuffed it in the back of his jeans before walking over to the door. With a gulp, he yanked it open. His eyebrows immediately furrowed. Madelyn's father was standing outside his door, hands folded behind his back, donning a stupidly expensive Italian hand-made suit, two men, clearly his security, standing a few paces behind him. Evidently he was being more cautious after the attack on his home.

"James," the man greeted him with a grin. "Can I come in?"

"No," Bucky immediately shot him down. If he had reacted the way he had to Maddy's apartment, Bucky didn't even want to think of how he'd react to the state of his own apartment. "What do you want?"

"Is that really the way you speak to the father of the girl you're dating?" Henry chastised him.

Bucky's eyes narrowed. "We're not dating," he said. Henry hummed thoughtfully.

"I wanted to come to apologise for the other night. As I said, I would never have invited Madelyn, or you by association, to that dinner had I known it was placing you in danger," Henry said, fake sincerity lacing his voice. Bucky eyed him.

"You're placing Maddy in danger just by being her father and doing what you're doing," Bucky shot back, because he could not and would not be nice to someone that had put Maddy through so much pain.

Henry smirked, like he was pleased with James' reaction. It made Bucky uncomfortable. "You're military, clearly. Or special ops maybe. I couldn't find anything when I looked into you, considering the last name you gave the landlord here was fake."

This made Bucky nervous. James was a ridiculously common name and the surname he had provided the landlord with was just as ordinary and innocent. Only Maddy knew his real last name and she was the only one that called him Bucky. If she told her father his real, full name, he didn't doubt that it would be only a matter of time before her father looked into him and found the truth. He wouldn't have to look far either. In fact, a part of him was surprised that Madelyn hadn't discovered the truth herself. It wouldn't have been hard, to just enter his name into a search bar on the Internet. Although the Avengers, specifically Captain America, weren't as big of a deal in Romania as they were in America, they were still fairly well known and all that aside, Maddy was a smart girl. But, then again, when a quiet guy moves in across the hall, your first thought probably isn't going to be that he's an ex-assassin, World War II veteran that was supposed to have died in 1944, right?

James swept his gaze up and down the man standing in front of him. He then looked to the two big security men behind him. "You're not here to apologise," Bucky growled out. "You're here to make sure I'm not going to run to the police and tell them that you're a drug lord."

Henry looked mildly surprised, but only for a moment. Then he chuckled. "I like you, James. You're smart and you protected my little girl when I couldn't." Despite the smile that stayed on his lips, his eyes turned dark, serious. "But, as I said, I can't find a thing on you. I have no idea who you are. What you are. I don't particularly like not knowing things. And just so you know, if you ever hurt my daughter-"

He was cut off as Bucky's temper came to an abrupt end. Bucky stepped outside, crowding Henry's space with a deadly expression twisting his features. Henry's two security guards took steps forward - not that Bucky was worried, he was positive he could easily take them - but Henry held up a hand, stopping them and simply looked at Bucky with challenging eyes.

"I would never hurt Maddy. And _just so you know_ , if you ever put her in harm's way again, if she ever gets hurt or kidnapped because of you again," Bucky leaned in close and he could feel it as numbness began taking over his body, the numbness that he had grown to associate with him switching into Soldier mode. "You will not like the consequences."

Henry's jaw had tightened and finally he didn't look nonchalant - he looked… more disbelieving. "She told you about being kidnapped?" Bucky only glared back in response. Henry's eyebrows were pulled down. "She hasn't spoken a word of it to anyone - not even Ellie - ever since she got back, over a year ago."

Bucky gulped at this revelation and his heart constricted in his chest, although his expression didn't change. Henry backed off and glanced over at his daughter's closed apartment door. Bucky's hands tightened into fists, his gloves making a small sound. He gave Henry a warning look, daring him to try and approach Maddy's door. Bucky knew that Maddy didn't want to see her father and he would enforce all of Maddy's wants, including throwing her bastard of a father out onto the street. Or out of a window - either option would make Bucky happy.

Thankfully, Henry didn't try to approach her door. "I'll be in touch, James," he said, before walking down the stairs, his security trailing closely after him. Bucky watched until he disappeared from sight, then he turned and watched Maddy's closed door for longer than he could remember.

~O~

A/N: Whoop there you go. Hope you liked it. Like I said, I'm not as in front as I was before, so updates may slow down a bit but REVIEWS GIVE ME MOTIVATION PLEASE REVIEW.

Honestly they help so much, please leave a comment! Until next time xx


	10. This isn't enough

A/N: Whoo Chapter 10! I have two things to say.

Firstly: Thank you so much for all the reviews on the last chapter. I wasn't going to update till tomorrow but then I read them and they warmed my heart and I decided you guys deserved a chapter today.

Secondly: I just wanted to say that I am trying my hardest and will continue to try and put emphasise on Maddy and Bucky's relationships with other people as well as each other. I have read a fair few stories on here where I feel they do not give Steve & Bucky's friendship the credit it deserves and I try really hard in this story to make sure that despite the fact that Bucky is in love with Maddy (not yet obviously but in the future), he still cares about Steve just as much (obviously just not in the same way). I don't want to undermine their friendship just because he's in love with Maddy. He literally broke out of brainwashing for Steve, so that he wouldn't kill his Steve. If that isn't love then damn, what is? Same goes for Ellie and Maddy's relationship - their friendship is just as important. Remember; healthy relationships with people outside of your significant other are important!

Anyway, I know that was long - sorry! Enjoy!

~O~

Pulling open the front door that headed out of the apartment complex, the cold wind swooping into the heat of the inside, Bucky realised that winter had crept up on him and he hadn't even noticed. Despite the turning weather, he was still only wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and a pair of running shorts.

"Hey you! Wait up!" Maddy's friendly voice called from where she was walking down the stairs.

"Hey," he couldn't help the soft smile that immediately lit his face when he spotted her, clearly on her way to work.

"Where are you going dressed like that?" She questioned, eyebrows furrowed. "It's freezing out there! It's going to start snowing soon." She pulled her large jacket tighter around her, seeming to shiver simply at the thought. "You'll freeze to death."

"I…" _run hotter than normal humans and can survive well below freezing temperatures_. "Am going for a run, so I'll just start sweating."

She still looked worried and reached out to press her hand against the skin of his neck. "Oh wow, you are warm," she noted and pretended she didn't notice the way he leaned into her touch. "Don't get sick…or do," she smirked. "My chicken soup is marvellous."

He chuckled softly and pictured lying on Maddy's couch as she brought him chicken soup and stayed cuddled up to him to keep him warm. It was a very, very lovely thought. If only he was capable of catching a cold.

"I gotta go or I'm going to be late," She reached up and pecked his cheek, but he prevented her from leaving by wrapping an arm around her waist, keeping her close to him.

"Maddy," he said and she was 100% positive that she would never get tired of hearing her name roll off his lips.

"What?" She looked up at him, with large, round eyes, resting a hand on his chest.

"Your dad… he came to see me," he hadn't really wanted to tell her, but at the same time he already kept so many secrets from her. He wanted to eliminate as many as he could.

Maddy's gaze immediately darkened and her hand fisted in the material of his shirt. "He did? Why?" She questioned.

"He tried to say it was to apologise but…I think it was to make sure I wasn't going to go to the police," Bucky admitted.

Maddy sighed and rested her forehead on his chest momentarily. His hand edged under the fabric of her jacket and shirt slightly and his thumb brushed against the warm, smooth skin of her back. A slight shiver was sent up her spine.

She looked up at him apologetically, but didn't actually say she was sorry, the words _you never have to apologise to me_ , flashing through her mind. "Did you know it is estimated that the human body has nearly 1 trillion nerves in it? And my father manages to get one every single fucking one."

Bucky burst out laughing, pulling her closer and pressing his lips against her forehead as his chest rumbled against her ear. She managed to laugh a little as well, although it wasn't nearly as joyous as usual. He looked down at her pouting face and said, "Don't worry about him. I just wanted to tell you. Has he stopped calling you?"

"No," she rolled her eyes. "I just…can't deal with him right now." She glanced down at her phone and her eyes widened. "Shit! I have to go or I am going to be really late! See you later." She pulled away from him and with one last lingering look, she disappeared out into the cold air. And despite the fact that Bucky did run at a hotter temperature than normal humans, without her presence, he suddenly felt cold.

~O~

 _The pain was agonising, unparalleled to anything Bucky had felt before. It was searing and white hot and he was awake throughout all of it, as they melded steel to skin. He could smell the burning of his own flesh and could feel as they attached wires to nerves._

 _Then the scene switched. He was strapped to a chair, the pain in his head was blinding, the scorching torture as they yanked memory after memory from him, erasing his best friend's face and destroying the man he had once been._

 _He was in a room, alone. The cement walls and floor were cold and the only light was filtering in from a small, round window on the door. He'd been ordered to wait, and so he would, no matter how long they left him there._

 _Suddenly the door burst open. Three men walked in, two of which were dragging a young, crying girl. The Soldier did not know who she was. He did not care._

" _Punch her," the third man commanded in quick, fluent Russian. The other two men held the sobbing girl down, on her knees. The Soldier complied to his order and her lip and cheek began bleeding, heavily. "Again," he demanded. The Soldier complied once more. "Good." The two men holding the girl stepped back and she fell to the ground, still crying desperately, blood flowing from her beaten face. "Now kill her." The Soldier did not hesitate. He walked forward and pulled her up like a rag doll. His hand enclosed around her throat as he began squeezing, cutting off her air supply._

" _Please," she weeped and wheezed, her small hands tugging uselessly on his metal arm. "Please don't."_

 _Something in his chest flickered - guilt? It made him hesitate, his grip loosening just enough to allow her to breathe._ Why was he hurting her? _He wasn't sure. No, no he was sure. He had been ordered to._ But why?

 _His head began to pound and his grip loosened further._

 _The man giving the orders sighed at his asset's reluctance and reached for his gun. He aimed and shot a single bullet straight through the girl's forehead. The Soldier jerked back and let the girl's body fall to the floor._

 _The man turned to his other two subordinates and spoke once again in Russian. "Take him back to the Conditioning Room."_

 _After that, the Soldier did not hesitate again. He did not want to have to go back to the Conditioning Room._

Bucky woke with a start, his hands fisted in the sheets surrounding him. He lay still for a long moment, processing his dream. He didn't realise that he was crying until a hot, wet tear splashed onto the pillow below. He turned and lay on his back, wiping away the tears slowly. The guilt in his chest was horrible, like a crushing weight that he could barely breathe under. He could picture that poor, defenceless girl's face. So afraid.

For a few seconds, he thought he may be sick, but then he remembered he hadn't eaten dinner and more than likely, he didn't have anything to throw up.

He continued to toss and turn in his bed, but he didn't want to sleep again. Or rather, he did, but not alone, not where the nightmares would chew him up and swallow him whole.

He pushed off his covers and stood on shaking legs. He walked out of his apartment and leant his forehead against Maddy's door. He knocked, loud enough to wake her. He felt guilty about waking her, but he knew she wouldn't mind, not even for a second.

He waited and then the door was pulled open. Her hair was a mess and she was rubbing her eyes blearily from sleep, but as soon as she saw him, she looked fully alert. She didn't question him, just said a soft, "Hey there," and stepped to the side, inviting him in. He followed her to her bedroom, sitting on her large, comfy bed and resting his back against the headboard. She sat, facing him, her legs crossed, her knee resting against his thigh and staring at him like he was the single most interesting thing she'd ever seen. Or perhaps the most beautiful.

He closed his eyes, resting his head back, still able to feel the weight of her gaze. Although he didn't feel pressured to speak, he eventually did, because he wanted to get it off his chest. "After…" he flexed his metal arm, opening and closing his steel fingers and she picked up pretty quickly what he was trying to say - _after he lost his limb_. "They used me….To complete tasks that other people…couldn't. Or wouldn't." He gulped and she watched his throat move. She wondered briefly who 'they' were. The military? Maybe some kind of Secret Service or CIA? "I remember all of them. All of my missions. The first one. The last. All the ones in between. Their faces."

There was so much pain written on his face, so much agony and guilt - she thought it might just crush him.

"I don't want to remember them," his voice broke and she crawled forward, looping her arms around his neck and beginning to card her fingers soothingly through his hair. His own arms wrapped around her, gripping her like she was his last life line to the earth, his last tether to sanity.

Perhaps she was.

They stayed like that for a long time, sinking further down onto the bed, their legs tangling together. Finally, when he was on the brink of sleep, she pulled back enough to look at him and spoke very quietly. "There's only one for me," her voice was so hushed that he only picked it up due to his enhanced hearing. "But I remember his face, completely." His eyebrows furrowed. "The first, and only, man I've killed," she elaborated and his eyes widened. "I was 17. We'd only been in Romania two years. I still didn't…fully understand what it was my father did. I knew whatever it was was illegal…but I didn't know how dangerous it was. Just that it had made us very rich and my father very distant." She twirled a strand of his hair around her finger and wet her full lips, scraping her teeth over the bottom one. "A man was sent to kill my father, welcomed into our house under false pretences of negotiating a truce with a rival cartel. He had no security, so to keep up appearances my father sent all of his own outside. He'd been checked over for weapons before being allowed in the house, but he had a piece of wire and he attacked my father and began strangling him with it." Her amber eyes had a distant look to them, like she could see the scene replaying in her head, over and over again. He tightened his grip on her. "I stabbed the man with a steak knife. Severed his spinal cord…and watched him bleed out onto the carpet."

She pulled in a deep, shaky breath and looked back at him. "I just-…I want you to know you aren't alone. I know it's different…but…" She grasped his hand and threaded their fingers together. He brought their conjoined hands up to his face and kissed each of her knuckles, slowly and keeping eye contact as he did.

She thought she might cry. He was so broken, so absolutely shattered. She could see it in the far away look he got, hear it in his anguished shouts and his quiet admissions of guilt. So how did a man so broken make her feel so whole? She felt tears well in her eyes, although none fell. He made her feel safe and cared for and so _unbelievably human_. He reminded her of how broken she was too. He reminded her that she didn't have to be.

She leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together.

"Bucky," she said on a breath. "My Bucky." His hand tightened around hers. "My Soldier." His eyes squeezed shut.

She could feel his breath on her lips, his stubble tickling her cheek slightly. She edged forward, ever so slowly and she sighed in delight as her lips finally brushed against his. But only for a single second. He pulled back, pushing her away and looking like he was in physical pain. He didn't, however, let go of her hand, like he couldn't quite bare to lose all physical contact with her. With a broken sigh she lay back on the pillow as he distanced himself from her a bit, sitting on the edge of the bed. Rejection stung her, coursing through her veins.

His hand in hers twitched.

"I don't understand," her voice was shaky and confused and Bucky suspected that the tears that had filled her eyes had finally fallen to her cheeks. He couldn't look at her though - he knew it would near kill him to see her cry because of him. "Why do you do that? Why can't I…Why can't I kiss you?"

"It's not right," he said roughly. "I'm not a-"

"No!" She yanked her hand away from him and sat up, forcing him to look at her. "Don't try and make excuses like you're not good enough! It's a lie! Just tell me Bucky! Tell me why you won't be with me!" She reached out and cupped his jaw and he shied away, pulling back.

"I don't want to hurt you," he muttered, staring down at his lap intently.

"You are," her voice cracked and his chest ached painfully. "You're hurting me by pushing me away."

His head fell into his hands and he yanked at his hair. "Please Maddy," he begged. "Please just…Just let this be enough." He reached out for her again and ran his hand up her arm, grasping her elbow. She wiped away the tears on her cheeks, knowing what he meant. _Let our friendship be enough._

"It shouldn't have to be enough," she replied and he knew she was right. She deserved better, so much better and so much more - more than he could ever give her. A safe home and a loving boyfriend, maybe even a husband and kids. A family. Normalcy. All things that the Winter Soldier could never have.

He watched as she closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe, before opening them again and fixing him with a stare so full of hurt that he nearly punched something. "I don't want to do this now. We're both tired and upset. Just-…just try and go to sleep alright?" she said and slipped under the covers, resting her head on her pillow.

His jaw tightened and he crawled under the blankets, lying close to her. "Thank you," he murmured, studying her face. She turned away from him and closed her eyes. His heart constricted. He thought about the girl he had punched, but not been able to kill, the one he had dreamed about. She had been about Maddy's age, looked like her even. Or maybe that was just Bucky's fucked up mind playing tricks on him. He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure about anything, except his feelings for the girl sleeping beside him.

~O~

Maddy woke up to an empty bed and an empty spot where her heart should have been.

~O~

A/N: There you have it; Maddy finally went in for the kiss and…yeah. No. Well I hope you enjoyed it! I will update again tomorrow or the next day (if you give me reviews and love then I will update tomorrow hehe) Ooo shoutout to Decodeme312 who left a really long and really nice review. You're a babe.

But yeah, anyway PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW AND MAKE MY DAY!

I love you all, until next time xx


	11. You jealous?

A/N: This is a big step forward chapter and I don't know…I don't know if I'm moving too fast? Like I feel like I'm not but maybe? I just want to put it out there that I haven't written out every time Maddy and Bucky have hung out - like there's been a lot of 'off-screen' bonding time too, if that makes sense? Anyway, please enjoy and leave a review at the end!

~O~ (1 week later)

Laughter erupted from Madelyn's mouth as she gripped her steaming cup of coffee in her hands. Marcus and Gabriel, the gay couple who lived in apartment 5B and were quite possibly the funniest people in Maddy's life, were sitting opposite her at their small dining table. Gabe got up to make himself more coffee, confirming Maddy's thoughts that he was a caffeine addict. She pointed out as much and he shot her a half-hearted glare that made Marcus chuckle.

"So, how's your man in apartment 6A going huh?" Marcus raised a suggestive eyebrow and Maddy rolled her eyes.

"He's not _my man_ ," she pointed out, taking a gulp of her beverage.

"Well you're the only person he's even spoken to since moving in here nearly 3 months ago so there's got to be something going on there," Marcus shot back.

 _Had it been 3 months already?_ The time seemed to have flown by, although, at the same time, it felt like she had known Bucky her whole life.

"That's not true," Maddy protested. "He's spoken to Julie and had tea with her and he fixed Mrs Ford's broken door too! Did you know that she loves him? Like seriously loves him. Which is understandable - he's really nice. We get on really well and we hang out all the time but…" She trailed off, shifting in her chair and folding her leg up on the seat. "It's just not like _that_ …Well it is, for me. But I don't think he's interested."

"Oh honey if he isn't interested in you, then he's definitely gay," Gabe said from the kitchen and that made Maddy laugh again.

"Which I would happily accept," Marcus grinned sinfully.

"Hey!" Gabe protested, although he was also looking highly amused.

"What? Have you seen that man? I'm sorry baby but he is one of the finest looking specimen's I have ever seen and as much as I love you…" Marcus shrugged and took a sip of his hot chocolate (he hated coffee).

"You wound me, my love," Gabe said dramatically, moving from the kitchen to place a loud kiss on his boyfriend's head before plopping back down in his seat. "Although he is right. If you aren't fucking that, then what the hell is the point?"

Maddy's stomach was starting to hurt from laughing so much, but her chest was also hurting, from something else entirely. She hadn't spoken to Bucky since his disappearance from her bed a week ago. She wanted to speak to him, really she did, but what could she say? He'd rejected her, plain and simple.

Except it wasn't that plain or simple and she knew it. It was a big, messy pile of complicated and jumbled feelings from two broken individuals who had learnt to cope with their issues very differently. Maddy laughed and surrounded herself with people that could make her forget. Bucky hunched up and iced out everyone around him as he stewed in his thoughts.

"I don't know," she tried to keep her smile on her face, but it slipped, which was a somewhat rare occurrence. She was usually so good at being happy. "Maybe something'll happen eventually but, not at the moment."

"Oh sweetheart," Marcus frowned. "You need to get laid. That is one depressing look. I haven't seen you look like that in months. Don't let no stupid man get you down. If he's not interested, then it's his loss."

Maddy gulped down a lump in her throat, because it wasn't like that and it didn't feel like that. Bucky didn't _get her down_ , he made her happy, it was just she was clearly developing feelings for him that he wasn't quite capable of reciprocating. She knew Bucky cared about her as more than just a friend, she could see it in every tender touch and every soft look he gave her, but somehow it wasn't quite enough.

In the past it had always been so simple; if a guy liked her, than he would kiss her. He would touch her and kiss her and beg her to sleep with him. As far as she knew, that was how a guy expressed his feelings. And Bucky didn't do any of that and yet she still believed, to an extent, that he had feelings for her. It was all just very, very confusing.

"That's it. You're coming out with us tonight and we are finding you a guy to sleep with," Marcus declared, standing up and abandoning his hot chocolate.

"No," Maddy immediately refused. "I don't-…" She cut herself off, because she didn't have an excuse. He was right, probably. She hadn't had sex in over a year and maybe it would help take some of the stress off that she had been feeling for the past few weeks, especially since the shooting at her father's house - her father, who had called her so many times she had gotten a new phone and chucked out the old one. "I don't want to hook up with some stranger," she ended up saying.

"Fine, then invite out some hot boy you know. And don't pretend like you don't have at least a dozen guys in your contact list that would leap at the chance to come out and get drunk and get a chance to get in your bed," Marcus commanded, raising his eyebrows in a dare to dispute him on that point. He was right and, with a smile that displayed more excitement than she felt, she agreed.

~O~

The club was hot and loud, music pounding in her ears as bodies thrived and moved together fiercely. It was an atmosphere that Maddy loved and she couldn't help but smile, despite the fact that she wasn't entirely sure she actually wanted to be there.

Luke, a man Maddy had met at Ellie's (massive) birthday party the year previous, had his arm around her waist and was ordering them a drink. He was nice and friendly and charming and he and Maddy had hung out sporadically since Ellie's party, where they had hooked up in the spare room and still been there the next morning. Ellie walking in on them in the spare bed was not one of Maddy's finest moments. Then again, it wasn't one of her worst either.

They did shots and Marcus and Gabe were making out feverishly by the time Maddy and Luke finally went out onto the dance floor. His hands were all over her and his mouth ended up on her neck and she let herself get lost in the heat and the music. They danced and partied for a long time and by the time Luke murmured in her ear, "Why don't we get out of here?" she was fairly drunk and a bit sweaty. She agreed and all four of them squashed into a cab for the ride home.

Luke and Maddy bid Marcus and Gabe goodnight and Marcus winked suggestively at her after she thanked him for coming up with the idea to go out in the first place.

Gripping each other, the pair stumbled up the stairs toward her apartment.

Luke was whispering in her ear, reminding her about a time they got Ellie so drunk she told them all her secrets and Maddy burst out laughing, loudly, tripping over the last step and causing Luke to start laughing as well as a squeal escaped her throat, followed by more giggles. Holding each other and stumbling over their own feet, Maddy pulled out her key and began trying to, rather unsuccessfully, unlock her door.

The door across the hall was jerked open and the pair spun around. Bucky stood in the doorframe, eyebrows furrowed and looking mildly worried. His expression turned stone cold when he saw them.

Maddy's own smile faded and suddenly Luke's arm around her waist and head so close to her neck seemed suffocating.

"Sorry man," Luke spoke up, not noticing the tension between them. "Didn't mean to wake you. We'll be quieter." He glanced down at Maddy and smirked. "Actually…no promises." He was the only one that laughed at his own innuendo. Bucky fixed him with a glare that could melt ice or possibly form it.

Maddy shifted uncomfortably and turned back to her door, finally getting it unlocked and pulling it open. She looked back at Bucky, who was also looking at her, hurt shining in his eyes, mixed in with pure jealousy and anger. He turned around and slammed his door shut. Maddy flinched.

"Weirdo," Luke muttered before grabbing Maddy's hand and tugging her into the apartment, closing the door behind them.

In his own dark room, Bucky pulled on a hoodie and shoes before flinging his door open again. Maddy and her companion (who he would have loved to punch, over and over again) were gone and he was glad of it. If he had to look at another man's arm wrapped around her for even another second, he knew he would have lost it.

He jogged down the steps and out into the cold night air. Then, he ran. He ran hard and fast, buildings and streets passing in a blur. His head felt funny and his stomach was doing somersaults. He was fit, ridiculously so, and of course the fact that he was a super soldier helped. But even he had limits and eventually he reached them. He ran until he could do so no longer. And then, miles and miles away from the apartment block, he collapsed in an alleyway, beside a dumpster, his chest heaving, desperately trying to pull in the cold air around him. He didn't realise he was having a panic attack until his eyes began to water with tears and then he was sitting on the freezing ground, alone, attempting to breathe with no luck as his insides constricted painfully. He'd fucked up. He'd fucked up bad. He'd let himself get close to her. Too close and then he'd ruined it all and pushed her away, straight into the arms of another man. He didn't want to care about her this much, didn't want to feel the way he felt, but he did. God he did.

 _He loved her._

A sob escaped his mouth. He loved her _so freaking much_. More than he'd loved anything. He thought about Steve, about his best friend, who was so unbelievably good and righteous. He loved Steve, he knew that. But what he felt for Maddy was so completely different. He didn't just love her. He was _in love_ with her.

His head fell into his hands. He could feel the tears on his cheeks and he forced himself to stop crying. He was in love with her and she was in bed with another man. That thought alone made his panic attack ebb away, leaving just blinding rage. The thought of another man's hands on her body, running over her skin, his lips getting to touch her lips, his eyes getting to see her naked, his ears getting to hear her moan, it made Bucky crazy with envy. With a shout he leaped up and flipped the large dumpster beside him. He hadn't felt rage like that in so long, blinding and biting. He felt the numbness of the Winter Soldier beginning to crawl up his legs, like tendrils of ice making it's way through his bloodstream. He let it overtake him. He didn't want to feel the pain anymore, the agony tearing at his chest. He closed his eyes and let the numbness make all of it fade away.

~O~

His lips were on her neck, his hands on her stomach, under her top. She could hardly breathe, her chest rising and falling desperately. She squeezed her eyes closed and forced herself not to cry.

Luke pushed her toward her bedroom and she complied, allowing him to manoeuvre them onto the bed. He ran his hand up her stomach and cupped her breast, squeezing. She felt sick to her stomach and thought she might be on the edge of a panic attack. But no that would be stupid, she'd hooked up with a tonne of guys in the past and been fine, why would she be close to having a panic attack now? _There's no reason, just keep going,_ she told herself.

He pulled off his shirt and then her own, before catching sight of the look on her face. "Hey, hey," he said, cupping her cheek. "You alright?"

She took in a deep, shaky breath. _No, please stop_. "Yeah, I'm fine. Keep going."

He grinned eagerly and tugged his pants off as well.

She ended up just giving him a blowjob, unable to bring herself to actually have sex with him. When he tried to go down on her she pushed him off and told him she didn't feel like it. He fell asleep pretty quickly after that, his arm slung around her waist. She felt uncomfortable, like she couldn't breathe. She shifted, then squirmed again, before finally slipping out from under his grip and leaving the room. She pulled on her dressing gown and tied it up before padding quietly out of her apartment. She walked over to Bucky's door and raised a hand, but stopped. She wanted to talk to him, to explain herself - even though she knew she didn't owe him as much. She knew she shouldn't feel guilty. Bucky was, after all, the one that had insisted they just stayed friends. But she did feel guilty, although perhaps it was more guilt for herself. She didn't have feelings for Luke and by pretending that she could just be with some guy when she felt so strongly about another, it wasn't fair on herself. It wasn't right.

She finally knocked on Bucky's door, softly. She waited, but no answer came. She was going to knock again, but she thought that maybe he was asleep and, after listening for a moment and not hearing any pained shouts or grunts, she thought that if he was finally getting some peaceful sleep, she should leave him to it. With a heavy sigh, she turned and trudged back to her own apartment. She fell onto the bed next to Luke, being sure that he wasn't touching her, and finally let herself fall asleep.

~O~

The sun was up by the time Bucky got back to the apartment complex. He dragged himself up the stairs, feeling more drained than he had in a very long time. All he wanted to do was have a cool shower and go to bed. Even his nightmares, his horrible, terrifying nightmares, seemed like a better choice than his current reality.

Unfortunately it was not going to be that simple for him. Harold, the creepy landlord, was just straightening up from slipping something under Maddy's door. Bucky eyed him suspiciously, half-scared it was going to be some kind of creepy love letter. But Harold didn't look nervous when he spotted Bucky, rather he broke out into an unsightly grin that took up more of his face than it should have, his eyes sparkling under his too-big glasses.

"James! I was just handing out the invitations to the building's annual Christmas Party," he held out a pamphlet that Bucky eyed warily before finally taking it.

"I actually have something on that day," James said, although he hadn't even bothered to check the actual date. His voice was horribly monotone compared to Harold's expressive one.

Harold cleared his throat, his expression suddenly sour. "Well, _actually_ I expect everyone to be there. The whole building," he twitched a little and Bucky thought that he was probably a bit of a psychopath, definitely crazy from being too alone.

With a sigh, because he was too tired to argue, Bucky relented. "Fine. I'll be there." He pushed past Harold and went to his apartment.

"Great! We'll see you then! It's just casual! If you see Maddy, tell her I'm really looking forward-"

Bucky slammed the door closed before he could finish the sentence.

~O~

A/N: AHHH there you go! I really hope you liked it and I hope it made sense. I could obsess over it and change it for like 3 hours but I want to just get it up and pretend to be happy with it!

Also if any of you guys were wondering who I imagine as Maddy: it would be Barbara Palvin probably. I'm thinking of making a website and if I do, I'll post the link here!

Please, please leave a review! They make me happy!

Until next time, I love you guys!


	12. Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

A/N: I'm sorry it's been a couple of days guys but here I present to you a long and well awaited chapter that I actually quite like! I certainly enjoyed writing it a lot! I hope you guys enjoy reading it! Thank you so so so much for all the reviews they honestly mean the world to me!

Just a quick little note I wanted to say that this fic is rated M for good reason! This is going to be fairly graphic in terms of sexual content, language (as I'm sure you've noticed), abuse and some others things. Just a heads up! Stay safe my little beauties xx

Enjoy!

~O~

Maddy loved events. She loved holidays. She loved birthdays and Halloween and Valentines Day and Pentecost, but most of all she _loved_ Christmas. The decorations and the lights, the snow and the presents. Everything. The annual Christmas Party at her apartment complex was one of her favourite events, although she had only attended it one other time, the year previous. She loved the people in the building and Harold always let her help with the decorations and do them however she wanted. It was held in the large basement down the bottom of the building, swept out and cleared of any boxes. Maddy always made it look beautiful. But that year, she wasn't quite feeling her usual Christmas cheer. Ellie was annoyed at her for hooking up with Luke, because apparently he and Ellie's friend Allison had a 'thing' (which Maddy didn't really see how it was her fault considering she had no idea about it and Luke had conveniently not mentioned it, but Maddy felt bad all the same. Allison was a nice girl). She still wasn't speaking to her father and she wasn't sure how she was going to cope with that, having never spent a Christmas without him. And, lastly, she still hadn't spoken to Bucky. Not a single word. She'd seen him, once, as he was entering his apartment just as she was exiting hers. She'd smiled at him and opened her mouth to say something, but, for once, no words had come out and he'd simply walked by with a small, polite nod before closing his door behind him. The encounter left her with tears in her eyes and a weight in her stomach.

Nonetheless, she put on a smile and organised Secret Santa at her work. She decorated her apartment and forced Gabe and Marcus to put up decorations as well. She bought Julie's cat, Polly, a little Christmas bell for her collar and she helped Harold shop for the decorations for the party. Eventually, Ellie showed up on her doorstep and before Maddy could say a word, her best friend was hugging her and kissing her cheek and saying that she was sorry. They made up, easily, and went shopping for hours. Maddy told her everything that had happened with Bucky and Ellie looked suitably furious at him, saying all the things best friends were supposed to say, like Maddy deserved better and he wasn't that hot anyway ("Ok, that's a lie, but it doesn't matter," Ellie had admitted.) and that if he didn't want her that was his problem. It didn't feel like his problem, but Maddy smiled at her nonetheless. Then Maddy went to the manor and told her father that she loved him, although they would have to sort out the issue of his occupation eventually because Maddy was sick and tired of being in danger. Henry hugged his daughter tightly and promised her that they would discuss it after Christmas and come to an agreement (Maddy knew it was false hope, she knew he was too far in the drug industry to ever really get out, but she wanted to have a good Christmas, so she let herself pretend for a little while).

With her best friend and father back on side, there was only one issue left, only one thing preventing her from having a happy, worry free Christmas; Bucky. She still hadn't spoken to him and she was beginning to register that only in having lost him and his presence, did she realise how big a part of her life he had become. He was always there after a long day at work and their training sessions together always made her laugh and sweat and feel funny in her stomach from his hands on her body.

She missed him. Agonisingly so. She missed his soft jokes and the way she could talk to him about near anything and the way he looked at her, like she was everything good in the world. Part of her wished she could just rewind time and take back her attempt to kiss him, but mostly she just wished things were simpler. If he didn't like her in that way, if he just wanted to be friends and nothing more, she could live with that. It would hurt, but she could live with it. But the way he looked at her, the way he ran his hands over her and his pupils blew wide with lust whenever he saw her in something revealing….It made it clear to her that he didn't want to just be friends. And that was the hard part - knowing that he wanted more, knowing that she wanted more, and not being able to have more despite it.

The day of the building Christmas Party, exactly one week before Christmas itself, Maddy was busy setting up decorations. Julie was making most of the food - puddings and cookies and turkeys. Maddy helped her carry it all down and set it up on the tables and by the time she was done, she realised she only had half an hour to get ready. Hurrying up to her apartment, she threw on her emerald green dress and pulled on a low pair of heels - it was supposed to be fairly casual after all. For a finishing touch, she grabbed her Santa hat, which she would adamantly wear from then till Christmas and walked out of her apartment. She hesitated, looking at Bucky's closed door. She worried her bottom lip - was he coming? Harold usually forced everyone to come, said it was mandatory.

Abruptly, Bucky's door swung open and he stepped out, his hands stuffed in his hoodie pockets. Her face lit up, but nerves were swirling in her stomach. He noticed her and froze. He looked tired and he hadn't shaved in a fair while. His cheeks were sunken in a bit and it made Maddy's chest ache with worry.

"Hey," she chirped, taking a step toward him before hesitating and stopping, leaving a large amount of distance between them, a distance that felt near infinite, impenetrable.

"Hey," his voice was gravelly and he was still frozen to the spot, staring at her like he wasn't quite sure what to do with her. She played with the material of her dress nervously.

"You're coming to the party right? The basement looks amazing, twinkly lights and all. And the food looks so good too - Julie cooked most of it," she smiled.

"I was just heading down," he confirmed.

"Great," she said and there was a moment of tense silence. Her smile slipped a little and she wanted to hug him, to kiss his cheek and his jaw and tell him she was sorry, sorry that there was so much distance between them, that she could hardly breathe because he wasn't close enough. She didn't do any of that though, of course. She simply stood there until he stepped forward cautiously before motioning for her to go down the steps first.

She let out a small breath, her lips pulling up at the sides. _Ever the gentlemen._ She walked down the staircase and he followed, at a safe distance behind.

When they reached the basement it was full to the brim with people - Bucky and Maddy were a few minutes late. Bucky looked somewhat startled, perhaps he hadn't expected everyone in the building to show up. Maddy gave him an encouraging smile and they walked into the room side by side. Within minutes Maddy was swept away by Elena and Maria, two middle aged women who thought the world of young Madelyn.

Bucky was quickly caught up in a conversation with Julie and a young couple who were introduced as Ana and Andrew. Bucky couldn't help his eyes constantly seeking out Maddy every few moments, looking around the room until he spotted her and then resting his gaze on her for longer than was probably socially acceptable. She was laughing with two women, her silly Santa hat hiding a majority of her hair, that was tucked up underneath it. He could feel his body aching to be near her own and had to physically force himself to stay put each time his feet, of their own accord, nearly walked straight over to her.

Maddy was, of course, feeling the exact same. She wanted to check on him, make sure he was alright and not too overwhelmed. She had to remind herself that he didn't want her to do that, didn't want her at all. It was like a punch to the gut.

More than halfway into the party, Harold stood on the table and made a speech, as he did every year. He gushed about the building's history and got teary eyed as he spoke about how much he loved everyone.

Maddy glanced over to where Bucky stood, a few people to her right. He was looking at Harold like he was the craziest and weirdest thing in the entire world (And that was including the aliens that had come to light in 2012). Maddy had to slap a hand across her mouth to keep from bursting out laughing and, as if Bucky could sense her gaze, he turned his head to look at her as well. As soon as he saw her giggling form, his own eyes lit up in amusement and she saw him bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing as Harold blundered on.

When, after a seemingly eternity long speech, Harold jumped down from the table and the room exploded back into chatter, Maddy burst out laughing, not being able to hold it in for a second longer. She looked up to see Bucky, still a few feet away, was chuckling hard as well. He came toward her and they continued to laugh for a solid minute. She hadn't seen him laugh that much since she'd met him.

"Does he always do that?" Bucky asked between fits of amusement.

"Last year he had to excuse himself because he started sobbing," Maddy managed to reply. This caused Bucky to burst out laughing once more and they stood together, cackling until finally the hilarity died down and they were left, small smiles still on their faces, staring at each other.

Bucky's smile slowly slipped and he gulped. "Maddy.." He murmured.

"Please talk to me," she burst out. "You not talking to me is killing me. I didn't realise how much- I didn't know that it would mean so much, that you would mean so much, but now you're not here and you're not talking to me and I-I _miss you_ Bucky and-"

"Shh, shh," he hushed her, wrapping his hands around her arms and stepping closer. "I know. It's just-"

"Hey Maddy!" Marcus's loud voice interrupted him and she peered over to where he stood with Gabe and a few other tenants, looking decidedly unimpressed.

Maddy glared at him and turned back to Bucky. "Just one minute," she promised him and hurried over to Marcus and his boyfriend. "What?" She hissed, knowing what words were going to come out of his mouth before he even said them.

"Why are you talking to him?" Marcus demanded in a quiet voice.

"You know damn well why I'm talking to him," Maddy said, although not meanly. "He's my friend."

"He made you cry," Marcus retorted.

"He did not! When did I cry?" Maddy protested. Marcus raised an eyebrow disbelievingly.

"You're telling me you haven't cried over him?" Marcus shot back. Maddy opened her mouth to say, _yes damn straight that's what I'm telling you_ , but she couldn't bring herself to lie. She had cried, more than once, sobbing in a heap on her cold, tiled shower floor, letting the water wash away the mascara on her cheeks. But it wasn't like that was a rare occurrence, fight with Bucky or not. "He put you through hell and then as soon as it suits him, he comes running back? That's manipulative."

"It's not like that!" Maddy hissed. "He's not a manipulative person. Back off." She spun on her heel and marched off, back toward where Bucky was now hunched over against a wall, staring at her intently. She already felt bad for snapping at Marcus, who she knew was just trying to look out for her. But she wouldn't let anyone bad mouth her Bucky, her broken, beautiful, kind Bucky. She had opened her mouth to say to Bucky that they should go find somewhere to talk, but he beat her to it.

"I made you cry?" He had a horrible, pained look on his face, like the idea was so harrowing to him that he might just fall over and die. _How had he heard their conversation? What, did he have super hearing or something?_

She gulped. "A lot of things make me cry," she offered. He gave her a disbelieving look. "I just don't do it in front of other people…well, not usually."

"I fucked up," he muttered. He let his head fall into his hands and he scrubbed at his eyes rather violently. "I fucked up really bad, Maddy."

"Buck, hey," she cooed, enclosing his glove clad hands in her own, pulling them away from his face and wishing they were alone so that she could take the stupid gloves off and feel his skin, run her fingers over the smooth metal. "It's going to be ok. I'm not mad at you."

"You should be," he immediately said. "You should be furious. It's not fair on you. None of this is."

She laughed a little and he stared up at her like she was crazy. "You're so dramatic," she pointed out.

"I don't deserve you," he muttered.

"Drama queen," she countered, stepping closer to him. He sighed, but it was a fairly happy sigh. He threaded his fingers through hers.

"I miss you," he said, very quietly. She smiled, happy and wide, shining brightly.

"You don't need to," she said. "I'm right here."

 _Yeah,_ he thought idly, _for how long?_ But at that moment Bucky didn't care. He had his Maddy back and that was what was important to him. Christmas music was playing softly and she looked ridiculously adorable in her Santa hat.

"C'mon," he murmured and pulled her toward the centre of the room, where a few of the younger kids were dancing and playing.

"What are you-?" She was cut off when he, swiftly, spun her under his arm with practiced ease and she was flung right back into his chest, her hands instinctually landing on his shoulders. She looked up at him with wide, round eyes and a grin plastered on her open mouth, like he was some amazing mystery that she wanted to devote her life to solving. He smiled softly, ignoring the looks they were getting, and spun them both around. He remembered this, this was familiar to him - he remembered dancing with countless numbers of girls, charming the pants right off of them. It was different with Maddy though, she mattered more than any of them ever could. He danced with her until the music slowed and she rested her head on his chest, her arms wound around his neck. He breathed in her scent and closed his eyes.

He had thought that perhaps distancing himself from her would help ease his feelings for her, maybe make himself fall out of love with her. He had never been so wrong in his life. Distance really did make the heart grow fonder and as he held her close to his body, he vowed he would never stop loving her, even if they were yanked apart, even if he was forced to flee he would beg her to come with him and if he was arrested and thrown into jail (like he often believed he deserved) he would write her letters and beg her to come visit him. He was selfish. He knew that. If he was selfless, like Steve, then he would let her go. He would leave the apartment, leave the city and she would never see him again. But he was selfish and she was all that mattered to him and he would hold her close so long as she let him. The only thing in the world that he would allow to drive them apart were her wants and desires. If she ever discovered the truth and decided that she did not want a murderer, then he would let her go (but still think of her beautiful smile every day). Other than that, he vowed that nothing would set them apart. He breathed her in, pressing her body against his own, acutely aware of all the curious gazes on them, but not caring in the least. He was in love with her and he intended on being so for the rest of his life, however long or short that was.

"Let's go upstairs," he murmured into her ear. She looked at him and nodded in agreement. He led her out of the party and she ignored Marcus's disapproving gaze on her. They jogged up the steps, hand in hand, like a bunch of stupidly love sick teenagers. He pulled her against his chest outside of his door and looked down at her. He gently tugged her Santa hat off, letting her long hair tumble out from underneath it. He pulled off his gloves and stuffed them in his pocket before running his fingers through the brown locks.

"Bucky.." she sighed in pleasure, leaning further into him. He looked into her large, round amber eyes, studying them.

"Bambi," he cooed, remembering the nickname her father had used. Her cheeks blushed delicately and she glanced down as he felt his heart swell. He gently grasped her chin and tilted it so she was looking at him.

She cupped his jaw, tracing her fingers over his sharp cheekbones, sweeping her thumbs under the dark circles under his eyes. "Have you been sleeping?" She murmured.

His expression turned more serious. "How could I?" He questioned softly. "How could I when…." He trailed off for a moment. "I shouldn't have treated you the way I have. I shouldn't have ignored you. I was just-…Maddy, I don't want you to get hurt."

"Why would I get hurt? Bucky you wouldn't hurt me," she contended.

"You don't know that.." he said, leaning down and resting his forehead against her own. "You don't know what I am….what I'm capable of."

"I don't care," she whispered back fervently. "It doesn't…What does that even mean? I know you're capable of being kind and caring, I know you're capable of making me laugh and making me happy. That's enough for me - more than enough."

He clutched her close to him. He could hear the music from downstairs, could hear the chatter and laughter, but his sole focus was on her. "I-I used to be good," he promised her. He thought about the man he used to be, all charming smiles and wooing pick up lines. He wasn't even sure Maddy would have liked the popular, outgoing person he used to be. He knew he would have liked her though, would have chased her till the ends of the earth for a dance. "I used to be… _more_ ," He gulped and squeezed his eyes closed. She threaded a hand through his hair, wetting her lips.

"You're enough now," she promised. He opened his eyes and looked into hers.

 _I love you._ The words were on the tip of his tongue, but for fear of scaring her away, he didn't say them aloud. Instead he swooped down and pressed his lips against her own in a searing, desperate kiss that he hoped communicated everything he was feeling. Her hand tightened in his hair and he couldn't help the groan it elicited from him. She kissed him back enthusiastically, gasping into his mouth as his tongue traced her teeth. His grip on her was almost bruising but nonetheless she clung to him tighter as he ran his hands over her waist and hips.

 _Finally,_ she thought as she smoothed her hand down his hard, metal shoulder and gripped his arm. His teeth nipped at her bottom lip and she whimpered. The sound made lust and want build in him and he could hardly believe how absolutely brilliant her lips felt, all soft and plump and _his._

His stubble was brushing against her delicate skin and she couldn't get enough of it, enough of him. She deepened the kiss, feeling emotions well up inside of her.

"You're so beautiful," he mumbled into her mouth and she felt tears invade her eyes, one slipping down her cheek. Bucky jerked back when he felt the wetness, looking alarmed. She opened her eyes and brushed away the tears. "Maddy…I-I didn't mean to- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to force-"

"Shh," she hushed him, kissing him hard and quick on the mouth. "I'm not sad, I'm just-…." She rested her cheek against his own, rubbing slightly and feeling his scruff. "I'm just happy," she said. "Happy like I haven't been in a long time."

He closed his eyes as he slumped against her in relief, scared there for a few moments that he'd somehow upset her. "I haven't been this happy in a really, really long time too," he whispered in her ear. He kissed her again and what was supposed to be a quick peck, turned into a drawn out movement, deep and brimming with unspoken emotions.

He reached behind him blindly, unwilling to break the kiss, and twisted the door handle to his apartment, pushing the door open. They stumbled back into the room, Maddy giggling against his lips. Once they were inside, he kicked the door closed and pressed her up against it, his arms pinning either side of her, his tongue tracing all over her mouth, his whole being encompassed in just _Maddy_. She pulled away, breathless and panting and rested her forehead on his shoulder. He wouldn't back off however. He moved his mouth to her jaw and kissed down her sweet skin, to her neck where he bit and made her gasp and moan as he sucked a bruise, marked her as his. Her hands slid under his shirt, grasping at smooth skin, hard muscle.

"Buck," she breathed out, pushing on him slightly. He immediately took a step back, letting his hands slide down the door to land on her waist.

"Ok?" he questioned, eyebrows pinching in slight worry. She nodded, although he could feel her small frame shaking.

"Yeah…Just…" she licked her bruised and red lips. "A bit overwhelmed," she admitted. She wasn't quite sure what she was feeling, although happy and elated were definitely in the mix, but there was something else, something stronger, something she had never felt before. And it was overwhelming. She needed a beat to process from going to not speaking at all to Bucky, to him pressing her up against things to kiss her passionately. She certainly liked the latter better.

He nodded in understanding, brushing his hand up and down her side, over her dress. She slipped her hands out from beneath his shirt and wound her arms around his neck, bringing her body back to be pressed against his once more. She slipped her face into the crook of his neck, kissing the skin there gently as he hugged her back tightly. He felt warm and safe, familiar. She finally felt at home, in a way she hadn't since her father had up and moved them to Romania over 6 years ago, leaving behind her childhood home and a lot, lot more.

She looked up and peered over Bucky's shoulder, at his dimly lit apartment. Her eyebrows furrowed and she pushed past him, breaking their hug as she frowned around the room. He watched her, confused.

"Where are your Christmas decorations?" She sounded shocked, like the bare apartment was an affront to her morals. He sighed, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Nonexistent?" He tried. She shot him a scandalised look and marched right out of his apartment. He stood, frozen to the spot and in slight shock. Had she really just left because he didn't have any Christmas decorations up?

But he should have known her better than that, because not a minute later she was storming right back into his apartment, carrying a large box. She dropped it to the ground and then dropped onto her knees (and if Bucky thought of her doing that in a completely different scenario then he blamed it on the left over hormones raging in his body from their make out session) in front of the box and opened it. She pulled out a string of Christmas lights and a small Christmas tree that only reached Bucky's knee. He walked over to her and ran his hand over her head, massaging her scalp a little and smiling when she leaned into his touch, before dropping down beside her.

"Maddy, you don't have to-"

"Yes I do," she cut him off. "Christmas is my favourite holiday - it's the best time of the year! Everyone needs some Christmas decorations." He watched as she set up the little tree in the corner and wrapped the lights around it, plugging them into a powerpoint. He watched as her face lit up with a smile as the red and green lights lit up too.

He moved from his spot still next to the now empty box and went over to her and sat beside her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her gently into his side. "Thank you," he said quietly into her ear. He squeezed her tightly and closed his eyes, praying that he wouldn't wake and find all of this a dream. But Maddy stayed warm and _real_ and she laughed and talked and he loved her with every beat of his broken heart.

~O~

A/N: OMG I hope you guys liked this cause I'm actually really happy with it I think ?

Anyway it would mean so so so much to me if you left _A REVIEW PLEASE_ honestly they make my day and I think this is a pretty important chapter, so pretty please?

Thank you very much to all those who reviewed and favourited and followed so far, you all are wonderful. Until next time my lovelies xx


	13. Present time!

A/N: Hey guys! So here's the last Christmas themed chapter! I hope you guys enjoy it!

~O~

The next week was awfully busy for Maddy and although she saw Bucky a few more times, they didn't share another kiss. Maddy wasn't worried though - her feelings for him hadn't changed one bit and she knew he was the same.

Maddy spent Christmas eve at the manor with her father and woke to more presents than she could ever hope for, consisting of expensive jewellery and the latest technology and ridiculous other things that she would probably never use. At least he hadn't gotten her a horse. Again.

After a massive lunch at a massive table that was far too big for two people, Maddy kissed her father goodbye and went over to Ellie's parents place, who were like a second family to her. Ellie's mum was a warm and kind woman who treated Maddy as her own daughter and Ellie's dad - who was technically Ellie's step-dad but had been around since she was an infant - was a quiet and thoughtful man, who loved Maddy nearly as fiercely as he loved his precious Ellie. The only con to the family was Ellie's older brother, Jason, who was devastatingly gorgeous but regrettably a pompous dickhead. Ok, a pompous dickhead that Maddy may have dated for a year when she was fast tracking through University.

They exchanged presents and Maddy and Ellie went into her bedroom and hugged and promised to love each other forever, to be best friends until time stopped moving. Then Jason burst in and said something sexual that should never have reached his sibling's ears and Ellie punched him in the stomach and it was all a brilliant, remarkable day.

When she finally got to her apartment it was to find Bucky waiting outside of it patiently, leaning back against her door.

Her heart immediately sank in sadness for him, although she put on a smile for his sake. She had begun to suspect that he had little to no friends or family in Bucharest. He only ever spoke about one friend to her, whom she did not even know the name of, only that they had been best friends since they were in primary school and that they had been in the military together and that Bucky spoke so highly of him that Maddy just knew he was someone Bucky not only loved fiercely, but respected deeply. She had a feeling that this friend may have been killed around the same time Bucky lost his arm, because his stories always pre-dated that event.

"Hey you," she said. "I wasn't expecting to see you today."

He gulped, looking a little nervous, which was strange. "I wanted to see you. Actually," he stuck his hand in his pocket. "I got you something….Sort of." He pulled out a small box, wrapped in a red bow. He held it out to her.

"Oh Bucky," she said, gripping her shirt. "I-I didn't…I didn't get you anything…"

"No, no," he quickly shook his head. He took a step closer to her and gently grabbed her hand, prying it away from her shirt and wrapping her fingers around the small box. "You.." _are more than enough, just by breathing you give me everything I could ever want, just promise not to leave me and it'll be the best Christmas of my life._ "You got me the tree and the Christmas lights. That's plenty. Besides this isn't really…just open it and see, ok?"

She took the box with a small excited smile, but it faded from her face when she opened it and saw what was inside. Two rectangle, silver little plates, connected to a long silver chain lay in the box. She knew immediately what they were - his dog tags. She reached in and slowly, ever so gently, picked them up, running her fingers over the writing on them.

BARNES, JAMES B.

839-13-6452

B-POSITIVE

He had stolen them from the museum he had visited nearly two years ago, a few weeks after his fight with Steve on the Helicarrier. He had seen them, hanging around the neck of a mannequin and couldn't help nicking them when no one was looking. He hadn't worn them or anything since - it hadn't felt right, he wasn't that same person anymore. But it felt right to give them to Maddy, to the girl he adored so dearly. He wanted her to have a piece of him, just in case, just in case they were separated and he didn't get time to say goodbye, she would always have this reminder of how much he cared for her, how much she meant to him.

Maddy suddenly had a lump in her throat and her hands were trembling ever so slightly. The tags looked old, older than they probably should have, but they also looked freshly shined and she figured it was just from overuse.

"Bucky…" she trailed off, completely at a loss for words. She looked up at him, eyes brimming with emotion. "I can't-I can't accept these. These are yours-they're…" At his look, her protests died on her tongue. He gently picked up the necklace from the box he had put it in and slipped it over her head, sliding his hands onto the skin of her neck to delicately pull her hair from beneath the chain. She looked down at the tags now hanging just between her breasts. She clutched them tightly in her hand before throwing herself at him, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing. She pulled back and kissed him, tenderly, but enthusiastically. She moved her lips to his cheek and whispered, "Thank you," against his skin. He stroked her shoulder with his thumb and pulled her tighter against him.

"You're welcome Bambi," he murmured back. They stood, cradling each other close, for a long time, before going into Maddy's apartment where she forced him to sit through The Grinch and Home Alone, which he really only pretended to hate for appearances sake (and she damn well knew it). They fell asleep on her couch, still holding each other as the TV played in the background and Bucky decided that he was _almost_ thankful to HYDRA and all that they did to him, because it brought him here, to the girl in his arms, to that exact moment in time, where he was truly and simply happy.

~O~

Taking in a deep breath and clutching the present in her grasp, Maddy raised her hand and knocked on Marcus and Gabe's door. Marcus pulled it open and raised an eyebrow at her, his eyes flitting to the carefully wrapped present (with little reindeers on the wrapping paper) for a moment before settling on her face.

"Hey," she grinned.

"Hi," he still sounded annoyed.

She sighed. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know you're just trying to look out for me - and I love you for it. But Bucky isn't manipulative. And I actually have a tonne of gossip to tell you so you're probably going to want to let me in."

It was his turn to sigh. "You know I forgive you. Now give me the present."

Maddy laughed as Marcus moved to invite her inside. She handed the present to him, apologising that it was late. Gabriel appeared from the kitchen and kissed her on the cheek. "He's just being dramatic darling, he wasn't ever actually angry at you. Only jealous."

"Jealous?" Maddy chuckled, looking at Marcus. "Aww, are you turning straight for me?"

"Please," Marcus rolled his eyes. "He means I'm jealous that you get that hunk James, whilst I'm stuck with this idiot." He motioned toward Gabe, ripping open his present and bursting out laughing. It was a sex book, depicting all different sex positions for gay men as well as tips on how to spice up their love life.

"I knew you'd love it," Maddy grinned. They were both laughing madly and Marcus ruffled her hair before placing the book down on their coffee table.

"You said you had gossip?" He inquired with a mischievous smirk.

Gabe scoffed and went to make coffee. Maddy gushed and told Marcus everything that had happened between her and James, as well as about the fact that Luke had had a 'thing' with Allison when he had hooked up with Maddy. He called Luke a slut and was still a little hesitant about James, but he said that so long as Maddy was happy, he was happy.

"You really like this James guy huh?" Marcus eyed her. "You're blushing like a freaking schoolgirl."

Maddy shot him a halfhearted glare. "I am not," she protested (even though she totally was.) "But, just for the record….yes. I do really like him," she smiled to herself. She thought about her beautiful Bucky. _What's not to like?_

~O~

A/N: I know it wasn't that long but I am on holidays now so expect even more regular updates! Like hopefully 2 or 3 times a week! AHH I love this story! it's so much fun to write.

Also I was thinking of posting a chapter with deleted scenes - like ones that I've written but haven't quite made it into the story - would anyone be interested in those? They're mostly cute scenes between Bucky and Maddy.

Please leave a review and let me know! ALSO PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS CHAPTER!

Thank you so much to all the reviewers on my last few chapters - means the world to me!

Love you all, until next time! xx


	14. Date Night

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it's been a few days since I posted, but here is a nice (sort of?) chapter with heaps of Maddy/Bucky cuteness. So enjoy!

~O~

The nightmares still haunted Bucky. He would still wake, throat raw from screaming and his sheets a mess, sometimes ripped to shreds. He would see the faces of his victims, the ones who had begged for mercy, the ones who had fought back and lost anyway. Sometimes their faces would be replaced with the faces of the people he loved; Maddy, his sister Rebecca…Steve. One of his worst nightmares, which was more of a distorted memory, was of him, on the hellicarrier, punching Steve over and over again. Except in his nightmare he wouldn't stop. He'd keep going until Steve was no more than a bloody corpse. And then he'd realise what he had done, who Steve was, and he'd scream and cry and beg Steve not to be dead. He hated that nightmare, because it was so close to becoming the truth.

But gradually, the nightmares began to fade. They went from nearly every night, to only a couple times a week. And when they did come he'd knock on Maddy's door and she'd kiss him till he forgot all about them and all he could remember was his own name because it was being gasped from her lips. They never went further than kissing though, even on the nights when they both wanted to, when they were rutting against each other and pulling at each others clothes. He wasn't quite sure why they always stopped, but it was generally Maddy that broke away and pushed at his chest, so he wouldn't question it. He didn't mind anyway - he'd go as slow or as fast as she wanted.

"Bambi," he said one day, as they were lying in her bed, his beautiful girl snuggled right up in his arms, her ear pressed against his bare chest, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat.

"Mmm," she hummed back, smiling a little. She liked it when he called her that and he had taken to doing it more often. When her dad did it, it was annoying and weird (especially now, when it had been gasped in her ear by a man that was kissing her neck), but when Bucky did it, it made her feel warm and safe.

"That man you were with…that night, back when we weren't talking…" he trailed off as she tensed in his arms. That night, the night Maddy had hooked up with Luke, the night Bucky had realised he was in love with her, had been over a month ago and he hadn't brought it up, not even once.

Why was he bringing it up now? Had he really been dwelling on it all this time and hadn't mentioned it?

She looked up at him, resting her chin on her hand and voicing her concerns. "Why're you bringing that up now?"

Bucky gulped, jealousy racing through him at the memory of the other man's arm around Maddy's waist. He half shrugged. "Who was he?"

"No one important," Maddy immediately replied. "Just some guy I'd met at Ellie's party. He was dickhead anyway, had a thing with Ellie's friend Allison that I didn't know about." He shifted a little and she sat up, crossing her legs.

"Did you sleep with him?" Bucky knew he didn't really have a right to ask and he really, really didn't want Maddy to be angry at him, but he needed to know.

She sighed. "I didn't have sex with him," she said. "I-…Some stuff happened, but I was so worried about you and…I don't know. I just didn't want to."

Bucky's jaw was clenched. _Some stuff happened?_ What the hell did that mean? "Did he touch you?"

"Bucky," Maddy groaned, climbing to straddle his hips. "Stop dwelling on it. If he did," she leaned down, feathering her lips over his own. "I don't remember what it felt like."

In one swift movement, Bucky flipped her and had her pinned beneath his weight, his hands threading through hers and pinning them above her head as a gasp escaped her lips. He kissed her, with such a ferocity that she thought she might get swallowed up by it. His tongue fought its way into her mouth and his grip on her hands tightened, although he made sure to always keep his metal hand a little looser.

"You're mine," he growled against her mouth, kissing down her throat and sucking a bruise on her neck, nuzzling the dog tags on her chest that she never took off.

"Yes," she breathed out and he covered her mouth with his once more. She would never tire of kissing him, never tire of the way her body reacted to his, laid atop of her. She had kissed plenty of guys, but never had she felt like this, like her body was on fire with every touch, like his mouth was the oxygen she needed so desperately to live. She never wanted anyone else, the thought of any other male's hands on her body made her sick. She only wanted her Soldier, her precious Bucky. But still, despite a large part of her wanting him with a desperate ferocity, a part of her hesitated. "Bucky stop," she gasped out. He immediately stilled, pulling away from her neck, his grip on her hands loosening enough for her to slip her palms away from his and rest them on his chest.

He was panting, his pupils blown wide with lust. "Why?" He questioned and she knew he did not mean it cruelly, knew he did not mean to pressure her. She knew he would cut off one of his own limbs before touching her in a way she did not want. He was simply curious and it was a fair enough question, but for some reason it still made her nervous. She squirmed beneath him and closed her eyes. She was not a frigid girl, actually quite the opposite. She was affectionate and outgoing and had lost her virginity without any hesitation in high school, to the football captain that all the girls were chasing, but who only had eyes for her. She'd had boyfriends and hook ups and even a couple of 'friend with benefits' arrangements. And she had never felt with them what she felt with Bucky. Not even close. What she felt for Bucky was a tidal wave, sweeping her up and drowning her, stealing the air from her lungs and making her whole body shiver. In the past, she had only felt splashes, a puddle that seemed endless at the time but now that she had a taste of the tsunami, every other experience suddenly felt horribly underwhelming, finite.

But every time she thought about him kissing down her body, taking off her clothes…something tightened in her chest, something she was beginning to recognise as panic, squeezing her heart and making it beat faster.

She slipped out from underneath him, standing beside the bed and wrapping her arms around herself.

Bucky sat on the edge of the bed. "Maddy.." His eyes were wide with regret, but he didn't apologise. They weren't supposed to apologise to each other.

"It's ok," she immediately said, even though she didn't feel ok.

Worry and remorse were pressing on Bucky's heart. He hadn't meant to startle her or make her feel forced to do something she didn't want to and as he took in her shaking form, her eyes wide and doe like, he realised that was exactly what he had done. He had had his choice taken away from him so many times, for so many years. The last thing he wanted to do was take away someone else's choice, especially someone he cared about as much as Maddy. "I didn't mean to pressure you. I would never want to do that….Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," she assured him, although her eyes were brimming with tears. "I just-…I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to be with you. I know I do. But every time I think about it my chest tightens and it's like I can't breathe and I don't know why." _You do know why, you just won't admit it to yourself,_ a voice in her head countered. _Shut up! Shut up!_ she screamed back at it, shutting it down immediately.

"Bambi I don't care. If you don't want to then that's fine. We won't. Not until you're sure," he pressed and opened his arms. She hesitated only for a second before walking straight into them, pressing her cheek against his chest.

Her voice was muffled. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

He closed his eyes and hoped that she'd never have to know.

~O~

It was Friday (aka Maddy's favourite day) and Bucky had caught her going to work that morning and asked her if she had any plans that night. When she had told him she didn't he'd asked, ever so sweet and almost bashful, if she wanted to go out with him, on a proper, real date. She had hastily agreed and been even more giddy than usual at work all day. Ellie had come over to help her pick out an outfit, although she made a continuous string of snide comments about Bucky, who she still did not like.

"He looks like a murderer. A hot murderer, but a murderer nonetheless," Ellie quipped as she curled Maddy's hair.

"Ellie!" Maddy's eyes widened at her friend. "He is not a murderer! You're horrid."

"I'll burn you if you keep squirming," Ellie threatened, gripping the curling wand in her hand. Maddy rolled her eyes. _Empty threats._

When Bucky knocked at Maddy's door at exactly 7 o'clock, Ellie pulled it open, simply raising a perfect eyebrow at him and thinking it would be so much easier to hate him if he wasn't wearing a long sleeved, button up shirt and a really nice pair of trousers that made him look annoyingly hot.

His eyebrows drew down in confusion when he saw Ellie, but then Maddy appeared behind her, looking every bit like the angel she was, and Bucky could not take his eyes off of her.

"Hey," she smiled at him and kissed Ellie's cheek.

"Be home at a reasonable hour will you?" Ellie requested.

"Yes mum," Maddy grinned back. "Are you just going to watch Netflix till I get back?"

"You bet your pretty ass I am. I still haven't finished the new season of Orange Is The New Black," Ellie said and Maddy laughed. Bucky held out his hand for her and she slipped her hand into his, threading their fingers together as his eyes still travelled up and down her long legs and over her pretty, white lace dress. "You better not bring her home drunk," Ellie shot at Bucky, her stare turning venomous as soon as it landed on him.

He glared at Ellie and pulled Maddy close to him. "Bye El. I love you," Maddy blew her best friend a kiss, ignoring the clear animosity between Bucky and the golden haired girl. Ellie closed the door and Bucky kissed Maddy's cheek sweetly.

"Hello handsome," she grinned, slipping her arms around his neck.

"Hey there Bambi," he said, clutching her hips through the thin material of her dress and somehow the way he said that nickname of hers was better than any compliment he could ever give her.

"Where are we going tonight?" She questioned, eager and excited and maybe a tiny bit nervous too. It was a relatively new feeling for her. She had been on plenty of dates before and usually her date was the one that was anxious.

He leaned close and whispered in her ear. "Somewhere beautiful," he mimicked Maddy's words from when they had gone hiking, what seemed like forever ago. He took her hand and led her down the steps. Bucky took her to a nice, quiet restaurant, with pretty, twinkly fairy lights and a rose in a vase in the middle of the table. She could not stop smiling for the life of her. They ordered and Bucky was telling her a story about his (still nameless) best friend.

"…This guy was like three times bigger than my friend and he was punching the crap out of him and so I ran forward to help my friend. Anyway, turns out the other guy was actually the brother of a girl I was going steady with at the time-"

"Going steady with?" Maddy broke out into a fit of giggles. "Seriously?"

Bucky blushed with embarrassment and looked down. "You know what I mean.."

She leaned forward, hooking her pinky finger around his. "Is that what we are?" She asked cheekily. "Goin' steady?"

He grinned, looking down at their linked fingers. "Yeah," he agreed quietly. "I hope so."

The waiter was heading toward them with their food as Maddy said, "I'd like that."

They ate and it was delicious and then Bucky took her to a small bar with some live music and they got some drinks before he spun her around and danced with her. Maddy _loved_ dancing with him. He was confident and relaxed when he danced, dipping her low and placing a searing kiss on her lips.

It wasn't too late when they arrived back at the building, but it wasn't particularly early either. She frowned at the stairs, glaring at them half heartedly. "Damn creepy Harold and his aversion to elevators."

Bucky gave her a mischievous look and before she knew what was happening he'd picked her up and thrown her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Bucky Barnes!" She screeched, as her dress flew up, her head hanging upside down as her nicely curled hair flung around. "Put me down!"

He only laughed at her, beginning to make his way up the stairs with ease, as though she weighed nothing more than a baby bird. "Why would I do that when I've got such a nice view?" He questioned, looking at her exposed underwear, however he did reach up and pull her skirt back down to cover her properly.

She smacked him on his ass, hard, but it only made him laugh harder and she was laughing too, even though the blood was rushing to her head. When he reached their level he eased her down to the ground, pushing her now messy hair out of her face. They were both beaming at each other, high on their happiness and maybe a little tipsy from the shots Maddy forced them to do at the bar. (Ok, maybe only Maddy was a little tipsy because she took most of Bucky's shots for him but either way..)

She reached up and grabbed his long hair, tugging it a little. She bit her bottom lip before swooping up to kiss him, quickly but passionately. When she pulled back, his eyes were brimming with something that she might call love.

"I want this to be forever," she said quietly. "You and me. I want it to be us. Always."

His smile stayed in place, but it turned a little sad. He let out a breath through his nose. "…I can't promise you that Maddy," he said, because he could not and would not lie to her anymore than he absolutely had to. He couldn't promise her that he'd always get to be with her because he knew that, sooner or later (and God did he hope it was _later_ ), something would seperate them and take him away. Her face dropped a little and he cupped her cheek, tracing his thumb over her lips. "But I can promise you that I won't ever stop feeling this way about you. That I won't ever stop wanting you. _Only_ you."

Her lips parted and she gently bit his thumb between her teeth before he traced it lower, pulling her bottom lip down. Not being able to resist any longer, he leaned down and kissed her. It was all tongues and passion and grasping hands. Bucky was 100% positive he could kiss her for the rest of his life and love every single second of it.

"I should go," she murmured against his mouth. He nodded in agreement, but didn't stop kissing her and only held her tighter against him. She laughed against him and began to pull away. He finally let her, although held onto her hand. One handed, she unlocked and opened her door. He could faintly hear Ellie's show playing in the background.

"Will you go on another date with me?" He queried. She smiled.

"I'd go on a thousand dates with you," she was confident, sure of herself. Bucky definitely shared her sentiment on the dates part. "See you 'round Bucky," she said, just like she had the first few times they met. He smiled softly and she disappeared into the apartment, finally breaking their hands apart.

"Bye Maddy," he murmured, after the door was long-since closed and he could hear Maddy talking to Ellie excitedly.

He turned and walked into his apartment.

~O~

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed it!

If you guys could leave a REVIEW that would mean the world to me.

Still debating posting that Deleted Scenes chapter. Thoughts?

Thanks, love you all, until next time xx


	15. Kids?

A/N: Hey guys! OMG I was so so so happy with the response on the last chapter! Tonnes of you reviewed and gosh I just love you all so much. Which is why i am posting this chapter today instead of tomorrow!

I got a couple of questions about whether Steve was going to show up or not and the answer is; most definitely yes! Without spoiling anything, I just want to say that Steve is going to play a MAJOR part in this story, as he is a major part of Bucky's life. However, we're still focussing on Maddy/Bucky at the moment, so Steve will come into play a little later on! Hope that gives you guys some Insight (project Insight haha I'm so funny).

Anyway, Enjoy!

~O~

Bearing gifts of coffee and bagels from Maddy's favourite coffee shop, Bucky knocked on her door. He heard some scrambling from inside the apartment and Maddy's muffled voice before the door was pulled open. She was flushed and looking a little startled, her hair a bit of a mess and her clothes a little askew. Bucky's heart dropped into his stomach, shock hitting him heard. He knew what that sight was. In fact, a lot of the time Maddy looked like that right after one of their make out sessions. Was she with someone else? Maybe that idiot she had been with over a month ago? Bucky's chest ached at the thought. Would she do that to him, only days after their date had gone so well?

"Hey," she looked slightly frantic. "Oh my gosh you brought me food! Thank god."

Bucky let her grab it out of his hands. He managed to find his voice. "W-what were you doing?"

Maddy let out a long breath. "Funny story actually." She opened her door further and let him in. What greeted Bucky was not another man, naked or sweaty like Bucky had expected. Instead, there were brightly coloured toys scattered around her living room and a small toddler sitting happily on the couch, chewing on a doll's head.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but his shoulders slumped in obvious relief. Maddy fixed up her shirt from where it was twisted slightly.

"She's a grabby little thing," Maddy muttered under her breath. Bucky suddenly felt guilty for immediately assuming that she had been with another man. He knew she would never do that, he just had to keep reminding himself of it, reminding himself that for some crazy, absurd reason, Maddy thought the world of him and she wanted to be with him, only. It was a dizzying, but pleasing thought.

"Who is she?" Bucky questioned, walking further into the apartment.

"It's Ellie's cousin, Bella. She's cute as a button, but also somewhat disastrous. I'm babysitting for the day. Ellie dropped her off earlier this morning, but she didn't give me any baby food and the poor thing is starving! But trying to take her to the shops is going to be a nightmare," Maddy groaned, looking chaotic.

"Bambi," Bucky chuckled. "Just breathe. It'll be fine."

Maddy took in a deep, calming breath and nodded. Bucky placed the coffee and food on her kitchen bench and slowly approached the little girl. She looked up at him and her eyes lit up.

"Helwo!" Bella grinned.

"Hey Bella," Bucky crouched in front of her. She reached out and gripped onto the strands of his hair, tugging. He smiled at her gently, allowing her to. Maddy watched with a massive grin on her face.

"You could look after her while I go to the shops, right?" Maddy suggested, looking so hopeful that Bucky would hate to refuse, but that sounded like a lot of responsibility and Bucky could only imagine Ellie's face when she found out that Maddy had left him alone with the little girl.

"Maddy, I don't know…"

"Oh c'mon Buck please!" She begged. "I'll be like half an hour, tops! Less probably! She's really easily entertained and I can't starve the poor thing."

"Ellie would not be impressed," Bucky pointed out.

Maddy rolled her eyes. "Well then Ellie should have given me something to feed her cousin," she shot back.

Bella tugged on his hair again, grinning madly and revealing her gums, still missing her two front teeth. She laughed joyously.

"Alright," he reluctantly muttered and ok he really needed to learn how to tell Maddy 'no'. (That was never going to happen and he knew it).

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Maddy clapped her hands together and leaned down to press a kiss against his lips. Bella burst out crying at that, pulling at Bucky's hair with one little hand and pushing Maddy away with her other.

Maddy burst out laughing. "I think she's jealous!"

Bucky rolled his eyes and sat on the couch beside the toddler, picking up one of the toys and handing it to her.

Maddy grabbed her purse and with one more kiss on Bucky's cheek (that made Bella throw the toy to the ground angrily), Maddy left.

Bucky found it surprisingly easy to look after the little girl. Maddy was right, she was easily entertained. When Bucky shrugged off his jacket, wearing a short sleeved t-shirt underneath, Bella let out a squeal of delight at the sight of his metal arm and he knew that it would be her next fixation. He was right. She played with it for nearly the entire time Maddy was out, chewing on his metal fingers and flicking at the panels on his arm, tracing the red star and tapping on it with her plastic toys to make different sounds.

Bucky hated his arm, hated what it represented, what it had been used for. But as he watched the little girl amuse herself with it, he suddenly saw it in a different light, not as a killing machine or simply a weapon HYDRA had attached to him to make him more lethal, rather he saw it as apart of him, something he didn't always have to use for evil.

True to her word, half an hour later Maddy burst through the front door with a shopping bag in her hand, to find Bella colouring in one of the panels on Bucky's arm messily with a yellow crayon.

She stopped and looked at them for a moment and Bucky saw a look in her eyes that he hadn't seen before. She looked happy, but also…contemplative? He wasn't sure.

"You guys all good?" She asked, although it was really rhetorical because she could see they were. She set down the shopping on the kitchen counter, finding it hard to rip her gaze away from the adorable scene unfolding on her couch.

"Yeah," Bucky assured her. Bella looked up at him and grinned her toothless smile. "We're all good."

Maddy made Bella food and they spent the whole day keeping the little girl entertained. By the time Ellie knocked on Maddy's front door, Bella was asleep, contently snuggled up to Bucky's metal arm. Bucky was still watching Peppa Pig, his gaze staring intensely at the screen. Maddy thought it was hilarious.

She jumped up to answer the door, hugging Ellie and inviting her in.

"Thank you so much for looking after her, work called me in at the last minute and I totally couldn't-" Ellie cut herself off when she caught sight of her cousin and Maddy's boyfriend on the couch, her gaze turning dark. "What is this?" She demanded, turning to her best friend.

"What?" Maddy asked innocently. Ellie scowled at her and Bucky sank back into the couch, although he didn't move because he didn't want to wake Bella.

His actions were proved futile when the little girl stirred anyway, rubbing her eyes before catching sight of her cousin and sliding off the couch with a cry of what was supposed to be Ellie's name. "Ewwie! Ewwie!" She latched onto Ellie's legs. Her cousin scooped her up, sending Bucky a glare before turning soft eyes on Bella.

"Did you have a good day?" Ellie questioned, brushing her nose against little Bella's momentarily. Bella nodded enthusiastically. "That's good. It's time to go now, say good bye to Maddy and thank her for having you."

Bella's eyes grew comically wide. "Time to gwo?" She questioned. "No, no, no!" She burst out crying, wailing loudly and squirming in Ellie's grasp. "I don't wanna!" She reached her arms out toward Bucky, who had stood up and had his arms crossed over his chest uncomfortably. Bella reached for him desperately, making grabby hands at him. When she refused to stop howling and crying until she got to go to James, he finally reached out and took her from a very hesitant Ellie. The little girl immediately quietened, wrapping her small hands up in the strands of his hair and resting her head on his shoulder, still tired from having just woken up from her nap.

Maddy shot Ellie an 'I told you so' look. Ellie looked positively venomous at the sight. Eventually, they managed to convince Bella to leave, after some tantrums and her refusing to let go of Bucky's shirt. Maddy closed the door after them, resting back against it and smiling at Buck.

"You were so great with her," she sighed. "She loved you."

Bucky chuckled, walking over to run his hands down her body, pressing her gently against the door. "I had a little sister," he told her. "I always used to play with her."

Maddy's heart sunk at the past tense he used. _God, had he lost everybody?_ "Had?" She questioned sadly.

He took in a deep breath and then let it back out, nodding sadly. "Had," he agreed. She gulped, eyes full of compassion and sorrow, and she reached up and kissed his cheek, then his jaw and then the corner of his mouth, before finally pressing her lips against his. Their tongues tangled together slowly, his hands moving up under the back of her shirt to press against her skin, his metal fingers trailing down her spine and making her shiver.

She deepened the kiss, pressing herself firmly against him, threading her fingers through his hair. Bucky moved his lips to her collar bone, nipping gently at her skin and making her gasp in pleasure. He began sucking on it, but she pulled back, groaning. "I have lunch with my dad tomorrow, remember? I can't show up with a string of hickey's on my neck," she chuckled breathily.

Bucky sighed, nuzzling against her throat and pressing light kisses against it. "Have you guys talked about the whole drug industry thing yet?" He murmured.

Maddy moaned, her hands fisting in his hair. "I do not want to talk about my father while you're doing _that_ ," she pointed out and he chuckled lightly, pulling back and looking into her eyes. She held his gaze before leaning her head back. "No," she finally answered his question. "We haven't talk about the stupid drug industry thing…I'm not holding my breath or anything though. He's not going to change."

Bucky pressed his thumb against her hipbone, kissing her temple and breathing her in for a moment.

"Are you staying here tonight?" Maddy ran her hands over his broad shoulders. Bucky had been sleeping at Maddy's place more and more often as the days rolled by. He rarely had nightmares when she was tucked safely in his arms and when he did she would be there to help soothe him back to sleep. He nodded, the thought of going back to his apartment and having to lie on that dirty, musty mattress alone repulsing him.

"Good," she grinned, pecking his cheek before moving past him toward the kitchen. "Let's make dinner, I'm starving!"

Bucky laughed and followed her. (He'd follow her anywhere.)

~O~

A/N: I hope you guys liked it!

Would mean the world to me if you would please leave a REVIEW!

Thank you so much, love you all! xx


	16. B for Brooklyn

The restaurant was loud and busy, filled with couples and families chatting and laughing in the bright sunlight. Henry sat across from his daughter, who was scanning over the menu, although they both knew she had already picked out what she wanted to eat. It was Henry's favourite Italian restaurant in all of Bucharest and the father and daughter went there often.

"How's Ellie?" Her father queried. "Haven't seen her in awhile."

"That's because she hates you," Maddy pointed out bluntly. Henry sighed.

"Don't know why. I was always so nice to that girl," he grumbled.

"We both know exactly why," Maddy shot back, folding the menu up and placing it back on the table. A waiter came and took their orders before scurrying off.

"And your James?" Her father questioned. Maddy sighed in annoyance.

"He's fine," she paused and reconsidered. "Great, actually."

Her father's eyes lit up. "Really? So you haven't managed to scare him off yet?" It was a poor attempt at humour.

She glared at him. "Considering the first time we went to dinner, you almost got him killed and he _still_ stuck around, I don't think there's much that'll scare him away."

"I'm just teasing you kiddo," Henry rolled his eyes. "Look, I know you want to talk about about my work, but the thing is-"

" _The thing is_ that I've had enough," Maddy cut him off. "When you got into this I didn't do anything to stop you because I was too young and still too devastated over-…" Maddy paused. They didn't mention her mother's death often. In fact they hardly ever mentioned it, despite it being the most defining event of their lives. "You dragged me into this. But I'm an adult now and I won't be apart of it any longer. I won't play the part of perfect, loving daughter for drug lords and murderers anymore. I can't."

"Madelyn, I know that after what happened last year with the kidnapping things have been hard for you but you've been brave and moved on. If you're still struggling with it, I still think you should see a therapist-"

"That's not what I'm talking about!" Maddy burst out loudly, making some people turn and stare at her. She shifted uncomfortably and lowered her voice. "I'm talking about the fact that after I got back from being kidnapped for _over a month_ , you promised me you would get out of the drug business and over a year later you still haven't lived up to that promise!"

Her father sighed, leaning back in his chair. They stared at each other for a few very intense moments. "It's not going to happen Madelyn," he finally stated, all the previous fakeness and tactfulness gone from his voice, leaving it blunt, but finally sincere.

She nodded. "Yeah," she said on a breath. "That's what I thought."

They ate their lunch in silence.

~O~

 _Pop_. Ellie's bubblegum burst and she pulled it back into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. Maddy and her lay on the big, comfy, double bed in Maddy's apartment, their heads hanging upside down off the edge of the mattress as they stared at the wall, pressed against each other. The tips of their hair, respectively brunette and blonde, were brushing the carpeted floor as they talked.

"You shouldn't be surprised," Ellie pointed out. "You must have known he wasn't just going to abandon his precious cartel."

"I'm not surprised," the brunette shot back. "I'm disappointed. There's a difference."

"Maybe," Ellie allowed. "I still think we should cut our losses and move to Bulgaria. Or Berlin. Or Baltimore. Something starting with a B."

"I like Bucharest," Maddy retorted.

"You like James," Ellie argued. " _There's a difference_ ," she mocked.

"I have a job here too! A life," Maddy reminded her.

"The Bahamas?" Ellie suggested. Maddy rolled her eyes, chuckling slightly. Ellie threaded her fingers through Maddy's, holding her friends hand tightly. Maddy's face sobered and she let out a long, sad sigh.

"He tried to use the stupid fucking kidnapping as an excuse," Maddy muttered. "Like somehow I am just overreacting because I'm still traumatised or something from it."

"First of all, you're not overreacting," Ellie stated. Maddy smiled at her softly, glad they could agree on something. "Second of all, you _are_ still traumatised from the stupid fucking kidnapping." Maddy's smile dropped and she glared at her. "And I still think you need to see a therapist about it."

"Seriously?" Maddy sat up abruptly, pulling her hand away from her friend. "You sound exactly like my dad."

Ellie sat up as well. "Well, I'm going to pretend that that wasn't the biggest insult I've ever gotten. But this is one point I actually agree with your scum bag dad on. You need to talk about it Maddy, actually process what happened to you-"

"You know I don't remember most of what happened! I was so drugged up most of the time!" Maddy protested, her voice rising in frustration.

"And you know that I think that's bullshit! You're lying to me and you're lying to yourself!"

"You know what," Maddy jumped up from the bed and shrugged on a jacket. "I think I need some air."

"Seriously? You're going to storm away like a little kid? If you don't want to talk to a therapist, fine I get it! Then talk to me! Or for God's sakes, if you want - talk to your boyfriend about it, but someone has to know what he did to you-"

"Will you shut up?!" Maddy shouted. She felt tears prick her eyes. She didn't want to think about it, she didn't want to talk about it. Not to Ellie, not to some random therapist and _especially_ not to Bucky. Ellie sighed, looking slightly guilty and slightly pissed off. Maddy whipped around and stalked out of her room and then out the front door, slamming it closed harshly behind her. Ellie didn't follow her, she knew Maddy well enough to know she needed time to cool down.

Maddy began to stomp down the steps, angry tears slipping silently down her cheeks.

"Bambi?" Bucky's soft voice called from behind her. She froze. He must have heard all the ruckus from next door - he seemed to have amazing hearing - and come out to see what was going on. She gulped and quickly pushed away any remaining tears and wiped her cheeks with her sleeve before turning to face him.

"Hey!" she smiled, although she knew he could tell she had been crying. Eyebrows furrowed in concern, he made his way down the stairs toward her.

"What's wrong?" He asked, reaching out to grab her. Instinctively, and because the kidnapping was still fresh in her mind, Maddy stepped away. He cast his eyes downward momentarily, trying not to look hurt, and let his arms fall back to his sides.

"Nothing," she assured him, even though they both knew it was a blatant lie. He gave her a look. "Me and Ellie had a fight is all," she admitted.

"About what?" He crossed his arms over his chest, to give them something to do. It felt strange to not be touching her when she was within arms reach. Even before they'd been together, Maddy had always been affectionate, usually grabbing his arm or linking their hands together.

"It's not important," Maddy quickly dismissed. He looked like he was about to question it again, so she quickly spoke before he could. "Ellie's brother is having a birthday party this Friday. It's a dress up party and there'll be music and alcohol," Maddy chuckled, although Bucky could tell it was forced. "I was hoping you'd come."

"To a dress up party?" Bucky looked like he thought it was a horrible idea. "I thought you and Ellie were fighting?"

"Well, yeah but we'll get over it pretty quick," Maddy shrugged it off. "We always do."

"Is her brother anything like her?" Bucky muttered, showing his clear dislike for Ellie.

"Worse, I'm afraid," Maddy sighed.

Bucky stopped and looked at her for a few moments. "Maddy, are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine," she brushed him off. He had to pretend it didn't hurt. "I'll have our costumes ready on Friday so come over at like 6 so we can get ready, alright?" She leaned up and pecked him on the cheek swiftly. "See you then," she smiled, although Bucky was kind of hoping they'd spend some time together before Friday. She turned away from him before he could say anything and hurried down the steps. Bucky stood and watched her go.

~O~

A/N: Short, I know, but alas I hope you enjoyed it. We are beginning to see the first fragments of the next problem that Bucky and Maddy will face. I'm sure a few of you have already guessed what it is. If not, don't worry - it will all be explained soon.

Big shout out to the lovely user 'Love. Fiction.2016' who always reviews on my chapters. Like always. It's amazing. Also big shout out to ALL my reviewers who are consistently amazing. I wish I could name you all cause a fair few of you also review on lots of my chapters and it means so much to me!

 **PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW AND MAKE MY DAY!** I'll update faster, I promise! Hahah.

Love you all heaps xx Until next time!


	17. Deleted Scenes

A/N: Hey guys! I just updated yesterday with a new chapter, so if you haven't read that then please go back and give it a look! Here is the Deleted Scenes chapter that I promised you guys. It's less like Deleted Scenes and more like random cute fluff that didn't advance the plot at all but none the less was cute. So it's just fun. Hope you enjoy!

 _Set somewhere between Chapters 8 and 9._

There was clown music playing loudly and kids running through the crowds and laughing madly. Maddy was smiling so widely that Bucky couldn't help but feel happy himself. She'd dragged him along to a fairly large carnival on the outskirts of Bucharest, with Ellie and some guy that Bucky assumed was Ellie's date. Maddy was eating fairy floss, arm linked through Ellie's. Bucky was walking behind them slightly, Ellie's date (Mike? Mason? Something with a M) walking beside him.

"You reckon you gonna get some tonight?" Martin tried to make conversation, smirking as he eyed Ellie's long, tanned legs in her shorts. Bucky shot him a withering, slightly murderous look and Mark quickly shut up.

"Let's go on the roller coaster!" Ellie yelled, pointing at the massive, slightly rickety looking roller coaster ahead.

"You know I usually love roller coasters, but that looks like it's about to collapse," Maddy laughed.

"You're such a baby," Ellie rolled her eyes before grasping Matthew's wrist and tugging him toward it.

Maddy dropped back to walk beside Bucky as the other pair began to line up for the roller coaster. Maddy held up a piece of candy floss to his mouth. He gave her an incredulous look but when she only arched an eyebrow at him, he opened his lips and allowed her to slip it into his mouth, her fingers brushing his lips lightly and making him shiver. The cotton candy was sweet and tasty, but he was 100% sure that her fingers and skin would taste better.

"Let's go on the ferris wheel!" Her eyes lit up as she spotted the large ride, small cages rattling around. Bucky rolled his eyes, but he was smiling softly and when she grasped his hand, threading their fingers together, he realised that despite the fact that Ellie hated him and despite the fact that Ellie's date was a douche, he was happy because he was with Maddy.

They lined up, Maddy talking loudly over the chatter about something to do with work. They squashed into the little cage, sitting opposite each other, their legs smushed together. Maddy was still talking as the wheel began to move, taking them up higher into the air. Bucky enjoyed the heat of her legs against his own.

"Oh wow," Maddy breathed when they were nearly at the top, looking out over the beautiful view, the carnival down below and the city further out. She manoeuvred to sit beside him, her whole body then pressed against his, resting her head on his shoulder. He smiled down softly at her and wrapped his arm around her, drawing her closer into his side. They rode the ferris wheel like that, twice, and probably would have went a third time if not for Ellie yelling them over, her golden hair a mess after the roller coaster ride.

Maddy and Ellie went on a jumping castle, leaping around like little kids and tackling each other. Mickey made a completely inappropriate comment and Bucky considered punching him. They all got burgers and Maddy drank most of Bucky's chocolate milkshake because she didn't like her vanilla one (Bucky didn't mind).

When they got back to the apartment Maddy held both of his hands in her own and leaned up and kissed his cheek, her lips impossibly soft again his light stubble.

"Thanks for coming today Buck," she smiled. "It was fun."

He gulped down his urge to kiss her, to feel those lips against his own. "Yeah, it was. Although that Martin or Mark or whatever his name was, was an absolute dick."

She laughed. "He was," she agreed, walking a few steps back and letting his hands go, toward her apartment. "And his name was Harry. See you 'round Bucky."

 _Well,_ Bucky thought as he watched her disappear inside, making sure he heard the lock of her door click. _Guess it wasn't an M after all. M must just be for Maddy._

~O~

 _Set somewhere between Chapters 13 and 14._

"What are we doing?" Bucky grinned as Maddy tugged him down the stairs, leading them toward the exit of their apartment building.

She was all rugged up, her winter coat wrapped firmly around her and her bright pink scarf tucked around her neck (which was really so ugly it was an insult to fashion and a monstrosity to clothing but her mother had gotten it for her 13th birthday so she wore it despite those facts).

"It's snowing," Maddy laughed, pushing open the doors and leaping out into the frigid early-January air. "What do you think we're doing?"

She opened her mouth, tilted back her head and let a few snowflakes fall on her tongue. Then she bobbed down and scooped up some snow, beginning to pack it into a ball.

"Bambi," Bucky warned, eyeing the snow in her hand. She grinned devilishly and pegged it at him. He let it hit him square in the chest, giving her a deadpan glare that was completely ruined by the smile on his lips. Then he reached down and began to make his own snowball, compacting it tightly in his hands. She squealed and began to run away but he hit her back with pinpoint accuracy. They continued to throw badly-made circles of snow at each other, chasing each other around until finally Bucky tackled Maddy to the ground, being sure to wrap one arm around her body and draw her firmly against him whilst his metal arm caught all of their weight in the fall against the compacted snow.

They were both in stitches from laughing so much, although they quietened as he looked down at her. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold, her amber eyes alight with mischief and snow icing the tips of her dark eyelashes.

He licked his lip, his arm tightening its hold on her. She slipped her own arms around his neck.

"You are so beautiful," he said on a breath. Her smile widened and she giggled a little.

"So are you," she said. He swooped down and kissed her, innocently, quickly.

"You must be cold," he pointed out, pushing himself back to sit in the snow. Maddy, however, did not sit up. Instead she began waving her arms around, creating a snow angel pattern. Bucky laughed at her. He didn't really like the snow if he was being honest. He didn't like the cold. It reminded him too much of..of…He pushed those thoughts away. He didn't want to think about the shit he'd been through. He wanted to be there, in the moment, with Maddy. Maybe, from now on, when he looked at the snow, he would instead be reminded of the pretty girl across the hall flailing around in the cold rather than HYDRA and metal arms and murder.

~O~

 _Set anytime after Chapter 15. Probably set in the near future of the story._

Maddy slid a plate with a sandwich cut up into triangles over to Bucky. Ellie, seated beside him, was already munching on her own.

"….And Vasile, one of my bosses, totally denied the relationship with Daniela but I _so_ saw them coming out of a closet, both looking absolutely fucked. I wasn't going to say anything though, cause Vasile could totally make my life a living hell. He's already such a tight ass," Maddy rattled on, chewing thoughtfully on a plain piece of bread.

"You gonna put anything on that?" Ellie looked at the plain bread with distaste. Maddy looked down at her bread and was about to answer when her phone rang. She quickly answered it, walking a few paces away to talk into the mobile.

When she hung up and came back over, she put her half finished piece of bread onto the counter and said, "Marcus is having a fashion emergency and needs me to help him pick out a shirt. I'll be like ten minutes, promise." She went around to stand beside Bucky and kissed his cheek, then leaned over and kissed Ellie's forehead. "You two behave while I'm gone! Do not kill each other!" Maddy warned, sending them a mock glare. She disappeared out the doorway.

A tense, awkward silence was left in her wake. Bucky and Ellie slowly turned their heads to look at each other. As soon as their gazes met they snapped back to glance away.

Ellie finished her sandwich whilst Bucky only half finished his. She stood up. "You done?" She questioned. He wasn't, but he nodded in response anyway. She picked up his plate and walked over to the sink, grabbing his leftover sandwich and stuffing it into her mouth as she placed the plates beside the sink. She then leaned back against the countertop and proceeded to stare at him. And stare at him some more. He resolutely avoided her gaze, pretending to be interested in the stainless steel of Maddy's fridge. Ellie sighed in irritation. How could his silence alone irritate her?

"So…you got any hobbies or anything?" She asked awkwardly and although her tone was kind of mean and sounded like she didn't really care, he could appreciate the effort. Problem was, he didn't have any hobbies. At least, he didn't think murdering and assassinating people would fall under 'Hobbies' on a resume. Probably more likely to fall under 'Special Skills'.

"I uh," he wracked his mind for anything that was suitable. "I used to play the piano," he finally offered. Ellie looked taken aback for a moment.

"Really?" He could tell she didn't quite believe him. He nodded.

"Yeah….I was alright at it too," he was good, actually, really good back in the 30's and 40's. He had been playing the piano since he was 12. His mother forced him into it and even though at first he had hated it with a blinding passion (his teacher used to hit his knuckles with a cane if he messed up) he grew to love it as he got older. Of course he hadn't played a piano in forever and probably wouldn't get the chance to play again. Although he would love to, just once, just to see if he could remember it.

"Me and Maddy tried to start a band once," Ellie said. "Well, it was Maddy mostly. She forced me into it."

"Does she play an instrument?" She'd never mentioned it to Bucky.

"Yeah she plays guitar. Can sing pretty well too..I mean she's not amazing but," Ellie shrugged.

"What about you?" It felt weird, talking to Ellie like this, but it was also kind of nice in a way. He wanted Ellie to like him, for Maddy's sake.

"I was on the drums. I was shit at it, but Maddy didn't care. We had this hot ass guy play the bass," she added.

"What ended up happening? To the band," Bucky took a sip out of his water that Maddy had poured him.

"We had a threesome after this little shitty concert we did," Bucky proceeded to choke on said water at Ellie's words. "It got super awkward after that so we stopped seeing him."

Images of Ellie and Maddy and a nameless guy making out and sliding their hands over each other assaulted Bucky's mind (and if he accidentally imagined himself as said nameless guy then so-rry). He felt his jeans getting a little too tight.

Ellie was smirking at him like she knew exactly what was running through his mind and his eyes narrowed at her. He opened his mouth, ready to accuse her of doing this on purpose but then the front door was being thrown open and Maddy was striding in with a grin on her face, proclaiming, "Crisis averted! He went with the blue button up. Now," she wrapped her arms around Bucky's neck, resting her chin on his shoulder. "What were you guys talking about?"

Ellie and Bucky exchanged a look.

~O~

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed that! The last scene is actually set in like two or three chapters time but it doesn't really matter!

Please leave a review, tell me what you think!

Also, I made a website for this story and I kind of really like it. Please go and check it out! It has heaps of pictures and cute stuff. It isn't quite finished but I'll definitely be adding more and more as I continue to post.

You can copy and paste the link out of my profile, I'll put it there xx otherwise it is just

stayfanfic . weebly . com

This site is weird about links though - so no spaces obviously.

Alrighty, I love you guys! See you all soon! xxx


	18. Party Time

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry on the slight delay on the chapter, I got a little bit of writers block but we're back on track! Here is a pretty decently long chapter for you all! Enjoy!

~O~

As it turned out, Bucky did not get to see Maddy before Friday rolled around. He knew she wasn't avoiding him per say, she just didn't knock on his door and he didn't want to push or suffocate her by approaching her. The whole relationship thing was still something he struggled with at times. It was easier when he felt like his old self, the pre-war one who was charming and easy-going. But he wasn't that person anymore and he couldn't always pretend to be. He wasn't entirely sure he understood what relationships in the 21st century entailed, although he guessed that much of it was the same as the 40's- or at least, it had been so far. He was not keen to see what this party Maddy was taking him to would be like, although he supposed if it made Maddy happy, then it made him happy. He knocked on her door at 6 sharp and she let him in, her hair in two buns on the side of her head and he knew exactly what their outfits were going to be before she even pulled them out.

"Seriously?" He questioned, although amusement was painting his features. "Let me guess, Luke and Leia?"

"Yep! Watching Star Wars is one of the first things we did together!" Maddy chirped, pulling out their outfits and grinning madly. Bucky looked at his, all beige Jedi robes, whilst Maddy's was a white, long and tight fitting dress with a slit up the side and a silver belt. He was just glad she hadn't gone with the outfit from when Leia was a slave.

"Where did you even find these?" Bucky chuckled, taking his costume. Maddy didn't answer, just grinning and picking up another bobby pin to slide into her hair. Bucky was glad that most of the tension from the other day had melted away. Or at least, he thought it had.

Maddy pulled her shirt over her head, then pushed her shorts down off her legs, leaving her in her bra and underpants. Bucky's eyes ate her up, taking in every inch of her bare body that he could. It didn't escape his notice that she had taken his dog tags off, but he tried to not let it bother him. She couldn't wear them _all_ the time.

She picked up her dress, turning around to slide into it. Bucky stared at the two long scars on her back before they disappeared from sight under the white fabric of the outfit. She swept her hair to the side and requested, "Do this up?"

Bucky stepped forward and did up the few buttons on the back, before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss against the side of her neck. Bucky could see her breath catch in her throat, but she didn't lean into his touch like she usually did. He stepped back, disappointment settling deep in his chest. He tried to push away his insecurities, but it was hard to do so. Was she losing interest in him already? Was he really just another boyfriend to Maddy, someone she could date for a few months before pushing to the side and moving onto the next?

He remembered her words from after their first date; _I want this to be forever. You and me. I want it to be us. Always._ Would she have said that if she didn't mean it? He didn't think so, but he couldn't be sure.

She smiled happily once they were both dressed (Bucky looking _absolutely ridiculous_ despite all of Maddy's comments to the contrary) but somehow her smile didn't quite reach her eyes.

The party was in full swing by the time they reached Ellie's house. The music was loud and techno - Bucky hated it. It was horribly tacky. The house was filled to the brim with people in all different kinds of crazy costumes - police officers and nurses, pirates and zombies. Ellie ran up to them, dressed in a tight t-shirt that read 'Daddy's Lil Monster' and shorts so short that Bucky would have a heart attack if anyone (other than him) ever saw Maddy wearing them. She hugged Maddy tight and Bucky deduced that they had made up, as Maddy had said they would.

"You look like a slut," Maddy laughed, tugging lightly on Ellie's usually blonde ponytails, one coloured blue and the other red.

"You don't look _enough_ like a slut," Ellie shot back, glancing over at Bucky only very quickly.

"Maddy! My beautiful girl!" Jason's voice rang out and he approached them, dressed in a Greek-style toga that showed off more of his body than covered it. If he looked absolutely and positively gorgeous, Maddy blatantly did not notice. He pulled her up into his arms, spinning her around despite her protests.

Bucky tensed, his eyebrows furrowing and hands clenching into fists as jealousy surged through him. _Maybe they were like brother and sister?_ He tried to assure himself and push down the anger that was telling him to snap this Jason guy's neck.

"They dated for a year," Ellie whispered to him, as if reading his mind. His glare darkened, _not like brother and sister then_ , and he shot her a scowl.

Jason finally placed Maddy down, grinning at her. Maddy pinched his arm hard, making him yelp and pull away, although the smirk did not leave his lips.

"Hey man, you must be the boyfriend of the month," Jason shot Bucky a smirk, who simply glowered back at him at the implication that Maddy had many boyfriends. Her father had said quite the opposite when they'd first met, but then again Bucky thought that if Maddy did get a boyfriend, she probably wouldn't be inclined to introduce him to her father, for obvious reasons. Bucky liked to think he was the exception.

"Would you shut up?" Maddy hissed at Jason. "This is why I didn't get you a present."

"Your presence here is enough, baby girl," Jason cooed and Maddy considered slapping him. Ellie did it for her, smacking the back of her brother's head hard, although it only made him laugh. "Naw come on man," Jason reached out and slapped Bucky's shoulder good heartedly (the right one, thankfully). "You're lucky you get the small taste of Madelyn Thompson that you do. She's something else in bed huh? That mouth of hers-" He winked and groaned appreciatively and Maddy had had enough. She knew Jason was going to be a dick - somehow it was coded into his DNA and on top of that it was his birthday so he'd be even more entitled than usual - she just didn't think he'd act this way toward James.

When she saw Bucky tense up considerably at his last comment, she quickly grabbed his hand and began dragging him away.

What bothered him the most wasn't Jason's stupid comment that was clearly just meant to get a rise out of him, it was the fact that he _didn't_ know that Maddy was 'something else in bed' when Ellie's brother did. It meant Jason knew Maddy in a way that Bucky didn't and that bothered him, like Jason had some kind of claim over her that Bucky didn't have. _That's barbaric_ , a part of him pointed out.

Maddy pulled him to a mostly empty corner of the large living room. Her eyes were apologetic. "I didn't know he'd be such an ass," she said. "If it makes you feel any better, he's always like that."

"Then why'd you date him?" Bucky's voice came out more venomous than it was supposed to and he immediately felt guilty when an upset look crossed Maddy's face.

"He's…He's not a bad person," she muttered, her hand falling away from his. Bucky opened his mouth to say something, apologise or _something_ , but Maddy beat him to it. "Why don't we get a drink?" She suggested, her voice devoid of her usual cheer. She led the way through the crowd to the bar that was set up, a bartender behind it working furiously, a white apron tied around his waist. He stopped in front of them, raising his eyebrows to ask for their orders.

"Uh I need a shot - Vodka sounds brilliant right about now," she said. "Or two. Make it three, actually. You?" She looked at Bucky.

"Just a water," he said quietly. He couldn't get drunk, no matter how much alcohol he consumed, so there was no point trying. The bartender gave him a funny look, but went about getting their drinks together without a word.

"You sure you don't want something a little stronger?" Maddy questioned. He shook his head, turning to look out over the dancing and drunk people. There were couples grinding on each other, men with their hands up girls shirts and skirts. His eyes widened. Jesus it was like one big orgy.

Maddy laughed at his expression, making him look down at her.

"You look horrified," she pointed out. "You can't tell me you've never been to a party."

"Not like this," he replied, eyes scanning the room. "You think this is…fun?"

Maddy chuckled again, shrugging. "I don't know," she admitted after a few moments of deliberation. "I used to…Now I'm not so sure."

"What changed?" He asked. She took in a deep breath, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Everything," she said, after a few beats.

Ellie eventually came and pulled Maddy onto the dance floor with her, after Maddy asking if Bucky would be ok alone for a little. He assured her he would, not wanting to stop her from having a good time and also definitely not wanting to have to dance with her. Not in the way they 'danced' anyway. Where he was usually smooth with dancing, with that type of grinding he would just be awkward.

He watched Ellie and Maddy jumping around together, holding hands and smiling madly. He could see why they were best friends. They made each other impossibly happy. He was usually able to incite those kinds of smiles from Maddy, but lately it had been harder. Ever since the other day on the steps after her fight with Ellie she'd been distant, like she was just out of arms reach. It was bothering Bucky more than he would say. He'd already forced himself to put so much distance between them for the first 3 months that he knew her. Now, when he finally had her, when he'd finally given in to what he wanted, she was the one pushing him away. It was frustrating.

Sweaty and slightly tipsy, Maddy and Ellie stumbled up to him. "You sure you don't want to come dance?" Maddy smiled at him as Ellie ordered them more shots.

"Yeah I'm pretty sure I…" he trailed off, his face suddenly turning blank, his stare somewhere over Maddy's head. Maddy's eyebrows furrowed and she followed his gaze, but couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. As far as she could tell, his gaze was trained adamantly on a man in a Captain America outfit. It was a pretty good outfit too, with the shield and everything.

"Buck," she tried to garner his attention, reaching out and grabbing his wrist. His eyes snapped down to look at her. "You okay?" His gaze flickered back up and yep, he was definitely staring at the man in the Captain America costume, his eyes following him across the room. "You got some kind of fascination with Captain America?" She laughed.

"What? No," he said, maybe a little too fast. Her eyebrows pinched further.

"Okay..?" She looked at him weirdly but then Ellie was shoving shots in her face and she was downing them, one after the other and Ellie was pulling her back onto the dance floor before she could question him further. He was glad - he wasn't sure how he would answer questions about his fascination with Captain America. He didn't think _the real Steve Rogers is actually my long lost best friend whom I almost killed nearly two years ago_ would cut it.

By the time they decided to leave the party, a long while later, Maddy was drunk and giggling incessantly but finally that carefree and confident expression was back on her face. She was gripping Bucky's arm tightly, pressed against his side and despite her intoxicated state he was glad that she was back to at least a similar version of his happy-go-lucky Maddy. Maddy kissed Ellie on the lips and declared, "I love you my El. Love you so much."

Bucky forced himself not to imagine what it would sound like for her to say those words to him.

He got them a cab and Maddy curled up to his side, practically sitting on his lap. Halfway through the ride she started kissing his neck and despite the fact that he loved every moment of it, he had to continuously and subtly push her away, feeling sorry for the cab driver.

He carried her into their building and up the stairs.

"My Bucky," she murmured into his ear and his hands curled into fists in the fabric of her dress. When they reached outside of her door, he leant her against the wall and slipped his hand into her pocket, pulling out her key and unlocking her door. When he turned back to her she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her lips, kissing him fervently. She tasted like alcohol, but also like _Maddy_ and after nearly a week without really kissing her, he found himself craving it more and more. He allowed her to kiss him, slightly sloppy, for a few minutes before pulling back.

"C'mon," he encouraged, leading her into her apartment. She stumbled slightly, laughing, but he steadied her with an arm around her waist, kicking the door closed behind them.

"Take these off," she giggled, pulling at his Jedi robes. He gulped, but did as she said, figuring he had to return them to her anyway. He folded them neatly and placed them on the dining table. She grabbed at his exposed skin greedily, kissing his shoulder, where metal met flesh. Her lips were like a candle licking at his skin and he wanted nothing more than to tell her not to stop, never to stop. Nonetheless, he gently pushed her off and grabbed his jeans, pulling them on. She whined loudly and tugged at his arm. He allowed her to pull him over to the couch, where she fell back, trying to pull him over the top of her. He instead sat down beside her. With a frustrated huff she sat up and clambered onto his lap, straddling his hips. She reached up and fumbled with the buttons on her dress. He slid his hands up her back and undid them for her. She pulled the fabric off her top half and pushed it down to her hips. Bucky's eyes travelled over her bare shoulders, her breasts in her lacy bra and her toned stomach. He could feel his jeans growing increasingly tight. She wrapped her arms around his neck again, carding her fingers through his hair and leaning forward, pressing herself against his bare chest. "Buck," she sighed into his neck before pressing her lips to his blazing skin. She sunk her teeth into the skin of his shoulder and he moaned, gripping her tighter against him. He shouldn't have let it go even _close_ to that far, but he wanted her so damn bad. He knew it was wrong though.

"Maddy," his voice was broken and wavering. "Stop. You're drunk." He didn't push her away however, letting her kiss her way up his throat before planting her lips on his with such a ferocity that Bucky couldn't help but kiss her back. He ran his hands up and down her back before resting them at the base of her spine and pulling her closer. She moaned into his mouth and he thought he was going to faint from being so turned on. She rocked into him with her hips and he gasped into her mouth, a muffled groan escaping his lips. She reached up behind her and he finally broke the kiss when he heard the pop of her undoing her bra. She went to pull it off but he stopped her, placing his hands over her own where they were curled around her bra straps on her shoulders. _God why couldn't she be like this when she was sober?_ "Madelyn," his voice was supposed to be stern, but instead it was just a whisper. He looked at her and he saw that her eyes were….afraid? No…Desperate? His eyebrows pinched together in concern and he lifted one hand to cup her cheek. "Why are you doing this now?" He asked. "Why…? Why only when you're drunk?"

She squeezed her eyes closed, digging her fingernails into the skin of his back tightly. He didn't mind. He reached up and did up her bra up again for her.

"Because," she took in a shaky breath and opened her eyes, staring into his blue gaze. "It's easier to forget when I'm drunk."

"Forget what?" He pushed, completely confused.

She hesitated and if he didn't have enhanced hearing, he wouldn't have heard her next words, as they were so quiet. "Forget what his hands felt like."

His eyes widened as he stared at her and then he pulled his hands away from her, as if he'd been burned and she scrambled off of him, pulling her knees to her chest and burying her face in them. He sat, staring at the wall opposite him for a few moments.

Forget who's hands? Was she still thinking of another man, even when she was with Bucky? The thought made him upset and maybe even a little angry. He had never, not once, thought of another woman whilst with Maddy. He couldn't. She occupied every corner of his mind when he was with her, taking up every inch of his attention. The thought of her attention torn between him and someone else, made his chest ache. He stood up, rubbing his hands down his face and walking a few paces away from the couch. When he heard a sob escape her mouth he spun back to face her and his heart pounded in his chest in panic.

He dropped to his knees in front of her, cupping her cheek and forcing her to look at him. "Hey, hey it's ok. Maddy don't cry," he begged, wiping a tear away with his thumb.

"I'm sorry Bucky," she hiccuped. "I'm so sorry."

"What happened to no apologising, right?" He murmured, reaching up and kissing her forehead, suddenly not caring if she was thinking of another man, just wanting her to smile again, to stop being upset. Every tear that fell was like a knife to his heart. She wiped her cheek on her shoulder and looked at him with earnest and pain filled eyes.

"You know, I used to be more too," she said quietly. "Before."

"Before what?" He murmured. Before her mum had died? Before she moved to Romania?

"Before he took me," she whispered, fear lighting her face.

Bucky's eyebrows scrunched up. "Maddy, what are you talking about?"

She looked at him for a few, tense moments before shaking her head and burying her face back in her knees. He let out a long breath. _Maybe she's just drunk and has no idea what she's even saying_ , he thought. But he didn't really believe it. The fear on her face was real and raw. He pulled her dress off the rest of the way and folded it neatly, placing it beside his own costume. Then he picked her up and carried her to her bed, tucking her in under the covers.

"Bucky?" she murmured, her eyes half closed in sleepiness.

"Yeah Bambi," he stroked some hair out of her face and decided that if she _was_ somehow torn between him and another guy, if that was what was holding her back from being with him completely, then he would just have to fight harder to win her over, because the thought of losing her altogether made him want to stop breathing. He wasn't sure what he was without her anymore.

"You're-…" A few more tears slid down her cheek and he wiped them away. "You're everything to me. You make me happy. I haven't been happy like I am with you-…not since.." Her eyes fully closed and her small hand fisted in the sheets. Bucky waited for a few moments for her to continue speaking but she didn't.

"Not since what?" He questioned quietly, but she was already asleep.

~O~

A/N: Hey guys! Again, sorry for the long wait on this chapter - the days seemed to escape me! I hope you guys enjoyed this. We're getting closer and closer to finding out what happened to Maddy and why she won't/can't sleep with Bucky.

Just putting it out there that if any of you guys have any Bucky/OC stories of your own - I would love to read them! just tell me in a review or PM me and I will definitely check them out! I'm always looking for more stories to read!

Alright, until next time my lovelies! Love you all x


	19. Hangover

A/N: hey guys! Thanks for the reviews, as always, I love you all. Shoutout to the wonderful user infinateconstellations who continues to review and be amazing in general.

Here is the next chapter - I know a few of you were a bit annoyed with the cliffhanger - oops! Sorry! Getting closer and closer to the explanation though, I promise.

Please enjoy and leave a review at the end!

~O~

 _I'm dead,_ Maddy thought as she slowly woke. _I'm dead and I've gone to hell and Satan is currently punishing me._ Or at least, that's what she felt like. Her head was killing and her whole body ached profusely. It was an effort to just open her eyes, but she forced herself to. She was painfully hungover. She looked around her room and her bed and frowned when she found herself decidedly alone. She sighed, running a hand through her hair. She peered under the blankets - she was just in her bra and underpants. She didn't remember a lot from the previous night, but she trusted that Bucky had gotten her home safe and that they hadn't done anything too inappropriate when she was that intoxicated. Although it wasn't anything knew, she still sort of surprised herself with how much she trusted him. Any other man, like Jason or Luke, would have undoubtedly slept with her whether she was sober or drunk as hell. But not her Bucky.

She frowned. She knew she'd been distant with him lately, but ever since her fight with Ellie in which she brought up the stupid kidnapping…Maddy groaned into her pillow, trying to push it into the back of her mind. There was nothing on the earth she hated thinking about more.

She forced herself to stand up, steadying herself on the wall as her head spun. She stumbled out of her room and grabbed a quick drink of water, sculling it down thirstily along with two Aspirins. Then she made her way out of her apartment, not bothering to throw on clothes and quickly scurrying across the hallway and over to Bucky's door. She didn't bother knocking - she knew he wouldn't have locked his door, turns out the lock was broken - and pulled the door open. Bucky was still on his mattress, but he was awake, one hand under his head as he stared up at his cracked ceiling. His eyes locked onto her as soon as she entered the apartment, his whole body tensing. When he saw it was just her, he relaxed, letting out a breath, his eyes scanning her almost naked body.

"I'm dying," Maddy declared closing the door behind her and falling onto the mattress beside him, curling up against his side. "I'm absolutely knackered," she groaned. He chuckled lightly at the distinctly British word, wrapping his arm around her and drawing her closer. He wound his fingers in her hair and began massaging her scalp lightly. She moaned, this time more sinfully. "That feels good."

He kissed her on the temple and they were silent for a few moments.

"Why didn't you stay last night?" She whimpered. "I woke up alone."

"You were wrecked. I just-…It wouldn't have felt right. How much do you remember?" He tried to keep his tone light, but he wasn't sure he quite succeeded.

"The last thing I clearly remember is Ellie getting on top of the bar and dancing," she replied. Bucky snorted.

"Maddy that was like halfway through the night," he pointed out.

"Really?" She whined. "Why? Did I do something embarrassing?" She turned to face him, resting her chin on her hand that was lying on his bare chest. "God I didn't tell you about the time me and Ellie skinny dipped in the school pool did I?"

His chest rumbled beneath her as he laughed. "No, but now I want to hear about it."

She laughed as well, shaking her head. "But seriously, did I do something embarrassing?"

He thought about it for a moment. "Embarrassing? No. You just…. Said something. It…worried me."

She froze, lips parted and eyebrows pulled down. "W-what'd I say?"

He wasn't entirely sure if he should tell her - he didn't want her to feel embarrassed or stupid, but he wanted to know what she had meant the night before. "You said that you wanted to forgot what someone's hands felt like on you and that you were more, before someone..took you… You said that I make you happy," his hands stroked the skin of her back, tracing an invisible pattern. She was completely still, tense under his touch. "Happy in a way that you haven't been in a long time."

She stared at him for a few more moments, not saying anything, before pulling back, sitting up and crossing her legs.

"Oh," was all she managed to murmur after a few seconds.

He gulped, sitting up as well. "Bambi….what'd you mean?" He didn't want to push her, but it had kept him up nearly all night, thinking about what she had said. A part of him was still scared that she wasn't quite over one of her ex's, or even that she had a thing with another man going, although he didn't think that likely. He trusted her…for the most part. (Trust didn't exactly come easy to him.)

"I don't know," she brushed him off. "It was stupid. I was drunk. Just drop it, ok?" She stood up, walking over to his kitchen and grabbing a cup from his cupboard, pouring herself a glass of water and gulping it down. He sat on the mattress for a few moments, a little shocked that she'd completely just cut him out. He tried not to feel angry, after all he was hiding a lot more from her then she could have possibly been from him, but it still bothered him.

"Maddy talk to me," he encouraged, standing and approaching her. She ignored him and he felt anger bubble up inside of him, maybe still left over from the frustration of barely seeing her all week and then Ellie's brother's comments the previous night.

"What's this?" She grabbed his black journal off the top of the fridge, different coloured sticky notes poking out the side. She went to open it but he ripped it out of her hands, more violently than he intended, making her look at him in shock.

"Don't ignore me," he growled at her, smacking the journal down hard onto the kitchen counter top. "I asked you a question."

Maddy was looking at him like he was some kind of foreign monster that she'd never seen before. "What is your problem?" She took a few steps back, wrapping her arms around herself and, for once (she normally couldn't care less), wishing she was wearing clothes. She didn't want to talk about whatever she'd let slip the night before. She didn't want to think about it, let alone speak about it with Bucky.

He hadn't meant to be so harsh, certainly hadn't meant to scare her, but the whole thing of her not being able to have sex with him was bothering him more and more everyday, mostly because it was blatantly apparent that she was more than fine to do it with other men, namely Ellie's brother. He just didn't understand and he wanted to, but she wouldn't let him.

"You're hiding something from me and I want to know what it is," he took a few steps closer to her, but this time anger flared in her hazel eyes and her arms fell from around her body as fury blared through her.

" _I'm_ hiding something? Seriously? You're like the freaking king of secrets and ambiguity! I hardly know anything about you - hell I don't even know your best friends name! You always dodge my questions and I never push you! I always let it go! And the one time I need you to back the hell off, you can't!" She was yelling by the time she finished, her hands balled up into angry fists and her chest heaving. If not for the serious and upset look on her face, Bucky would have had a hard time taking her seriously considering her attire, but he was feeling far too shitty to find any amusement in the situation.

She was right. He knew that. He wasn't being fair. But it didn't stop him from being annoyed at the fact that she wanted to keep something from him, even though he was being hypocritical.

He opened his mouth to say something, maybe apologise, maybe argue more, but then she was storming away, out the door and slamming it shut with a thud loud enough to make Bucky flinch. He stood, shocked for a few moments. He hadn't meant to fight with her or get angry at her and now that she was gone and he had time to process the hurt expression that had been on her face, he suddenly felt completely and utterly terrible. She was the one good thing in his life, the one thing that made him want to live, the one thing that made him feel human and the one person that had showed him true kindness in God knows how long.

He loved her. And he might have just lost her.

~O~

"What did you fight over?" Ellie's voice questioned through Maddy's phone. Maddy pulled her hair into a ponytail, getting ready for work, whilst her mobile lay on the edge of her bathroom sink, on loud speaker.

"Doesn't matter," Maddy replied. "Point is I yelled at him and I kind of feel bad, but I also kind of want to choke him to death."

"So you're still mad?"

"Indisputably," Maddy put on a layer of lip gloss and scooped up her precious phone, walking out into the living and grabbing her backpack, slinging it over her shoulder.

"Please tell me you didn't just pick up your backpack."

"I have to carry my laptop and files to work everyday! What's wrong with my backpack?" Maddy whined.

"Maddy you're not in middle school anymore."

"Whatever loser," Maddy chuckled. "I gotta go. I love you."

"Wait," Ellie said. "About the whole James thing. Look, you know I'm not his biggest fan. But it's not because of _him_ , per say. Just…after I finally got you back after the kidnapping-"

"Ellie please," Maddy tried to interrupt, not wanting to think about the kidnapping.

"No Maddy, just let me say this ok? After the whole kidnapping thing, I know I've been more over protective than normal, but it's just-…Seeing the way you were after you got back…It nearly killed me. I love you and I just want you to be happy and at first I was scared that James was going to hurt you and-and I still am. But ever since you met him, for the most part, you've been happier, more like the Maddy I knew _before_. You always acted happy, even right after you got back, but it was always so fake - and maybe I was the only one who could see it. I don't know. But you seem genuinely happy lately. And although I still don't like him…that means something, alright? So just…just think about that before you do anything rash."

Maddy was in slight shock. Ellie didn't do heart to hearts often with anyone, even with Maddy. And certainly the last person Maddy expected her to say good (or at least decent) things about was Bucky.

Maddy thought about it. Bucky _did_ make her happy, she knew that, but the way he'd reacted the other day…. It had scared her a little.

"I still haven't slept with him," Maddy blurted out, suddenly. Ellie was silent on the other end for a few moments.

"What?"

"Me and Bucky…We haven't had sex," Maddy gulped, clutching her phone nervously.

"Seriously?" Ellie questioned, Maddy's confession having thrown her off guard. "I assumed that you weren't telling me anything because you wanted to keep it private.. not that you hadn't even _done_ it. Like…have you done anything?"

"Not at all. We haven't done anything but kiss and I-I don't think I can," Maddy's voice was rushed, like if she didn't say it fast enough she'd force herself to not say it at all.

Ellie let out a sad breath. "Maddy…. You should have told me you were still having this problem," Ellie sounded upset and Maddy hated that - she didn't want to make her best friend upset, it was the last thing she wanted to do. "I didn't know it was still affecting you this much."

 _You have no idea how much it affects me_ , Maddy thought, but didn't dare to say it out loud. She didn't want to burden her friend even more than she already was.

"Look I have an idea. Keep your afternoon free ok?" Ellie requested.

"Ellie I don't-"

"Just, trust me," Ellie pleaded and the desperation, the worry, in her voice made Maddy finally concede. She agreed, hung up the phone and trudged to work.

~O~

A/N: There you guys go! Poor Maddy :( We'll find out exactly what happened to her soon.

Please leave a review and tell me what you thought! It means a lot to me x

Love you all, until next time x


	20. The Truth

A/N: Hey guys! Here is the chapter that we've been building up to. I hope that I do it justice, I've worked really hard on it.

Just to clarify some time frame things:

Friday - Maddy and Bucky went to Jason's party.

Saturday - Maddy and Bucky fought.

Sunday - not shown

Monday - the start of this chapter in which Ellie takes Maddy _somewhere._

Tuesday - as will be indicated in the chapter, before Tuesday starts.

Just wanted to clarify that as I'm not 100% sure it was clear. Thanks guys, please enjoy x.

~O~

Ellie was inside Maddy's apartment, sitting on her couch and watching TV when Maddy got home.

"Hey," Maddy dumped her backpack on the floor and flopped down beside her blonde haired friend, but Ellie immediately stood, switching off the TV and pulling Maddy back up. "Hey!" Maddy re-used the word in protest, exhausted after the emotional day and just wanting to lie down.

"Come on," Ellie encouraged, ignoring Maddy's whines and pulling her out of the apartment.

"Where are we going?" Maddy groaned as they went down the steps, running her hand along the grimy, red peeling paint of the stairwell railing. Ellie didn't answer and they breached the outside of the building, heading toward Ellie's little blue car.

"What are we doing, El?" Maddy demanded answers again as they drove but Ellie ignored her once more. After a ten minute car ride, they stopped outside a white, fairly small building. "What is this place?"

Ellie took in a deep breath and turned to her. "I booked you an appointment with a psychologist that my mother used to come to, after my real father left," Ellie explained.

Maddy didn't have the heart to be angry at her, even though she really, really wanted to be. Ellie's real father had been a dickhead (hey, maybe that's where Jason got it from?) and had treated Ellie's mother pretty bad before he ditched out. Ellie's step-father was a much, much kinder, more responsible and gentler man.

"Ellie…I really wish you didn't do that," Maddy groaned, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. "I'm fine! I just-I just need time and-"

"Maddy, you've had time. You've had a year - well over a year now, and if it's not getting better then maybe you need something extra," Ellie encouraged. She grabbed her friends hands, holding them tightly. "Look, I know that it's weird talking to a stranger. God knows I could never do it. But I've never been through what you have and…if it doesn't help, you never have to go back ok? It won't hurt to get it off your chest."

Maddy squirmed, her cheeks burning and feeling inexplicably upset. "I'm not broken," she muttered, looking down. Ellie let out a long breath and pulled her into a hug, which Maddy hesitantly returned.

"Of course you aren't baby," Ellie murmured, pulling back and brushing some strands of hair out of Maddy's face. "You're just a little fractured and band-aids aren't cutting it anymore. You need stitches."

Maddy wasn't sure if that was the right thing for Ellie to have said, but she knew it was true, so it didn't really matter. Ellie led her into the building and talked to the receptionist briefly before they both sat in waiting chairs. The room wasn't cold or sterile like a lot of doctor's clinics. It had comfy waiting chairs and paintings hung on the beige walls. The floor was carpeted and there were flowers, probably fake, sitting on a small coffee table that was also scattered with magazines.

"She's a good person. Her name's Adeline Luca," Ellie said, referring to the psychologist. "Mum always said she was a lot like me."

"A lot like you? So…A blunt bitch?" Maddy joked, to try and lift the tension in her chest. "If so I don't think she'd make a very good therapist."

Ellie cocked an eyebrow. "I prefer the word 'honest'." They both chuckled, although it wasn't as earnest and joyous as usual.

" _You can go in now,_ " the receptionist spoke in Romanian, from behind her desk. Maddy looked at Ellie, who gave her an encouraging smile and she stood up, walking into the room. It felt like she was walking toward doom, but maybe, just maybe, she was walking toward salvation.

~O~

 _Tuesday_

Maddy was shivering and sweating at the same time. She was running and it was raining. The sky was grey above her, dark and ominous clouds covering what little sunlight was left as dusk faded out and night began to take over. Lightning cracked overhead, but it landed on deaf ears. She could barely think, barely breathe. Although perhaps that was because she'd just ran 10 miles. Her legs were shaking, along with the rest of her body - her legs from exhaustion, her body from the cold.

Her blue hoodie was soaked straight through, clinging to her like a second skin, along with her leggings and shoes. There weren't many people around, just a few stragglers on their way home from work, huddled under umbrella's whilst the sky poured down onto them. She knew the area well enough to avoid most of them, taking back alleys and side streets. She wanted to be alone, she needed to think.

It had been 1 day since she had talked to the therapist and it had been 3 days since she'd spoken to Bucky. She kept on replaying her session with Adeline over and over again in her head, wondering if the woman was right.

" _Elizabeth has told me a lot about you," Adeline admitted, sitting comfortably in her plush, patterned chair. Maddy thought Ellie would have an aneurysm if she heard someone call her 'Elizabeth'. She hated the name._

 _Adeline was fairly old, early 60's, and whilst she had a kind face, it was hard too, honest - just as Ellie had said. She had shoulder length, dark hair with streaks of grey through it. Her office was tidy, but covered in knick-knacks such as photo frames and tea-sets._

" _She has?"_

" _Oh yes. I'm still good friends with her mother, even though she's no longer a patient of mine. We have tea often and Elizabeth sometimes attends," Adeline explained._

" _I love tea," Maddy offered._

" _Obviously," Adeline stood to waddle over to her tea pot and pour out two cups. "You're British."_

 _Maddy chuckled, taking the cup as the old woman handed it to her. She took a sip. It was delicious, very similar to how her mother used to make it. It comforted her._

 _Adeline sat back down, drinking her own glass before placing it on the table next to her. "Like I said, Elizabeth has told me a lot about you. I spoke to her before you came today. Usually I wouldn't take on patients that I already know something about as I like to start with a completely clean slate. But Elizabeth said that you were already rather uncomfortable with talking to a stranger, which is completely understandable, and that you'd be at least a little more comfortable with someone whom your best friend trusted."_

 _Maddy gulped, placing her tea down as well. "I didn't-…She kind of sprung this on me to be honest."_

" _You don't want to be here," Adeline stated and held up a hand when Maddy tried to protest. "It's alright, I'm certainly not offended. If I were you, I probably wouldn't want to be here either. But I can promise you that I will try and help you. And to be honest most of the time I succeed. I've only had very few patients who have not improved tremendously under my care."_

 _Maddy hated the use of the word patient - it made her feel like she was sick, like she was diseased somehow._

" _Elizabeth said you're having issues after you were abducted nearly a year and a half ago," Adeline said. "Is that true?"_

 _Maddy fiddled with one of the rings on her finger and nodded._

" _Come now child, use your voice," Adeline insisted. Maddy took a deep breath. She could do this - she could talk about it. She was good at talking, she spoke a lot. It was one of her talents. But now, the words stuck in her throat. She had to force them out._

" _I'm fine, for the most part. I can function normally and it's a lot better than when I first came back. But it's still there and-and it always will be I think. I think-…Maybe that's what scares me," Maddy bit her lip for a moment. "I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life."_

 _Adeline's expression had softened considerably. She was fairly easy to talk to, Maddy decided, as far as strangers went._

" _Start from the beginning," Adeline encouraged. "Tell me everything about the abduction. Everything you can."_

Maddy didn't even realise she had circled back around to her building until she was standing in front of it, chest heaving, goosebumps prickling her skin. She sat down on the steps leading up to the building, her legs giving out from beneath her and her head falling into her hands. She didn't know if she could do this, but she supposed she needed to. Had to. Adeline had said that she should tell Bucky about her horrible experience with the abduction, that it was really only fair for him to know and that it would strengthen their relationship. Maddy did not want to tell him, but she was going to anyway.

" _That's when I finally got home," Maddy finished her story of the kidnapping. Adeline had been very quiet throughout it, listening intently. Maddy was glad she wasn't taking notes or something like that._

" _And?"_

" _And what?" Maddy's eyebrows furrowed._

" _You act as though that's the end," Adeline pushed._

" _Um… I was home. Safe. That is the end..?" Maddy fidgeted, unsure of what the woman was getting at._

" _Oh, my child. That is not the end. That isn't even half way through," her eyes were full of sympathy. "Yes, you got through the abuse. You survived the kidnapping. But it doesn't just end there does it? It stays with you. You're still battling, everyday. In your head. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you can get better. You can't win a war that you don't know you're fighting."_

 _Maddy took in a deep, shaky breath. She'd never thought about it like that. She'd been so sure that she was expected to be alright once she got home, to go straight back to normal. It felt good for someone to not expect that of her._

" _It affects everyone differently," Adeline continued. "Some people have nightmares," Maddy thought of Bucky and his horrible screams. She certainly didn't have dreams like that. "Others hate to be alone or they hate to be in big crowds. I know a few that can't stand loud or sudden noises or small spaces. How does it affect you?"_

 _Maddy thought about it. How did it affect her? "I don't have nightmares. I like being around a lot of people, not so fond of being alone. But I was always like that, even before…_ Especially _before," Maddy amended. "I'm normal, for the most part. At first I was a little stand offish, I suppose. I got lost in thought a little more often. But once I re-integrated back into society I was fine. Most things went back to normal. I upped my defence classes, but I think that's a pretty normal reaction."_

" _I try to think that there are no normal nor abnormal reactions to such a completely unjustifiable and horrible situation," Adeline explained. Maddy nodded in understanding._

" _I suppose, because I didn't have nightmares or anything like that…I thought I was ok. I thought I could just slip back into my old life, be the person I used to be…But I'm just..not. There was just…subtle changes. I didn't enjoy anything quite as much as I used to, every smile just felt a bit more forced. I tried to forget about it, pretend it didn't happen. I do that a lot actually…I kind of.. pretend I don't remember, sometimes, although I rarely believe it. But then…Then there was one, big change," Maddy crossed one leg over the other, as Adeline was gracefully sitting, but it felt forced so she let her foot fall back to the floor._

" _And what change was that?"_

" _I couldn't…" Maddy's throat was dry. She didn't want to have to say it and thankfully, Adeline stopped her from having to._

" _You couldn't have sex?" Adeline questioned bluntly, although not unkindly and with no hint of awkwardness, which Maddy was grateful for. She nodded._

" _I met this really great guy. James. And I adore him. He lives in the apartment across from me, moved in about 5 months ago," Maddy explained._

" _And you started a relationship with him?" Adeline continued. Maddy nodded._

" _He made me feel…he just made me really happy. He's kind of…complicated. And it wasn't easy to get to where we are now. And I just want to say now, that I trust him. Completely._ He's _not the problem… but every time we'd try and…go further, it was like I suddenly couldn't breathe. Like I was suddenly back in that place…and I just…couldn't," Maddy felt a similar sort of panic squeeze her chest then, just thinking about it._

" _You said he_ did _make you very happy, past tense, has that changed? Have you started to feel…pressured to sleep with him?" Adeline took another sip of her tea, like they were talking about the freaking weather. Maddy thought that should probably unnerve her, but instead it comforted her in a way. It made her relax a bit, knowing that the woman wasn't freaked out._ This is her job, _Maddy thought to herself._ She'll know how to help you.

" _We had a fight," Maddy admitted. "The first one we've really had since we actually started dating. I don't feel…pressured to sleep with him. He would never make me do something I don't want to do. But I want to. I want to be…normal."_

" _What did you fight about?"_

" _I think he's frustrated that I won't sleep with him because he thinks it means that I don't trust him. I hooked up with this guy before James and I got together and…I shouldn't have. I hated it and it made James…well I guess it made him jealous," Maddy's voice was quiet as she thought back to the night she'd hooked up with Luke. She knew it had felt wrong at the time and she had done it anyway. That had been the furthest she'd gone with a man since getting back from being abducted, although somehow just holding hands with Buck felt more intimate than blowing Luke had been._

 _She also knew that Bucky was jealous of her and Jason's old relationship and the fact that, clearly, she had had sex with Jason, but not Bucky. But that was different - Jason had been_ before, _before she had been taken._

" _I see," Adeline pondered for a moment. "Why did you hook up with this other man then?"_

 _Maddy shrugged. "I don't know. I used to do that kind of thing all the time. Pick up a cute boy at a club or a party. I thought it would make me feel more normal, more like I used to be. But….Like I said, I'm not the same person anymore."_

" _This James," Adeline sniffed. "Do you love him?"_

 _It took a few beats for Maddy to process what the woman had asked. Maddy froze. Her brain short circuited and then was suddenly going at a million miles an hour, racing through a hundred thoughts. After a few moments she came to a conclusion; she had no idea. Did she love Bucky?_

Maddy still had no idea what the answer was, after pondering it and obsessing over it for the past day. She cared about Bucky, a lot. She wanted him in her life. He made her feel safe…for the most part. The fight they had had the other day had scared her a little. She didn't want to lose him, but he had been so harsh the other day, not like the gentle Bucky she was used to, the one who would throw himself into danger to protect her, who looked pained at the sight of her tears.

She wondered, if she had to question it, if she didn't just _know_ for sure, then did that mean that she didn't love him? If she did, shouldn't she have realised it immediately? Shouldn't it be glaringly obvious?

She finally forced herself to stand up and trudge inside, out of the rain. She dragged puddles of water into the building and all the way up the stairs. She hoped she didn't make anyone slip going over the now wet steps, but for some reason she didn't care as much as she usually would have. Her brain was buzzing, it had been for over 24 hours. She'd hardly slept the night before, tossing and turning. She was exhausted and restless at the exact same time. She stood outside of Bucky's apartment door for a solid 10 minutes, raising her hand to knock before lowering it again.

" _I-I don't know," Maddy finally answered Adeline's question after a few minutes. "I don't think so," Maddy felt guilty as soon as she said the words. They didn't sound like the truth to her._

" _Why not?" Adeline's face was completely judgement free but it didn't help Maddy's wildly fluttering heart, pounding in her chest._

 _Her voice was shaky when she spoke. "I don't think I want to love him," Maddy confessed. "I don't think I want him to love me."_

 _Adeline, finally, looked genuinely confused, although she hid it well. "Why is that Madelyn?"_

The door was pulled open before Maddy could work up the nerve to knock, making her flinch in surprise. Bucky didn't look surprised to see her though.

"Were-were you just heading out?" Maddy questioned, nervous as hell, which was kind of strange for her. Bucky shook his head.

"I've been waiting for you to knock for the past ten minutes," he admitted. Her eyebrows shot up in a silent question. "I could see your shadow under the door. And hear your footsteps."

"Oh, right," Maddy looked down, biting her lip. "Can we talk then?"

He gulped and nodded, taking in her appearance, his face becoming concerned. She was shaking, water dripping off of her, sliding down her flushed cheeks and splashing onto the floor from the ends of her hair. He stepped to the side and invited her in. She walked into his apartment as he shut the door behind them. Her eyes landed on the small Christmas tree that he still had set up, refusing to take it down despite the fact that Christmas had long since passed.

"Take off your hoodie," he told her quietly. She did so as he scooped up one of his jackets and draped it around her shoulders. She clutched his jacket closer around her, laying her own soaking one over one of his chairs. She brought the material of his jacket up to her face, breathing in his comforting and familiar scent for a moment before wiping her hair out of her eyes. She turned back to face him and for a moment she thought she was going to burst out into tears. She didn't want to lose him and what she was about to tell him might just do that. But she had to tell him anyway, even if she just wanted to keep pretending.

"I didn't tell you the truth," she steeled herself, drawing herself up straight and putting on a brave face. It was the only way she could get through this conversation.

He took a few steps closer to her, going to reach for her. "Maddy why don't we sit down and-"

"No," she kept her voice firm, holding up a hand and stopping him. "I can't-…You can't touch me. I won't get through this if you are. I just need you to listen, ok?"

He crossed his arms over his chest - she noticed he did that a lot if he couldn't touch her - and the worried look on his face intensified, but he nodded slightly.

"I didn't tell you the truth," she repeated. "About _how_ I was kidnapped. I wasn't kidnapped by a rival cartel…and they weren't looking for my father when they came to the house."

Bucky looked confused, but he didn't speak, which Maddy was thankful for.

"I was kidnapped by my father's arms dealer. His name is Stefan Ronaldo. He has a whole business, all throughout Romania and even Slovakia and Hungary. He's very powerful, deals not just with drug cartels but gangs and even supplies to terrorist and foreign rebellion groups. I met him through my father at one of the dinners at the manor," her vision was starting to get blotchy. Was she going to pass out? She hoped not - that would make it considerably more hard to finish the conversation. She needed to breathe and she took in a shaky mouthful of air. "He took a liking to me and asked me out on a date. I said yes. He was a bit older but seemed nice and he was handsome. And besides, it was kind of.. expected of me to go. My father needed to remain on good terms with him, so I couldn't really say no." She wrapped her arms around herself, breathing in Bucky's smell on the jacket once more before continuing. It helped calm her down, even just a little. "He was really nice and funny, but he seemed a little.. pushy, overbearing. I didn't want to go on a second date with him, especially because he was..you know, like a master criminal. I ignored his calls and texts for about a week. Then..something happened. I don't know what it was exactly. But there was a shoot out and he saved my father's life. My father then owed him a debt." Maddy felt tears fill her eyes and she had to stop, pursing her lips together so she didn't sob. She wanted to stop speaking, to give in and fall into Bucky's arms and to just forget about all of it. But she couldn't.

"Bambi…" Bucky looked fraught, like he wanted so desperately to help her, to make her stop hurting, but he simply couldn't. His arms fell from where they had been crossed over his broad chest.

She took in a few deep breaths, counting to three in between them. "Stefan said that in payment of the debt, he-he wanted me. I don't know if he meant my hand in marriage or..or me as some kind of slave thing…but my father refused. Said there was no way in hell. Stefan didn't take so kindly to that. He kidnapped me, drugged me up and took me to one of his houses in Budapest." The tears in Maddy's eyes finally broke the dam and flooded down her cheeks. She wiped furiously at them, but they wouldn't stop coming.

Bucky's hands were curled into fists and he had a pretty good idea of what she was going to say next. He also was positive he didn't want to hear it. He wasn't sure he could handle hearing it.

Maddy hiccuped. "The scars…the ones on my back…they're from him cutting off my clothes with a knife."

Bucky turned away. He was going to punch something. The anger he was feeling…it was unlike anything he'd felt before, even toward all of HYDRA. He felt rage boiling up inside of him. He wanted this guy dead. He wanted to hold his life in his hands and watch the fear in the pathetic excuse for a man's eyes as he slowly took it away. _How dare he,_ Bucky growled. _How dare he touch her._

"He raped me every day for a month," she was only just stopping herself from full out sobbing, but she was glad Bucky had turned away. She didn't want to see his face as she told him this. "He touched me and made me pretend to like it. He bought me nice clothes and made me go to dinners with him and… He said he was in love with me."

" _Maddy? Why don't you want James to love you?" Adeline pressed, leaning forward slightly. Maddy's eyes fluttered closed._

" _Because…" her voice choked up but she powered on. "Because the man that kidnapped me said that he loved me and-and if that's love, if what he did to me is love then…" She bit the inside of her cheek so hard that it bled, the coppery tang flooding her mouth for a moment before she gulped it away. "Then I don't want anyone else to be in love with me for the rest of my life."_

 _Adeline let out a breath through her nose, her emerald coloured eyes full of compassion. She leaned forward, sitting on the edge of her chair and rested a hand on top of Maddy's. Maddy turned her hand under the kind lady's and gripped her soft but wrinkled hand back. It was a natural reaction for Maddy - it was just in her character to do such things. And no amount of abuse could break that out of her, that kind, caring streak that made her_ Maddy _._

" _I'm only going to tell you this once Madelyn and I want you to listen very carefully, because it is quite possibly the most important thing I will ever have to say to you," despite the kindness in the old lady's eyes, her voice was strong and firm. Maddy nodded, indicating that she was listening. "What that man did to you, what he put you through, was not a sign of his love for you. He did not love you._ At all. _If he did, he would have taken your feelings and needs into consideration, rather than just his own. That's what love is. Love is putting someone else's wants and needs before your own. Love is caring about that persons desires and aspirations. Love is wanting that person to be happy and safe, even if it is at the expense of your own happiness. He did not love you. He was obsessed with you. Fixation and love are_ not _the same thing."_

"But he wasn't in love with me," Maddy's voice, although still with a shaky edge to it, was firm. "He was obsessed. And usually I make it a rule to not hate people. But I hate him. And he-he tried to ruin me. To break me. And he failed. And the police found me and rescued me, and I got to go home. They didn't find him though. He ran and I don't know where he is. I-I don't really care, so long as he's far away from me."

Bucky slowly turned back around to face her. She studied his face desperately. The main emotion she could pick out was rage, blistering and obvious. She knew it wasn't directed at her though. He looked worried as well, his eyes flitting over her tear stained face.

"One day," he promised, taking a step forward. "I'm going to find him," he took another step forward, his voice laced with a quiet, dangerous conviction that Maddy would not have liked to be on the receiving end of. "And I _am_ going to kill him." Because the last thing he wanted was her to be scared of him, Bucky didn't tell her about the torture he would make the man endure first or the fact that he would be the one man for which Bucky would break the promise he had made to himself to not kill again.

Finally, a sob escaped Maddy's mouth and more tears began to stream freely down her cheeks, sliding over her already wet neck and into her damp clothes.

Bucky hesitated. "Can I touch you now?" He questioned, almost scared of the answer, but she nodded furiously and he surged forward, pulling her into a hug and holding her against him desperately. She clutched him back, burying her face in his neck and sobbing into it. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Maddy," he muttered, over and over again into her skin. "I'm sorry I got angry at you, it wasn't your fault, I'm sorry." He repeated such words again and again until she shushed him with a gentle kiss to his lips. He pulled back far too soon and just continued to hug her. She got lost in his smell and the way she felt safe with him wrapped around her. She knew he would protect her - he had before and he would again. The pressing weight in her chest, the disgusting twist in her stomach, eased as he held her close. He made her feel better, bit by bit. Adeline had been right, telling him made her feel better, for the most part, even though it was hard.

She had been scared he would judge her or think she was a freak, but of course he hadn't. She should have had more faith in him. Her Bucky. Her soldier.

Maddy eventually stepped back and shrugged off his jacket. It was wet, from her clothes, and he realised that the front of his shirt was then wet as well, a mixture from her tears and damp clothes pressed against him.

"Oops. Sorry," she said, looking at his shirt. She managed to crack a smile and if he didn't think she was the bravest damn thing before then he did now because he certainly would not have been able to smile so soon after telling his own depressing story of abuse.

She took a warm shower in his bathroom and reappeared wearing just one of his clean shirts. Bucky had shed his own shirt, but he put a new one on. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable and he knew that he would not be able to do anything even remotely sexual with her for awhile after hearing her story of sexual abuse. But that was perfectly ok with him. He knew the reason she struggled to have sex with him now and it was more than valid and he made himself promise that he would never, ever pressure her into anything.

She curled up into his side once they lay on his mattress. He pulled the blankets up to her chin and pressed a kiss to her temple. "No one will ever hurt you like that again Bambi," he murmured, just loud enough for her to hear. She peered up at him and he looked down at her. There was a storm raging in his eyes and she knew that it was raging in honour of her. "I promise."

She gave him a soft smile and buried her face in his chest. He heard a soft sniffle and he ran one hand up and down her back and ran the other through the long, silky and still wet strands of her hair.

He was so lucky she had bumped into him that day, all those months ago, carrying her father's briefcase. He was so lucky that he had chosen to move into this apartment block and not the one on the other side of town. He was so lucky that she had chosen him. Her beauty was unparalleled, her wit uncanny, but it was the light in her eyes, the spark that made her glow, that really got him. It was the spark that, although sometimes dimmed, had never been snuffed out, despite so many people's attempts to do so. She wore her happiness like a suit of armour and hid her dark experiences so that no others had to bear the burden. She was everything Bucky could not be; resilient, brave, bold and real. Human. She was everything he wanted, everything he couldn't have. Everything he didn't believe he deserved.

Bucky thought about what he was going to do to that man, Stefan Ronaldo. If the police found Maddy, then Ronaldo must have gone into hiding to avoid being caught. Bucky didn't care if he was hiding in the freaking Sahara Desert or Antarctica. He would find him and he would make him suffer. Maybe he would drag out the torture over weeks, making him beg for his life, then beg for death. Maybe he'd make him wait a whole month, just like Ronaldo had done to Maddy, before granting him the slow, painful death he deserved. Although, more likely, Bucky would kill him within the first few days, not having the patience or control it would take to stop himself from killing the man. Besides, it would be time better spent with his angel, taking care of her and making sure she was alright and healing. So long as Ronaldo was dead, and so long as he suffered a decent amount, Bucky would be happy, whether it took a month or a few days.

Bucky thought about what Maddy had said, about Ronaldo being obsessed with her, not in love with her. For a few, panic filled moments, Bucky wondered if he was actually just fixated on Maddy rather than in love with her.

"How do you know?" he questioned, breaking the tenuous quiet and immediately regretting it when Maddy startled out of a nearly sleep. He hadn't meant to disturb her.

"Know what?" She whispered, rubbing her cheek against his chest. His hand, the metal one, fisted in his shirt that she was currently wearing.

"That he was obsessed with you and not in love with you," Bucky replied.

She took in an unsteady breath, but her answer was confident. "He put his own needs before mine. He didn't care if I was happy or not. He just cared about having me…owning me. That's not love."

Bucky nodded, murmuring something along the lines of 'try and go back to sleep'. She did, her eye lashes brushing her gently freckled cheeks and her soft pink lips parting slightly in a content sigh.

Bucky would always try and make sure that Maddy was happy - her happiness certainly meant more to him than his own. But what about her needs? Just Bucky being with her everyday, spending time with her and knowing her, was putting her in danger - danger from the police, from the remnants of HYDRA. If he was truly in love with her, then would he abandon her, keep her safe and just endure the pain that it would cause them both?

 _If he couldn't do that, couldn't give her up even if it was for her own safety, did that then mean he was simply obsessed with her?_

He looked down at her beautiful sleeping form, tucked safely in his arms and his heart constricted in his chest. He would die for her and kill for her and protect her at all costs.

 _No,_ he decided. _I'm_ definitely _in love with her._

~O~

A/N: Ok so let's talk about this. I know that sexual abuse can be another trait that can be overused in fics and I did debate on whether or not to actually put it in here for a long time because I don't want to simply conform to all of the stereotypes. However, in saying that, Madelyn's father IS a mob boss and so I think that it fits in with the story quite well and makes sense. I really, really hope that I handled Maddy's trauma from the abuse ok as the last thing I would EVER want to do is offend someone who suffered from any type of sexual abuse.

I just want to put it out there that I am NOT romanticising sexual abuse in any way, shape or form. It is a horrendous, but unfortunately very real thing that occurs everyday in our world. I really hope that my story does sexual abuse survivors some kind of justice and demonstrates the amount of depth needed to explore a situation such as this.

I have tried my best to have Maddy's personal symptoms of PTSD considerably different to Bucky's as they obviously experienced rather different things (although both types of abuse were very invasive and generally just horrible, as all abuse is) and I wanted to demonstrate how PTSD can affect different people in different ways. So Bucky has the nightmares and he closes himself off to the outside world whilst Maddy tries to hide it with a smile and pretend it doesn't affect her, whilst she can't really engage in sexual acts without panicking. I hope this demonstrates some depth to their characters.

On another note, please leave me a review and tell me what you think of this chapter. It is obviously a big one! I am going away to the beach for a few days (yay!) but you will get an update in 3- 4 days, I promise!

Again _PLEASE REVIEW!_

sorry for the long authors note oops but this chapter warranted it, I think. Until next time, I love you all xx


	21. Baby Bird

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the late-ish update! I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and if you don't celebrate christmas then I hope you have had a good week! Please enjoy this chapter and note that most of it is set about 3/4 weeks after the previous chapter, chapter 20.

~O~

The next few weeks passed in a blur of work, sessions with Adeline and hanging out with Ellie and Bucky. For the most part, things got better. Ellie and Bucky began to even get along a little, although they still fought sometimes. Adeline was helpful in all mannerisms of things and Maddy felt her fear of talking about her experience begin to slowly melt away. Ellie was supportive and always there for her. And Bucky….Well, Bucky was another thing altogether.

He began to treat Maddy like glass. Every touch was gentle, every kiss a soft peck. He took her to the movies and nearly punched a guy's head in just for looking at her the wrong way. He checked on her everyday. He asked her what she'd eaten and how much she slept the night before and if she was having any troubles at work. Every time she tried to deepen a kiss, he would break it off and peck her on the forehead instead. She thought that he was just dealing with discovering what had happened to her in his own way and that it wouldn't last long, that this annoyingly overprotective, almost big-brother thing would fade in a couple of weeks. But then one night, after they'd had a nice, quiet dinner together and as Maddy was preparing to go to bed, she said, "You're staying tonight right?"

She was in her pyjamas and her hair was piled in a bun on top of her head. Bucky was packing the dishes into the dishwasher as she wiped down the kitchen bench.

He glanced at her before focussing back on his task. "I uh..I think for now I should just sleep in my own bed," was his reply. Her eyebrows furrowed and she paused.

"What? What are you talking about?"

He sighed, stopping and straightening up to look her in the eye. "I just don't think that I should be sleeping in your bed. I think I might sleep on the couch here, just so I'm in here incase something happens-"

"Bucky nothing is going to happen. I've been in this apartment for nearly a year and a half and nothing bad has happened here. That's not why I want you to stay over," she protested. "I want you to stay because I like being near you."

He shifted, looking down at his feet and crossed his arms over his chest. "I just don't think it's proper for me to be staying in your bed. Not at the moment."

"What does that even mean?" She exclaimed.

He exhaled patiently. "It means…for now I want to be near you to make sure you're safe. But I'm not going to sleep in your bed. It's not right."

She huffed in annoyance, scrunching up the rag in her hands and throwing it harshly into the sink before turning away and storming into her bedroom. She knew she was being childish, running away, but she thought it best so she didn't start a fresh fight with him. She didn't want to fight with him, not when she knew he would adamantly not fight back. He would stand his ground, but there was no way he would actually yell at her or get angry at her, not since she had told him the truth about the kidnapping. Not since he had decided that she was actually a fragile baby bird that needed to be protected, coddled even. It made her blood boil.

She lay in bed, steaming, until he came in and kissed her on the forehead, rubbing her cheek with his thump softly and somehow making all of her anger melt away.

"I'll be on the couch if you need anything," he promised her quietly before feathering his lips over hers, as light as can be, and leaving the room. She woke in the morning and he was cooking pancakes and she was completely unable to stay angry at him.

Maddy let all of the coddling and overprotectiveness go for as long as she could, but, a week later, when Bucky nearly had a heart attack when she changed her shirt in front of him, she decided enough was enough.

"Bucky it's nothing you haven't seen before!" Maddy insisted, still decidedly shirtless - but still wearing a bra, like _seriously_ \- whilst Bucky had his gaze averted to the roof.

"Just put your clothes back on!" he insisted, although stopped himself when he realised his tone was a bit harsh, like she couldn't take _any_ harshness. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. Look, I'll go outside while you get changed-"

"Ok enough!" Maddy was the one yelling then. "Look at me." He didn't. "James Barnes I swear to God-"

He finally tore his gaze from the ceiling and looked into her eyes, his gaze adamantly not wandering any lower.

"You are being ridiculous," she ground out. She forced herself to calm down, taking in a deep breath. "I am not a baby bird, alright? I am not broken or fragile because of what he did to me. I am still the exact same person that I was before and I don't need you acting as though I'm someone completely different!"

"Maddy it's not that," he objected.

"Then what? _What_ Buck? If your feelings have changed and you aren't interested like _that_ anymore, then that's fine - even though I think it's kind of unfair considering I had no choice in what happened to me - but you can't keep leading me on if you only want to be friends-"

"What?" He interrupted her. "No! My feelings haven't changed Maddy. Especially not because of what he did to you. If anything it just makes me care about you even more - knowing that you're that strong and brave and-…It's just…"

"You have to stop treating me like your freaking elderly grandma then! It's like you aren't even attracted to me at all anymore!" She wasn't one to need validation, she didn't really care what other people thought of her appearance, but seriously Bucky was acting like she was just his ugly little sister or something.

But then, with a sigh, his eyes scanned over her half naked body and lust filled his heavy gaze. He licked his lips, his eyes lingering on her breasts. "Trust me," his voice was low and gravelly and it made Maddy shiver. He gave her another appreciative look before meeting her eyes. "I'm still _very_ attracted to you, doll."

Her breathing was heavy and she took a step closer to him. "Then prove it," she challenged quietly. The air around them was suddenly thick and the only sound was their heaving breaths. Then Bucky surged forward and kissed her with such a ferocity and desperation that must have been building up in him for the past few weeks because it was unlike anything Maddy had felt before. His hands were everywhere, running down her back, through her hair, over her ass and then back up again. She kissed him back as best she could, but he was completely dominating, his tongue in her mouth and his lips bruising. She wanted more. She sunk her teeth into his bottom lip and he groaned before she curled her hands into the strands of his hair, pulling slightly. His hands went down over her ass again and he gripped the back of her thighs, lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist, refusing to break their lips apart, every cell in her body practically on fire. He pushed her up against the wall, holding her up with just one arm and resting his other hand on the bare skin of her stomach. He kissed her jaw and the corner of her mouth.

"Do you want me to stop?" He murmured, lips brushing against the skin of her cheek, although he wasn't entirely sure he would be _able_ to stop. She was intoxicating, which was precisely the reason he had been keeping his distance, afraid he'd get caught up in her and end up scaring her off.

She shook her head. "No," she said confidently. His hand slid up her stomach and cupped her breast through her bra, squeezing lightly. She moaned, leaning her head back and Bucky thought it was the hottest and most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. He wanted to hear her do it again and again. He wanted to hear her moan his name.

And then, of course, because the world is an evil place and hates Bucky Barnes with a vengeance, there was a knock at Maddy's apartment door and Marcus's voice rang out.

"Maddy, darling are you ready to go?"

And _there_ was the reason Maddy had been getting changed in the first place; she was going to dinner with Marcus and Gabe.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Bucky growled against her skin, squeezing her breast once more and making her stifle a moan by biting her lip. He reluctantly stepped back, letting her feet fall back to the ground. Her knees were weak and she had to hold onto his arm for support.

"J-just a second!" Maddy called back to her friend. She grabbed a blouse and shrugged it on, buttoning it up and running her fingers through her mussed hair momentarily before pulling open her front door. "Hey," she grinned. Marcus's eyes flitted from her to Bucky and then back again.

"Hello," he said slowly. "Did we interrupt something?"

"Nope," Maddy brushed it off easily. "I'm ready, let's go." Bucky handed her her jacket and she shrugged it on. He looked half murderous and she thought it was kind of adorable, even though she was still unbearably turned on. "I won't be back late," she promised him, kissing him on the cheek. He just nodded, letting her go. She linked her arm through Gabe and Marcus's and began leading them down the stairwell. Marcus teased her the entire night and asked if he could join in next time because 'boy would I love to see him shirtless'.

~O~

When Maddy got home, Bucky was asleep in her bed for the first time in well over a week, curled up under the blankets. She knew he slept better when she was beside him and ever since he had decided that sleeping in her bed was too 'scandalous', she also knew that sleeping would have gotten considerably more difficult for him. She could sometimes hear him having nightmares on her couch.

He was probably tired and could use the good sleep and she knew that falling to sleep in her bed, with her scent wrapped around him, would have been easy. She shed her jacket and clothes and changed into pyjamas before slipping into the bed beside him, his arm subconsciously pulling her close. She fell straight to sleep.

~O~

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed it!

Please, Please leave a review and make my day! Tell me what you thought!

Thanks so much for the positive response on the last chapter - it meant a lot. To the Guest that said that Ellie was being pushy and it wasn't good - I completely agree! She was being very pushy and whilst she had very good intentions and it did work out well, there could be situations in which that pushiness backfired. However, I believe that I shouldn't write characters as perfect. they are human and they are flawed and Ellie had good intentions but perhaps her actions were not the best. But it all worked out in the end!

I love you all and will update soon. Until next time my lovelies xx


	22. My love, my darling, my sweet

A/N: Hey guys! This is a really fun and anticipated chapter and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Once again, please note that this story IS rated M for a reason!

Enjoy and I hope everyone has a happy New Year!

P.S - Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. Especially kamnichele who wrote a lovely review that urged me to post this today! Love you all very much.

P.P.S - There's a bit of poetry in here. Go easy on me. Poetry doesn't come easily to me.

~O~

The next morning Maddy dragged Bucky out for breakfast at a small cafe and they spent the rest of the day walking around Bucharest. Bucky's Romanian was getting better - he was a quick learner - but he still struggled with it a bit. Maddy took him to the library, a large and extensive place filled with thousands of books, and they scoured through the shelves eagerly. Bucky ate up all the history books he could, although when he read one chapter about the assassination of JFK he got this funny look in his eyes and slammed the book shut, making the librarian glare at him. Maddy asked him what was wrong, but he wouldn't answer, so she let it go and instead distracted him by quietly reading some more Shakespeare to him. He smiled at her appreciatively and squeezed her hand, although there was still pain behind the look in his eyes. Then she found a new poetry book, by an unknown author, and began to read that to him as well.

"Broken is not a word nor is it a feeling

but broken is what you can be with little to no meaning

collapse in on yourself, my sweetheart, do not be afraid

For I am with you

Forever, forever

Are you falling or flying? You will not know until you reach the ground

But the pieces are not shattered, my darling, I will not let you fall down

Night is not to be feared, night is not the enemy

The stars are too pretty to contain fright

Do not be scared, my love, do not be scared

Safety is not a place nor is it a feeling

Maybe it's a person

Maybe it's you

Maybe it's the sun melting over the horizon, when the moon can still just be seen and there's a split second where day meets night and it's beauty is cosmic, groundbreaking and completely unappreciated

Maybe it's you

You are not broken, you are safe

You are falling, flying, endless

Your body is preserved, made purely of clay

Don't go, don't leave

My love, my darling, my sweet

Please

Stay."

Maddy looked up at him, closing the book gently. She glanced over at the librarian, who was half out of sight, pre-occupied with some mediocre task. Maddy stood and closed the small gap between them, sitting on his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. His own arms immediately came up to hold her close. She kissed his neck, then his lips, searingly. Their eyes met as she pulled back and they were caught up in each other for a few, blissful moments.

"C'mon," she murmured. "Let's go."

When they got back to their building, they walked up the stairs and Maddy went to open his apartment door but he tugged on her hand lightly, stopping her. She turned around to face him, looking confused. "What?" She asked. He took in a deep breath, wetting his lips a little and he pulled her close, resting one hand on her waist whilst the other cupped her face gently. "What?" she asked again, giggling lightly. Although he was smiling softly, the look in his eyes was completely serious.

He let out a long breath. "Bambi…The truth is…I can't be positive how long we'll get to spend together."

She immediately looked worried. "What? Why?"

"It's complicated. _I'm_ complicated. More complicated than you'll ever know. I don't _want_ you to know," he murmured. "But I do want you to know this; that no matter what happens…You are the most important person in my life. You make me good. You make me human. I'll always protect you and keep you safe and I'll always try and make you happy." He slid his hand to the base of her neck, his eyes flickering between her lips and her own gaze. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, doll."

A smile stretched over her lips. "You mean that?"

He nodded, holding her gaze. She gulped and turned around, opening his door and leading him inside. He watched her carefully as she closed the door behind them before facing him. She took in a deep breath before kicking off her shoes. She pulled the hairband from her hair, snapping it onto her wrist, her brunette locks falling around her shoulders and down her back. Then she shrugged off her jacket and unbuttoned her shirt, slowly. It fell to the ground. He could see his dog tags, resting around her neck and his heart swelled.

She was left standing in her bra and skirt, just as she had been that day, all those months ago, when she had knocked on his door and asked to wait in his apartment. Now that he thought about it, he think he loved her even then, although he knew it wasn't really possible. At that moment, he just couldn't imagine or remember a time in which he wasn't in love with Madelyn Thompson. He waited 95 agonising years for her to come into his life and every single one of them was worth it. His only regret was that he didn't find her sooner, but he figured he could make up for any lost time. (Besides if she was any younger he would have been too old for her anyway).

She unzipped her skirt and it fell to the floor. He watched her, his eyes swallowing every inch of her exposed skin. She reached up behind her back and undid her bra, slipping out of it and dropping it to the ground as well. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her, so close to being completely naked. He walked forward, slowly and then kissed her gently. His hands slid down her shoulders to cup her breasts and she let out a breath, leaning into his touch. "You're perfect," he murmured. "Completely."

She bit her lip and he groaned, squeezing her bare breasts tighter. She fisted her hands in his shirt, frustrated with the material that was separating her hands from his skin. "Off," she breathed, unable to form full, coherent sentences. Bucky reluctantly stepped back to quickly undress, until he was just in his underwear as well.

"C'mon baby," he circled his hand around her wrist and led her over to his mattress. She stood in front of it and he kissed her, agonisingly slow, wrapping his arms all the way around her and pressing her against his chest. She ran her hand over his metal arm, kissing the scars that adorned his shoulder. "Lie down," he encouraged and she did, lowering herself down to lie over the blanket. He looked down at her, all spread out and waiting for him and he knew that despite all the horrible things that had happened to him in the past, he was somehow the luckiest guy on the planet. He knelt down between her legs and kissed her red lips. He sucked on her neck, making sure to leave a good bruise, so everyone knew that she was taken, that she was his. He kissed his way down her throat and chest before mouthing at one of her nipples, making her bite down on her hand to stifle a moan. "Uh uh," he gently grabbed her hand, pulling it away from her mouth. "I want to hear you. I don't want you to hold back."

"But…what if people hear? These walls are thin as paper," She said breathlessly.

"I don't care," he replied. "All I care about is you, right now, in this moment." His mouth went back onto her nipple and this time she moaned, not holding back - as he had told her to. It was one of the most beautiful sounds he'd ever heard. He moved his mouth to her other nipple and sucked it into his mouth for a few moments before dragging his lips down her stomach and settling between her legs. His thumbs hooked into the sides of her underwear, but he hesitated, meeting her gaze.

"Are you ok? Is this ok?" He questioned. She nodded.

"Yes," she said quietly. He still hesitated. "I promise, I'm ok." And she was. She was more than ok. There was still that tiny bit of panic squeezing in her chest, but she ignored it. She was safe, she was with Bucky and so long as she continued to remind herself of that, she knew she would be fine.

"Tell me if you want me to stop," he pushed and she squirmed beneath his grip on her hips, desperate.

"Do _not_ stop," she said fiercely and he grinned, kissing at her thighs and nipping at them, teasing her. "Buck," she whined, arching her hips upward to try and get some friction. He pushed her back down gently with his arm, holding her to the mattress for a moment. Then he, painfully slow, pulled her underwear all the way off her legs, leaving her completely naked. He kissed her hipbone, murmuring compliments into her skin that made her blush like a freaking school girl. And then his mouth was on her, licking at the heat between her legs and making her moan loudly, her hands fisting in the blanket beneath her.

 _Oh he's definitely done this before,_ Maddy's lust addled mind somehow managed to think. And she'd had this done to her before too, but it had never felt this amazing, like her body was literally about to explode from the pleasure.

She couldn't stop the moans spilling from her lips as he continued to lick her, making her squirm beneath him, bucking her hips. One of his metal fingers slipped inside of her as he continued to flick his tongue over her and she felt heat begin to pool in the bottom of her stomach. His finger moved in and out of her and when he crooked it inside of her she made a noise she hadn't even known she was capable of making.

Her hands went to his hair, fisting in it and tugging. He pressed his mouth firmer against her and breathed, "Come for me, sweetheart." And she did, letting out a long moan and writhing beneath him as he worked her through it. Pleasure burst through every cell in her body and when she finally came down from her high, she could do nothing but lie there and pant as Bucky kissed his way back up her body, grinning. He kissed her lips, their tongues tangling together, his hands running up and down her sides. After a few more moments spent regaining her breath, she slid her hands down his chest and muscled stomach and gripped the band of his underwear. "Maddy," he murmured, placing his hands over hers and stilling her movements. "You don't have to. I don't expect you to."

"I know," she smiled, broad and unwavering. He looked at her. That smile could break hearts just as easily as it could mend them. It could burn cities and destroy planets. It could quell rage and make stars burst into a thousand pieces. It could light the sun and dazzle the moon and make the oceans split at the seams of the Earth. That smile could make a broken, cold person breathe again. It could turn machine to man. And it had done just that.

The old Bucky Barnes had been a charming, courage-filled, strapping young fellow with the world at his fingertips. The Winter Soldier had been a mindless killer with no remorse or feelings or free will. But the man Bucky was today was neither of those things. He was something in between, or maybe something new entirely. Whatever he was, he wasn't it without Maddy.

She reached up and kissed him, slipping her hand into his boxers and gripping his length. He groaned, his eyes squeezing shut. He had imagined this moment for a long time and her hand felt infinitely better than his own did. He kicked his underwear off and flopped onto his back. Maddy lay on her side beside him, kissing his shoulder as she pumped her hand up and down lazily. It was his turn to buck his hips and a whine that he should have been embarrassed about left his throat.

"You're killin' me here darlin'," he breathed out, his American drawl ever more present, tinged with desperation. She bit his shoulder, hard, and he groaned again, arching into her. She kissed the abused skin, before shimmying down his body and licking up his length. "Oh my god…" He murmured at the sight, having to close his eyes because it was all _too much_ and she was _too freaking beautiful._

She took him into her mouth and Bucky suddenly understood what that prick Jason had said about 'that mouth of hers'. His hands tangled into her hair, gently, as she bobbed up and down, sucking and licking. Bucky hadn't done anything sexual with a girl in over 70 years, but God he did not remember it feeling _this_ good.

He came embarrassingly quickly with a cry of her name, but Maddy didn't care, swallowing like it was something she had anticipated and then scooping up a stray glob of cum from her chin with her thumb and popping it into her mouth. Bucky groaned at that and pulled her up to him, kissing her hard. "You make me crazy," he told her, kissing her again and again. She collapsed against his chest, exhausted. Bucky lifted her and himself gently and pulled the blanket up and over them. She buried her face in his neck.

"That was so good," she murmured. " _So good._ "

He hummed in agreement, kissing her forehead, her temple, her cheek.

"Good night Bucky," she breathed contently, gripping his dog tags for a moment before resting her hand back over his chest, feeling his steady heart thrum beneath her fingers.

"Night Maddy," he replied, running his fingers through her hair. He waited until her breathing had evened out. "Bambi?" No reply. She was asleep. He let out a long breath and clutched her closer. "I love you," he said, once he was sure she wasn't just pretending to be asleep. "I love you so much."

Maybe one day, he'd have the courage to say those words to her when she was awake. Maybe that day would come sooner than he thought.

~O~

A/N: I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. It would mean a lot to me if you could leave a review and tell me what you think. No, they didn't fully have sex but I feel like this is a great step in the right direction for Maddy and Bucky! (Mucky? no, Baddy? I kind of like that)

I will update soon I promise. Again, please leave a review and tell me what you're thinking of the story!

Thank you my loves. Until next time xx


	23. Captain, Captain!

A/N:

'… _it was starting, it was starting." - Maggie Stiefvator_

We hit 100 reviews! I love you guys.

Maybe you want to go and re-read the first bit of chapter 1 before this. Maybe you don't need to. But here we go.

~O~

Bucky had lived in a lot of places in the two years since Hydra was taken down and he had pulled Steven Rogers from almost certain death in the river. He moved every three or so months, always renting under a false name and paying only in cash. He had to keep moving, he couldn't settle down or they'd find him. His last move had been to an old, rather abhorrent building in Bucharest, Romania. That had been over six months ago. He knew he needed to move on, knew if he stayed he was going to eventually get caught. But how could he move? How could he move and leave _her_?

He looked down at her, resting peacefully in his arms. He couldn't leave her, not now, not ever. Not when he loved her this much.

He kissed her temple and slipped out from her grasp, being sure not to wake her. He stood up, stretching and yawning. He didn't care that they hadn't gone all the way the night previous, it had still been one of the best nights of his life and he knew that she just needed a little more time before they could properly have sex. He didn't care. He'd wait for another hundred years if that's what she wanted.

He got dressed silently, kissing her on the forehead and pulling the blanket up further around her bare shoulders before leaving the apartment. He'd gotten the lock on the door fixed a couple of days ago, just for this situation. He didn't want to be leaving Maddy alone in an apartment that wouldn't even lock properly.

When he walked out of the building and into the Bucharest air, he breathed it in, closing his eyes for a few moments. He wanted to get her breakfast and he would have cooked it but he wasn't so great at cooking and he had hardly any food in his fridge, so take out it was. He went to her favourite cafe and got some bagels and coffee. He had some other things he was supposed to buy too (bread, milk, soup, plums) but he was too anxious to get back to her. It could wait.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion when he spotted a lady who had been drinking her coffee and reading a newspaper, but was now staring directly at him, fear and panic in her eyes.

Maddy woke up alone, slowly and engulfed in the scent of Bucky. She looked around the apartment, deeming him not there, before shoving her face back into his pillow. She hoped he was getting breakfast, she was _starving_.

She was halfway back to sleep when the door opened and then closed. If she had have been more awake, maybe she would have noticed that it was pick locked open, not using a key, but she was still exhausted and was completely oblivious.

She groaned into the pillow. "Please tell me you brought me food," she said, not bothering to look up. "I am starving after last night. Although I am definitely up for round two-" She raised her head to give him a smirk but instead a scream left her mouth. It was not Bucky standing in the apartment, but rather a large, brightly dressed man with a red, white and blue shield on his arm. "What the fuck?!" She screamed, sitting up and gripping the blanket tightly around her body. She regretted sleeping naked.

"I-I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't mean to frighten you. I'm not going to hurt you," Steve held up his hands in what was supposed to be a non-threatening manner. He should not have been surprised that Bucky had a girl already. _Typical._ He could see her bare back and the side of her bare leg and he quickly averted his gaze.

"What the hell? Captain America?!" She was confused. No, scratch that, she was completely and utterly lost. Shouldn't Captain America be like in _America_? What the hell was he doing in Bucky's crappy little apartment?

The hero opened his mouth to say something more but then the front door opened once again and this time, _thank God_ , Bucky walked through. His eyes landed on the Captain, but for a reason that was beyond Maddy, he didn't look surprised. His gaze was hard as it looked at Captain America, but as soon as he turned to look at her, it softened. He walked toward her without a word to Steve Rogers and dropped to his knees beside her.

"Bucky what the hell is going on?!" She demanded, her eyes flitting from the intruder to her boyfriend. "What the hell is Captain freaking America doing in your apartment?"

Although his face had been blank before, now it was full of emotion - one emotion overwhelming the rest; sadness. Complete and utter despair.

"I'm sorry Maddy," he said. "I'm so sorry." He shrugged off his jacket and draped it around her shoulders. She slipped her arms into the sleeves, still staring at his face and expecting answers. He zipped it up for her.

"I don't understand! What's going on?" She cried out as he lifted her up to stand, the jacket falling to her mid thigh.

"I wish I could explain," he kissed her on the forehead, whispering an apology into her skin. "But I can't. Not now."

"Buck this is about to turn into a war zone, she has to get out of here," Captain Rogers said.

"Do you know him?" Maddy demanded to Bucky, pointing at the superhero. "What does he mean this is about to become a war zone?"

"Bambi look at me," Bucky cupped her cheeks and forced her to stare into his eyes. She looked panicked. "We don't have much time. I want you to go into your apartment. Lock the door behind you. Go into your bathroom and lock that door too. Do not come out, no matter what you hear. When it's all silent, pack a bag quickly and go to your father's. Tell him I want maximum security around you at all times, do you understand? If people, the Government, come looking for you, you need to pretend that you hardly knew me. I was just the guy that lived across the hall."

"No!" She protested. "I don't understand!" She felt tears fill her eyes.

"I know you don't," he pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "I know you don't baby. But I can't explain at the moment. It's not safe. And I suspect you'll figure it out before I get the chance to explain anyway. But I want you to know….It was real. Every second that I was with you, every touch, everything I felt for you. It was all real."

"Two minutes," Captain Rogers spoke up, he looked sad, like he didn't want to have to be doing this. Bucky halfway glanced over his shoulder, his gaze never quite making it to Rogers before landing back on her.

"Go, Maddy," he stepped back, gulping and looking at her. He wondered if it was the last time he'd ever see her. God, he hoped not.

Maddy wiped away a tear that fell down her cheek. "Buck I'm scared. I don't know what's going on."

"GO!" Bucky shouted at her and she flinched, casting Captain America a final look before turning and running out the door.

She stumbled into her apartment, locking the door behind her and nearly fell to the ground sobbing. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her head was spinning. Was this all a dream? Was she going to wake up, snuggled up safely in Bucky's arms and find this all a really strange concoction that her brain thought up? She hoped that was the case, but it wasn't. Her mind was reeling. Bucky knew Captain America? _The_ Captain America? How on Earth…Her head fell into her hands. It was aching with all the confusion.

She forced herself to walk to her room. Bucky and Captain America had said that the building was about to become unsafe. Were he and Bucky running away? Was Captain Rogers here to protect Bucky? Why was the building about to 'become a war zone' anyway? A million thoughts, flying through her head. She had just pulled on a pair of underpants when the first gunshot sounded, followed by hundreds more. She raced out into her lounge room as the sounds of bangs, even small explosives, filled the hallways outside her little safe haven. Except it wasn't so safe. A stray bullet shot straight through her door and she squealed in fright as it only just missed her. _That_ was probably the reason Bucky had told her to go into the bathroom. Her heart lurched into her throat. _Oh god, oh god, oh god. What if he dies? What if he gets shot?_ The thought made Maddy sick and delirious and it was for that reason that she, stupidly, decided to throw open her front door to go and search for the man she had come to care so deeply about. Of course that wasn't going to go well, considering the several dozen SWAT team men with loaded sniper rifles. Bucky was a few steps down on the staircase and his eyes widened as soon as he saw her.

"Maddy get inside!" He shouted at her, quickly disarming one of the men and knocking him out before trying to get to her to protect her, but his path was blocked by several other armed men.

From beside Maddy, another of the men, who's uniform read _Polizei,_ pointed his gun at Bucky, ready to shoot whilst Bucky was busy defending himself against the other policemen. Acting on instincts, she grabbed the barrel of the man's gun, halfway down and twisted harshly, breaking his grip on the weapon, before bringing the butt of the rifle up into the man's face forcefully, connecting first with his chin and then with his nose. The man stumbled back and fell to the ground with the force of the blow and the sickening crack of his nose braking seemed to echo in Maddy's ears, but then of course a lot of the other men turned their guns on her, clearly deeming her an enemy and accomplice of Bucky. Her eyes widened and only a fraction of a second before shots began pouring out toward her, Captain America pulled her to his chest and held up his shield, blocking her and himself from the rain of bullets that came her way. Then, quick as a flash, he had pushed her back (harsher than he probably intended) into her apartment, closing the door behind her and snapping the door handle off from the outside, so that it was harder for the policemen to get inside. Maddy fell back at the force of his push, tripping and falling onto the floor, the wind being knocked out of her.

Bucky watched as Steve threw Maddy into her apartment and snapped off her door handle before turning and taking down two of the German Special Forces men. Bucky knocked out two of his own, silently thanking Steve that he had saved Maddy. But every breath that Bucky was taking was tinged with a heavy guilt. He'd almost gotten her killed.

He wanted nothing more than to run back up those steps and into her apartment and make sure that she was ok, to kiss away her fears and explain everything to her, but he knew that the best way to keep her safe was to get as far away from her as possible, to lead the police away from her. So he continued to fight his way down the steps, away from his beloved Maddy. He should have left her months ago - he knew that. Something like this was bound to happen eventually. And yet, especially after last night, he could not bring himself to regret everything he'd done, everything they'd done together. He loved her and he wouldn't let himself feel guilty over that. He was tired of feeling guilty.

Maddy was still lying on her floor, possibly in shock, when the gunfire and yelling began to fade away as it got further away. She was shaking and on the verge of a panic attack as she forced herself to stand. Gunfire, she could handle. Knocking a guy out to save her boyfriend, she could handle. Being shot at repeatedly and only just surviving, she could handle. But not knowing what _the fuck_ was going on, was something she could _not_ handle. It made her anxious and afraid. Trembling, she went to grab a bag to pack and go to her father's, as Bucky had told her to, because her mind was reeling so much that she couldn't quite think of a plan herself. But not a moment after she had grabbed her backpack, there was a smash on her door that made the whole apartment shake. She yelped, the bag dropping from her hands and another smash on the door, with what would be revealed to be a battering ram, made the door fly off its hinges and land on the ground with a bang. Policemen flooded the room, pointing the large guns at her and yelling at her in quick German that she didn't understand a word of. She was fluent in Romanian, Italian and of course English and she was half decent at French, but German went straight over her head.

Despite the language barrier, she got the gist of what they were saying quite quickly. She raised her hands and they surged forward, handcuffing her roughly before pushing her out of her apartment and making her stumble down the steps. She was stuffed into an unmarked police car - were they even allowed to arrest her? She supposed she had interfered with official police business when she disarmed that man and she was positive that would be the excuse they would use to warrant her arrest. Was she going to need a lawyer? She had no idea. She had no idea about anything. It scared her half to death.

They drove in silence for twenty minutes, two cars in front of the one Maddy was situated in and two behind. She realised where they were headed well before they got there; the airport.

"Where are we going?" She demanded, even though she kind of already knew. They couldn't just put her on a plane could they? She knew the normal police couldn't, that they would have to go through several processes to be able to put a prisoner on an aircraft, but clearly these men were much higher up, possibly even higher than the Government, so she had no idea what their limitations were. The entourage of police cars came to a stop in the middle of the airport, a large jet in front of them and several other unmarked police cars already waiting there. She was yanked harshly from the car and shoved toward the jet. Her eyes landed on Captain America, who was also handcuffed with considerably larger cuffs than her own. He was being marched toward the jet as well, followed by two dark skinned men, one in a black (What the hell - was that supposed to be a cat?) suit and another with large wings folded behind his back.

"Are you hurt?" Captain Rogers demanded as soon as Maddy was close enough. She didn't think she could quite speak yet, so she just shook her head. He seemed to relax fractionally.

They were marched up onto the jet. It was nice, but simple and not overly luxurious. It was large enough that there were a dozen armed men scattered around, their guns in hand and their eyes following the three prisoners. They were un-cuffed and Maddy turned to the man that had undone her own.

"Where are we going?" She questioned once more.

"Berlin," he replied in a thick German accent, before stalking off.

"What?!" Maddy gasped. She knew it was a 17 hour drive to Berlin - she and Ellie had done a trip before - and just over a 2 hour flight. She shouldn't be surprised, she supposed. They were German after all.

"Can someone get her some pants please?" Captain America requested, blatantly not looking at Maddy's exposed legs, his winged companion not having quite as much tact. She crossed her arms over Bucky's jacket. She didn't really care what state of dress she was in. She just wanted answers.

They ushered her into a small bathroom at the back of the plane and brought her a pair of sweats and t-shirt to change into. She rested her hands on the sink and looked at her naked reflection, her hair messy and her lips bruised. There was a large hickey on her collar bone and more scattered around her body. She gripped at Bucky's dog tags, bringing them up to her lips and resting the cool metal against them. A shiver ran down her spine, just remembering his hands on her body the previous night.

She splashed her face with water. There were still a million questions running around her head. She had no idea what was going on and as her shock and fear wore off, the anger began to set in.

Bucky had clearly lied to her. She had no idea what about and how far the lies went, but he was a liar. And it _hurt._ But her hurt was easily outweighed by her fury.

 _~O~_

A/N: Hey guys! I know that a lot of you may have been expecting that CA:CW was a fair while away and this may come as a shock to you but if you remember at the very start, first chapter, I set it 6 months back. And we have slowly been making our way through the past six months and watching Maddy and Bucky's relationship grow. Whether or not the story will continue after Civil War - well I can't tell you that! That would be spoiling it!

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and PLEASE LEAVE ME A REVIEW and tell me what you think!

Thank you, love you all xx


	24. Bucky's Truth

A/N: Hey! Here's another chapter because the reviews on the last chapter were great and I love you all so much. Just so you guys know, anything altered from the movie, anything that is different from how it occurred in Civil War (including some timelines etc) is done intentionally to accommodate for my story and for how it progresses! In other words; just go with it!

Enjoy!

~O~

There was a pound on the door and a demand to hurry up in a thick German accent. The sweats that had been given to her were way too big and fell down low on her hips, so she tied the waist band up with the hairband on her wrist. She shrugged on Bucky's jacket once more over her shirt and headed out. She was ushered back into the main area of the jet to find the three men, including Captain America, dressed in civilian clothes, their shields and wings and (cat?) suits being carted away. When Steve Rogers spotted Maddy, he walked up to her.

"Are you alright?" He asked again, lifting his hand as if to place it on her arm before dropping it back down to his side like he wasn't sure if he was allowed to or not.

She wanted to glare at him - it was what Ellie would have done - but she didn't have the heart to be mean to him when he was being so kind, especially after he saved her life. Instead she simply shook her head.

"I don't-," her voice cracked and she had to re-start. "I don't understand."

His eyes were full of compassion and sorrow. "I know. It's really complicated…"

"Tell me," she immediately requested. "Please."

"Sit," they were commanded by one of the guards as the engines of the jet started up. They did as they were told, Captain Rogers sitting across from Maddy, his previously-winged companion sitting beside him whilst the other man sat across the aisle, staring out the window.

"My name is Steve Rogers," he said, extending a hand to her.

She bit her lip for a moment before shaking his hand. "Madelyn Thompson…And I already know who you are."

He nodded, having expected that. "This is my friend Sam and.." he looked over at the third man. "King T'Challa of Wakanda."

At his name, T'Challa looked over at the three others.

"King?" Maddy questioned. He gave her a considering look. _Okay seriously, what the fuck? Did Bucky know royalty too?_

"Bucky was…" Steve trailed off, as if unsure what he even really wanted to say, or where to start. "You know my story? About fighting in the Second World War and then being frozen for 70 years?"

She nodded. Everyone knew the basics of the story of Captain America and that was all she knew; what they had briefly glazed over in history class about him and what had been playing on the news since he had been 'defrosted' a few years back.

"Bucky was my best friend," his voice was nostalgic and he had a sad look in his eyes. "Ever since we were kids."

Maddy didn't believe him. _Couldn't_ believe him. What did he mean 'since we were kids'? But didn't that mean that Bucky was alive in the 1930's and 40's? She supposed, in a way, it did make sense. The stories Bucky had told her about his best friend, who used to try and take on the world. She guessed that was Steve before he became Captain America.

"How is that possible? How…?" She couldn't finish.

Steve took in a deep breath and clenched his fists. "How much do you know about him?"

"Not that much I guess," she admitted. "I know he was in the military, that he had a bad accident that cost him his arm. I know that after that they…they made him do missions that he didn't want to do." She pulled his dog tags out from beneath his shirt, fiddling with them. Steve's eyes widened and he reached out to grab them gently.

"Are these his..?" He trailed off, staring at the tags, his eyes scanning his friend's name. He looked up and met her gaze, seeming to realise that he was leaning too close to her and he reluctantly let go, sitting back. "He must have stolen them from the Smithsonian," Steve murmured, as if to himself.

"What? Like, the museum in America?" She was just getting more and more confused by the minute.

Steve nodded and took in a deep breath. "Let me start from the beginning. James Buchanan Barnes was born in 1916. He was my best friend, ever since we were children. He was always better than me at everything, always had girls chasing him, always smiling. He wasn't just my best friend, actually. He was my brother. He enlisted after Pearl Harbour and went to war without me. I was recruited for the project that made me…Captain America. He was captured by HYDRA, a rogue Nazi science division that experimented on him. I rescued him and when we got back, we formed the Howling Commandoes."

Maddy wasn't entirely sure she believed a word coming out of his mouth, although he looked very earnest. The name 'Howling Commandoes' did ring a bell, though. She should have paid more attention in Modern History. She pulled her knees up, resting her feet on the seat and her head on her bent knees, still looking at Steve intently.

"We took down several HYDRA bases…but there was an incident. Bucky fell off a moving train, into a gulley. I thought he was dead," Steve's face was pained and he wasn't even looking at her anymore, like he was completely lost in memories. "But he wasn't. Whatever HYDRA did to him the first time, experimenting on him, it was enough to keep him alive, although he lost his arm. He was found by the Soviets, although I suspect they had been infiltrated by HYDRA."

Steve went on to explain how he had found a HYDRA file on Bucky, after an encounter with his long lost friend two years ago. HYDRA had called him 'The Asset'. They treated him like a weapon..like he wasn't even human. They had given him a strong, vibranium arm and injected him with several other serums. Then, he had been wiped. They used a machine that electrocuted his brain over and over again until he couldn't even remember his own name. And then they programmed and trained him through extreme torture and starvation into being completely obedient, non questioning. "They'd use him for a mission, assassinations usually, and then wipe him and put him back in-"

"Steve," Sam interrupted, looking in pity at Maddy. Steve hadn't even noticed her reaction to his horror story, so lost in his own torment for his friend. There were tears cascading down her face, her fingernails digging into her legs through her sweats. She felt sick to her stomach. All she could picture was Bucky screaming and screaming, in so much agony that he literally forgot who he was. She wouldn't wish that on her worst enemy, let alone her precious Bucky. She wanted to protect him, to make sure he never felt pain again, but she couldn't because she didn't even know where he was.

"I'm sorry Madelyn," Steve apologised, looking startled at her reaction and guilty that he had caused it. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Why would they do that to him?" She managed to ask, wiping furiously at her cheeks as all three men, including the King's, eyes were on her. It was a pointless question, really. She knew what the answer was; people were cruel and horrid. She knew that, more than most people.

"They wanted the perfect killer," Steve looked like he felt sick as well at the thought. "They got it."

She forced herself to stop crying. "How is he still alive?"

"They froze him. Cryo-Freeze. It's sort of like what happened to me, but they could pull him out to use whenever they wanted," Steve replied, looking wary as he didn't want to make her burst out crying again. "Two years ago HYDRA tried to get him to kill me. In the end…he couldn't. HYDRA was taken down. And Bucky disappeared."

Which brought him to Maddy, although she did wonder what he had done for the first year and a half before he met her. Just moved from apartment to apartment? Completely alone, battling those horrible nightmares and whatever other traumas he dealt with?

"Where is he now?" She asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Alive," Steve replied, like that was somehow the best case scenario. Maddy's best case scenario was she and Bucky, in bed in his apartment and none of this ever happening, going for round 2 like she had originally planned. But him being alive was a start, she supposed. "I don't know what's going to happen to him though. Not after what happened in Vienna."

"What? What happened in Vienna?" Maddy's eyebrows were furrowed. _God did it ever stop?_

"You didn't see it on the news?" Steve questioned.

"Dude, I think she was a little busy," Sam pointed out, eyeing the hickey on her neck. She shot him a half hearted glare. Steve blushed a little, which she found terribly endearing.

"What happened in Vienna?" She pushed.

Finally, the King spoke up. "James Buchanan Barnes planted a bomb which blew up at a United Nations meeting this morning, injuring over 70 people and killing 13. Including my father."

Maddy gaped at him for a moment, before shooting a look at Steve and Sam. "No!" She protested. "He-he wouldn't do that!"

"There's video footage. It was him," T'Challa shot back.

Maddy pursed her lips. "I'm sorry," she said. "About your father. I'm _so_ sorry." She wondered how he was keeping it together so well, all things considered. After her mother's death she cried and cried and cried.

At the look of sincerity on her face, T'Challa's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. _Why would such a kind girl be with a murderer?_

"Losing a parent is one of the most horrible-" She cut herself off, shaking her head and sighing. "But it wasn't Bucky, not my Bucky. He has no motive! And besides, he was with me all of yesterday and last night."

"Were you not asleep last night?" T'Challa challenged.

"Well yeah, but-"

"Was he there when you woke up?" The king pushed.

"….No," Maddy admitted, a flicker of doubt bursting in her chest.

Could Bucky have really planted that bomb, snuck out in the middle of the night to go to Vienna and plant it?

She thought about the man who had carried her groceries upstairs more times than she'd like to admit or who had fixed Mrs Ford's door without a second thought. She thought about the man who had kissed away her tears and held her when she needed him to, the man who had let Ellie's little cousin draw on his metal arm and tug his hair. _No,_ she decided, feeling bad that she ever even entertained the idea. _He couldn't have done it._

She turned away from the king, folding up into herself, still trying to process everything that Steve had told her. They were above the clouds, overlooking a city. She rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes. It must have been a good half an hour before Steve spoke again.

"What was he like?" He asked quietly. She could tell it was something he had been wanting to ask for awhile. She opened her eyes and looked at him. "With you, I mean. What was he like?"

Maddy took in a deep breath, stretching out her legs a little. She thought about her answer for a few moments. "Intense," she admitted. "At first, at least. Like he was…on guard or something. Or afraid, maybe." This made Steve look a little sad, like he had wanted Bucky to at least have a taste of happiness. Maddy hurried to explain that he had. "But he was charming too," she said. "I can see it, you know? The whole 1940's thing."

"What do you mean?" Steve questioned.

"Just little things," she couldn't help the small smile on her lips as she fiddled with the tags around her neck. "Like him calling me doll or sweetheart. Or spinning me around, dancing with me. A real gentlemen too, always." She let out a shaky breath. She wasn't sure she'd ever get to have those things with him again. The thought scared her. "He was happy," she said quietly. "At least, I think he was….Now…" She gulped. "Now I'm not so sure."

Steve pursed his lips. "I saw the way he looked at you," he offered. "The way he treated you and the panic in his eyes when he thought you were going to get hurt. I've seen Bucky with a lot of girls before….but not like that."

She knew that was supposed to make her feel better, but it only made her sadness grow. She gave him a weak smile. "He used to tell me stories about you," she said. Steve's eyes widened in hope and happiness.

"He did?"

She nodded. "I didn't realise they were about _you,_ of course. But he used to say how you got into all of these fights that he had to pull you out of. Sometimes I thought you were actually his brother, because he was never very specific, but I figured out you were actually just his best friend."

Steve was smiling, looking happy. "He remembers me," he said, mostly to himself. She nodded in agreement. They chatted for what felt like a long time. Steve told Maddy stories about when he and Bucky were kids, the kinds of stories she'd always wanted to hear from Bucky, but only rarely gotten. Maddy, in turn, told Steve about her time spent with Bucky (okay, excluding the hot make-out sessions) and about who Bucky was now. He asked her a lot of questions, but he was one of the most kind and purest people she'd ever met. She could tell he cared a lot about Buck. But throughout their conversation, her heart was thrumming with sadness. She was sad for Bucky - her poor, tortured soldier, who had been through more than any single human should be able to physically and mentally withstand. She was also sad for herself and sad for them, for their relationship. She was sad that Bucky hadn't felt he could trust her enough to tell her the truth about him. She was sad that he had lied to her, over and over again. She was sad that she may never get to be with him again.

Talking to Steve was a welcome distraction and one she readily took advantage of. She listened to his stories and studied his kind, handsome face. But the sadness in her heart did not abate or subside. She wasn't sure it ever would.

~O~

A/N: Second chapter of Civil War _and_ this is where Maddy gets the full explanation of what exactly happened to poor Bucky. I really hope that I am not letting you guys down now that we are getting to the heart of the story.

I just want to stress again that Steve will be a big part of this story! This IS a Captain America fic after all!

 _Please, please leave a review and tell me what you think!_

Love you all, until next time.


	25. Grief & Anger

A/N: Hey guys! Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed last week. I love you all a tonne.

Maddy ended up falling asleep for the last half an hour of the plane ride. Steve awoke her with a gentle hand on her shoulder. She rubbed her eyes and stretched, standing up before they were escorted off the plane and to an armoured vehicle to transport them. Maddy sat next to Steve and rested her head on his shoulder. He stiffened under her in surprise at first but she didn't mind. People were often startled at how quickly she relaxed around them, but it was just who she was. She clicked with the people easily and being affectionate and friendly came naturally to her. It, in fact, that exact trait that was what had brought Bucky out of his shell with her originally. She supposed, to some, maybe she came across as pushy or over the top. She wasn't sure if that was true or not. She got it from her mother, who had been a kind and overtly friendly woman. It was how Maddy had been raised.

There were several, loud and flashing police cars in front of the van they were in and several, just as loud and flashing, behind. Streets were closed off so they could get through. _A lot of fuss,_ she thought. But then again if a bomb had been set off at a United Nations meeting, killing a king, she could see why.

"So you like cats?" Sam eventually asked T'Challa to break the silence.

"Sam," Steve scolded whilst Maddy snorted in amusement. Although she _did_ feel heartbreakingly sorry for the king, a little humour never hurt anybody.

"What? Dude shows up dressed like a cat, you don't want to know more?" Sam pushed.

Steve threw Sam a look before setting his gaze back on T'Challa. "Your suit, it's vibranium?"

T'Challa tilted his head in the Captain's direction, but didn't really spare him a glance. "The Black Panther has been the protector of Wakanda for generations, a mantle passed from warrior to warrior. And now because your friend murdered my father, I also wear the mantle of king. So I ask you, as both warrior and king, how long do you think you can keep your friend safe from me?" It was a threat, clear as day.

Steve did not reply.

Pity swelled in Maddy's heart for T'Challa - she could tell that he was really just hurting over his father's death, which of course was completely understandable. The only problem was that he was blaming the wrong guy. "I know you think it'll help," she spoke up, making sure her tone was gentle. "Killing him. You think it'll ease the pain….but it won't. If anything..it makes it worse. Covering your pain with anger just means that when you finally feel it…it hurts even more. And you'll also have to live with the guilt that, when you figure it out, you killed the wrong person."

"You don't know what you're talking about," T'Challa's voice bordered on patronising and anger welled up inside of her.

 _Well excuse fucking me,_ she thought, but didn't say anything aloud. She just huffed, rolled her eyes and turned to stare out the window, crossing her arms over her chest. She wasn't about to say that she knew _exactly_ what she was talking about. That she had watched vengeance and anger swallow up her father as he searched desperately for her mother's killers. That, in the end, even after he had killed them all, he was just more broken and torn apart. That, after he had nothing left to devote his absolute attention to, the pain of her death hit him like a freight train. Until he had turned his attention to more dangerous activities, ones involving drug cartels and mobsters, to keep his mind preoccupied and his grief at bay. But it was a band-aid fix and the wound would never truly heal that way.

Maddy stayed silent though, not saying a word of this, because she wasn't about to admit it to a bunch of practically strangers.

Nobody spoke for the rest of the ride, until the vehicles pulled into an underground facility. Steve, Sam, Maddy and T'Challa walked out of the armoured truck and Maddy caught sight, _finally_ , of Bucky. He was in a glass cubicle, strapped down in a chair with heavy restraints, being transported by a forklift. His eyes widened as soon as he saw Maddy and she, instinctively, went to walk closer to him. Steve caught her arm softly, shaking his head in a silent way of telling her she would not be allowed to speak to him. She let out a long breath, her eyes locking with Bucky's. Blue on brown. She could see sadness swirling in their depths and for a moment she got caught up in them. Then he looked away, like he couldn't bare to see her anger at him. She sighed and turned to follow Steve, groaning in annoyance when she saw the man who waited to greet them.

 _You've got to be kidding_ , Maddy thought as they approached Everett Ross, flanked by a blonde woman she didn't know, three armed guards situated behind them.

"Madelyn," he smiled at her. "It's a pleasure to see you again. You're certainly looking better than the last time I saw you."

Steve's eyebrows furrowed. "You know him?" He questioned.

Maddy did know him. It had been his task force that had rescued her from Stefan Ronaldo. They had been sent to capture the arms dealer and bring him in, as well as rescuing her along the way. Of course they had only completed half of that mission.

"This is Everett Ross, deputy task force commander," the blonde woman beside Ross introduced.

Ross took a step toward Maddy and she raised her chin in defiance. "Finally got you on something, huh Thompson?" He taunted.

"You haven't got me on anything," she shot back. "And you know it. So how about you stop coming after me to get to my father?" He'd been after Maddy's father for years, but could never quite get the evidence against the drug lord that he needed to prosecute.

"You've certainly got more of a mouth on you than the last time I saw you. In fact you refused to say nearly anything after we rescued you from your little… _kidnapping_ ," he said the word as if it was a joke, as if she'd really be on a nice little holiday and was actually just being dramatic. It made Maddy's blood boil and her hands curl into fists. She wondered how much trouble she'd get into if she punched him in the face. Probably a lot, but considering the day she was having, she probably didn't care.

"What do you mean kidnapping?" Steve demanded, looking concerned.

Maddy shifted uncomfortably, crossing her arms over her chest. "What's going to happen to Bucky?" She steered the conversation in a different direction.

Ross's eyes swept over Steve, Sam and T'Challa. "Same thing that ought to happen to you; psychological evaluation and extradition."

"What about a lawyer?" Steve asked. Ross chuckled.

"A lawyer, that's funny," he tilted his head to the three armed guards standing behind him. "See that their weapons are placed in lock up. We'll write you a receipt."

Sam eyed his wings. "I better not look out the window and see anyone flying around in that." They began to walk forward and Maddy stuck close to Steve's side as they were led up into a large building, over looking a canal.

They walked across an enclosed hallway that bridged over the canal as Ross spoke. "You'll be provided with an office instead of a cell. Do me a favour - stay in it."

"I don't intend on going anywhere," T'Challa promised him.

A gorgeous redhead woman who Maddy faintly recognised as the Black Widow, another of the famous Avengers, walked up to Steve, falling into step on his other side. "For the record, _this_ is what making things worse looks like," she leaned slightly in front of him to give Maddy a once-over. "Who's she?"

Steve glanced at Maddy. "Madelyn Thompson. Bucky's…" He looked at Maddy for confirmation. _Girlfriend? Lover?_ But Maddy wasn't so sure anymore. She wasn't sure if everything between her and Bucky was a lie, so she just shrugged and sent Natasha Romanoff a friendly, but small, smile.

Natasha seemed to grasp the meaning of Bucky and Maddy's relationship fairly quickly despite the lack of clarification. "Really?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow. "You and Barnes huh?" Her eyes scoured over Maddy again, this time more judgemental. Maddy did not shrink away.

They walked into a large, busy room with several glass offices spread throughout. Maddy immediately spotted Tony Stark, talking on the phone and sounding somewhat annoyed. Maddy was _not_ one to get starstruck (she generally tried to treat everyone equally, no matter who they were, until they gave her a reason not too), but come on it was _Tony freaking Stark_. His engineering and development feats were unparalleled and she had to admit that she had read several of his articles on quantum mechanics and electrical engineering. If Maddy was a genius, then Tony Stark was a God.

His eyes landed on them, only resting on her for a millisecond before locking onto Steve. He approached them as he continued to speak on the phone, "Consequences? You bet there'll be consequences," he paused to wait for the reply on the other end. "Obviously you can quote me on that because I just said it - anything else?…Thank you sir." He hung up and sauntered toward Steve, Sam and I.

"Consequences?" Steve questioned.

"Secretary Ross wants you both prosecuted," Mr Stark replied, beginning to walk away already. "Had to give him something."

"I'm not getting that shield back am I?" Steve said.

"Technically it's the government's property," Natasha shot back, falling into step beside Tony. "Wing's too!"

"That's cold," Sam commented.

"Warmer than jail!" Tony called over his shoulder.

Soon after that they were each ushered into their own, glass offices. Steve placed a hand on Maddy's arm before she was forced into her own. "You going to be ok?" His eyes were full of nothing but concern. She half smiled. She couldn't help but be glad that Bucky had a friend like him.

"Yeah," she promised him. "I'll be fine. I can take care of myself."

He gave her a disbelieving look, but allowed the guard to push him on further toward his own office. She sunk down into a chair, resting her head in her hands and just breathing.

Her dad was going to freak. He'd probably heard already - it was almost definitely all over the news, at the very least the stuff about Bucky and the UN bombing. Ellie was going to be a furious mess.

Was Maddy in trouble? Was she going to get prosecuted? She wasn't sure what they could charge her for, considering she knew nothing about who Bucky even was - except perhaps obstruction of justice or some crap because she disarmed that one policeman.

She tried her hardest not to think about Bucky, about the man who she had given her time and heart to and who had turned around and lied to her face every single day. She felt stupid and somewhat used. How had she not figured it out? How had she been so completely oblivious to everything, to who he was? She felt tears well in her eyes but she quickly pushed them back. She couldn't cry. She could go home soon (hopefully) and then she could sit in her shower and sob as much as she wanted, but until then she had to hold it together.

She, of course, felt absolutely horrible for Bucky. The things he had had to endure, the torture and dehumanisation, the use of his body as a weapon and the wiping of memories. It was horrible. But that didn't excuse his blatant lies to Maddy. It couldn't and she wouldn't let it, no matter how much her chest ached for him or her stomach churned in anger at the people who had hurt him. She deserved better than to be lied to to her face, to a man that she told _everything_ to. To a man that she had trusted.

He had snapped that trust in half.

She felt the stupid, pesky tears invade her sight once again and this time she couldn't stop the few that fell. She did, however, quickly wipe them away when she heard the door to her office being opened. She met the stare of Everett Ross strongly, her lips pressing together in a hard line.

"You seem to have a knack of getting yourself into trouble," he mused, strolling toward the table that Maddy was sitting at. "Stefan Ronaldo is an arms dealer. One of the worst. We all know how you knew him. Drug cartels and arms trafficking fit together quite well, after all. But this?" He motioned toward the offices where she could see Steve and Sam. "This is something else altogether. How'd you get involved in this? How do you fit into all of this?"

"Maybe I don't," she challenged. "Maybe I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

He huffed, like he didn't believe it for a second. Then, someone was calling his name and he was straightening up, beginning to make his way toward the exit of the office. "You're going to want to start talking soon Miss Thompson. Trust me, this isn't looking pretty for any of you." And then he was gone, leaving Maddy to glare after him.

She shook her head in frustration, picking at her chipped nails. The door to her office opened and Steve walked inside, looking annoyed. He quickly shook the demeanour off as he took in her hunched up form.

"You ok?" He asked, for what felt like the thousandth time, glancing unsurely after Ross. Maddy nodded.

"He just…bothers me," she replied.

Steve paused, like he wasn't entirely convinced he wanted to ask his next question. "…What did he mean - about the kidnapping? Who kidnapped you?"

Maddy gulped and pulled her leg up onto the chair. "It's not related."

Steve still looked curious, and concerned, but he - thankfully - didn't push the matter any further. She had finally opened up to someone about the kidnapping - Bucky - and he had turned around and completely broken her trust. She wasn't about to make that same mistake again. She wasn't sure she would trust very easily after this heart-breaking betrayal.

~O~

A/N: Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I promise that our Winter Soldier will be back in the next chapter.

Please leave a review and tell me what you guys are thinking on the direction of this story.

I love you all dearly, until next time xx


	26. The Winter Soldier

A/N: Hey guys, thanks for the review last week. They seriously mean a lot to me and I would appreciate if you dropped one for me this chapter too!

I just wanted to say quickly that, as most of you have probably noticed, this story is mostly fluff and some angst. There's not a tonne of action in here, in fact a bulk of the action parts are from Civil War and we're currently at the action bits at the moment (obviously because we're in the middle of CW) but I promise that it won't only be action :) xx This story is more about relationships than it is necessarily about 'plot/action' if that makes sense!

Enjoy my loves!

~O~

Honest to God, Maddy wished time travel was a thing. There was so many things she wanted to go back and change in her life. Now that she knew the truth about who Bucky was, it seemed so painfully obvious. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have just overlooked the metal arm, the secrecy of his life? His uncanny fighting abilities? It made her half nauseous to think about. She thought she'd known him, but she hadn't. Or rather, she'd known a part of him and assumed that it was all of him.

Steve gave her a kind and encouraging smile and pulled her from her thoughts. "C'mon," he motioned with his head toward the door. "Let's go to Sam's office. I think we can see a screen showing us what's happening with Bucky from in there."

"Weren't we told to stay in our own offices?" She questioned, although she was already standing and beginning to follow him out. He gave her a look that definitely said, _'does it look like I ever do what they tell me?'_. She just shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips and followed him into Sam's office.

She sunk down into one of the chair's, looking out at the small screen that displayed Bucky's face, still locked in his glass cage. Another screen showed a different man, sitting in front of Bucky. The psychologist. She thought it was probably a half decent idea to get Bucky a psychologist. He certainly had his issues (e.g crippling night terrors) and after Maddy's sessions with Adeline she was beginning to believe more and more in counselling.

"The receipt for your gear," the same blonde woman from before - what had Steve called her, Sharon? - said as she walked into the office, placing a piece of paper in front of Sam.

"Bird Costume? C'mon," Sam shot her an incredulous look.

"I didn't write it," she protested. Maddy watched her carefully as she glanced over her shoulder before pressing a button on a small controls panel on the middle of the desk. The image of Bucky appeared on the screen inside the room, as well as allowing sound to come through. Steve looked over at Sharon with wide eyes, thanking her silently.

Maddy stared up at the image of Bucky intensely, listening to the psychologist speak to him.

"…I just want to ask you a few questions. Do you know where you are James? I can't help you if you don't talk to me James," The psychologist pushed.

"My name is Bucky," Buck finally spoke, his voice gravelly. Maddy's heart constricted in her chest.

" _I'm Madelyn, by the way," she stuck out a hand. "You must be the guy that replaced George in 6A." She looked to the apartment right across from her own._

" _Uh..Yeah. I'm.." He hesitated, which she thought was rather strange. Shouldn't your own name be the easiest piece of information to supply? "Bucky," he decided on. "My name's Bucky." He shook her hand._

" _Well, Bucky, it's nice to meet you."_

She rubbed a hand down her face and shrugged off his jacket, slinging it over the back of her chair. As far as she knew, his name was the only piece of information that he'd told her about himself that wasn't a lie. Everything else….it was all false. Everything they based their relationship on.

She noticed Steve had turned back to the desk and picked up a few pictures, staring at them intently. Eyebrows furrowed, she reached out to silently ask him if she could look. He pursed his lips and handed them to her. Her eyes widened as she scanned over them. They were pictures of…of Bucky, in full black, a hood covering his head, and despite the blur of the photos, his face clearly visible. She knew it was pictures from the UN bombing, it had to be.

"It's him," her voice was wobbly. "He really did it." Had he really snuck out whilst she was asleep to plant a bomb? Jesus Christ…

"Not necessarily," Steve protested. "There's tonnes of technology these day that can appropriate other people's faces. Bucky told me that he didn't do it, after you left his apartment. I believe him."

Her racing heart calmed ever so slightly. She trusted Steve's judgement and she wanted, more than anything, to believe him. She didn't want Bucky to be the monster everyone was trying to paint him to be. What he had done whilst under the influence of HYDRA was not his fault, but if he had planted that bomb…then that was completely on him. He wasn't being mind-controlled anymore, he could choose his own actions and Maddy wanted to believe that the Bucky she knew wouldn't choose to do something so horrible. She remembered the pain in T'Challa's voice when he spoke of his dead father.

God, she hoped Bucky hadn't been responsible for that.

"Why would the task force release these photos to begin with?" Steve mused. Maddy's eyebrows furrowed.

"Get the word out, involve as many eyes as we can," Sharon replied.

"Right," Steve nodded. "That's a good way to flush a guy out of hiding. Set off a bomb, get your picture taken. You get 7 billion people looking for the Winter Soldier."

Maddy shivered at the name but quickly caught on with what Steve was getting at. "If Bucky was some great, highly trained assassin," she said, "Then he would know better than to simply get caught on a security camera, especially when he's been trying so hard to keep hiden."

"Exactly," Steve agreed.

"You're saying someone framed him to find him?" Sharon said.

"Steve we looked for the guy for two years and found nothing," Sam pointed out.

"We didn't bomb the UN," Steve shot back. "That turns a lot of heads."

"Yeah but that doesn't guarantee whoever framed him would get him, it guarantees that we would-," Sharon cut herself off, eyes narrowing in on the blurry image of the psychologist currently talking to Bucky.

Suddenly, the lights around them cut off, bathing the room in darkness. Red lights began flashing as chaos erupted around them.

Steve looked at Sharon expectedly. "Sub-level 5, east wing," she replied, relaying Bucky's location. He and Sam immediately leaped up, as did Maddy.

"No," Steve pushed her back. "Stay here!"

"No way!" She shot him down. Her chest was beginning to constrict in panic and her stomach coil in fear. If that psychologist was trying to hurt Bucky, then she wouldn't just stand back and allow it to happen, no matter how angry she was at him. She couldn't just turn her feelings for him off and she had no power over how her heart beat painfully in her chest at the thought of him being hurt.

They didn't have time to argue, so, with a scowl, Steve allowed her to follow him and Sam as they raced up two flights of stairs and then down a hallway. They skidded to a stop when they saw a knocked out guard, laying on the floor in a heap. They exchanged some worried looks which only grew when they walked further into a room to find a dozen guards unconscious (or dead?), just like the others. Who had taken them all out? Surely the psychologist wasn't capable of that on his own - he wasn't even particularly wide or muscular from what Maddy had seen of him on the screens.

"Help me," a croaky voice called out. Their eyes trained onto another figure slumped on the floor. From his attire, completely different to the other guards, Maddy recognised him as the psychologist. He was acting as though he was hurt, holding an arm around himself as he lay in front of the empty glass cage that Bucky had previously occupied. Maddy, Sam and Steve knew better than to believe the man's injured act. Steve strode forward as Sam and Maddy hung back, still looking at all the men lying on the floor around them.

"Get up," Steve commanded angrily, yanking the doctor to his feet and slamming him against the wall. The man's facade fell as he realised they weren't buying it. "Who are you? What do you want?"

"To see an empire fall," the man replied evasively as Sam left Maddy's side to head further in toward Steve. He went through the doorway leading to the room Steve was standing in, when suddenly a dark shape came at him, Sam only just managing to duck out of the way as a familiar, glinting metal arm smashed through the cement that had previously just been behind Sam's head. Maddy squealed in fright, her hands cupping her mouth as she realised that it was Bucky fighting him. Sam tried to duck against his next attack, but ultimately failed and he was thrown harshly against the glass box that had been used on Bucky. Steve dropped the doctor and immediately came at Bucky - no, not Bucky.

Bucky was the man that had lay with her and soothed her after she had nearly been killed at her father's dinner. Bucky was the man that had dressed up as a Jedi to make Maddy happy and endured her ex's inappropriate comments. He was the person who made her breakfast and brought her coffee. He was the person that cared about her more than anything.

The man fighting Steve, punching him and kicking him, was not Bucky. It was the Winter Soldier, as cold and detached as the name suggested. Lifeless. Life-taking. _Not Bucky._

The Soldier was unyielding, ruthless, driving Steve backward. The doctor must have done something to revert him back into Winter Soldier mode. It was like a switch had been flicked. Maddy wondered how hard it would be to revert that switch. Was it possible? Or was Bucky gone forever? She didn't think so. Couldn't think so. The thought made her sick.

She backed up against a wall as the Soldier continued to throw hits at Steve, pushing him further and further toward the closed elevator doors. Despite the fact that she wanted to, she couldn't help Steve and was under no illusion that she could. The pace, ferocity and strength going into the hits that the Winter Soldier dolled out were something that, despite her suitable fighting skills, she would not hold up against for even a second. She gasped when the Soldier punched Steve straight through the elevator doors, watching him fall before turning to leave.

"Bucky!" She shouted after him, instinctively taking a step toward him. "Bucky please!"

He paused and turned to look at her, but his eyes were empty, like there wasn't even a person behind them. She froze as his gaze pinned on her and for a single, terrifying moment, she thought that he was going to come after her. But then he was gone, like a ghost, disappearing between one blink and the next. She could breathe again.

The doctor was scrabbling to his feet and preparing to flee and anger surged through her. She blocked his path to escape and landed a solid blow to his cheek with her fist, before colliding her elbow into his throat. He stumbled to the side, but quickly swept out her legs from beneath her, causing her to crash to the floor before he dealt a harsh kick to her stomach, leaving her gasping for air. He went to escape again but Maddy forced herself to roll to her feet despite the pain and kicked out the back of his knees, making him stumble. He whipped around and a punch flew toward her, which she blocked with her arms. She tried to to punch him in the stomach, but his other fist connected with her cheek before she had the chance and she went sprawling to the floor under the surprising amount of force in the blow. She thought he probably had military training (and would later find out she was right - he was a colonel from an elite Sokovian commando unit and very highly trained).

Blood invaded her mouth - her lip was split - and her cheek was aching, red already. The doctor ran off, glancing down the elevator shaft at Steve momentarily before continuing on his way.

"Maddy!" Sam called, finally recovering from the Winter Soldier's attack and pushing himself to his feet. He scrambled over to her and pulled her up by her arms. "Are you ok?" He demanded, glancing over to where the doctor had disappeared.

She nodded. "I'm alright - c'mon we have to go after him." She was a little unsteady on her feet, her ribs were killing her from the kick that had been delivered to her stomach and she could taste blood in her mouth from her cut cheek, on the inside and outside, but she and Sam managed to run after him. She glanced down the elevator shaft swiftly, calling Steve's name.

"I'm fine - go!" he shouted back and they didn't hesitate, taking off after the psychologist that had caused so much damage. If he was the one who had planted the bomb and framed Bucky for it, as well as switching him into Winter Soldier mode….Well, if that was the case then Maddy wanted him punished. She wasn't usually one for revenge - she didn't really believe in it - but she didn't like people who hurt the ones she cared for the most.

They briefly caught sight of him as he fled up a staircase, toward the level that led out into public. They raced after him, bursting out into the sunlight. Maddy shielded her eyes with a hand against the sudden brightness. People were racing around them in a flurry of chaos, bumping into them harshly. Their eyes swept through the crowd, but it was impossible to discern one single figure. Sam walked forward and scooped up a jacket - the jacket that the doctor had been wearing, thrown carelessly onto the ground.

Maddy pushed a distressed hand through her hair.

He was gone and as far as she knew, so was her Bucky.

~O~

A/N: Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the way in which I wrote it.

Bucky finally came back (kind of) and I promise he will be back again of course next chapter.

As far as Maddy's fighting goes I just wanted to emphasise that whilst she can definitely defend herself and is pretty decent, I didn't in any way want to make her unrealistic. I think it would be stupid for her to be able to keep up with the level of fighting performed by the Avengers. She is, after all, just a normal, human girl and would need Natasha's amount of experience to even have a chance with someone like the Winter Soldier (And even then the Black Widow struggled tremendously). I just think it would be totally unrealistic that Bucky _happens_ to fall in love with a girl that is like amazing at fighting. Basic to moderate self defence isn't a very uncommon things these days and especially considering Maddy's father's occupation, I think her level/ability in terms of fighting is realistic!

But what would I know - I want to know what you think! So PLEASE LEAVE ME A REVIEW AND TELL ME!

It would mean a lot to me xx I love you all, until next time!


	27. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned

A/N: Hey guys! I know it's been a little longer than usual since I last updated but I was just a bit disappointed with the response on the last chapter and was hoping to get another review but, well, things happen!

Thank you so much to those that did review; Hannah, infinateconstellations, jocelynnnichole15, Love Fiction.2016 and ImsebastianstanButter. I love you all more than words can express *kisses and hugs*

Now. Onto the chapter. You guys should (hopefully) like this chapter in which Bucky and Maddy have a well-deserved conversation or two. This is, at the moment, the second last chapter for this story. What are you guys thinking in terms of continuing? I do have a few ideas but would love to hear from you guys!

~O~

The warehouse they were staying in was large, dusty and cold. Despite the reasonably warm air, Maddy had been shivering before Sam draped his jacket around her shoulders - she had left Bucky's jacket, which she had been wearing, slung over the chair in the office, back in the Government building.

She sat in the corner of said large, dusty and now not-so-cold warehouse and stared at her unconscious boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend? She wasn't sure. There was blood on his forehead and his metal arm was clamped tightly in a vice. She pulled her legs to her chest, wincing when her stomach ached in protest. It was already fairly badly bruised, but it was nothing she couldn't handle.

Steve had told her and Sam that the Soldier had attempted to escape in a helicopter, but had purposely crashed it after Steve had prevented it from taking off (which ok, Maddy got that he was strong but seriously?). The helicopter had then proceeded to crash into the water below, taking the assassin and Steve along with it. The Soldier had hit his head hard, knocking him unconscious. They weren't sure who was going to wake up, but were definitely hoping for Bucky over the Winter Soldier.

The concrete ground was hard and cold beneath her and she could faintly hear the sound of choppers on the look out for them outside. She was so caught up in her thoughts that it took her a few moments to register that the muscles beneath Bucky's shirt were beginning to ripple, his eyes fluttering open. He groaned slightly as he lifted his head. Maddy tensed.

"Hey Cap!" Sam called and she heard the sound of Steve jogging over as Bucky disjointedly pulled himself to sit up more. She slowly stood up, staying in the corner, in the shadows and out of his line of vision. She wasn't entirely sure she could handle it if he was still in Winter Soldier mode. She didn't want to have to look into those empty, cold eyes again. Eyes that were so familiar to her, but somehow didn't recognise her. That hurt a lot more than any bruised ribs or split lips.

Steve stood in front of Bucky, staring at his friend intently.

"Steve?" Bucky breathed out, his hair falling in his face.

"Which Bucky am I talking to?" Steve asked, still looking apprehensive.

Bucky didn't answer the question, however. "Where is she?" His voice was raspy, but desperate. "Where's Maddy?" Her heart constricted in her chest.

"Well I guess that answers that question," Sam muttered under his breath.

Steve looked over to Maddy and with a shaky breath, she walked forward slowly, out of the shadows that had previously shrouded her form. "Here," she murmured. "I'm here." Bucky's eyes immediately latched onto her, raking up and down and assessing her for injuries.

"Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?" He demanded. She stopped beside Sam and wrapped her arms around herself, pulling Sam's jacket tighter around her. She slowly shook her head, not quite trusting her own voice yet. His shoulders slumped in relief, although his eyes were still pinned to her slightly bruised cheek and split lip. He went to stand up, to go closer to her, but he was jerked back violently by the vice around his metal arm. He noticed Maddy flinch at his movements and he quickly stilled, sitting back as he didn't have much of a choice. "What did I do?" Bucky questioned, his gaze flicking to Steve for the answer.

"Enough," Steve replied softly.

"Oh God, I knew this would happen," Bucky's head hung low. "Everything HYDRA put inside of me's still there. All he had to do was say the Goddamn words."

"Who was he?" Steve said.

"I don't know."

"People are dead. The bombing, the set up - the doctor did all that just to get 10 minutes with you," Steve shot back. "I need you to do better than I don't know."

Bucky's eyebrows furrowed as he thought hard, trying to recall what had happened after the switch inside of him had been flicked into Winter Soldier mode. "H-He wanted to know about Siberia. Where I was kept."

 _Kept?_ Maddy felt a little sick at the words. He wasn't a fucking animal. It made her mad that people treated him as one.

Bucky's head tilted. "He wanted to know exactly where."

"Why would he need to know that?" Steve looked worried.

Bucky paused. "Because I'm not the only Winter Soldier."

"What does that mean?" Sam demanded.

Bucky's eyes went to Maddy and briefly she met his gaze before looking down at the ground. She was being uncharacteristically quiet and it was unnerving him. How was she going to react now that she finally knew who, what, he was? Did she hate him? Was she repulsed by him? He wouldn't blame her if she was. But then she slowly walked toward him. Steve stiffened, like he was afraid Bucky would lash out at her. She _did_ look afraid. She had every right to be. But Bucky would kill himself before raising a hand against her. She gulped, looking down at him, before reaching out and pulling at the lever on the vice around his arm. It was done up too tightly for her to undo however and she had to step back and let Steve come and undo it. Bucky slipped his arm out from the piece of machinery, flexing the panels and clenching his hand into a fist. Maddy stepped back, still refusing to meet Bucky's gaze. He ignored the urge to get up and pull her close, figuring that would just scare her away further.

"1991, I was sent on a mission," He spoke, but his eyes didn't leave Maddy, still swooping up and down her thin body. She was slumped over, a much too large jacket around her shoulders. She looked fragile, not like the confident, bubbly girl he was used to seeing. "To retrieve a serum, similar to the one Steve, and I, were injected with, but much stronger. It was transfused into 5 people. They went rogue though and ended up getting put in cryo-freeze."

"Who were they?" Steve spoke up.

"Their most elite death squad. More kills than anyone in HYDRA history. And that was before the serum," Maddy shivered at Bucky's response.

"They all turn out like you?" Sam said.

"Worse," Bucky retorted.

"The doctor," Steve crossed his arms over his broad chest and leant back against the cement wall. "Could he control them?"

"Enough," was Bucky's reply.

"Said he wanted to see an empire fall," Steve mused.

"With these guys he could do it," Bucky agreed. "They speak 30 languages, can hide in plain sight, infiltrate, assassinate, destabilise. They could take a whole country down in one night, you'd never see them coming."

Sam walked over to Steve, talking quietly to him. Maddy tuned out of their conversation and finally looked up at Bucky. Their eyes met harshly and Maddy felt tears invade her own, despite her efforts to keep them at bay.

Bucky's expression turned pained and he stood up, slowly, taking a measured step toward her. "Bambi…"

"Don't," her face turned venomous, but her voice broke. "Don't you dare."

"What do you want me to say?" It sounded harsher than he had intended. He honestly wanted to know. What could he say to make this better? To make her kiss him and hold him again? Was there anything he could do to make her forgive him? Did he even deserve her forgiveness? He wasn't sure, but he knew he wanted it anyway.

She had to gather up her emotions for a few moments, an angry tear slipping down her cheek which she was too proud to wipe away. "I want the truth," she gritted out, hands balled into fists. "Can you just fucking not tell me a lie for once?"

Sam and Steve had stopped speaking and were watching their interactions carefully, half feeling like they should not be here for the conversation but still not entirely convinced they should leave Maddy alone with him.

"Anything," he took another step closer. "Maddy anything you want to know, I'll tell you."

She gulped and crossed her arms over her chest, pushing her shoulders back. "When were you going to tell me? When were you going to tell me the truth?"

He shifted guiltily, his hands clenching into fists. He hesitated before answering, knowing that his response could push her further away. But she had asked for the truth and he intended on giving it to her. "Unless I absolutely had too…I was never going to tell you. I never wanted you to know." He paused. "I never wanted you to look at me the way you're looking at me right now."

Despite her strong stance, her face broke and with it, his heart. "So all that bullshit about wanting to be with me forever was just that - bullshit? Or were you planning on lying to me forever too?" Her voice was scathing.

"It wasn't bullshit. I-" _I love you. I'm in love with you_. His eyes flickered to Steve and Sam. He didn't want to say it for the first time like this.

"Was any of it real? Or was it all just a lie, like everything else you told me?" Maddy continued, her voice growing more and more unsteady.

Bucky couldn't stand the distance between them any longer. He strode forward and wrapped an arm around her back, cupping her neck with his other hand. Her own hands instinctively went to rest on his chest. He leaned down and pressed his forehead against hers momentarily before pulling back to look her dead in the eyes. "It was real, Bambi. Every second I was with you," he gulped. "You're the realest thing I've ever touched." His words were quiet, but they rung with a truth that Maddy could not deny.

"I want to believe you," she admitted. "I want to believe you so badly but…"

"I won't lie to you again," he promised. "Not ever again. I swear it. I just…I just wanted to keep you safe. I wanted to protect you from all of this."

She was shaking beneath his touch and a sob escaped her lips as she collapsed against his chest, fisting her hands in his shirt as he clutched her tightly against him. He hadn't been sure he would ever get to hold her like this again and he was so thankful, to whatever God or deity was up there, that he got another chance, that she _gave him_ another chance. "I wanted to tell you but I didn't want you to hate me. I'm sorry Maddy. I'm so sorry," he said into her hair, kissing her forehead.

She hiccuped against him and slowly pulled back, wiping her cheeks. "You don't have to apologise to me, remember?" She murmured. He shook his head.

"Yes, I do. I'm sorry. And I wish things were different, but they're not. You deserve better than this, so much better," his voice was bitter and he gently ran his thumb over the bruise on her cheek, feathering it over the cut on her lip. His grip around her tightened in anger. "Who did-" he cut himself off when he noticed her wince from the increased pressure of his arm. Eyebrows pinching in concern, he immediately loosened his grip and stepped back, grabbing the hem of her shirt and pulling it up as far as it would go, completely revealing her stomach.

"Bucky," she tried to protest but he ignored her, eyes darkening as he took in the large, dark purple bruise covering her side.

"Oh shit," Sam cursed as Steve's eyes widened. They hadn't realised how badly she was hurt. Bucky stepped in front of her, blocking the other two men's views of her partially exposed body.

"Was it the doctor?" he demanded in a low, dangerous voice. Maddy gulped and nodded. His hand tightened in the material of her shirt. If Bucky didn't want that dickhead dead before, he certainly did now. "You might have a fractured rib," he said. They should probably get her to a hospital if that was the case. Bucky didn't care if it got them caught. He'd put her health above any of that.

"No," she shook her head. "I've had fractured ribs before. They hurt more than this."

He shot her a look that said _that does not make me feel better._

"Man who is this girl?" Sam spoke up. "I mean she can take a hit just as well as she can give one. Where'd you learn to fight like that anyway?"

"It's complicated," was her response as Bucky dropped her shirt, stepping to the side.

"Her dad's a drug lord," Bucky said off-handedly and she gaped at him as Steve and Sam's eyes widened.

"What now?" Steve questioned.

"Bucky you can't just tell people that!" Maddy half shouted at him. "I told you that in confidence."

He looked at her innocently, as if he'd done nothing wrong.

"A drug lord?" Sam looked her up and down, like he was assessing her in a new light. "Jesus."

Abruptly, a shrill noise sounded, making them all flinch at the suddenness of it. Maddy relaxed when she realised it was just her phone. She pulled it out of her pocket. "Speak of the devil," she muttered, looking at her father's name flashing across the screen.

"Don't answer it," Steve immediately said. "They can trace your phone."

"Nah," she clicked accept on the call. "My father and I are on a completely private server. They won't be able to trace calls between each other." She pressed the mobile to her ear, turning away. She took in a deep breath. "Father," she greeted.

"MADELYN ROSETTE THOMPSON YOU ARE GOING TO TELL ME EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" Came her father's booming reply. He was angry. Actually, he had surpassed angry and then circled right back around to furious.

'Rosette?' Bucky mouthed at her and she rolled her eyes.

"I'm okay dad. I promise," she said.

"Okay?" He was still shouting. "OKAY? You are not okay! That bloody psychopath you've been fucking is a freaking assassin! Where are you, right now?"

She paused. "First of all, he's not a psychopath." She glanced at Bucky briefly, who was looking at her like she was some kind of Goddess for defending him even after everything he'd put her through. "And second of all….I'm in Berlin."

There was a moment of silence. _The calm before the storm_ , Maddy thought bitterly. And then he father was yelling so loudly she had to hold the phone away from her ear for a few moments. She didn't bother to listen to whatever mindless anger he was spurting.

"I'm coming to get you," he ended his rant with. "Right now. I'm firing up the jet."

"Right…about the jet," Maddy turned to look at Steve and Sam. "You mind if we borrow it? Yours - the untraceable emergency one, not my one."

"You have a jet?" Steve raised his eyebrows.

"You have two jets?" Sam picked up on the 'not my one' bit.

Maddy didn't reply, too caught up in talking to her father.

"What exactly do you need the emergency jet for?" Her father demanded. The emergency jet was unregistered and untraceable and meant that if they ever needed to get out of the country fast (i.e to run away from cops) they had a very low chance of being found.

"Well the guy that actually bombed the UN - it was _not_ Bucky - is going to Siberia to wake these crazy assassins. And we have to go after him and try and stop him before-"

"No," Bucky interrupted her. She looked at him, eyebrows furrowing and placing a hand over the phone speaker for a moment.

"No?" She questioned.

"Not _we_. There's no we, Maddy. You're not coming, it's way too dangerous," he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Bucky if you-"

"No Madelyn," his voice was commanding and dark and Maddy had to remind herself that he was just trying to protect her. "These HYDRA assassins… You don't-You don't understand how powerful they are. No way in hell am I letting you near them. Your father's right." He took in a deep breath and looked down. "Go home, Maddy."

Pain stabbed at her heart. After all this, he just wanted her to go home and what…forget about him? But he was right. She wasn't even close to being up to the same fighting level as the Avengers, and she couldn't pretend to be. She gulped down a sudden lump in her throat and slowly raised the phone back up to her ear, keeping her amber gaze on Buck.

"Dad," her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. "You're right. Come and get me in my jet and have someone fly over the emergency jet for the others."

Steve gave her a nod of thanks. They would need transportation to Siberia and the quicker and easier they could get it, the better.

Her father gruffly agreed and hung up the phone. Maddy lowered it slowly before slipping it back into her pocket.

Bucky moved to a small, rusty and dirty but still functioning bathroom to clean up. She supposed whatever kind of factory the warehouse had been before had to have a bathroom, but for some reason she still found it odd, out of place.

After only a few moments of hesitation, she followed Bucky into it, ignoring Steve and Sam eyeing her.

Bucky was leaning his hands on the cracked, porcelain sink, his head slung low and his shoulders slumped. She knew he had heard her come in and she shut the door silently behind her. They stood in a tense, unwavering quiet. It was deafening.

She watched his shoulders rise and fall with his breaths and she matched her own breathing with his. She remembered how his body had moved so easily, fluidly when he was attacking Steve, like it was second nature to him. It was strange to see him like that; violent and offensive, when he was always so impossibly soft with her. Hands that she had always thought of as merciful and gentle had suddenly become brutal and murderous. She shivered.

He broke the tenuous silence first. "I should have left you," his voice was gravelly from emotion. She felt her heart crack in her chest. "I knew that….I should I have left you a long time ago. Kept you safe. But I.." he looked up and met her eyes in the mirror. "I just couldn't."

She thought about her next words for a moment, licking her lips. "I forgive you," she finally offered and watched him take in a shuddery, relieved breath. "But.." She watched him tense again. "I don't know if I can trust you again." He finally turned to face her, leaning back against the sink. He wasn't angry or surprised, just….sad. And that was the worse part. None of this was his fault - Maddy knew that. And yet at the same time, he'd lied to her. Broken her trust. How could she just move past that? "I want to," she said. "I want to just forget it and move on but I don't know how-…I can't."

"I know," he said quietly. "I don't expect you to….Maddy the truth is…I don't know if I'm going to come back from this. These assassins, they're stronger than me - and Steve - and the chances of them killing us…" he sighed. "But if I don't make it, then I want you to know-"

"Please don't," she interrupted him, her eyes glimmering with terrified tears. "Please don't say that, not to me, not now." She didn't want to think about Bucky dying, didn't even want to entertain the idea. The thought of a world without him in it…she wasn't entirely sure it was a world she could live in.

She turned away from him and closed her eyes. He stepped up behind her and slowly wrapped his arms around her, drawing her back against his chest. She curled her hands around his strong, sturdy arms, resting her head on his bicep. After a few moments, and after he was sure she wasn't going to pull away, he leaned down and nuzzled gently into her neck. He pressed a barely-there kiss against the skin where her shoulder and neck met, then another and another.

Her body was just trembling in his grip, as she began to grasp onto him tighter and tighter. She turned in his arms, slipping her hands up his chest and resting her forehead against his lips. She felt his breath tickle her hair.

"Rosette," he murmured into her skin. She managed a small laugh.

"Don't call me that," she protested quietly. A few beats. "I like the way Bambi sounds on your lips," she admitted.

She watched his throat move as he gulped. He moved his mouth down from her forehead, to rest on her cheek. "Bambi, then," he whispered. He dragged his lips against her soft cheek slowly. She knew he was about to kiss her, but she didn't quite want him to. Or rather, her body did (badly, so, so badly) but her heart was still aching with betrayal. She pushed on his chest gently and with a sad sigh he pulled back. She pushed further, encouraging him to sit on the edge of the rusted bath tub. He did so, watching her with sad but devoted eyes. He watched her like he never, ever wanted her to be out of his sight again. Like the thought of not being able to see her was an unspeakable, punishable crime that he would not commit unless forced to.

She moved over to the broken toilet and pulled some toilet paper off the nearly empty roll. She turned on the tap at the sink. It sputtered to life and shot out brown, disgusting water for a few moments before slowly turning clear. When it did so, she wet the toilet paper lightly and turned it off, moving back over to stand in front of Bucky, his eyes still glued to her adamantly. She began wiping off the dried blood on his forehead, cleaning it out of a few strands of his hair. The hand that wasn't cleaning cupped his jaw, her thumb brushing over his cheekbone slowly. He turned his head slightly and pressed a kiss against the base of her palm.

"You're really beautiful," he said. She smiled softly and so did he, because he simply loved her smile. She threw the blood stained toilet paper into a small bin and washed her hands. There was a knock on the closed door.

"Hey, uh..we should get moving," Steve's voice floated through.

"We're coming," Maddy assured him and she and Bucky listened to his footsteps walk away. She stepped a little closer to him, between his legs where he was still situated on the bathtub. "Bucky," she said quietly. He grabbed her hands, threading their fingers together.

"Yeah?"

"You're really brave," her voice wavered. "Steve told me everything they did to you." He looked down, but only for a moment, and then his eyes were pinning her under that intense gaze of his again. "And you're just-…you're just really brave. To still be here."

He shook his head a little and gulped on a parched throat. "Maybe I'm just selfish. Or stupid."

"Bullshit," although her voice was quiet, it was impossibly sure. Strong.

He looked at her with adoration and stood slowly, running his hands up her arms, all the way to cup her neck. He wasn't sure how to put what he was feeling for her - love, attachment, endearment, devotion - into words, so he just kissed her instead. At first she resisted a little, but he pulled her close and held her in place, even though he knew he shouldn't, even though he knew her choice was important to her. But he _was_ selfish and not kissing her was driving him mad. She soon melted into the kiss, curling her hands into the fabric of his shirt. His metal hand tangled into her hair as their lips moved together passionately, but not furiously. It was tender in some ways, hard in others. It was what they both needed. Their tongues tangled together languidly, teeth grazing lips and hands slowly gripping tighter. When they finally pulled away, Maddy's knees were weak and her split lip was bleeding again. He wiped off a drop of blood from the corner of her mouth with his thumb.

"C'mon," she was breathless and panting for more, but forced herself to take a step back despite it. "Steve and Sam are waiting."

Bucky frowned and pulled at the jacket around her shoulders. "I don't like you wearing someone else's clothes."

Her heart, already pounding in her chest from their kiss, seemed to begin to thump harder. "I lost your jacket. I was cold."

He pushed it off her shoulders and she allowed him to slip it off her arms. "I'll keep you warm," he promised, clutching the jacket in one of his hands. She smiled and nodded and he pulled her against him, snaking an arm around her waist as they walked out of the dingy little bathroom.

Steve and Sam were talking amongst themselves, but stopped when Bucky and Maddy appeared.

"Ready to go?" Steve questioned, eyes flicking down to Bucky's possessive arm around the smaller girl.

"Yep," Bucky agreed, walking past Sam and slamming the jacket harshly into his chest, not missing a beat as he continued to walk out of the warehouse, Maddy in tow, although she gave Sam an apologetic look. Sam stumbled back at the force of Bucky's hand. He shot Steve an _'I hate this guy'_ look before the two men followed the couple outside.

Maddy was terribly unsure of what the future held and all she wanted, all she prayed to God for, was that it was a future in which she and Bucky got to be together.

A/N:

I hope you all enjoyed that!

 **Please leave a review** and tell me what you think in terms of the future of this story! I would love to know your thoughts!

Let's play a little game - there's a line in here that Bucky says that is also said by one of Seb's other characters (or at least it's pretty damn close to being the same) - can anyone spot it? If you did, tell me what it was in a review!

I love you all tremendously but I am going back to school in 2 days so updates may be a little slower! I will see you next time my lovelies!

~O~


	28. How to say 'I love you'

A/N: Hey Guys! Thank you very much for the reviews on the last chapter - they mean the world to me. It looks like many of you are saying that you don't in fact want this to be the final chapter of Stay. I would love to hear your thoughts after this chapter as it very well _could_ be the final one, with maybe an epilogue, however I do have some pretty nice ideas that could mean it continues on, which is what I am leaning towards more.

P.S. - I took out Sharon and Steve kissing because I personally thought it felt so wrong and awkward in the movie and also, if I do continue with this story, their relationship would not fit in with it so. Yeah. Love you guys - enjoy x

~O~

Maddy, Bucky, Sam and Steve scanned the street with cautious eyes - cautious that they were going to be spotted and apprehended before they even got _close_ to stopping the psychologist. "We need to steal a car," Steve said. "That one," he pointed to a small, old, blue car that Maddy didn't think someone as tall as Steve would even fit into.

The owner of the car was just getting out of it and walking away from it, completely oblivious to the little gang that was planning on taking his precious automobile. That was good, if he was just leaving it, it meant he probably wouldn't be back for a while, giving them time to get away before he called the police and reported it stolen.

"Alright," Maddy agreed, and began walking straight for the driver.

"What are you doing?" Steve hissed at the same time Bucky whisper-shouted, "Maddy!"

"I've got this!" She assured them over her shoulder, continuing to walk across the street and towards the completely oblivious owner, a middle aged man with short brown hair and glasses that kind of reminded her of Harold's.

The three men, in the shadows of the sidewalk, watched as she walked inconspicuously towards the car owner, before bumping straight into his shoulder, causing him to drop his wallet and for the contents to spill out over the ground. She poured out apologies as they both crouched and began picking up the contents of his wallet, putting it back inside. (It may have reminded Bucky of the day he and Maddy met).

She was crouched close to the man and with nimble fingers, she slipped her hand into his pocket and pulled out the keys to the car. He remained completely unsuspecting. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her sweats and they stood. She gave the man a charming smile and apologised again and then he gave Maddy a not-so-subtle and somewhat creepy look, his eyes resting on her chest for a moment too long, before he was nodding politely and walking away. Maddy waited until he had disappeared into a building down the road and then she faced the three men and held up the keys, spinning them around on her finger with a triumphant grin.

Steve, Sam and Bucky approached her.

"Where'd you learn to do that?" Steve questioned, reaching out and taking the keys from her. She only smirked back devilishly, a sight that made lust swirl in Bucky's stomach.

They made their way over to the little car and Maddy and Bucky piled into the backseat, Steve taking the wheel whilst Sam sat in the passenger position. It was cramped in the back, but Maddy curled up into Bucky's side contently, watching out the window as they drove. Despite her calm presence, inside Maddy's brain was in turmoil. She knew that the time in which she would have to leave Bucky was quickly approaching. She still hadn't completely forgiven him, but she, more than anything, wanted to have the chance to. She wanted to have the chance to be with him, to sort everything out. And, quite possibly, that chance was going to be taken away from her. After all, Bucky had said it himself - the assassins they were going to face were dangerous and the chances of him making it back alive…

She winced and buried her face in his chest. He looked down at her in worry, holding her tighter. He kissed the top of her head and breathed her in. Then he cupped her jaw and tilted her head up to meet his eyes. He studied her face, her light scatter of freckles, her bow shaped lips and button nose. He committed every detail of her into his memory, as if it wasn't already etched into his brain, into his very DNA. She flowed through his veins just as much as his own blood did. She kept his heart pumping and his lungs breathing better than his own organs.

He reached down and kissed her gently, just for a moment, his lips moving over her impossibly soft ones. He could practically feel Sam and Steve's gazes on them through the rearview mirror. He didn't really care. When he pulled back he looked at her again, her eyes wide, lips slightly parted and begging to be kissed again. He resisted, settling for moving his hand up, under her shirt and pressing against her warm, smooth skin.

They pulled to a stop under a bridge. A black car was already parked there and Sharon, the CIA agent, got out. Steve did as well, whilst Bucky, Sam and Maddy remained in place. Sharon was giving them all of their much needed gear - Steve's shield, Sam's wings, etc.

"Can you move your seat up?" Bucky requested to Sam sourly, his legs crammed in the small space. Sam didn't even spare him a look.

"No."

Maddy snorted in amusement, although she gasped when Bucky lifted her into his arms and slid beneath her, so she was sitting on his lap for a moment. She looked at him and bit her lip and he thought he may just go crazy and take her right there and then, consequences be damned. Instead, he forced himself to place her down, into the place that he had previously occupied, behind Sam's seat. She was a lot smaller after all and took up a lot less space - she could fit behind Sam's slightly pushed back chair.

She leaned forward and rested her chin on the back of Sam's chair. "Do they have a thing?" She nodded toward Steve and Sharon.

Sam glanced back behind at her momentarily. "Nah," he refuted. "They're just friends."

"He's so handsome," she sighed dreamily and he was - Steve had this all American hero charm to him, with his blonde hair and ridiculous muscles, perfectly shaped face and earnest blue eyes. Ellie would go _crazy_ over him.

"Hey!" Bucky protested, nudging her gently. She laughed and sat back, throwing her legs over his. She studied his face, a smile still painting her lips. Yes, Steve was handsome. But Bucky…Bucky was beautiful. Gorgeous. Heart-stopping material. He was a jigsaw piece from a different puzzle that somehow still fit with Maddy perfectly, completed her. She didn't want him to die. She shut her eyes and kept them shut until Steve got back in and they were driving off.

~O~

Steve pulled the car to an abrupt stop in the airport carpark. There was a large white van parked a few spaces down from where Steve pulled in. It was the only other vehicle in sight. He jumped out and greeted a man, who Maddy knew was also an Avenger - Clint Barton. (She may or may not have googled them all on her phone since finding out Bucky was heavily associated with them). Wanda Maximoff, a girl roughly Maddy's age - maybe a few years younger, got out of the van as well. Sam followed Steve, up closer to the others, whilst Bucky and Maddy hung around the car. Maddy pushed herself up to sit on the roof of their little blue car, whilst Bucky stood beside her, his hand resting on her thigh.

"Who's that?" Clint nodded toward Maddy. She smiled and waved in return.

"I'm Maddy," she introduced before Steve could. Clint's eyebrows furrowed. Maddy looked to Wanda. "I love your boots," Maddy offered. "Aperlai, just last season right?"

Wanda grinned at her and nodded. "I've got the new pair that came out in January at home too."

Maddy's mouth hung open. "Jealous!"

Bucky chuckled into her shoulder whilst Wanda beamed at her.

Steve and Clint began talking about the mission ahead and Maddy briefly heard something mentioned about her jet that they would use as transportation.

"Your dad will probably be here soon huh?" Bucky intoned quietly to Maddy. Maddy nodded, threading their fingers together. She pursed her lips.

"He's going to kill me. So is Ellie," she sighed.

"Tell Ellie I hate her," Bucky gave her a half smirk, which she couldn't return. Maddy frowned.

"Tell her yourself," She protested. He let out a breath through his nose, squeezing her hand.

"You know that I might not get that option," he said quietly. She felt a weight on her chest; pressing, overpowering. Perhaps it would just crush the life straight out of her. She was afraid that was what would happen if Bucky were to die. She felt like their hearts were somehow connected, like they only beat because the other was thumping. She wasn't sure what would happen if his were to stop. Perhaps the world would stop spinning along with it. Or, worse, perhaps the world would continue spinning like nothing had happened and Maddy would be left in her pain alone.

She bit the inside of her cheek and looked down at their conjoined hands. She ran her thumb over his knuckles. "Please don't die," she said quietly. "I don't want you to."

He placed his metal hand on her hip, under her shirt. The steel was cool against her skin. "I'll try," he promised. "But Maddy…If I don't make it back, or if I'm arrested before I get the chance to see you again, I want you to know that I lo-"

The screeching of tires interrupted him and drew all of their gazes to three, large black SUV's skidding into the carpark, pulling to a halt. The Avengers over near the white van tensed for a fight, including a new man that must have appeared from inside said van whilst Maddy and Bucky were engrossed in each other.

"It's alright," Maddy called out to them with a sigh. Steve and Sam gave her a questioning look. "It's just my father."

She thought she may have heard Sam mutter something along the lines of, "You mean your drug dealer father?" but she ignored him.

Her father stepped out of the middle SUV, six security men following suit from their own cars and falling into formation behind him.

 _So dramatic_ , Maddy rolled her eyes. She slipped off the little, blue car, Bucky holding her waist and setting her on the ground carefully.

"Madelyn, get in the car," her father looked positively murderous. "Now."

"You need to calm down," Bucky bit out harshly at him. He didn't think the man would ever hit his daughter, but he couldn't be sure and he didn't want to risk sending Maddy off with someone that could potentially hurt her when they were so enraged.

"Calm down?!" Evidently, it was not the correct thing to say to Henry. "Calm fucking down?!" And then he pulled a gun out and aimed it straight at James' head, his security team drawing their own weapons.

"Dad!" Maddy gasped, even as Bucky pushed her behind him. Steve and the other Avengers went to storm forward to protect Bucky but Buck put up a hand to stop them and they paused. Maddy fought her way out from behind her boyfriend and stood directly in front of the barrel of the gun, Bucky's hand still gripping her arm tightly, ready to yank her out of the way at a moments notice. She couldn't believe her father was stupid enough to point a gun at Bucky Barnes's head when Steve Rogers stood only metres away. "Put the fucking gun down dad."

"He could have gotten you killed!" Henry spat, glaring at James. "He nearly did! And he fucking lied to you for the past six months. He was just using you Madelyn."

"Bullshit!" Her voice matched her father's in volume and trumped it in ferocity. "Don't fucking speak about things you don't understand! And don't be so ridiculously hypocritical! You've put my life in danger far more times than James has! Now put the gun down or I swear to god I'll take it from you!"

"You're being stupidly naive Madelyn! He's a murderer!"

This made Maddy fall silent. She gulped and then her hand shot out and she twisted the gun out of her father's grip with swift accuracy, dismantling the pistol and flicking out every single bullet onto the concrete below. She let the now useless weapon fall to the ground. If it had have been anyone else un-arming their boss with the startling ease in which Maddy did it, then Henry's men would have no doubt put a bullet through their brain. However, as it was, they knew they were better off not doing anything than causing harm to the boss's daughter. The wrath that they would incur if they hurt Madelyn would be so harsh that none wanted to risk exposing themselves to it. Maddy knew this well.

Every gaze was fixed on her.

She took a menacing step forward. "Yeah he is a murderer," she agreed, quietly, because it was the truth. He had killed people, in cold blood. That made him a murderer and it was not something she could deny. "But aren't we all?" She challenged, voice just as quiet but suddenly turned deadly.

Bucky had killed, sure, but so had her father. So had she. She was sure Steve and Clint Barton had too. It wasn't fair to put that title on Bucky alone when they were all killers.

Her and her father's gazes locked together in a silent battle. They had the same eyes, one of the few physical characteristics Maddy got from her father. Other than that, they looked very different. Where her father was large and meaty, Maddy was small and petite, where he was fair with black hair, she was tan with caramel brown locks. She looked like her mother.

Their eyes fought an unspoken struggle. Henry was the first to look away.

"Just get in the car," he muttered and his expression turned a little desperate. "Please Maddy. I can't lose you too."

She let a slow breath out, closing her eyes for a moment. She felt sorry for her father - she knew he was just trying to protect her in his own, twisted way. But she didn't want to leave. She didn't want to leave Bucky, not when there was a chance that she would never see him again. It was suddenly hitting her, hard, that this may be her final moments with him. She turned back to Buck, who was eyeing her father dangerously. She stepped closer to her boyfriend and placed her hands on his arms. Familiar arms, hard and soft, warm and cold. Contradictory, although they both made her feel safe, protected. His eyes softened as soon as they turned to her.

She looked at him. And he looked at her.

His blue eyes, like crystals and diamonds and never ending oceans, were, as always, heavy with guilt. She knew he blamed himself for what may be unleashed if those assassins were awoken, even if it wasn't his fault at all. She knew that he would risk his life to protect Steve and even Sam and the others, because that was just the type of person he was. That scared her even more.

She looked over at Steve, Sam and the other Avengers.

"Keep him safe for me, will you?" She said to Steve and pretended her voice didn't wobble. His kind eyes and kind face nodded.

"I will," he promised, and even though they both knew it wasn't really a promise that he could necessarily keep, it still helped ease Maddy's anxiety a tiny bit. Steve Rogers would always look out for Bucky Barnes, and vice versa. That was just how the world designed them. Maddy was grateful for it.

Bucky's expression was pained, his arms winding around to hold her. She reached up and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

"I'll come back for you," he said. "If you want me to. I'll come back, if I survive."

"Yes," she immediately intoned, even though her voice broke. "Please."

"Maddy," her father insisted.

She went to pull away but Bucky stopped her, cupping her neck and resting his forehead against her own. "Bambi," his emotions for her were a galaxy and he was afraid that she'd only seen a constellation or two. What if she never truly knew how deeply he was invested in her? What if he died and she thought that she was just a bump in his life when she was the entire freaking road, the destination and the reward at the end? "Maddy." He pulled her closer and she began to cry. He hated to see her cry.

"I don't want to lose you," her voice was almost inaudible. He wiped a stray tear from her cheek with his knuckles.

He paused, kissed her jaw and pulled back to look her in the eyes. "I'm in love with you," he said, conviction marking his voice, because he wanted to, because he had to. "I love you. So much."

He felt as she froze in his arms, her perfect lips parting slowly, her doe-like eyes widening.

"Alright, let's go, Madelyn!" Her father's patience broke and he strode forward, grabbing her wrist and hauling her away from Bucky. She allowed him, still numb from shock.

Her brain had iced over for a few moments, not really processing his words. As her father yanked her toward the car, further and further away from her soldier, suddenly her brain kicked into overdrive, processing a thousand thoughts a second.

He loved her. And she knew he meant it. Despite all the lies he'd fed her, she could see the honesty and sincerity in his expression when he'd told her. He loved her. He was in love with her.

Adeline had once asked her, _"Do you love him?"_ And despite the fact that at the time she'd been unsure, despite the fact that she'd questioned it and disputed it, she now knew the answer.

 _Yes._ She loved him. Completely, unreservedly, irrefutably. At that moment she didn't know how she'd ever questioned it when it seemed so glaringly obvious. And she was about to get dragged away, shoved in a car and quite possibly never see him again, quite possibly never get to tell him how she felt. She'd been scared before. She'd been shot at and drugged and kidnapped and nearly _died_ and never, not once in her life, had she been as scared as she was at that moment; in the moment that she realised the love of her life was about to walk into battle and she hadn't even told him she loved him.

They were at the door of the car and her father was just about ready to shove her in when she yanked away and raced back toward Bucky, running across the parking lot. He caught her as she flung herself into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and holding onto him like he was the last life raft in a dangerous storm.

"I love you," she gasped into his neck. "I love you, I love you. I always have. I always will. I love you."

For a long time, 70 odd years, Bucky - the Winter Soldier - had thought that maybe he wasn't really a person, that maybe he didn't even really have a heart. But he now knew that to be false, because it was exploding in his chest, detonating and erupting into tiny fragmented pieces that only the girl in his arms could put back together. He hoped to God that she had the chance.

She kissed him, hard and desperate, fingers curling into his hair tightly. He hugged her, his lips moving in perfect synchronisation with her own, slotting together easily, messily. She pulled back slowly, her pupils blown wide and lips a pink mess that made Bucky hunger for more.

"You just-..You just had to know that," she whispered. "Don't forget it. If you're going to remember anything…remember that."

Bucky was positive that HYDRA could wipe his mind a thousand times and he would not forget the feel of her lips against his own. She was unforgettable, no matter how ephemeral their time together was.

Hesitantly, she unhooked her legs from around him and with startling self control, he managed to let her go. She walked backwards for a few steps and then turned away. Before she got into the car she looked over at him one last time, her father trying to usher her into the vehicle. Bucky and Maddy's eyes met in a final, searing good bye.

Somehow, because she was Maddy and she was brave and amazing, she managed a half, crooked grin, despite her tears. "See you 'round Bucky," she said and then she was being pushed into the leather seats, the tinted windows rolling up and she disappeared from sight. The screech of tires and roaring of engines were drowned out by Bucky's pounding heart, as the three SUV's sped out of the carpark and out of sight, taking the girl across the hall far away from him. He wanted to shout for her to come back, pull her close and tell her that he'd stay and not go on the fucking mission, tell her that he'd stay if _she_ promised that she'd always stay with him. But the only thing he _did_ stay.. was silent.

~O~

A/N: Well, there you have it!

So, as you can see, with an epilogue this could come together and end quite nicely. However I also feel like there is still so many unresolved things and potential things that could happen between Bucky and Maddy and so I'm sort of sitting on the fence, so to speak, as to whether continue this story or not. I have seriously fallen in love with these characters and stuff so I don't really want to give it up…

But I want to know what YOU think! Please leave me a review and tell me what your thoughts are!

The next chapter will either be a continuation or an epilogue, we'll see. **Again, please leave a review** and tell me what you think. Love you all tremendously and thank you all so much for reviewing and following and reading this story! You are all what has motivated me to get this far with it.

Until next time, my loves! xx


	29. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

 _(This is important - please read even though I know it can be boring!)_

Hello to all my lovely reviewers, followers and readers in general! I am sorry this isn't an update and I hope I didn't disappoint any of you but I promise that I will update with a proper chapter either tomorrow or the next day!

I just wanted to say that I know I said I was considering ending 'Stay', but, due to so many people saying they don't want it to end, I have decided to definitely continue with the story!

Thank you so much to all those who reviewed and encouraged me to continue writing and posting!

I just wanted to say a few important things about this story and the direction in which I plan to take it.

From the very beginning this story has very much been about relationships and fluff and a bit of angst here and there and I plan to ultimately keep it that way and steer it back in that direction after the bustle and action of Civil War. I just don't want to mislead people into thinking this will be an action-packed fic from here on out because, more than likely, it will not. Of course there is bound to be some action in there, but ultimately it will always be more about relationships and characters rather than plot (I hope that makes sense).

Another thing is that once I have finished Civil War, this fic will be entirely made up out of my mind! It will, more than likely, **NOT** follow or adhere to the plot of Avengers: Infinity War or any of the other Marvel movies that are yet to come out. It will be taken entirely in my own direction and I hope that you can respect all of my decisions made with our beloved characters!

I think that is all I have to say other than thank you, thank you, thank you a hundred times. You guys are seriously amazing and seeing a review makes me smile every time! I love you all and hope you are happy with the decision I have come to regarding this story.

Sorry for the long author's note - you'll get a proper chapter within the next two days, I promise.

I love you all and hope you have a wonderful day! xx


	30. Civil War

A/N:

I got so many reviews on the past chapter and I just can't express how happy they make me. I love you all so, so much. Please continue reviewing, even if it's just short! It means the world to me!

Thank you to all the guest reviewers too! You guys are so amazing.

Here we are, onto the next chapter and onto the continuation of our story. I hope that you guys like and approve of the direction I take this story in from here on out. Enjoy, my loves.

~O~

The hotel was luxurious. It had walls of rolling cream and crisp white bed sheets and gold plated bed heads. The veranda had a stunning view and Maddy and her father were currently sitting on chairs, overlooking the city of Berlin. Or at least, her father was taking in the view. Maddy was staring unseeingly down at her hands. They were planning on staying just the night in the hotel and then taking the jet back to Bucharest the next day. Maddy wondered if it would be that simple. Leaving all of this behind. If Bucky died, how would she even know? Would Steve come and tell her? But what if he was dead too?

Her father was speaking, but she had no idea what he was saying. For awhile, Maddy thought maybe she was having a really bad anxiety-attack. Or maybe she was going into shock, because she felt like she might pass out and her brain was muddled and her emotions were overflowing, however on the outside she appeared completely stoic.

"Madelyn," her father placed his hand on her arm and jerked her out of her stupor.

"What?" She blinked at him.

"I said, you should probably call Ellie. She's going to be worried," he pointed out. Maddy slowly nodded in agreement.

"Yeah," she murmured. "Yeah I should."

He sighed. "I know that this must be hard for you. But you have to accept that he's out of your life now."

"What?" Her eyebrows furrowed. "Who?"

Her father began to looked worried. "James."

Maddy shook her head. "He's not-…He's not out of my life. It's not as simple as that. It's not like that. He's gonna come back. He is."

"You can't be associated with a man like that Madelyn," Henry protested. "He's dangerous."

Maddy's eyebrows furrowed. After seeing the way in which Bucky could fight, she could not refute her father's statement; he _was_ dangerous. But for some reason that didn't sit right with her. She shifted uncomfortably. "He's not dangerous to me," she protested. _Never to me, only ever in my defence._

"You don't know that. Men like that are unpredictable."

Maddy felt anger begin to well up inside of her, easily irate as she was from the past few days traumatic and emotional events. "You don't even know him!"

"I want you to stay away from him," her father demanded, his voice harsh and commanding.

"Excuse me?" Maddy questioned incredulously. "You can't tell me what I can or can't do. I'm not a child anymore!"

"Well then stop acting like one!" Her father was suddenly yelling and Maddy was so sick and tired of people telling her what to do. She stood up.

"I'm not acting like a child," she spat. "I'm acting like a fucking human with actual human emotions. And I'm so sorry that you have trouble comprehending that because ever since my mother died you compartmentalise every horrible, shitty thing you do, including nearly getting your daughter killed! So don't give me bullshit about James putting me in danger." She went to turn away, but stopped. "And just for the record. You ever point a gun at someone I care about again, and I'll kill you with it." Then she was gone, out of the stupid, over the top hotel room. She didn't realise she was crying, heavily, until she was in one of the SUV's and taking off down the street. She had to pull over to sob into the steering wheel. It couldn't be that simple. Bucky couldn't just be gone from her life. After everything they'd been through, all the pulling away from each other, the fighting, the love, it couldn't just be…over. Maddy took in a shaky breath. She was not a defeatist. She was not some forlorn, innocent girl who would give up without a fight. She wouldn't accept that it was just over. She couldn't.

She wasn't going to let him die. Determination renewed and a plan in mind, she yanked the car into drive and with a screech of tires, pulled away from the curb.

~O~

Maddy had flown her jet countless amounts of times. Her father had gotten it for her for her 18th birthday. She'd taken the course to become a qualified pilot immediately - she'd been so excited. She had flown her and Ellie to France for Valentines Day. She had flown herself to and from England to visit friends. But this time was different. Her hands shook on the control panels. It was completely white beneath the jet. Siberia was a cold, desolate place. She usually had a proper airstrip to land on, but this time she was just going to have to wing it. Hope for the best.

She landed safely and noted that she spotted not only her father's private jet - which Steve, Bucky and the others must have taken - but also another, advanced, jet-like aircraft and a snow vehicle. At least two other people were there and whilst Maddy knew that one had to be the psychiatrist, she was unsure who the other was.

She unzipped the large duffel bag near the back of the jet. Dozens of different types of guns and weapons were in the bag. Her father kept an arsenal under the floor of the trunk in all of his SUV's. Maddy had raided it before getting in her jet. She yanked out a pistol, knife and a sniper rifle. She stuffed the knife and pistol into the back of her jeans and loaded the sniper. It would be best if she could keep her distance from any attackers. Close-Quarter fighting was more likely to get her killed because she was so small.

Then she was rushing out into the cold air of Siberia. The old HYDRA base looked like a bunker, of sorts. A large, metal doorway that was blended into the rock face of a cave stood between her and the inside. She didn't stop to think about how scared she was, how her heart was hammering in her chest. Fuelled by adrenaline and the memory of Bucky's soft proclamation of love, she slipped in through the open doorway. It was reasonably dark inside and it took a few moments for her eyesight to adjust.

The top level was mostly bare, all concrete walls and cold steel doors. There was what looked like an archive, rows and rows of shelves, off to one side and an elevator on the other. Maddy took the elevator. There was a cage on the inside that she had to pull down and it began to rumble downward as soon as the doors shut. There were no buttons. Maddy shivered, remembering Bucky saying that this was the place they had 'kept him'. She ignored the sick feeling in her stomach.

When the elevator shuddered to a stop, the doors opened and Maddy lifted the cage. She cocked her rifle, finger on the trigger. Ready for a fight. She walked forward, checking down a hallway and approaching a staircase. She heard voices, muffled through the concrete walls and began to follow them, down a hallway, up another staircase. They grew louder and she managed to pick out Steve's voice, although she couldn't make out distinct words. She didn't hear sounds of a battle - yet - and she took that as a good sign.

She turned down a hallway, creeping closer on silent feet. The sight that met her made her breath catch. There were 5 large, glass cases - 3 to the right, 2 to the left. Each one held a person, frozen in time. But not just frozen. Dead. From her position in the shadows, she could see a single bullet hole through each of their foreheads. She could also see Steve, Iron Man and…Her shoulders slumped in relief. _Bucky._

She wasn't sure why the 5 assassins were dead. Had Steve and the others managed to get here before the psychiatrist? She didn't think Steve would have just put a bullet straight through each of their heads though…Cold blooded murder wasn't really his style.

Her eyebrows furrowed when a 4th person made their presence known. Her eyes squinted and she zeroed in on the psychiatrist, standing in a large chamber, only visible through a glass window.

"…I'm here because I made a promise," he was saying, his Sokovian accent thick.

Captain America considered him for a moment. "You lost someone," he stated.

"I lost _everyone_ ," the terrorist corrected. "And so will you." She heard a click and flinched, for a moment thinking it was a gun, but then an ancient monitor flicked on, displaying something that Maddy couldn't read from her position. "An empire toppled by its enemies can rise again, but one which crumbles from within? That's dead. Forever."

Maddy's heart stuttered. She could tell that whatever was about to happen was not good. Stark, with his Iron Man suit helmet down, approached the monitor and looked at the screen, doing a double take. "What is this?" he demanded, although he didn't get an answer. Maddy craned her neck to try and get a glimpse of what was on the screen, but she couldn't see. "I know that road," Stark said. "That's the road my parents died on."

Maddy's eyes widened. What the fuck did Tony Stark's dead parents have to do with this?

Tony and Steve continued to stare at the monitor, watching, as Bucky's eyes began to fill up with immeasurable guilt and pain. _Oh God,_ Maddy thought. She _hated_ seeing that look on his face.

Tony's face only grew more and more upset the longer he watched, until he half lunged toward Bucky, making Maddy flinch and Steve grab his arm to stop him. The billionaire slowly turned back to face Captain America and Maddy wasn't sure if he looked hurt, enraged or just plain betrayed. Perhaps a mix of the three.

"Did you know?" Stark demanded quietly, Maddy only just catching his words. "Did you know that he was the one that killed my parents?" He pointed to Bucky.

Maddy put a hand to her mouth, her lips parting in shock. Bucky must have been sent on a mission to kill Stark's parents whilst he was the Winter Soldier. But that wasn't his fault - that was HYDRA - and Tony would understand that…wouldn't he?

"I didn't know it was him," Steve said, but his voice wavered.

"Don't bullshit me Rogers!" Stark snapped. Maddy could see things turning south _very_ quickly. "Did you know?"

Steve hesitated and Maddy's heart cried out for him - she knew it was so hard for him to choose between Bucky and Tony (but that ultimately he would always put Bucky first). The guilt in the air was practically tangible. "Yes," Steve finally admitted. Tony pulled away from him, looking half devastated, and then everything happened so fast.

Iron Man's mask came up and he punched Steve hard enough to send him flying backward, making Maddy visibly recoil at the suddenness. And then Stark was fighting Bucky, throwing punches that Bucky only just managed to catch. He picked Bucky up by the throat and Maddy had to stop herself from literally _screaming_ when Stark whooshed up into the air, taking Bucky with him and then smashing him, hard, back into the ground. Maddy knew she had to do something. But what? How could she fight _Iron Man_? Bullets weren't going to hurt him and neither was a knife.

Then Maddy remembered that once, long ago, her mother had asked her what Maddy thought her own best asset was.

" _That I'm nice?" 13 year old Madelyn Thompson had hazarded a guess._

 _Her mother, all bronze, glowing skin and startling blue eyes, had chuckled softly and shaken her head. "No, my Rose. Although you are the sweetest thing I've ever met. Try again."_

 _Maddy had sighed, pursing her lips._ Algebra is easier than this, _she'd thought with a grumble. (Then again, algebra was fairly easy for Maddy). "My looks?"_

 _It was a fair enough estimate. As a newly-turned teen Maddy was still mostly gangly, long legs with a too-flat stomach and chest and next to no hips, but she had beautiful, long, tumbling chestnut-coloured hair and those entrancing, wide eyes that absolutely everyone got caught up in. She had full lips and smooth skin that would never blemish. It was obvious to even the most impartial person that she would grow to be a gorgeous woman._

 _Her mother had raised an eyebrow at that comment, however. "You are the prettiest flower in the garden but that is certainly not it either." Her mother leaned forward and kissed her forehead and then tapped her daughter's temple gently. "Your mind, my sweetness. Your mind is an enigma. Never, in my 40-odd years, have I met someone as smart or talented as you. You're not just…book smart either. You're creative and innovative. You, my darling, are the type of person that could lead a country or cure cancer. You, Madelyn, my daughter….You will change the world."_

Now, at 22 years of age, it was an expectation Maddy was not sure she could live up to. But nonetheless, her mother had certainly been right. Maddy's best asset was her brain - she could think on her feet and she was _smart._ And she knew that she could not fight Tony Stark with normal bullets. She needed something that would take down his suit and she needed it quickly. _Just hold on a little longer Buck,_ and with that thought she whirled around and raced as fast as she could back up the elevator and towards her jet.

The frigid, snowy air of Siberia hit her solidly, making a shiver race down her spine as she appeared out of the HYDRA base. She slipped on some ice as she ran toward the jet, hurtling toward the ground and just catching herself by her hands in time to push herself back up and continue up into the jet.

When she reached the familiar interior, she didn't waste a single second. She fell to her knees, pulling open a storage compartment, rummaging through it and muttering under her breath, "Please, please tell me they're still here."

She silently cheered in triumph when she finally pulled out what she was looking for. It was a side project that she had been working on in the labs at work, in between the work her job _actually_ paid her to do. It was like an explosive almost, but it gave off an extreme electro-magnetic current instead of a blast. If Maddy could quickly modify it into being able to be shot out of her rifle like a bullet, then, theoretically, she should be able to fry Tony's suit. She leaped up and strode over to the small work kit she kept on the plane at all times. She threw it open and got to work.

The guilt was crushing. It weighed on his shoulders, heavier than the world. He could remember their faces - Howard Stark's, familiar in a way. Was it familiar because once Bucky had known him? Had spoken to him, laughed with him, worked with him? Or was it familiar because he'd spent hours looking at the photograph his handler had given him, a photograph of his target - the Winter Soldier's target? That's what Howard Stark had been at the time - a mission…no, no not even a mission. In the way of a mission. Collateral damage. What was he now? _A victim_. Another victim in the seemingly endless list of people Bucky had killed. The guilt was _crushing_.

But he didn't have time to think about that, even though it was rushing through his head, pounding at his skull.

"I remember all of them."

Iron Man jumped backwards, his grip on Bucky too strong to break, flying them back down toward the ground. Steve leaped at them, tackling Tony harshly and causing all three of them to drop and fall. Bucky landed on one of the metal grate ledges whilst Steve and Tony fell below him. The wind was knocked out of him, pain bursting through his body, but that was ok. Pain was something he was used to. It was familiar to him, something he had come to understand and trust even. Pain would always be there, a constant reminder that Bucky was alive. But Steve's pain, his groan of anguish, were something that Bucky was _not_ comfortable with, something he did not like one bit.

Tony, a level up from Steve, clambered to his feet first and stood over Captain America, who had also managed to stand despite the long and hard fall.

"This isn't going to change what happened," Steve huffed, swaying slightly on his feet.

"I don't care," was Tony's reply. "He killed my mum."

Bucky's chest ached.

Iron Man launched toward Captain America with a powerful punch, but Steve gave as good as he got. Bucky's gaze was drawn toward Steve's shield, which he had dropped in the fall. Bucky grabbed it and leaped at Stark, bashing the shielding down into his back and knocking Tony to the ground.

Bucky threw the shield to Steve who readied to use it against their opponent. But then, out of nowhere, there was a loud bang and a small, round thing flew through the air and landed directly on the Arc reactor in the middle of Tony's Iron Man suit. An electromagnetic current exploded from the device, causing the suit to spasm momentarily, bringing Stark to his knees. Another shot was fired and another of the small, round things landed on the Arc Reactor. The second wave of electric currents fried the suit and the brightly lit Reactor dimmed until it faded completely.

"What the hell?" Bucky muttered and spun around. It only took him a second for his eyes to lock onto who had fired the shots.

Madelyn was standing in the half caved in entrance to where Bucky had tried to flee to. She had a rifle propped up on one shoulder, her finger on the trigger, ready to fire again, although it wouldn't be necessary.

She half couldn't believe it - it'd worked. It hadn't been easy, modifying the electro-magnetic bomb into something that could be shot, but she'd managed to do it and clearly it had worked. Iron Man's suit broke down and left Stark on his hands and knees. Although the suit protected the man inside it from coming to any actual harm from the electric pulses, the suit itself could not withstand it. The helmet of his suit retracted and he was left, blood trickling out of his nose, shifting between glaring at her and glaring at Bucky and Steve.

Maddy threw the rifle strap over her shoulder and slung it behind her. She hurried toward them, sliding down the steep, but short cement drop that got her to them. The freezing air from the outside world blew tufts of snow inward, causing her to shiver. It did not hinder her adamant path toward the man she loved.

He had blood running down his temple and trickling out of his nose, but other than that - from what she could see - he looked unharmed. When she was close enough she stopped in front of him and cupped his cheek. He looked slightly dazed - perhaps he had a concussion.

"Are you ok?" Her voice was breathy. She was still a little shocked that she had just taken down the renowned Iron Man.

For a few moments, Bucky thought he was dead. He thought he had died and, by the grace of some idiotic and naive God, had been permitted to heaven. Because he could feel Maddy's hand on his cheek and he could see her beautiful face and he was positive that none of it could be real. He was not an inherently lucky person and he figured that whatever small amount of luck he did have, would have been used up in simply meeting and being able to be with Maddy. The chances that this was real, on account of his track record, were startlingly low.

"Are you really here? You really came for me?" He managed to get out, wheezing although he was unsure whether it was due to the cold and the pain in his ribs, or because he was so shocked to see her.

She nodded, tears welling in her eyes. She stepped closer to him, pressing their foreheads together for a moment. "I'm here, Buck. Always."

He slowly lifted his hand, the metal one, and gripped her side. _She's here,_ was the only thought tumbling through his head. _She's here._

She then looked at Steve, running her eyes over him and assessing him for injuries quickly. When she deemed him suitably alright, just a few flesh wounds that would undoubtedly heal in days, she turned to Stark. "I am sorry," she said and everyone knew that the sincerity in her voice was real. "Truly, I am. But it wasn't his fault. None of it was."

Tony's glare did not soften. "And if it was your parents? If they were murdered in cold blood and the murderer was standing in the room, what would you do? Would you want him dead?"

Maddy paused. If her mother's murderer was in her proximity and she knew he had been _forced_ to kill her sweet, dear mother - held at gunpoint, let's say - would she still want him dead? Would her anger and grief at her mother's death overpower any mercy or understanding for the killer, for their plight? She wasn't sure. She thought, or hoped perhaps, that her compassion would win out. That she would realise the guilt the man carried around already and that it hadn't been his decision. That they were the gun, used to do the killing, but not in fact responsible for the act. They were not in fact the person who pulled the trigger, even if in practice they were.

"Perhaps I'd _want_ him dead," she decided. "But I wouldn't kill him. Not ever." She wrapped her arm around Bucky to try and half support him (even though she was positive he would crush her if he actually leant on her). He was still looking at her half in awe, like he wasn't entirely sure she was real. She thought maybe he had a concussion.

They went to step away but Tony's voice stopped them, this time directed at Steve instead of Maddy. "That shield doesn't belong to you. You don't deserve it. My father made that shield!"

It was the last statement that made Steve pause.

Looking back on it, Maddy wondered if Tony had expected Steve to suddenly change his mind, to choose Tony, the shield and being Captain America over his long lost best friend. If Tony had thought that, had expected that of Steve Rogers, he'd been wrong.

Steve dropped the shield and it clattered to the ground with a bang. Maddy knew the look in his eyes; he would choose Bucky every time, without doubt, without hesitation (She saw that same look when she glanced in a mirror, saw it reflected in her own amber eyes). She thought it was naive of Tony to think otherwise.

The three of them limped out of that place. Maddy would be glad to never, ever go back.

~O~

A/N: I hope you guys liked that chapter! Next chapter we will find out what their plan is and how they are going to proceed from here on out.

I love you all. _Please leave me a review and tell me what you think!_

Until next time x


	31. Safe in your arms

A/N:

Hey guys! This is a really great chapter that I think we have all been waiting for and I think you guys will enjoy it a lot (I hope!)

Thank you so much to my gorgeous reviewers from last chapter. Gosh I just love y'all so much.

Sorry for slow updates from here on out - Grade 12/senior year for all you Americans, is an absolute killer and I have to put study (which there is a lot of) before this writing unfortunately. But I will still update whenever I can - hopefully about once a week!

Please leave a review at the end. I hope this chapter meets your standards because I know a lot of you have been waiting for it for awhile! (You'll see what I mean when you read).

Enjoy!

~O~

Madelyn pushed closer against Bucky as the snow whipped around them, eliciting goosebumps from her skin. They were close to the jet when, from the blizzard, a figure appeared. Maddy immediately recognised T'Challa and she, along with Bucky and Steve, tensed in preparation for a fight. As he came closer they realised, however, that his helmet was off and that he had, slung over his shoulder, the body of the psychiatrist/terrorist/Maddy's least favourite person in the world. For a few moments, Maddy thought maybe T'Challa had killed him (and she was ashamed to say that she would not have been entirely disappointed had the king done just that) but when the royal dropped the man to the snow covered floor, Maddy could see his chest rising and falling. He was just unconscious.

Bucky subtly stepped in front of Maddy, shielding a majority of her body as Steve's hands curled into fists. But T'Challa did not look ready for a fight, not ready to execute the revenge he had believed he so rightly deserved only hours previous. Instead, his gaze trained intensely onto Madelyn.

"You were right," he said, directly to her, as if the other two men weren't even there, as if Bucky wasn't blocking half of her from his view. "I let my anger and need for revenge cloud my judgement. I went after the wrong man and I refused to listen to reason."

Maddy gulped, easing out from behind Bucky, who still looked apprehensive. "It's ok," she assured the king, her voice a little shaky. "You were wrong. And you have the courage to admit it. You went through a terrible loss and let your emotions guide you. That's more than normal. It's what makes us human."

"I owe you an apology," he said. He finally looked at Bucky and Steve. "All of you."

"I am sorry about your father," Steve said, with his usual honest voice. "He was a good man. You don't owe us anything."

T'Challa only nodded his head in response, before looking down at the still unconscious man at his feet. "I'll take him in. If you need anything - somewhere safe from the authorities - I can help."

Steve seemed to mull over his offer before looking back at Maddy, who gave the slightest shake of her head. Steve turned his gaze back to T'Challa. "Thank you. But I think we've got it covered for now."

T'Challa gave them one final nod before picking up his prisoner and walking over to his small, high-tech aircraft - the only aircraft that Maddy had not known who its owner was.

She, Bucky and Steve got onto their own jet - her father's, as it was infinitely harder to trace than her own (she would miss her jet, but ultimately didn't really care about leaving it in the blizzard of Siberia. Things, items, could be replaced, people could not and Maddy cared about people) - and they departed Siberia. Maddy felt like she could breathe again once they were up in the air. Steve offered to take over the controls, but she quickly shot him down. Even if he was a super soldier, he was still injured.

"Where are we going?" Steve questioned, some 10 minutes into the flight. She looked back over her shoulder and her eyes caught on Bucky for a moment. She took in his long hair, his hard jawline and perfect stubble. His entrancing blue eyes and lips that were more familiar to her than her own. With every beat of her heart, she thanked God that he was alright.

"To one of our vacation homes. We'll be safe there," she promised them and hoped that it was true.

~O~

The jet touched down at the Florence Airport, Italy, on a private airstrip. It was the middle of the night and Maddy had radioed ahead to inform them that she was coming. Madelyn and her father owned their own secret runway and area to store the jet and they frequented the Florence Airport regularly enough to be considered somewhat VIP. Her father paid them well to keep his and her own name's off any records, so that if they needed to fly here quickly to get away from something, or someone, they would be untraceable.

Maddy was using this anonymity to her full advantage. She, Bucky and Steve would be safe in Florence. For the time being.

They had a car that was also kept at the airport and the three of them, bloody and bruised and exhausted, piled into it. It was a forty minute drive to the holiday home, which was situated about 16 kilometres north of Florence, near the town of Vaglia. The houses they drove past were mostly old, concrete villas that, whilst beautiful, were generally crumbling and worn. They did pass some large, stone palaces that were grand in every sense of the word, from the large gardens surrounding them, to the imposing towers and gates.

Bucky spotted Maddy's safe house well before they turned into the drive. In the relative countryside, although not far at all from civilisation, the mansion stuck out like a sore thumb. It was completely different to every other house they had passed and Bucky knew straight away that Madelyn's father had not purchased the house but rather had it built. The modern styled mansion was spread out wide, only two or so stories high. It was painted completely white and charcoal grey and Maddy had to stop at the large iron gates to type a code into a keypad. The gates creaked open automatically and Maddy drove up the short, bitumen driveway. After typing in another passcode at another keypad, the garage door opened and they drove into the large space. There was already a car parked in there, a bright red 1969 Ford Mustang in perfect condition. The three exited their car, Maddy leaving the keys on the leather of the drivers seat. Their closest neighbour was a good 5 minute drive away and the garage was not easily accessible without the code, so the chances of the car being stolen were low.

"Your dad a collector?" Steve questioned as he took in the vintage car beside them.

Maddy sighed - she looked absolutely exhausted, Bucky noted - and leaned her arms on the bonnet of the SUV they had just driven from the airport in.

"No," she said. "He just has more money than he knows what to do with. He doesn't even know anything about cars."

Steve's eyebrows furrowed momentarily. "Oh," was all he replied.

Maddy led the way into the large, luxurious house. She promised them a tour the next day, but they were all so tired and sore they just wanted sleep.

"Before bed time we have to look at your injuries," she pointed out and the two men reluctantly agreed. They sat at the marble kitchen counter, looking around the large kitchen equipped with all the newest technology and appliances. She pulled out a first aid kit and cleaned up all of their cuts and offered to bind Steve's abdomen, where a large bruise was forming.

He declined graciously, ensuring her that he'd heal within a matter of days and that it was completely unnecessary. With that, she led them upstairs and showed Steve to his room, one of the many guest bedrooms.

"Thank you Madelyn," he smiled at her, completely earnest. Despite that, she could distinctly see the hurt shining in his eyes. From what little information she knew about the Avengers, and what research she had done on them since finding out her boyfriend's strong links to the team, Maddy could tell that they were generally a fairly tight-knit group, if not dysfunctional (although productive in life-threatening situations). She couldn't imagine how much it would have hurt Steve to have to pick sides and face up against his friends, especially Tony Stark. She felt immense sympathy for him, but knew there was little she could do to ease the pain, so she and Bucky left him to rest and headed to their own room.

~O~

Warm water poured over Maddy's skin as she stood under the spray of the shower. She ran her fingers through her hair slowly, washing out the last of the conditioner. There was a soft knock at the door.

"Maddy?" Bucky's voice floated through.

Maddy closed her eyes. She half couldn't believe that he was still here, alive. She was just so impossibly glad he was safe.

"Come in," she replied quietly, knowing he could hear her.

The door from the bedroom to the en suite opened and Bucky walked into the steamy bathroom. He closed the door behind him and leant back against it for a few moments, drinking in Maddy's naked body, running his eyes over her form slowly. Maddy shivered under his gaze, but it wasn't from being uncomfortable. She didn't think she could ever be uncomfortable in front of him. Her fingers caught in a knot in her hair.

"C'mere," she said softly. He took in a deep, shaky breath and began pulling his clothes off - the tactical jacket with only one sleeve, his pants and finally his boxers. He stepped into the shower, water spraying over his broad chest. Maddy looked up at him, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. She raised her hands and placed them on his wet chest, one of her thumbs brushing over the scars on his left shoulder. He raised his hand to trail through her hair, tangling his fingers in the dark, wet strands. She began working some blood out of his own hair, using the water and some shampoo to help. He moved his hands to trace his fingertips over the large, dark bruise on her ribs.

"You shouldn't have gotten injured," he said, sounding disappointed in himself.

"It's alright," she assured him. "It doesn't hurt." It was a lie, it did hurt, every time she bent over or moved at an odd angle. But she didn't want to make him feel worse.

"You saved my life," he murmured. She leant forward and brushed her lips along the skin of his collarbone, making him shiver.

"Just returning the favour," she said, thinking back to the night when he'd tackled her under her father's dinner table.

"No," he shook his head and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he wrapped his arms all the way around her and pulled her closer, flush against his body. She gulped as desire began building low in her stomach. "I don't mean just today…I mean you saved me Maddy. From myself. I was broken," he tucked her hair behind her ears, watching as water slid over her cheeks and lips. "And you pieced me back together, best you could anyway. Best anyone could."

She opened her mouth and he just knew she was going to protest, so he kissed her quiet. He kissed her and he kissed her, slowly and deeply, their lips gliding over each other, tongues tangling together, water from the shower spraying between them. He kissed her until she broke away gasping for air, a beautiful flush to her tan skin. He ran his hands from her hips, up to below her breasts, swiping a thumb up and over one of her nipples and making her gasp in pleasure. He trailed his lips over her jaw and cheek before pressing a kiss to her temple.

"I'll meet you in the bedroom, ok?" He said quietly. They looked at each other for a few moments, their gazes locked together. Maddy's heart was pounding in her chest, so hard she thought it might just jump right out. She nodded in agreement.

"Ok," her voice was breathy, barely there. He hopped out of the shower, grabbing one of the white, fluffy towels and slung it around his hips before disappearing out of the bathroom. She stood under the spray only for a few more moments before turning the water off and getting out. The bathroom was large and luxurious, like the rest of the house, all white countertops and silver taps. She wiped a hand through the fog on the large mirror to stare at her reflection. Her lip was still cut, her cheek bruised and battered and there were dark circles under her eyes. But her eyes themselves were _alive_. Maybe it was the leftover adrenaline from the fight or new adrenaline from what she knew was going to happen when she walked into that bedroom, but her eyes were glittering, despite her battered body. She dried herself with a towel, before brushing her teeth and running a comb through her still damp hair. She opened one of the drawers under the bathroom sink and hesitated, before grabbing out a condom from a small pack. Then she walked out of the bathroom and into the large, master bedroom.

Bucky was sitting on the bed, his towel discarded to the side, just as naked as Madelyn. She wasn't sure if the butterflies in her stomach were from excitement or anxiety, but they were there nonetheless. She walked closer to him and he gripped her hips and drew her in between his legs. His thumb rubbed over her hip bone as he gazed up at her, just as an astronomer would gaze up at the stars he has devoted his life to studying. She leaned down and kissed him, their lips feathering over each other's, only just touching. He slowly wrapped his arm around her and began pulling her down, to straddle his waist, sitting on his lap, her legs bent as she half kneeled on the bed. Bucky deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping into her mouth and his hand into her hair. She could feel his hard member, pressed between them and her body was throbbing with desire. She pressed the condom into his hand, but he hesitated, pulling back to look at her face.

"Are you sure about this, Bambi?" he asked, looking concerned. "I don't…I don't want you to rush into anything."

She smiled, tracing his familiar lips with her finger. "Rush?" she questioned. "I feel like this has been a long time coming." He didn't look satisfied with her answer. She sighed. "I want this Buck. I promise," she pressed a kiss to his nose. "I want this a lot."

He smiled at her, small but happy, although the worry didn't leave his face. "Are you scared?" He murmured. Maddy bit her lip.

"Only a little," she admitted. She ran her hands over his shoulders, down his back, feeling his hard, strong muscles rippling beneath his skin. "But I trust you. I wouldn't be able to do this with anyone else." It was true and the thought scared her a little - that she was that far gone with him and that she trusted _only_ him enough to be with him in this way. She wondered if she would ever be able to have sex with a man that wasn't Bucky Barnes again, but she didn't think she would. How could she ever trust someone as much as she trusted her soldier?

Bucky's smile grew and he kissed her, harder than before, more desperate. His lips trailed down her throat and one hand slid down her body. She shivered when he ran his fingers along her inner thigh and straight out moaned when they dove into her wet core. She leant her forehead against his shoulder as he slipped a finger inside of her, and then another, pumping them in and out.

"Oh my god," she breathed as pleasure ignited every cell in her body. She shivered under his touch and licked at his skin and grasped at his shoulders. He placed a sloppy kiss on her jaw as he continued to work his fingers, bringing her closer and closer to the edge.

"You're so beautiful Bambi," he muttered into her skin, as she writhed in ecstasy, grinding down harder onto his hand as she sought even more friction. He gave it to her, rubbing and pumping his fingers in every spot that made her feel _brilliant._ She came with a gasp and a cry of Bucky's name, pressing herself against him tightly as she rode out her orgasm. She buried her fingers into his hair, pleasure bursting throughout her body. As she came down from her high, she slumped against him, head lolling on his shoulder. He slipped his hand out from beneath her and ripped open the condom packet. He pumped his hand up and down himself a few times, aching with want and neglect, before rolling the condom on. Maddy was coming out of her haze, although her eyes were still a little glassy as she looked at him. She took a few deep, shaky breaths in before putting her hands on his shoulders and kissing him with a bruising force, lining her entrance up with his hard, throbbing member.

His eyebrows furrowed, seeking the answer to a silent question. She nodded, assuring him that this was what she wanted. She slowly lowered herself onto him, her heart rapidly thumping in her chest.

For one, stifling and terrifying second, she was back in the grips of Stefan Ronaldo and he was holding her down by her throat that was sore from screaming and her legs that were tired from kicking and he was forcing himself into her over and over again…

But then Bucky moaned out, "Bambi," and she was back in the moment with the man she was in love with and there was not a single bit of pressure on her shoulders. She _wanted_ this and the thought that she could back off at anytime, change her mind and not have sex with him with no consequences, only his understanding and support, made her feel at ease. She lowered herself further, stretching to accommodate his size, the burn making her stop for a moment to breathe. He rubbed his hand, the flesh and bone one, up and down her back soothingly, his fingers sweeping over her spine, not rushing her for a second, but being sure to allow her to take her time. She brushed her lips against his, relishing in the feeling of fullness as she continued to take him in, lowering herself until he was completely inside of her.

"Jesus christ," his breath tickled her cheek. She was warm and wet and _tight_ around him and she felt better than anything he'd ever experienced. His fingers were digging into her sides, hard, but any pain she felt was outweighed ten-fold by pleasure when he jerked his hips. She bit her lip and ran her hands up and down his arms before rolling her own hips, slowly at first, still trying to get used to his size. As euphoria began to take ahold of them, Maddy and Bucky's thrusts became faster, harder, more erratic. She pushed herself up and down, using his shoulders as leverage, unintelligible moans escaping their lips. Soon, Bucky needed _more (_ although watching Maddy move up and down, the way her full breasts bounced and her legs tensed, _was_ a wonderful, wonderful sight.) His arm slid around her back and in one swift movement he flipped them over, pinning her to the bed beneath him, her hands gripping his shoulders tightly. Her ribs cried out in pain at the movement, but once again it was quickly covered in pleasure as Bucky began thrusting in and out of her desperately and deeply. His metal hand cupped her cheek and he kissed her, their tongues tangling together.

"Is this ok?" he murmured, realising that whilst before she had had all of the power, he had quickly taken that from her. She nodded, panting and wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer.

"Don't stop," she commanded breathily. He was more than happy to comply, picking up the pace and pounding into her. Her fingernails scratched down the skin of his back and she met each of his thrusts eagerly.

She could feel her second orgasm building quickly and steadily, a tight knot in her stomach that was ready to unravel and each snap of Bucky's hips was pulling it looser. She threaded her fingers in his hair and tugged, hard, making him groan and smash his lips to hers as his arms wrapped around her body and pulled her flush against his chest.

She kissed him back fervently, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood and then soothing it with a swipe of her tongue. He ripped away from her lips to kiss down her throat and suck a bruise onto her collarbone.

It was like every nerve in her body had been dialled to a hundred and she felt everything on a heightened scale (and there was a lot to feel - him inside of her, his hands on her body, his lips on her neck). It was all so much, almost too much. It was overwhelming and yet she wanted more at the exact same time.

With another stroke of his hips, Maddy fell apart. She cried out, clenching around him as she came. Bucky followed her right over the edge, burying his head in her neck, and they were stuck in a whirlwind of utter bliss for a few long moments. Maddy was pretty sure she actually left earth completely for a couple of beats as her head spun and her body blazed in pure heaven. It was the most intense orgasm of her life - of that she was sure.

She came down slowly, their heavy breathing the only sound, their skin slick with sweat and their hair matted and messy. Bucky half collapsed onto her, catching himself on his metal arm just in time so he didn't squash her. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly and he leaned down and kissed in between her breasts tenderly and then looked up and caught her eye. In that moment, it was near impossible for her to remember that he was an assassin, a killer. That mere hours ago he had been fighting with a finesse and ease that only came from years of horrid, bloody experience. His blue eyes, possessing within them everything Madelyn held dear, were, to her, as innocent as anything - despite the act in which they had just participated. He gazed at her openly and kindly and with such adoration that her heart swelled and burst in her chest.

"I love you," her voice was barely there, it was more like a mouthing of the words, but he heard her loud and clear. The look that came over his terribly handsome face was one that she wanted to treasure forever. He looked _so completely_ happy and content. He let out a long breath and closed his eyes, like he had to somehow keep all of his feelings inside, like if he let even a trickle out the whole bloody dam would burst and boil and flood and sweep him away.

He rested his cheek against the warm skin of her chest for a moment before pulling back and rolling onto his back. He rolled the condom off, tied it and tossed it into a small, gold bin in the corner of the room. Then he turned back to his girl, whose gaze had adamantly followed him, although it was a bit glazed and vacant. He couldn't help but be worried about her. He wasn't sure what was going on in her pretty little head and he hoped to God that she was alright and that their actions didn't bring back too many unwanted memories, although he knew that it was really unavoidable and that only time would help her heal. He wrapped his arms around her back and brought her into his chest. She curled into him, twisting her legs around his waist and burying her face into the crook between his neck and shoulder. He stood, picking her up and heading toward the shower for the second time that night. He turned it on, lukewarm, and stood under the spray with her, still holding her up with just his metal arm and the fact that she was clinging to him like a koala. He grabbed a bar of soap and gently lathered it up on the skin of her back, down her spine and lower, over her ass cheeks and the back of her thighs. His fingers brushed over the scars on her lower back and he clenched his jaw, his metal arm tightening around her involuntarily and igniting a whine from her at the pain in her ribs.

"I'm sorry," Eyes wide, he immediately loosened his arm and pulled back to look her in the face, cupping her cheek with his real, slightly soapy hand. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Her eyes were half closed and although there was a slightly pain-filled grimace twisting her lips, she looked mostly content and just sleepy. "S'okay," she assured him. The worried look didn't leave his face and she gave him a small, laughing smile, burying her face back into his neck. "It's okay Buck," her voice was muffled, but confident. Sighing in relief, he washed her off under the spray of the water before turning the shower off and grabbing a towel, carrying Maddy back out into their bedroom. He gingerly placed her back on the ground, on her own two feet, her legs hesitantly slipping from around his waist. He began drying her with the towel, sweeping the soft cotton over her gently flushed skin, down her arms and back, over her shoulders and legs. She leaned against his chest, eyes closed and hands gripping him. When he was done drying her he quickly did the same to himself, albeit rougher and with considerable less care. He threw the towel on top of his previously discarded one from earlier in the night and reminded himself to pick them up in the morning.

"C'mon darlin'," he scooped her up into his arms again and lay her on the bed before going over to the chest of drawers and pulling one open. In it he found dozens of pairs of Maddy's lacy underwear and bra's, that made his mouth water and his arousal spike again. But he ignored that and grabbed out a simple black pair of panties before moving onto another drawer and picking out a large t-shirt for her to throw on. He closed the drawers and approached the bed again, where Maddy was dozing off already. He helped her into a sitting position and she blinked and smiled blearily down at him as he crouched before her and slid the underwear up her legs, fingers grazing over the smooth skin of her thighs. She lifted her hips so he could put them on all the way and with a final, gentle kiss to the top of her breast, he tugged the t-shirt over her head as well. She slid under the covers and after pulling his own pair of boxers on, he readily followed. He hadn't realised how soft the dark, charcoal coloured sheets and beautiful, comfy mattress were. He sunk into the bed, Maddy gravitating toward him and curling up into his arms, lying her head on his chest, tangling her legs with his own. He pressed a kiss to her temple, breathing in her scent. He was a little sore from being bashed around, but he knew it would be gone by the morning, his body's increased healing working magic with sleep. He was exhausted - and he was a super soldier. He couldn't even imagine how tired Bambi would be.

This time, he made sure she was awake before saying it, rather than ensuring she was asleep. "I love you too," he murmured, into the quiet night air around them. He was so happy that he could tell her that now, that he got to be completely honest with her about how important she was to him. _She's everything_ , he thought. _Every single thing._

She hummed and he felt her cheeks stretch into a smile against his chest.

"Good," she slurred sleepily. "Cause I plan on keeping you for awhile yet."

His chest rumbled beneath her ear as he chuckled lightly. "I'm counting on it sweetheart."

She fell asleep quickly after that, the shock of the past few days finally catching up to her. He loved the weight of her in his arms - she was so unbelievably real and alive and _here_. She continued to amaze him with everything she did - she'd risked her life for him, saved him and then taken him back to her safe house. And that was _after_ finding out he'd been lying to her for months. He was positive that she was the best damn thing to ever happen to him and he would burn the world to the ground to keep her safe and by his side.

~O~

A/N: I really hope this chapter lived up to your standards. They finally had sex! Yay! And it went well! Double yay!

So in order to get this story back on the fluff train, I decided the best option was for Bucky, Maddy and Steve to head somewhere quiet where they could all recover and hide from the authorities. Thus I came up with the 'Safe House', Maddy and her father's holiday home/their safe house for if the cops find out about the drug business. I thought it fit well and was a nice place for them to recover.

I hope you like where this is headed.

 _ **Please leave a review and tell me what you thought! They mean so much to me!**_

Love you all, until next time! xoxo


	32. Monster in your head

A/N:

 _Monster in your cupboard_

 _Monster under your bed_

 _Monster haven't I suffered_

 _Enough from the monster in my head_

Hey guys! Here's a new update. It's set just a few hours after the last chapter. Thank you so much for all your reviews. You guys are the best. Please continue to be so. Enjoy!

~O~

That night, she woke to Bucky's screams. They were terrible, horrid sounds that, despite having woken up to them several times before in the past few months, still shocked her and made her impossibly sad every time.

"Shh," she lay on his metal arm to incapacitate it as he thrashed wildly beside her. The thought of him having to relive all of the horrible tortures HYDRA had put him through, whether it be stripping him of his identity or whatever other abhorrent abuse they inflicted upon him, made Maddy sick to her stomach. "Buck you gotta wake up." She struggled to keep the hint of desperation out of her voice, cupping his cheek as he continued to flail between the sheets, shouting in agony.

She heard the door to their bedroom being flung open and glanced over her should for a split second to see Steve's silhouette, before diverting her attention back to her boyfriend.

"Bucky!" As a last resort, she pinched his the skin of his chest hard and he shot up, knocking her to the side a little as he did so. He looked around the room like there were a thousand threats everywhere, with wide, angry eyes. "Hey," she cooed softly, reaching up and placing her hand on his shoulder. He flinched, like he hadn't even realised she was there and his gaze snapped to her. Then, as he realised it was just a nightmare and that he wasn't in fact back in that place, he crumbled. His expression collapsed, his shoulders slumping and his hands unclenching. He slid back into her arms and sobbed silently into her shirt, murmuring apologies that were completely unnecessary and unjustified. They sunk back down so that Maddy was half sitting while Bucky was lying, curled into her. She felt tears invade her own eyes, although she pushed them back for his sake, and she couldn't help but feel a surge of anger at Tony Stark. Although she sympathised for him - it was horrible that he had lost both his parents - he had no right to blame Bucky, to have gone after Bucky and try to hurt him, _kill_ him for something that was completely out of Bucky's control.

 _I mean look at him,_ she thought as she cradled him close to her chest. _He blames himself enough for it all as is, he doesn't need other people heaping more guilt onto his shoulders._

She just wanted to scream 'IT'S NOT HIS FAULT!' to the entire world and force them to understand. To understand that the Winter Soldier was not in fact a villain, but rather a horribly unfortunate victim.

Maddy threaded one hand through Bucky's hair soothingly, the other rubbing up and down his back. She hummed a soft tune and just the sound of her voice was eventually enough to lull him back into a restless sort of sleep.

She looked over at Steve once more, who was now leaning against the door frame, watching the scene unfold with wide, sad eyes after he had realised that the only threat was Bucky's mental state. The light from the hallway illuminated his large frame enough for Maddy to be able to see his broad shoulders, covered by a cotton t-shirt and his strong legs in a pair of sweats. His blonde hair was mussed from sleep, but his blue eyes were awake and alert and stricken with grief for his friend.

"It's okay," she said quietly. "I've got this. You can go back to bed."

Steve straightened up at her words, but she could tell by his expression that he wasn't quite ready to let his best friend out of his sight yet. She couldn't even imagine what had gone through his head when he woke to Bucky's screams - probably something along the lines of; _oh god I just got him back, please tell me I'm not going to lose him again already_. So instead of telling him to go back to his own bed again, she motioned with her head to a comfy sitting chair that was nestled into the corner of the spacious room, not too far from the bed.

"Actually, why don't you stay for awhile?" She suggested quietly, because she knew he was too polite to ask, but could tell he desperately wanted to. She also knew she'd made the right call when his shoulders slumped in relief and he gave her a grateful smile before trudging over to the chair and sinking down into it, his gaze pinned on the fitfully sleeping Bucky. She smiled at Steve softly before settling back down against Buck and pressing a kiss to his temple. "It's going to be okay," she whispered into Bucky's ear, even though he was asleep. He subconsciously snuggled into her more. She closed her eyes, but it took her a fair while to get back to sleep.

~O~

The room was still blissfully dark, thanks to the blackout curtains adorning the windows, although a few, pesky streaks of light did manage to crawl their way through, illuminating the room just enough to be able to see. The first thing Maddy remembered was the horrible way in which Bucky had woken up in the middle of the night. The second thing she remembered was much more pleasant. It was soft _'I love you'_ s and heavy breathing and ridiculously good sex.

She slowly blinked open her eyes and looked at the man wrapped around her. He was still asleep, his face relaxed and soft, although his jawline and cheekbones were as cutting as ever. His full lips were parted gently and she couldn't resist leaning over and pressing the softest of kisses to them, barely a feather of a touch that somehow made her feel like her body was on fire. It perplexed her - the reaction her body had to his. It was unlike anything she'd experienced before in her life, almost like he was made for her and her for him. Maddy wasn't sure she really believed in soulmates, as such, but she did believe that Bucky was the love of her life. Her great, one true love. It was confirmed in the goosebumps elicited across her skin when he shifted against her, in the tingling in her lips from the lightest of kisses. It was confirmed in the rapid thump of her heart, just at his proximity.

She raised her head and looked over at Steve, who was still sitting in the arm chair. He was awake and she wondered if he had managed to go back to sleep at all after rushing into the room hours previous. Judging by the dark circles under his blue eyes, she doubted it.

When their eyes met he gave her a small smile, which she returned with a grin. He opened his mouth, probably to say good morning, but she put a finger to her lips, shushing him silently. She carefully slipped out of Bucky's grip and stood up, stretching her arms above her head and motioning for Steve to follow her. He stood from the chair, rolling his shoulders, and they padded quietly out of the room. Maddy shut the door behind them and once they were in the safety of the hallway, she let out a long breath and, with a smile, spoke. "I just don't want to wake him. He needs the sleep," she explained to which Steve nodded understandingly.

"Does he wake up like that a lot, with the nightmares?" Steve asked, almost as if he didn't really want to know the answer.

She shrugged, beginning to walk down the hallway and toward the extravagant staircase, Steve close behind her. "Sometimes. It used to be worse - he's been getting better lately though…but now with all of this stuff coming back up, especially him being put in Winter Soldier mode again for a bit there, I suspect it'll get bad again. This whole thing must have dredged up a lot of bad memories for him, memories I suspect he'd rather keep buried."

Steve gulped and nodded his understanding. They walked down the steps and into the large, stainless steel covered kitchen.

"Thank you," Steve said as Maddy pulled open the pantry door. She turned to him, eyebrows furrowed.

"For what?" She questioned.

He let out a breath through his nose. "Everything…I don't know what I would have done if I lost my best friend again, this time to Stark. And you kept him safe all those months where I didn't know where he even was."

She grinned at his earnest, good-natured expression. "I can't imagine how shocked you must have been when you found out he was alive."

Steve nodded, smiling and crossing his ridiculously big arms across his ridiculously big chest as he leaned back against the counter. _He must weigh at the very least double my weight,_ Maddy mused silently. _No, definitely triple._ "It was certainly a shock…But it's just…to have someone that was there from my old life, that I share all those memories with…It's something familiar, you know? Cause this new world can be…well it's definitely different."

"I can only imagine," Maddy said, thinking about how scary it must have been for Steve to wake 70 years in the future. But she was too sleepy and it was too early to continue that serious of a conversation, so she said, "How do you like your coffee?" And used the fancy machine to produce the best tasting coffee that Steve had ever had.

They laughed and chatted and cooked breakfast together, trading stories about Bucky and life. Maddy asked a lot about the 40's and Steve was more than happy to share. He found it easy to speak to her, to her open expressions and kind eyes. He told her how small he used to be and how all the girls were obsessed with Bucky. She, in turn, told him about one of the old lady's in their building loving Bucky more than any other tenant and about her job at GeoTech.

"Right, so you're a genius?" Steve said as she explained what she did. She rolled her eyes, flipping a pancake and opened her mouth to protest, but was beaten to it.

"Oh definitely," a new voice sounded as Bucky walked down the stairs, his hair a beautiful mess and dressed still in only his boxers. "Smartest girl I know," he grinned crookedly and wrapped an arm around Maddy from behind her, kissing her on the cheek. "And the prettiest," he whispered. She laughed, turning in his arms and pecking him on the lips.

"You ok?" She asked quietly tracing his jaw with her fingers. He nodded, face turning serious for a moment.

"I'll be fine," he assured her, but she didn't look convinced. "Don't worry about it Bambi, it'll be alright." He kissed her again before moving toward the coffee machine, putting a hand on Steve's shoulder and running it down his arm as he went. "Now how the hell do you work this thing?" He began pressing random buttons on the stupidly complicated machine. Maddy laughed and let Steve take over the food as she went to help Bucky. They sat at the large, round breakfast table (not the kitchen bench, which did have stools at it but was still covered in mess from the cooking. And not at the dining table, because that was in a completely different room and was big enough to sit thirty or so people). They laughed and they talked and Bucky threw a piece of bacon at Steve's face that had him gaping at his friend and then Steve stole Bucky's coffee and gulped it down in one fell swoop. It was all a marvellous, hilarious affair and the three of them clicked so well that the prospect of the trio simply staying in that holiday home for the rest of their lives seemed like a wonderful, brilliant idea. It was also unrealistic, but for the next few weeks or months, until things calmed down with the outside world, they were more than happy to stay in their little cocoon of happiness and safety.

~O~

Steve had insisted on doing the dishes and cleaning the (very messy) kitchen up. Maddy and Bucky retreated to their room, still tired despite the previous nights sleep. Although, it hadn't exactly been a peaceful sleep, so perhaps that wasn't so surprising.

Maddy pulled her fingers through her hair, unknotting the wavy strands. It was getting just a tad too long, she decided as she looked in the full length mirror sitting beside the chest of drawers. It would need to be cut soon. The creamy caramel coloured locks fell nearly to her lower back and although they were still thick and healthy, she knew she would need a trim soon enough.

She pulled the shirt Bucky had dressed her in the previous night over her head before starting to reach for a bra to put on. Bucky, walking up behind her, made her actions stop.

He placed his hands on her hips, fingering the sides of her underwear. He pressed a kiss against her shoulder, meeting her gaze in the mirror. His eyes began to wander down her body and his eyebrows furrowed in concern, his hands suddenly falling away from her.

"Did I do those?" His voice had an edge of panic to it that was rare for him - he was usually calm, collected.

"What?" Maddy questioned, trying to see what he was upset about.

"Those," Bucky pointed to the finger-shaped bruises scattering her hips, thighs and one shoulder. Her ribs were still a bright purple, although the edges were starting to go mottled brown.

Maddy realised that he must have done the small bruises whilst they were having sex the night before. "They're just bruises Buck. It's fine, I don't-"

"It's not fine," he growled out, backing up away from her. "I hurt you." He looked at her as she turned to face him, pain shining in his azure eyes. "Maddy I never meant to hurt you." His voice broke.

She could see the situation turning south quickly, see the self-blame that he was so accustomed to begin to crawl in. She needed to stop it before it overwhelmed him. "Hey, you didn't hurt me. They're just bruises. They'll heal in a couple of days." She reached out and grabbed his hands, holding them tightly, although they remained limp in her grasp. "Bucky, trust me….I felt a lot of things last night. Hurt wasn't one of them."

His jaw was clenched tightly, his eyes brimming with unspoken emotions. "I don't ever want to hurt you Maddy."

"I know baby," she cooed, pulling him close to her, running her hands up his arms. "You won't."

"You don't know that," he protested. "You saw what happened when I turned into the Winter Soldier. You saw what I really was."

A fierce fire flamed in her eyes and her tone was strong, leaving no room for argument. "No. That is _not_ who you really are. This, right now, this is who you are. Don't ever apologise for what _they_ made you into. You're not the monster they want you to be."

He leant his forehead against her own, closing his eyes. "What if I am? What if that's all that's left of me?"

She stroked his cheek with her fingertips and kissed his lips lightly. "It's not, Buck. I promise. Steve and I are here for you. You're with us now. We're safe."

Bucky appreciated the sentiment, but he knew that he, and Steve and by association Maddy, would most likely never be 'safe' again.

~O~

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter! Just some nice old fluff and a bit of angst. Poor Bucky. He's so scared of hurting Maddy :(

 ** _Please leave a review and tell me what you're thinking! I love reading your guys comments so so so much it seriously hurts._**

Love you all. Until next time xx


	33. You're Not Alone

On the 3rd day of being at the safe house, they made the trip to Florence. It was a beautiful, grand old city with high buildings towering in every direction. People bustled along the street and there were churches literally everywhere. Bucky was half afraid of someone coming up and trying to convert them to 'the way of the Lord' with how many bloody crosses and stain-glass windows of Jesus were around. There were canals shimmering alongside many sidewalks, gondola's floating along the glinting water surface.

Church bells chimed and tourists snapped pictures eagerly. Bucky pulled his cap down further on his head, paranoid. But Maddy was comfortable, alight. She was grinning from ear to ear, holding Bucky's hand and pulling him along through the crowds, Steve at her side (also wearing a cap and trying his hardest to blend in) as she spurt out random facts about the city like a tour guide. It was supposed to be just a supply run, to grab food and clothes for Steve and Bucky, but Maddy wanted to show them the city.

"It's not safe," Bucky had said to her.

"Life's not safe," she had protested passionately. God, Bucky loved her passion. "But you still have to live it."

He could never deny her. So they visited The Palazzo Vecchio, an art museum that doubled as the town hall of Florence, and they went to the iconic Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore, the main church of Florence, with the iconic red dome that could be seen from every high point in the city.

Maddy's Italian was impeccable and she knew the city like the back of her hand. Bucky could tell she had spent a lot of time there, throughout the years. They got lunch at one of the thousands of restaurants and maybe it was the best pasta Bucky had ever eaten. As the sun set, they stood on one of the arched bridges and watched the sun sink into the horizon, the beams of light casting the rippling water of the canal into orange hues. Maddy lay her head on Steve's shoulder and hooked her pinky finger around Bucky's. He looked over at them, at his brave best friend, who had given up everything to save Bucky. At the girl of his dreams, the girl he would never stop loving. The two of them together, it was a marvellous sight. Bucky knew they were all he would ever need.

It was a good day.

When they got home, they bid Steve goodnight and went to their room.

"Unzip this," Maddy requested, sweeping her hair to the side to reveal the zipper for her short, bright jumpsuit. Bucky stepped forward and placed one hand on her shoulder, slowly pulling the zip down with his other hand, revealing a strip of her smooth skin. Maddy shrugged the jumpsuit off and let it fall to the floor before turning to face him.

He hadn't touched her sexually since that first night, scared to hurt her again, despite the fact that the bruises he had created were already fading. Maddy was scared that he would fall back into the over-protective mode he had gone into after finding out the truth about the kidnapping. She wouldn't allow that to happen.

She ran her hands up his chest, to his broad shoulders and fisted her hands in the material of his shirt. "Take this off," she commanded softly.

"Maddy…" he trailed off, looking pained, conflicted.

"Shhh," she hushed, leaning close. She brushed her lips against his jaw and slowly pressed her whole body against his, tantalisingly. "You won't hurt me. I'm not fragile, Buck." She slid one hand up to cup the back of his neck, tangling her fingers in his hair. "I trust you." She gently pushed her leg up into his groin making a low groan rumble from the back of his throat. She heard the gears in his left arm begin to _whir_ softly as he clenched his fist. "Besides," her lips brushed against his earlobe and his whole body shivered. "Don't you like seeing me a bit marked up and knowing that you were the one that did it? Knowing that I _wanted_ you to do it and that every time I see them, I'll be reminded of you?" She paused for a second. "Knowing that I'm. All. Yours?"

That made him and any of his self control, snap like a rubber band that could only withstand so much tension. His arms came around her and hoisted her up, hands squeezing her ass cheeks as she wrapped her legs around him. He pushed her against the closest wall, kissing her desperately. He ripped her bra off - literally - and cupped one of her breasts with a cold, metal hand that made her gasp and arch into his touch.

They quickly shed the remaining clothes they wore.

It was quicker and filthier than last time, desperate in a way they hadn't been before, like there was no way in the world they could ever get enough of each other. They didn't even make it to the bed, instead Bucky fucking her into the wall as she scratched her nails up his shoulders and threw her head back in ecstasy.

When they both finished, Maddy collapsed against him and his knees buckled slightly. He planted his metal hand on the wall to keep them upright, breathing gruffly into her ear. "Is that what you wanted?" His voice was gravelly and rough.

She smiled, broad and panting. "Yes," she replied breathily. "Isn't it what you wanted?"

He hummed into her skin, finally regaining his composure and carrying her over to the bed, setting her down gently and quickly slipping in beside her. He stared at her for a few moments as they lay on their sides, seeming to be debating something. Then he raised his hand and stroked her face with his knuckles, impossibly sweet after a much more rougher act only minutes prior. "You're what I want," he said quietly. "You, whatever way. Just you."

She smiled softly, her eyes heavy and she reached up to gently kiss him before settling against his chest.

~O~

One night, whilst Bucky was asleep, Maddy trekked downstairs for a glass of water. She expected the kitchen to be completely dark, but instead a single light was on. Steve was hunched over the breakfast table, sitting in one of the chairs, looking over a large map in front of him. Maddy's eyebrows furrowed and she padded over to him, slipping her arms around his neck and torso from behind and resting her chin on his shoulder. He had clearly already heard her coming down the steps, as his only reaction was to tilt his head slightly in her direction.

"Hey," he murmured, his hand coming up to rest on her arm, his eyes still staring in front of him. His expression was one of concern, eyebrows drawn down and lips pursed.

"Whatcha doin'?" She questioned, looking over the map for the 'Raft Prison'.

He let out a long, tired breath. "My friends are still in here. I need to get them out."

Maddy's lips pursed together and she moved away from him only to drag a chair closer, sitting beside him and crossing her legs beneath her. "Okay. What's the plan?"

He looked at her in surprise. "I don't…You don't have to help Maddy. This is on me. They're my responsibility."

She smiled at him softly. "I didn't think Steve Rogers was a liar," she pointed out with a tinge of amusement. His eyebrows furrowed and so she elaborated. "This is _not_ just on you Steve. You're my friend. Of course I'll help you." She rested her hand over his own. "And, you know contrary to popular belief, I'm actually pretty useful. And pretty smart." She grinned. "And just plain pretty," she joked and winked at him.

He laughed and then looked at her, his eyes scanning her over. "Thank you, Maddy," he said, softly. She smiled and dropped her gaze for a moment. He thought maybe she blushed, but it was hard to tell in the fairly dim lighting.

Then he explained, in detail, his extravagant plan to her. They worked on it together all night and Maddy promised to make him some hard drives that could be plugged into the security system and would shut it down temporarily for 20 minutes, giving Steve just enough time to get his friends out. He thanked her, sincerely, and she hugged him tightly, telling him that his friends would be ok, before making her way back upstairs.

She crawled back into bed with Buck, who immediately rolled over and pulled her into his arms, like he had been awaiting her return. She nuzzled against his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. "Where were you?" he groaned out, still half asleep.

"Just with Steve," she whispered back, before kissing him, sloppily. She slung her leg over his waist and then suddenly he was wide awake, pulling her against his chest and wrapping his arms around her tightly. He nipped at her lip gently and ground his hips up into hers. She gasped into his mouth in surprise and arousal, her hand falling to rest on the mattress to hold her up. "Jesus Buck," she huffed out.

He hummed, low in his throat, grinning against her skin and then, fast enough to make her head spin, flipped them over and pinned her beneath him. His intense, ice blue gaze caught her and held her in place. She looked up at him through her lashes for a few moments, blinking innocently and just the sight of her was enough to make him moan appreciatively and start kissing her neck. He quickly rid her of her clothes and then began his descent down her body, brushing his lips over her skin and making her shiver as he went.

Maddy would never, in a hundred years, tire of this.

~O~

"I should be coming with you," Bucky said darkly, for the fifth time that morning. The sun hadn't yet risen above the horizon and Steve was slinging a duffel bag into the backseat of the SUV, preparing to go off to rescue his friends from their jail.

"Maybe Bucky's right, Steve," Maddy intoned, a nervous tint to her voice. "Maybe this isn't a one person job." But she and Steve had agreed the night before that exposing Bucky to violence and making him fight was only a very last resort. They wanted him to start healing and so long as he was reminded of his violent past, he couldn't do that. Maddy had briefly brought up the idea of her going with Steve, but that notion was quickly discarded. Even if she _was_ more highly trained and a better fighter, there was no way in hell Bucky would allow her to step foot into danger without it being 100% necessary and without him by her side. Steve didn't really want her going either, didn't want to risk her getting hurt.

So Steve was going by himself, promising that he could handle it. He gave them appreciative but hard glances. "I'm more than capable of pulling this off, guys. It's a solid plan. I'll be fine and I'll be back by tonight."

Bucky's jaw clenched and Maddy's lips pursed but Steve looked confident. He clamped a hand onto Bucky's shoulder reassuringly. "It'll be fine," he pushed. Maddy let out a long breath and reached up to hug him, wrapping her arms around his neck, surprisingly strong for such a small creature.

"Just come back, ok? In one piece," she said, quietly into his ear. She pulled back slowly, letting her hands rest on his shoulders for a few moments and meeting his blue gaze. He nodded, small, and still caught up in her eyes. Then she pulled back to allow him to get into the car. He cast one final look at Bucky, who still appeared agitated at the situation of sending his best friend out into battle alone. Maddy threaded her fingers through his metal ones in an attempt to comfort him. Steve gave them a two fingered salute through the car window and backed out of the garage.

"He'll be ok," she said to Bucky. He pulled her against his bare chest.

"I don't want to lose him again," he said, almost too quiet for her to hear. She lay her head on him.

 _I don't want to lose him either,_ she thought. She had not known Steve Rogers for long, but in the short amount of time she had spent with him, she had grown to realise that he was, quite possibly, one of the best and most loyal people to grace the face of the Earth. It would be a shame for the universe to lose such a beautiful person.

Luckily, the universe had the good sense to keep him alive and he returned home to Maddy and Bucky, as promised, late that night. He came without a scratch and looking considerably more cheerful than when he had left early that morning.

"They're safe," he smiled. "Heading back to America as we speak."

Maddy grinned big at him and Bucky's lips turned upward. "I'm glad they're ok," Bucky said and Steve could tell he meant it.

"So am I," Steve admitted. He thrust a duffel bag in Bucky's direction. "I got this for you. Some of your stuff from the apartment in Bucharest. They had it in evidence lock-up over there."

Maddy's heart lurched in her chest at the mention of her home city, but other than peering curiously at the bag as Bucky took it, she did not react.

"We should celebrate. We should go out!" Maddy suggested, like it was the best idea she'd ever had. Bucky groaned and Steve looked at her apologetically.

"I'm actually pretty wrecked," Steve admitted, rolling his shoulders. "I think I could crash."

Her face dropped. "You two are no fun," she pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Aw c'mon doll, don't be like that," Bucky dropped the duffel bag to the floor in favour of wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against him. He smirked cheekily down at her. "I'm sure I can think of something we can do." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

This time, it was Steve's turn to groan. "I'm going to bed," he intoned, dragging his feet up the stairs as Bucky laughed, Maddy shaking her head and shouting an apology to the Cap as he went.

~O~

A/N: A cute little chapter here! I hope you all enjoyed it. Luckily Maddy managed to avoid Bucky pushing her away sexually for too long and Steve managed to get his friends out of their prison so all-in-all, a pretty productive chapter!

Please let me know what you think and leave a review!

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed last week. You guys are the best.

I love you all, until next time x


	34. In The Moonlight

A/N: Hey guys! I wasn't going to upload today but where I am it is Valentines Day and I thought I should give you guys a cute little fluff chapter. So Happy V-day my lovers! (It's not Valentine's themed unfortunately because it isn't February in the story :( )

I'm staying up really late to get this edited and out to you guys so I hope you enjoy! Leave a review at the end! xoxo

~O~

Days slowly turned into weeks and the happiness that Bucky felt only grew with time. His nightmares lessened and his paranoia began to subside. He didn't flinch every time a siren was heard or resist going into public for fear of being caught anymore. However, he still scanned every room he walked into, checking for potential threats and all viable exits. He still wanted to keep Maddy and Steve in sight at all times when they were in the city, as they did visit it frequently, for fear of losing the two people he loved most in the world, the _only_ two people he loved. These were traits that would not ever be carved out of him, things that HYDRA and the pain that he had endured had instilled in him so deeply that he would never truly be rid of them. He improved and could improve further but he would never be truly 'better'. But that was ok. What he had, at the moment, it was enough. He was recovering, albeit slowly, and most importantly he was happy.

Exactly three weeks after they had arrived at the safe house, Maddy woke Bucky up in the middle of the night.

"Bucky," she shook his shoulder. "Buck, c'mon."

He wiped sleep out of his eyes, his brain still a little fuzzy. "Bambi, what's wrong?" He was mildly worried.

"Nothing silly! C'mon!" She jumped out of bed, dressed only in his shirt (and other than her lying beneath him fully naked, it's probably the way he liked her best). "It's a full moon!"

He could only laugh and shake his head as he stumbled out of bed in just his boxers and allowed her to tug him down the hallway, toward Steve's room. She woke Steve too by jumping right on top of him, who was alert instantly and worried as well, until she assured him nothing was wrong, commenting, "You're both so paranoid." It was a sadder truth than they probably realised.

She led both of them by their hands outside. It was a fairly warm night for late March, but still the air was chilly enough to elicit goosebumps from Maddy's skin. Bucky worried about her, her bare legs in the cold, but she would hear none of it. She led them down off the back porch and into the gardens beyond. There was a path that she tread on with her bare feet, her hands still gripping each of her boy's steadily. Bucky hadn't realised how far the property stretched back. They followed the path through the dense, dark trees that culminated a small forest.

"Maddy, where are we going?" Steve laughed, asking not for the first time.

"You'll see," she replied with a grin over her shoulder that made Bucky's stomach flip.

Eventually, the trees subsided and the path ended and they were left staring at a beautiful, still lake. It stretched far and wide and Bucky could only just see the end of it. He could see what Maddy meant about the moon. The full, glowing orb reflected beautifully on the water, dazzling and bright enough to be able to see their surroundings quite well.

"Oh wow," Steve breathed, blue eyes glued to the sight.

Then Maddy yanked Bucky's shirt over her head, leaving her in her bra and undies and raced toward the water, shouting behind her, "Come on slow pokes!"

Bucky's eyes widened and he called after her, "Maddy don't!" But it was too late. She dove into the lake, the refreshing burst of cold slicing through her in the best way possible. She re-surfaced after a few moments and pushed her hair back with her hands, smiling broadly.

"You guys coming or what?" She laughed.

"Maddy it's freezing," Steve protested.

"You'll get sick," Bucky agreed, worry for her tripling. He and Steve could easily withstand the cold and their advanced immune systems wouldn't allow them to get sick, but Maddy was more…fragile, despite her protestations to the contrary.

"I _might_ get sick!" She shot back, treading the water with an effortlessness that came from having grown up swimming. "But life is full of 'might's!"

Steve laughed softly at that and looked at Bucky, although Buck couldn't tear his eyes away from her. Steve pulled his shirt over his head and dove in wearing just his sweats. Maddy immediately swam to him and wrapped her arms around her newest friend's neck. "C'mon Buck," she taunted.

Bucky sighed, shaking his head, but the smile adorning his lips was a giveaway. He leaped in, tackling Steve under the water and the two wrestled good heartedly for a few moments, laughing under the surface. Then Maddy clambered onto Steve's broad shoulders and managed to stand up on them before somersaulting, badly, off. They splashed each other and chased each other and Maddy felt herself falling in love a bit with the three of them, with their dynamic. They fit together so well that it almost hurt. It almost hurt Maddy to think of a time, back in the 40's, in which Steve and Bucky had been together without her. She wished she had have known them then - Steve, all small and ready to take on the world despite it and Bucky, all cocky and charming and completely carefree.

But what they had, now, it was more than enough.

Maddy's arms were wrapped around Bucky's neck and her legs around his waist. "I love you," she whispered into his ear, like it was one of the Universe's great secrets and then she kissed his cheek. He squeezed her tightly and took in her wet hair and glowing eyes in the moonlight. Bucky thinks that if he believed in a God (or Goddess), she'd be it. She's the only thing he'd ever be willing to worship. He'd build a fucking church for her.

Steve tried to look away and not listen, but it was hard because he was less than a metre from them. Then she pulled away from Bucky and dived under the water and took his legs right out from underneath him.

When Maddy started shivering badly, they decided to head back. She rode toward the house on Steve's back, her cheek pressed against the back of his neck and his hands holding her legs as she soaked in the warmth of his broad body. He was solid against her and she thought she could nearly fall asleep, due to his barely-jostling strides that were more soothing than anything.

Her eyes followed Bucky, who glanced at her from time to time with a small, content smile on his face. When they got back to the house, it was nearly 3 o'clock and they were all exhausted. In the living room, they pulled the couch cushions off the large, luxurious sofa and laid them out on the ground as a makeshift mattress. Steve and Bucky explained that they used to do it all the time, especially when they were kids. The three of them all flopped down onto the little bed they'd made. Maddy's arm was thrown over Steve's chest whilst her legs were tangled with Bucky's, who was pressed up against her back, his chin resting atop her head. Maddy didn't miss the way that Bucky's hand was lying on Steve's arm. She thought it was cute and heart warming at the same time - the obvious connection between them. It made her miss Ellie. She knew she should call her best friend, but it wasn't safe. The police more than likely questioned Ellie and may have her phone tapped or being monitored. If Maddy called her, they may be able to trace her phone to Florence and that would _not_ be good.

She rested her cheek on Steve's shoulder and pulled Bucky closer with one of her legs and let herself fall to sleep, hoping that somewhere, Ellie was as happy as she was in that moment.

~O~ _A few days later_

Maddy collapsed onto Bucky's chest, both of them heaving for air, Maddy's skin flushed beautifully as he slowly pulled out of her. She looked up at him, still looking mildly dazed. He leaned down and pressed an open mouthed kiss to her cheek and then her lips, carding his fingers through her hair gently. She was trembling a little, tremors of pleasure still running through her body as she slowly let herself calm down. After a few minutes she spoke.

"Tell me about the past," she murmured quietly, settling in against him, lying fully on top of him. She could hear the steady _thump, thump_ of his heart where her ear was pressed to his chest. It was soothing and nice and reminded her how _alive_ he was.

He couldn't help the side of his mouth quirking up in a small smile at her request. He settled one arm bent at the elbow, his head resting back on his hand and the other arm wrapped around his girl.

"Me and Stevie moved in together when we were 19, right after his mama died. We rented this crappy little apartment that my parents sometimes had to help us pay for. He did most of the cleaning and cooking to be honest. I was probably the worst roommate ever. He was always gettin' up me for leaving my crap around," he chuckled lightly, his chest moving up and down beneath Maddy as she smiled uncontrollably.

"Sometimes I dream that all of us lived together back then," she said quietly. "And there was no war or anything. And I wore those really cute dresses and cute hairstyles that the girls did back then." They both laughed at that.

He hummed a little, running his fingertips up and down her spine. Her fingers curled into his hair. "Technology's better now though. Clothes are more comfortable, even if they are uglier," he said and they both laughed again. Maddy half lived for these moments. The sex was good - _brilliant_ actually - but she loved the moments that they shared afterwards, together. The quiet ones, where they just had each other and they would speak and learn new things about one another.

Bucky took in a deep breath and shifted a little. "C'mon _malyutka_ , my _myshka_ , we should shower."

" _Malyutka_? _Myshka_?" She questioned the distinctly Russian words curiously as he sat up, taking her along with him. She wrapped her legs around his waist and rested her hands on his shoulders, tilting her head to the side as she looked at him.

"Little one, little mouse," he cooed softly. She smiled and looked down with a blush. She loved it when he called her any pet names and he almost always had a new one for her; doll, sweetheart, the Russian ones he would sometimes use. But her favourite would always be Bambi.

"Bucky?" She asked.

"Mm," he stroked some of her hair back, behind her ear and then pressed a kiss to her jaw.

"How do you say I love you in Russian?"

He smiled at her like she was the freaking sun and tangled his hands in her hair, kissing her softly, their lips pressing together. " _Ya lyublyu tebya_."

Somehow, because she was a genius or something, she repeated it back to him flawlessly. He smiled at her and nodded.

"I can say I love you in French, Romanian, Italian and I _think_ I remember Spanish too," she grinned cheekily. He rolled his eyes and stood up off the bed with her in tow.

"You're such a show off," he fake sighed and began tickling her. She squealed, squirming in his grip and laughing desperately.

~O~

A/N: Just a cute little, fluffy chapter in which literally nothing bad happened. Also guys this chapter means we hit 100,000 words. And that's in less than 5 months! I think that is pretty amazing and I could not have done it without the help and support of my beautiful readers. You guys are the absolute best.

I really hope you are enjoying this and _**please leave a review and let me know**_. The more you review the faster I will update, I pinky promise. If I get like 6 reviews within the next few days I swear I'll update really soon with a really good chapter haha!

Thank you guys, I love you all. Hope you all had/are having a brilliant Valentines Day! xx


	35. Being Steve Rogers

A/N: Hey guys! I know it's been a little bit since I updated and that's predominantly because I have been umming and uhhing about posting this. But here I am and Imma just do it.

~O~

Steve woke up and cooked breakfast that morning. Usually Maddy cooked breakfast, because she got up the earliest, but she and Bucky had had a late night the previous night (Steve had to put on big headphones to drown them out, despite the thick walls - Maddy was _loud_ ) and so she and Buck were sleeping in.

Steve tried not to be jealous of them - really he did. He knew that it was selfish and unfair and that all he should feel is happiness for Bucky and Maddy. But sometimes it was hard. Sometimes he couldn't help feeling envious and self-sympathetic. It was hard watching the easy relationship between Bucky and Maddy. The way they knew their way around each other so effortlessly, the way that Maddy knew exactly how to comfort Bucky, the way she knew how he now liked his coffee and his eggs. That had used to be Steve, and whilst his and Bucky's relationship was certainly on the mend and Steve knew for sure that he was one of two people in the world that Bucky actually, fully trusted, it wasn't quite the same as it used to be. It never would be again. Bucky had almost always had a girl going on back in the 30's and 40's, but none of them had been serious, none of them had ever even come close to being able to contend with Steve. Steve had always come first. Until now. Until Maddy.

There was also the small fact of Bucky having tried to kill Steve. It was not something Steve held against him, not even a tiny bit. But it was still there. That violence and pain that Bucky had inflicted on someone he was supposed to love. It would always be there, between them. That tiny rift that, no matter how much either of them wanted to or tried, could never truly be bridged. Steve loved Bucky, and vice versa, but it would never be same as it had been in 40's.

And finally, of course, there was the matter of just Madelyn. Again, Steve tried not to be jealous. It wasn't his place to feel any jealousy over Maddy. But it was so freaking hard not to. She was beautiful and elegant and educated and smart and _kind_ \- God she was so kind. Her accent reminded him of Peggy and her smell reminded him of home. And, lately, every god damn time Bucky put his arm around her or he heard them having sex through the walls, Steve felt _something_ in his chest. Something he did not like or approve of at all.

He couldn't help that every time she threw her arms around Steve or touched his side to move him out of the way, he felt an overwhelming urge to bring her closer. He couldn't help that every time she read poetry to them or sang quietly to herself, he felt like he could listen to nothing but her voice all day. He couldn't help that every time he looked at her, he unwelcomely thought that she was absolutely and positively stunning.

But there it was.

Even though he knew he shouldn't be, he was jealous. Jealous of Maddy, for having such an easy way with Bucky and knowing the new Bucky in a way Steve didn't yet, maybe never could. Jealous of Bucky, for having such a wonderful and remarkable girl that was completely his and would continue to be, probably forever. It didn't matter though. Steve would never, in a million years, act on his feelings. The jealousy and envy he felt were the worst parts of him - the ugliest. (And perhaps the fact that some simple and fair feelings of jealousy were the worst parts of Steve Rogers really said more about the good in him than the bad. After all, everyone had a dark side and if that was the extent of Steve Rogers' then really it wasn't all that bad.)

So he cooked breakfast. He made blueberry and choc-chip pancakes and he called Maddy and Bucky's names when the food was ready and they came stumbling down the stairs bleary eyed and following the heavenly scent of food. And when Maddy kissed him on the cheek and thanked him for making her favourite (the choc-chip), he didn't react beyond a gentle smile. And when Bucky pulled Maddy onto his lap to eat, whilst she spoke animatedly about a play neither of them had heard of, Steve didn't react beyond listening intently to Maddy's entertaining voice.

In short; yes, Steve was jealous. But he was also content. He liked the easy-going dynamic between the three of them and he would do everything in his power not to mess it up. If that meant burying his misgivings about his and Bucky's relationship and burying his feelings for a certain beautiful Brit, then so be it. It was a small sacrifice for what they did have and it was one Steve was more than willing to make. After all, sacrifice was basically a fundamental attribute of being Steve Rogers.

~O~

The room in which Bucky and Maddy now inhabited had once just been _Maddy's_. The holiday/safe house had been purchased when she was 17 years and 6 months old. She had chosen this room out of all the options because she had thought it had looked like the biggest, or the second biggest after her father's master bedroom. At that point in time, she and Ellie had been obsessed with _Luna Amara_ (a Romanian rock-band who now made Maddy cringe and turn away) and Colin Firth (the British actor who still made Maddy swoon), and thus it had been their posters which had lined the walls of the Italian mansion. When she turned 18, it had changed to posters of the newly-released movie adaption of Jane Eyre and the new 'Transformers' posters. _A strange mix,_ she supposed, looking back. But the cars that turned into killer-robots seemed so impossibly cool at the time and Jane Eyre, although somewhat boring, had brilliant feministic principles behind it.

Now the walls were a different colour (they had changed colour frequently and when she was 21 she had decided white was best. Sometimes neutrality _was_ the easiest option.) They had changed from green to purple to pink back to green and then finally to white over the years. Pictures adorned the room, some on the bedside table, some hanging on frames on the wall. Most depicted Maddy and Ellie. A few of Maddy and her father. No particularly recent ones. None since the kidnapping. After that particular event, nothing had seemed quite important enough to photograph, to capture.

At least, not until Bucky.

She wanted to add at least one of Bucky and her and Steve (or just of Bucky and Steve, she didn't care much for looking at her own face), but getting them to stand still for a photo would be about as easy as pulling teeth. So, instead she went snooping for one she could hang up.

She unzipped the duffel bag that Steve had given Bucky weeks prior, containing his things from the apartment in Bucharest. Bucky had barely touched the thing since Steve had given it to him, as if he was simply trying to push that part of his life away. Maddy was unsure if the part he was trying to push away was them, together, in Bucharest or the horrible things that preceded that. She thought it was the latter. Hoped, maybe.

Either way, he'd only opened it once that she'd seen and that was only to grab out a shirt that he wanted. (Which was really an unavailing action as she ripped the shirt off of him to kiss at his skin only minutes after he donned it.)

She rummaged through the duffel bag. Clothes lined the inside mainly. A spare pair of shoes, socks. Then…a diary. The same diary Maddy had picked up to inspect months before. The same diary Bucky had ripped away from her in a fit of anger. She wondered if he would mind now if she looked. Part of her said he'd share anything with her. Another part of her knew that was a blatant lie. Bucky exposed her to the nicest parts of himself, parts that hadn't been completely burnt and killed by World War II and HYDRA. The other side of him, the killer side, he tried his damn hardest to keep her from seeing. Sometimes it leaked through, though. Maddy didn't mind so much, even if it scared her. She wanted to know all of him, not just a part of him. Not when he knew all of her.

So she opened the diary, with the little multi-coloured sticky notes poking out, to the page the red elastic band was pulled around. What met her was a photo of a familiar face, which she picked up.

Steve-no, no… _Captain America_ stood with his hand up in a salute, the American flag waving behind him dramatically. Maddy wondered how many times Bucky had stared at this picture and seen his best friend.

She placed the photo back in the book and turned the page. Another picture, this time one that made her smile. It was Steve and Bucky during the war, seemingly taken during an interview about the Howling Commandoes. They were both laughing, standing close to each other. Bucky looked so different then. So handsome and young. He looked a bit smaller too - a little more lithe, a little less masculine, especially next to Steve. She ran her fingers over the picture, then decided to start from the beginning. It wasn't a particularly large journal, but it was heavy with the weight of words, with the weight of confessions. Some voice inside her head told her to put it down, to not look until he voluntarily allowed her. But she was too damn curious and half convinced that Bucky would _never_ give her that permission. So she started from the beginning.

The first pages were filled with messy, Russian hand writing that she couldn't understand. At first it was chaotic, scribbled hastily as if he were in a rush to get it down before the memories slipped through his fingertips like grains of sand. Every entry was dated, starting all the way back in 2014 and moving onward. Occasionally there was a time skip, she noticed. Of a month, a week. Sometimes entries were added methodically for a solid six weeks, every single day and then would drop off for unknown reasons. Sometimes the pages were ripped with the force he used on the pen. But as time in the journal went on, the entries got neater, calmer. The first account in English, the first one she could actually read, was dated 4th July 2015.All it read was; _It's his birthday today. Once, a long time ago, we ate corn dogs and banana fritters over looking a body of water and I sung happy birthday to him. He laughed. I don't remember where we were exactly, but I want to go back. I want to go back. I want to go back._

That's around the time Maddy started crying, silent tears pooling in her eyes and slithering down her cheeks. She only wiped them away when they splattered on the book and smudged some of the ink.

The next few entries changed frequently between Russian and English. They consisted of recollections of hazy memories, mostly, and were often barely strung together sentences.

 _10th August 2015_

 _I was fighting in the war. In Europe, somewhere…. Italy. Definitely Italy. The museum had said Italy. I was a prisoner of war. No food for days at a time. Needles, strapped to a bench. Then…Steve. He was there. He saved me. But he was different to how he was before. Bigger, stronger. His body finally matched what was inside of him._

 _19th September 2015_

 _He was a politician and they needed codes from him for something. I didn't need to know what for. I did not ask. I cut off two of his fingers first, then broke his wrist. He was tougher than he looked. I had to dislocate his shoulder, then break his kneecaps before he spoke. I got the codes. I put a bullet through his forehead. His name was Harvey Garfield. I looked him up. He had two daughters. I should have just put a bullet through my own head instead. Why didn't I think of that?_

 _30th September 2015_

 _I want to go after them. After every last person who ever helped or was HYDRA. I want them dead, all of them. But it's not realistic. Better to stay under the radar, stay safe. I don't deserve safety. Fuck._

Each entry continued on in a similar matter. The self-blame continued and the horrors kept on unfolding. All the things they forced him to do, descriptions of murders and tortures and the chair that took away his memories, that literally scorched them out of him, each account more harrowing than the last.

Finally, she neared the date that she had met him. Her heart was pounding in her chest. But…there was no entry for that day. Or the next or the next. There was a gap in the timeline and then the next entry was set for the day that she had invited him over to her place for a Star Wars marathon.

All it read was the date and; _Why can't I stay away from her?_

Her heart constricted in her chest. She tried not to let it hurt, but it did. She wasn't sure why, because it was clear that it wasn't because he didn't want to be around her necessarily, but more than he didn't think he should be. Still, she felt like an idiot.

She moved onto the next day's entry, clearly written after their movie marathon.

 _I went to her apartment and we watched movies. She talks a lot, but I like her voice. I think maybe it's the only thing I actually_ do _like in this new world. I told her about my arm. Fuck, why did I do that? Why do I feel so desperate around her? Desperate to know her, to speak to her, to listen to her, to touch her…_

 _I hardly know her and she can_ never _know me. So the way I'm feeling doesn't make sense._

 _Her father's a dickhead. She seemed so painfully perfect at first, but maybe she's just….Maybe she's just…Human._

 _She fell asleep at the end of the night and God, she looked so beautiful. So innocent. I won't ruin that. I'm not going to ruin anyone else's lives. I've done that to enough people._

 _I'll stay away from her. I will._

Maddy would have laughed if she wasn't crying. Stay away from her? Yeah that little plan didn't go so well. She continued to read on, to see their relationship develop through Bucky's eyes. It was heartbreaking at times, the way he had to continuously pull himself away from her, the way he tried so hard not to love her.

She wasn't even halfway through when she heard the sound of Bucky's footsteps coming toward the room. "Crap," she muttered, fumbling with the book to try and hide it and successfully falling off the bed she was sitting on, the book falling with her. The door to the room opened and Bucky walked inside. His eyebrows furrowed at the sight that met him.

"Maddy, you ok?" He reached down and picked her up, placing her on her feet. She tried to stutter out an innocent sounding answer, but before she could his gaze landed on the open diary and darkened. He looked back at her, his expression hard and maybe angry, before scooping up the book and closing it.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out, before he could say anything. "I know I shouldn't have looked, I know it's invading your privacy but..I just saw it and I was curious and-"

"You can't just go through other people's things Madelyn," his voice had a bite to it that he didn't often use on her. "There's things in here I don't want you to see."

She looked down, suddenly feeling very guilty. She knew that if she kept a diary, she wouldn't want him going through and reading it. "I know," she murmured quietly. "I'm sorry, Buck. I was just..curious, I guess."

He sighed, pursing his lips as he regarded her before brushing past her, toward the duffel bag to put the diary back in its place.

"Wait!" She dived for the diary and yanked it out of his hands, ignoring his indignant shout of her name. She quickly flipped through the pages until she found what she was looking for, what she had been looking for from the beginning; the picture of Bucky and Steve, during World War II. She plucked it out before handing the diary back to an angry looking James and walking over to the wall opposite the bed, over one of the dressers. She pulled out a glob of blue tack before sticking the photo up, right where they could all see it. She looked over her shoulder at her boyfriend, who had put the diary back in his bag and zipped it up. He had his arms crossed over his chest and although his expression was still hard, his eyes had softened.

She approached him cautiously, not wanting him to push her away. "You have a right to your privacy - of course you do," she said, her expression so earnest and pure it melted his icy heart. "But you shouldn't ever feel like you need to hide things from me."

He looked down for a moment, his arms slowly slipping down to hang by his side. "I know," he murmured. "There's just-…parts of me that I still don't want to expose you to."

She reached out gingerly and placed her hand on his arm. "It's ok," she said quietly. "You won't ever scare me."

He regarded her for a few moments. "Maybe I should," his voice was hoarse, like he struggled to get the words out.

She smiled softly. "Maybe," she agreed. "But you still don't."

He let out a long breath and his shoulders slumped before he reached out and pulled her toward him, nuzzling into her hair whilst she wound her arms around his middle.

"Dinner's ready!" Steve called loudly from the kitchen below and the couple parted with a sigh. Before she could pull away, he cupped her cheek with his hand and leaned down and softly kissed her. She had to stop herself from deepening the kiss, instead pulling away with a groan, her eyebrows furrowed.

"I think I'm turning into a sex addict," she said. He burst out laughing, his shoulders shaking. "Seriously! Every time I'm near you all I want to do is rip off your stupid shirt and-"

"Maddy if you finish that sentence, dinner is going to go cold long before we get to eat it," he threatened, still grinning like an idiot. She started giggling too and by the time they stumbled their way downstairs, Steve was glaring at them with an unimpressed look and Maddy may or may not have had a fresh hickey on her neck.

~O~

A/N: Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed that. I want to make it clear that yes Steve may have feelings for Maddy, but Maddy does not have feelings for Steve! Don't worry, she's 100% invested in Bucky!

Please leave me a review and tell me what you're thinking!

Thank you! Until next time xoxo


	36. Play Me a Tune

A/N: Hey guys! Here's a new chap - I hope you enjoy!

If you guys are like me and loooove Bucky (which I'm sure most of you do!) then check out my new fic which I just posted which is also Bucky/OC! It's called 'Teacher, Tutor, Boyfriend'! Have a read and tell me what you think!

Xoxo

~O~

Over the months, and specifically the past weeks, Maddy had grown accustomed to sleeping with Bucky. His warmth and security wrapped around her, the fact that she knew, no matter what, that she was safe when in his arms. It allowed her to get the best sleep she had had since the kidnapping. It allowed her to rest completely and know that there was someone right beside her that would always protect her and more importantly was powerful enough to do so. It didn't hurt that Captain America was a few doors down either.

So what woke her in the middle of the night was that lack of security, the lack of warmth and unconditional love that came along with resting her head on Bucky's chest. She groaned lightly and felt around the large bed for his body but was met only with cold emptiness. She blinked her eyes open blearily, rubbing sleep from them and peered around the room. It was still pitch black out, but as her eyes adjusted, the moonlight provided just enough light for her to see she was alone in the room.

 _Maybe he's with Steve_ , she thought, sitting up. She hoped that he hadn't had nightmares again. She hated seeing them hurt him like they did. She slithered out of bed, naked, and scooped up one of his long sleeved shirts. Yanking it over her head, she padded down the hallway in search of her absent lover. She silently cracked opened the door to Steve's room and peered in, but the bedroom was pitch black and Steve was sleeping peacefully - and alone - his face stuffed into his pillow and his arm hanging off the edge of the bed. She smiled softly as he snored lightly and shut the door as quietly as she could.

She was about to give up her search and go back to bed - possibly Bucky had gone for a run to try and tire himself out - when a light tone of music reached her ears. Her eyebrows furrowed and she followed the quiet noise downstairs. At first she thought maybe he was playing a record or listening to the radio station, but as she drew closer to the sound, she realised that it was in fact authentic and being played as she listened. It was a piano and Maddy immediately recognised the song as 'Claire De Lune' by Claude Debussy. It was being played softly, slowly but beautifully and meticulously. She followed the sound to one of the rooms that she had not been in since they had bought and built the safe house. She hesitated, before pulling open the door quietly and slipping inside. It was a large, spacious room, probably meant to be another lounge room or sitting room. Instead, half of it was filled with boxes and the other half decorated with canvases of beautiful paintings and photographs and a large, black grand piano. It was her mother's room, or rather, a room dedicated to her mother. A shrine, maybe.

Everything her mother had owned and loved and cherished lived in that room. Madelyn did not enter the room, she did not look inside it or dwell in it. As far as she was concerned, it did not exist. Her father followed suit. To look at it and enter it was to feel the pain of losing her mother all over again. For the first time since the safe house had been built, she looked around the space. Her eyes immediately sought out Bucky, who was sitting on the piano bench, hunched over the instrument, shirtless with just a pair of sweats slung low on his hips.

His fingers moved across the piano keys accurately, but almost hesitantly, unsurely. Her mother had played this song when Maddy was little. Maddy would sit beside the piano, drawing, as her mother played for hours. She was brilliant, had done it her whole life.

Maddy watched Bucky play for a few moments, listening to the beautiful, familiar melody flooding her ears. She knew he knew she was there - his hearing was too sharp for him not to - but as she slowly approached him, he did not look up, focussed on the apparatus in front of him. He had no sheet music; he knew the song by heart. She gulped as she neared him and then stopped beside him, but still he stayed focussed on the piano. She slowly lifted a hand and put it on his shoulder, the right one, sliding it across his bare skin. He let out a long, ragged breath and his hands fell away from the keys. The silence cut through the air like a knife, a harsh comparison to the beautiful music that had filled the air only seconds previous. He slumped down further, his head resting on the top of the piano. He was shaking a little underneath her hand.

"Bucky?" her voice broke, even though she hadn't meant for it to.

His hands slowly curled into fists and he did not look up. She gulped, shifting on her feet, unsure. After a few, heavy minutes of silence, the air thick enough to choke even the best pair of lungs, Bucky finally spoke, his voice gravelly and rough, muffled from his face being pressed against his arm. "I'm sorry if you don't want me in here…I just-..I wanted to see if…" He trailed off, burying his face further in his arm.

She took a few breaths in and out to steady herself. "It's ok," she said, even though it wasn't. Her heart was pounding and she was trying her best to not let her eyes flick around the room. She didn't want to look at everything her mother had left behind, didn't want to remember that she wasn't the only thing left missing the wonderful woman. "What did you want to see if you could do?" she prompted gently.

He took a few moments to answer, slowly straightening up but still refusing to look at her. "I wanted to see if I could remember," he said, his voice nearly too quiet for her to hear. "If I could remember how to play. And if…if my arm could even…" he flexed his metal fingers. She imagined that it was harder to play with the metallic appendage due to its dulled sense of feeling.

She hesitated, biting her lip for a second. "You could….It was beautiful."

He slowly shook his head. "Not like before," his voice broke, overwhelmed with emotion. "It's never going to be like before… _I'm_ never going to be like I was before."

Maddy made a small, sad noise in the back of her throat and crouched down beside him, reaching up to cup his jaw with her delicate hand and turning his face toward her. Their eyes finally met and she saw his blue depths were filled with tears, tears she knew he would never allow to fall.

"You don't have to be," she assured him quietly. "Nobody expects you to be." She stroked his cheek with her thumb, running her finger over the stubble that stretched across his jaw. "Just because it's not going to be the same as before, doesn't mean it can't still be good."

He squeezed his eyes closed, but still he did not cry.

 _He is so, so strong,_ she thought. Then he pulled her up by her hand and bundled her into his arms, sitting her on his lap and clutching her close to his chest. She allowed him to, simply holding her love against her, stroking his hair softly as he buried his face in her neck.

"It's ok," she murmured soothingly. Her eyes were drawn momentarily to a photograph of her and her mother and for a second her attention was stolen from Bucky, wondering away to the grief in her own chest, the squeezing that happened every time she saw a picture of her mother's beautiful smile. She quickly closed her eyes and focussed back on her upset boyfriend. "Just because it hurts sometimes, doesn't mean it isn't getting better. It'll be ok, Buck."

They stayed, tangled together, for a long time. Eventually his breathing evened out and they pulled back. He stroked some of her hair out of her face, fingers caressing the soft skin of her cheek.

"Play for me?" She requested quietly. When he hesitated, she added, "Please."

He let out a long breath and then gently placed her beside him on the piano seat, one of her legs still thrown over his own. His hands settled over the piano keys and he hesitated only for a moment, before beginning to play again.

He really was brilliant. The melody was slow and soft, just like before, but it was flowing and silky. He seemed to get more and more confident the longer he played, his fingers pressing thevkeys more strongly, the song becoming more upbeat. He looked comfortable when he did it, just like he did when he was dancing. Like he was surviving off of muscle memory.

He played for a long time, the night seeping on outside their little haven. Maddy stared resolutely at his hands as they moved deftly, listening to the beautiful music he created. After an immeasurable amount of time (seconds, minutes, hours?) the music abruptly cut out as Bucky ripped his hands away and suddenly grasped Maddy, pulling her back onto his lap and surging forward to catch her lips in a searing kiss. Startled only for a moment, she quickly responded and tangled her fingers in his hair as he ran his hands up under the shirt she was wearing, along the smooth skin of her back. He pulled her flush against his chest. Butterflies erupted in her stomach, a byproduct that occurred every time he kissed or touched her, no matter how many times they had done this.

His lips dragged along her jaw, then down her throat, where he sucked a bruise. She moaned his name out, pressing her hips down into his. He kissed down to the skin where her shoulder met her neck and he sunk his teeth in there, just harsh enough to sting. She gasped, hands tightening painfully in his hair. She yanked him back and smashed her lips against his, their tongues pushing against each other. He stood up with her in his arms and walked around to the side of the piano. He quickly closed the top lid down before lying her across the shiny, black polished wood. He leaned down and caught her lips again, slotting their mouthes together like they were made to be there. His fingers threaded with her own and he slowly pushed them up, to be pinned above her head. He ravished her neck, his lips pressing on her pulse point and making her arch into his touch. His hands tightened in her own and for a moment her heart leaped in her chest at being restrained like that - the powerlessness she possessed with her hands pinned to the polished wood of the piano making an uneasy feeling flow through her.

"Bucky," she gasped out, but either he was too pre-occupied to hear her or thought it was an encouragement because he simply pressed down further onto her body, pressing open-mouthed kisses to her collar bone. A curl of irrational fear unfurled in her stomach causing tears to suddenly invade her eyes. " _Bucky_ ," her voice had a bite to it and it took him only a beat to pull back, his hands loosening their grip enough on her own for her to slip her hands away from him and press them to his chest. For a bit, the only sound in the whole room, the whole house, the whole _world_ , was their jagged breaths. She quickly tried to cover the fact that she had nearly just fallen into panic at being just that tiny bit restrained by saying, "I don't want to do this in here. This is my mother's room."

"I'm sorry," he gasped out, going to bundle her close to his chest but she quickly pushed him back. She had to ignore his hurt expression and slip past him, landing gracefully on the ground.

"Come on, let's go upstairs," she said, avoiding his gaze and holding out her hand.

"Bambi," he said quietly, trying to garner her attention. When she still refused to look at him, he slipped his metal hand into hers before allowing her to lead him out of the room. She closed the door behind them and then leant her forehead against it, sighing, like she was able to breathe easier once they were out of there. "Maddy," he repeated her name. "I'm sorry." He didn't know what he was apologising for; she could tell. He was just grasping at straws, praying he hadn't done something wrong.

She forced herself to turn around and give him a watery grin. "It's ok Buck," she assured him. "Let's just go back to bed ok?"

They walked up the stairs, Bucky trailing dejectedly behind her, knowing he had done something wrong but not quite understanding what it was. She felt guilty - she knew she was the one that was supposed to be comforting him, he was the one that was damaged and hurting. But maybe, just maybe, she was damaged and hurting too.

When they got into their room they climbed into bed. He lay on his back, a hand under his head, staring up at the ceiling.

With his other arm he reached out and pulled her close to him, draping her across his broad, bare chest. She gulped and began tracing the scarred skin that led to his metal shoulder. He shifted uncomfortably beneath her touch, so she reached up and kissed the scars there, to prove that she loved all of him, not just the pretty parts (although a lot of him _was_ extraordinarily pretty, e.g his eyes, his smiles, the way he sounded when he moaned).

"I'm sorry I went into your mother's room," he said quietly.

There was a pause of heavy silence.

"I'm not mad," Maddy finally said.

He didn't look like he believed her.

"Really," she promised. "I'm-I'm not. Let's try and get some more sleep ok?"

She closed her eyes, but after a few moments he spoke again, soft and quiet enough that she almost didn't hear. "I don't want to go back to sleep," he admitted.

She opened her eyes again and peered back up at him. He looked…She couldn't place the word. It was an emotion she hadn't seen on him very much.

He looked…Scared. _That_ was what it was. He looked terrified, in his own way. His face was mostly stoic but his eyes were a disarray of emotions, blending together to create heart-stopping fear.

She wasn't sure what to do for a moment, how to comfort him. He was so strong and so powerful; it was foreign for her to think of him as frightened.

"Why?" She managed to croak out, emotion clouding her voice. "Buck you're safe here, I swear. Steve's just down the hall. He won't let anything happen to you." She gulped down the lump in her throat. "Neither will I."

"It's not that simple," he murmured, refusing to look at her, his gaze set on the ceiling. She knew what he meant. After she had gotten back from being kidnapped, she had been paranoid. Every little sound has sent her heart racing, every thud making her flinch. Even though she knew it was illogical, even though she knew she safe again, she was still scared. It was like it was ingrained in her - and that was after just one month. Bucky had been held captive for decades.

"I know," she whispered. "But it'll get better. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise. You'll be here too. With me." She hesitated. "Forever….right?"

His arm around her tightened, pulling her closer. "Forever's a long time," he pointed out. Her eyebrows furrowed.

"Not long enough," she protested.

He leaned down and kissed her lips, softly. His tongue edged into her mouth right before he slowly pulled back. "No," he agreed. "No amount of time will ever be enough."

"Maybe they'll turn us into stars," she said wistfully. "And we'll burn together until the sky collapses in on itself."

He smiled a little, one side of his mouth pulling up sadly. "I don't think the universe is that kind."

She thought on this for a moment. "Maybe the universe owes us one."

He liked the thought of that, even if he didn't believe it, and buried his face in her hair before closing his eyes.

~O~

A/N: Hey guys! I'm really sorry for the delay on this chapter - I really, really struggled with it and had writer's block and had to re-write it like twice and ugh. Also I'm so busy with year 12 holy crap.

Anyway, I really hope it was ok. PLEASE LEAVE ME A REVIEW AND TELL ME? That'd be nice.

You guys are seriously the best, thank you for your reviews last chapter (and all the chapters before!)

I didn't completely edit this so sorry if there are any mistakes!

Love you all xoxo

~O~


	37. There were 3 in the bed

A/N: There were three in the bed and the little one said 'roll over, roll over'!

Did you guys sing that nursery rhyme when you were little?

Here is a new chapter! I hope you enjoy!

(Psst did you guys check out my new story 'Teacher, Tutor, Boyfriend'? It's Bucky/OC and you should. Love you guys!)

~O~

Huffing in annoyance, Maddy rolled her eyes and slumped back into the couch, arms crossed in front of her and staring up at her glowering boyfriend. "Come on Buck - we can't stay cooped up in this little house forever!"

"Little?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow and by the look in his eyes, she could tell he thought she was spoilt for thinking it. It made her a little indignant. "It has 8 bedrooms and 5 acres."

"Yeah well Italy is a whole 74 _million_ acres! We need to see some of the country!" She insisted. Steve sunk back further into the sofa. They'd been at it for hours - arguing. Maddy was trying, valiantly, to convince Bucky to let them go on a little road trip around Italy. Bucky, however, was adamant on staying at the house where it was safe. Steve had to admit that he was starting to go a little stir crazy. And he was _definitely_ getting sick of Bucky and Maddy's arguing. But he kept his mouth shut, not wanting to get into the middle of it and get accused of picking sides. He thought that perhaps Maddy wasn't too used to Bucky denying her and Steve got the distinct feeling that Bucky generally gave her whatever she wanted. "We need to live Buck - you should see Italy, experience it. It's beautiful!"

"Oh I've experienced Italy plenty, Madelyn," Bucky's voice began to get strident, a hint of harshness seeping into his tone.

"Really?" She challenged, clearly not believing him.

"Yes, really," he hissed out, anger lighting his blue eyes. "Like in 1944 when I fought on the Italian front lines and then was taken as a POW and tortured and starved for months. Or in 1979 when I was pulled out of cryo to assassinate an Italian reporter. Or again in 1987 when I was ordered to destroy a science warehouse because of their advanced technology, killing over a dozen innocent people. I've seen the fucking country Maddy. I don't want to see it again."

Maddy's face had paled and her lips had closed. Regret was filtering into her expression as it filtered into Bucky's chest. Before he could say anything more to upset her, he spun on his heel and marched out of the room, leaving a slightly shocked Steve and Madelyn behind.

He hadn't meant to be that harsh on her, really he hadn't, but he was just scared that they were going to get caught. That he was going to get sent to prison and never see her again. No, no that wasn't what he was scared of, not really. He was scared that _Maddy and Steve_ would get sent to prison, that they would be punished for things that weren't their fault. They were innocent and if not innocent, then good, at the least. Bucky…well, Bucky not so much. At least not in his eyes.

Maddy hadn't meant to strike a nerve with her soldier, hadn't meant to dig up painful memories for him. She just wanted him to live, to be happy. She didn't want him confined to a little property when the whole world was out there, waiting to be discovered. He had already lost so much time, so many years to HYDRA. She didn't want him losing any more time to fear. And whilst she did understand his fear, she couldn't accept it. She wanted him to move past it and learn how to be a normal, functioning human being again.

Steve let out a long breath and rubbed his eyes with his hands. He stood and placed a hand on Maddy's shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly.

"I didn't mean to upset him," she said quietly.

"I know Maddy. It'll be fine. He's just being touchy. I'll talk to him," Steve promised, his hand sliding down her arm before he turned to make his way out of the lounge room and up the stairs, to the bedroom that Bucky and Maddy shared.

He leant against the doorway, watching his friend's back, who was facing out the window, his arms crossed over his chest and his whole body tense.

"She means well, you know," Steve said. "She just wants you to…have some fun."

He could see Bucky's shoulders tense further. "She doesn't understand how dangerous this is. How much danger _I've_ put her in. She's being naive."

"That's not fair. She's being optimistic," Steve shot back. "That's not naivety."

Bucky's jaw tightened. "Maybe," he muttered under his breath. Steve walked forward and, slightly hesitant, clasped a hand onto his friend's right shoulder.

"I know you're more scared for us than you are for yourself. But it'll be fine. We just have to keep our heads down," Steve tried to convince him. "People don't know us as well in these European countries. America is where we're really big. And she's right…we can't stay here forever."

Bucky let out a long breath and Steve felt as the muscles beneath his hand slowly relaxed. "I didn't mean to get angry at her," he murmured quietly, finally turning to face his best friend. "I just-…" He ran his hands - one flesh, one glinting metal - over his head and through his hair. "God Stevie, if she got hurt because of me…"

"She won't," Steve assured him. "We'll protect her." There was a hint of fierceness to his voice, a hint that Bucky appreciated, but also suspected that meant that Steve was coming to really, truly care about the girl. _Bucky's_ girl. He quickly shook that possessive thought away and tried not to think of it like that. It wasn't like that, not with Steve. He didn't need to be possessive of Maddy when it came to Steve. Right? "We'll always protect her."

.

Maddy fidgeted at the doorway to her bedroom, looking down at her hands. Bucky stood in their bedroom, fresh from the shower and looking at her ever-beautiful form, just a pair of sweatpants swung low on his hips.

"I didn't mean to upset you," she said, almost bashful.

"I know Bambi," Bucky assured her, his frustration having melted away with his talk with Steve and the soothing shower. "C'mere."

She let out a relieved breath and walked toward him, slipping easily into his arms and resting her hands on his strong chest. "I don't like it when you're angry at me," she pouted and he wanted to kiss her. He thought he was pretty lucky that, as soon as he got the urge, he could. And he did, swooping down to press his lips to hers searingly. He loved the fact that he could kiss her whenever he wanted, that she was his to kiss and his alone.

"I wasn't angry at you," he contradicted. "I'm never angry at you Maddy, I promise. I'm too in love with you to ever really be angry at you… I'm just..worried. You make me worry." There was a hint of humour to his voice that Maddy appreciated. It made her smile and run her hands up his shoulders.

"I want you to be happy, Buck," she said.

He smiled softly and leant his forehead against hers. "So long as I'm with you, I'm happy. I mean it, Maddy. We don't have to be in a fancy house or on a road trip. _You're_ my happiness. You and Steve. Not a place."

She gulped and softly pressed her lips to his, a sweet, short kiss that made his stomach flip and his hands itch to touch her more. "Actually… I want you to be _more_ than happy. I want you to be-to be…. _full_. For your life to be full. Let me show you Italy. Please, from my perspective." She encouraged and he sighed, pulling back slightly. "Let me show you that not everything has to be blood-shed and murder. You may think of Italy one way - associate it with war and horror - but let me show you that everything has two sides. Everything can be bloody and bad. Everyone has a dark side. But everything can also be beautiful and life-changing." She leaned in close, brushing her fingers over his cheek bones. "I would know." She pointed out. "I've seen you…When you're.." she let out a breath and his eyes sank. "When you're capable of killing. I've seen that side of you. And maybe a lot of people think that's the only side to you. But they're so, so impossibly wrong. There is this whole other side to you. You are the most beautiful, magnificent person I've ever had the good luck of meeting."

He gulped, his hands tightening their grip on her. He slowly shook his head, instinctually rebutting her compliments in favour of the self-loathing and constant state of guilt that he'd drawn himself into for the past few years.

"I wouldn't be this in love with you if you weren't the most amazing person in my life," she pushed. "I swear it to you."

He looked at her adoringly and pushed some of her hair out of her face, cupping her cheeks delicately and kissing her. "You're somethin' else, you know that doll?" he said to her, quietly. "Something this universe doesn't deserve." _Something_ I _don't deserve._ He didn't say the words out loud, because maybe, just maybe, Maddy was slowly starting to convince him that they were untrue.

~O~

And so, after some convincing (and maybe some bribery from Maddy to Bucky for things too sexual to say) they packed up their luggage into the SUV and, with Steve driving, began their road trip.

The plan was to head from their place near Florence to Bologna to stay for a few days. They would then continue on up to Venice, hopefully detouring through Verona on their way. They would then make their way down the Adriatic coast, through San Benedetto del Tronto and then on to Rome, before finally heading back up to Florence once more. Maddy was still arguing for a detour down to the Naples, but Bucky would need some more convincing.

However, Bucky's misgivings could not trump Maddy's unwavering happiness and excitement, and it rubbed off on the two older men. They were all smiling and laughing by the time they were an hour in, listening to some radio station in Italian that was barely understandable, even for Madelyn.

Since they had not planned ahead and had left on, more or less, a whim, they had to stay in a rather crappy motel whilst in Bologna. It did not, however, in any way dampen or diminish Maddy's buoyant and radiant demeanour. The first motel they stopped at was completely booked up and the second one they pulled into only had a single room available. There were two double beds in it however, and they decided that it would suit them fine.

Maddy insisted they drop their bags off at the room and venture straight out to explore Bologna. They visited the city's Piazza Maggiore, a plaza decorated with cute cafe's and towering structures such as the City Hall. They had dinner at a cute little restaurant with twinkling lights overheard.

They got back to the motel room at a decent hour, the sun having only just set. They took turns showering and then Maddy and Bucky settled into one bed, Steve in the other and they turned on the TV that was situated in the perfect position to be watched from both beds. Maddy pulled out an assortment of DVD's from her bag and, although she did ask what Steve and Bucky wanted to watch, she ultimately chose.

Bucky and Steve should _not_ have let her choose.

By the time the movie reached it's halfway point, both super soldiers were vowing to never watch a musical again and Bucky was promising to find a time machine to go back to the 40's just so he would never have to sit through that stupid movie again because it wouldn't have been invented.

"Oh c'mon you guys!" Maddy laughed. " _Hairspray_ is a classic! And it's got Zac Efron in it - what's not to like?"

"Turn it off before I go into cryo-freeze again," Bucky threatened with a good-natured pinch to her side. She squealed indignantly before narrowing her eyes at him.

"You'd never go into cryo-freeze and leave me," she shot back. He rolled his eyes, smirking. She was right, of course. He never wanted to leave her and would never do so voluntarily.

She changed the movie to Fast and Furious, which Steve and Bucky enjoyed only mildly more than Hairspray ("That is so unrealistic! No way that car would have flipped like that!"). When it was time for bed, they turned out all the lights and Maddy kissed Steve's forehead goodnight before slipping into bed with Bucky, her back to his chest as he pressed his lips into her hair.

It had been silent for a solid ten minutes and Maddy was well on her way to sleep when she felt Bucky's hand slowly sliding lower, over her hip and then across toward her underwear. Her eyes immediately flew open, acutely aware of poor Steve's presence only metres away.

Bucky's fingers slipped slowly into her underpants, stroking her softly. She bit her hand to stifle a moan, squeezing her eyes shut.

 _He's going to be the death of me,_ she decided.

She ground back on his crutch with her butt, feeling the outline of his erection. He buried his face in her hair, trying desperately not to moan out loud. His fingers dipped lower, one sinking inside of her and a small gasp escaped her lips, her hands fisting in the covers of the bed. Bucky's hand, the metal one, quickly came up to cover her mouth. "Shh," he whispered into her ear, a hint of laughter in his voice. Maddy ground down onto his hand, desperate for more.

"If this is how the rest of this trip is going to go, then maybe I should just head back to the safe house now," Steve's voice rung out, murdering the tenuous silence and making the caught-out couple freeze. Maddy quickly pushed Bucky's hand away from her, out of her undies, and sat up to look over at Steve's form in the darkness.

He wasn't even looking at them, his back turned to their bed. "Sorry Steve!" She laughed, her cheeks blushing. He turned over to look at them.

"Oh don't worry Maddy, I have no doubt that you're not the one who instigated it," his eyes turned accusingly on Buck, who smirked devilishly.

"C'mon Stevie, not the first time I've done something with a girl while you're in the room," he grinned back cheekily. Maddy's mouth dropped open at the comment.

Steve rolled his eyes, turning back over and Maddy looked at Bucky, scandalised.

"What?" Bucky stared back up at his girl, expression innocent. With a scoff and a flick of her hair, she leaped out of their bed and dove straight into Steve's, cuddling up to the blonde-haired man as his chest rumbled beneath her with laughter, drawing her into his side with his arms.

"Hey!" Bucky protested, throwing the covers off of him and jumping into the bed right after Maddy, squashing up beside her and wrapping his arm around both her and Steve.

And _that_ is the story of how the three of them ended up sleeping in one, double bed whilst there was another perfectly good bed only mere metres away.

~O~

"He's getting more like the old Bucky I used to know everyday," Steve intoned quietly to Maddy one morning as they were getting dressed for a fun day exploring the city, Bucky in the shower. Maddy glanced over at him, smiling. It was their last day in Bologna before heading up to Verona for a few days and then onto Venice.

"Yeah?"

Steve nodded. "When I first saw him, over two years ago now, I thought-.." Steve broke off with a sigh a shake of his head. "I thought I'd never have my best friend back. I mean he was alive, sure, and that in itself was a miracle. But he wasn't Bucky. He was…no one. Didn't even remember me." Steve's eyebrows were furrowed, his eyes sad. Maddy turned to face him fully, folding her legs up beneath her on the bed. "Now," Steve smiled. "Now it's like he's nearly that person again. I mean, I know he's not exactly the same. He never will be again and, don't get me wrong, I don't ever expect him to be. But I think you're a big reason for why he is nearly that same person. You gave him something to fight for, to live for. And it's-…" Steve shook his head again. "God Maddy, it's so nice having him back." He looked at her with one of the most beautiful and genuine smiles she'd ever seen. "This world that I woke up to, it was so different and I felt like I was completely alone…but with you guys, both of you… it finally feels like home again."

Maddy felt tears invade her eyes, touched by his kind words, and she got up and hugged Steve tightly, just as the bathroom door opened and Bucky walked out with just a towel around his hips.

"You know Rogers," Bucky leant back against the wall with an arched eyebrow. "If you're tryin' to steal my girl, I might have to try and kill you again."

Maddy pulled back with a laugh as Steve glared at Bucky for the joke.

"What?" Buck grinned. "Too soon? C'mon it's been over two years!"

Steve rolled his eyes.

~O~

The warehouse was musty, old and deserted. It was in a rough part of New York City, a part where thugs ran the streets and people didn't ask questions unless they were prepared for the consequences.

It was the perfect place for Herbert Edgar Wyndham to carry out his experiments. There was a basement, below the warehouse main floor, where he had dragged in his lab equipment, along with the help of his newly recruited assistant, Miles Warren. Wyndham didn't trust the younger man entirely yet. He wasn't sure he ever would. But he needed the help, the extra set of hands and extra pair of eyes. And, although he wouldn't admit it to himself, the work could get lonely. Before Warren came to him, proclaiming to be a fan of his obscure and unknown work, Wyndham had been alone and had often found himself talking aloud to the dead air of his old lab around him. He needed someone - someone to speak to, to project on. Being completely alone, in every aspect of life, was a hard way to live.

He didn't have to be alone, he supposed. He could go out, find friends - maybe. But his work demanded the solitude, the secrecy. Especially after his last laboratory kicked him out for 'inhumane work'.

 _Inhumane,_ he scoffed. _There was nothing in the world_ more _humane than his work, nothing more important._

"Be careful!" He snapped at Warren as the 20-something year old jostled some beakers loudly. Warren ducked his head and muttered a quick apology before continuing on, albeit more gently.

The cages from the van would have to come down to the basement next. They'd both need to pool their strength together to carry those down - they were heavy duty things, designed to withstand a lot of force. He hoped they could withstand as much force as it had said on the brochure. He'd need it.

~O~

A/N: Oooooh we got introduced to our next big bad villain in this chapter! Herbert Edgar Wyndham is actually a character from the Marvel comics (also called 'High Evolutionary'). In this story, he will be very, very different to in the comics of course, with a different purpose etc. However he is still working toward developing a serum called 'Isotope A' (which was what he was working toward in the comics as well). And his assistant Miles Warren, is also a character from the comics.

I hope you guys are enjoying the road trip and PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! Tell me what you think babes!

Love you all xoxo


	38. Selfish love

~O~

Whilst they were in Verona, Maddy booked two of the nicest possible hotel rooms she could find in Venice. They were heartbreakingly expensive but she and her father had an emergency bank account that was so full to the brim it could last anyone two luxurious lifetimes, so she didn't even blink at the price. When they reached Venice and went to the hotel, overlooking one of the city's many canals, Maddy's heart was pounding in her chest. She and Bucky hadn't had sex in 5 days due to sharing a room with Steve and, whilst that may not sound like a big deal for some people (and they had certainly gone without it for months before their first time), she could tell it was driving her boyfriend _insane_. Literally.

It was only a 2 hour car drive to from Verona to Venice, but Maddy could have practically tasted Bucky's eagerness to get to the hotel on the drive there. They checked in quite late in the afternoon and then took the elevator, up, up to one of the highest floors. Steve and the couple had conjoined rooms, just by a single door, but also very _seperate_ rooms (which Bucky had demanded when Maddy was booking. She had jokingly went to book just a single room with two double beds and he had nearly had an aneurysm.)

Steve stopped outside of the front door to his room, right next to Maddy and Bucky's. "I guess I'll see you guys in the morning," he said, eyeing them cautiously. "I think we'll just order room service in tonight, yeah?"

Maddy nodded agreement and Bucky tugged impatiently at her wrist. She mouthed 'Save me' at Steve jokingly, who chuckled and rolled his eyes, before swiping his keycard and disappearing into his room. Bucky eagerly followed suit, swiping the keycard for their own room and hauling their luggage, Maddy in tow, inside. It was a beautiful, beautiful room and well worth the ridiculous amount of money. The large, mahogany, four poster bed had white canopy curtains draped around it. The room was spacious and had a gorgeous view out to the water below through the large windows that covered half of one wall. It was impeccably clean (unlike the motel they had stayed at) and even smelled nice. The television was mounted on the wall right across from the bed and the bathroom had a massive spa bath that she could totally see her and Bucky using.

She immediately peeked into the bathroom and slid a plain black plastic bag she had been carrying into one of the cupboards subtly and then went back out into the main area and over to peer out the large windows, overlooking the city and canal. It was beautiful and although she had been to Venice more than once before, it still shocked her with its beauty every time.

Bucky came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" She said. He kissed her cheek, his lips lingering on her skin.

"Yeah," he agreed softly. "I'm glad you convinced me to do this trip Bambi." She turned around in his arms to look at him, resting her hands on his chest. "I'm sorry I'm such a nightmare sometimes. I don't mean to be…It's just that the thought of you getting arrested or hurt…it kills me."

She reached up and stroked his cheek, pushing some of his hair behind his ear. "I know," she said quietly. "And it's ok. Buck, after everything you've been through…I figure you're doing pretty damn well. Some paranoia - and not even paranoia as it's completely justified - is bound to be residual."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes leaning down to rub their noses together. "Whatever you say, counsellor."

She looped her arms around his neck, grinning. "Ooo are we role playing now?"

He threw his head back in laughter, pulling her firmly against himself. "Only if you want to," he wiggled his eyebrows.

She continued laughing, burying her head in his chest as he held her close, smiling with his cheek pressed against her hair. He felt so warm and safe and exhilarating around her. He made her heart pound in a way no one else could. She knew, for a fact, just like the sun would rise, that he was her forever, her happily ever after.

"Thank you Maddy," he said quietly after a few moments of simply holding each other. "For giving up everything for me." He pulled back to look her in the face, cupping her cheek with his cold metal hand. She leaned into it. "You could have gone home. Been normal. But you came back for me."

Maddy took in a shaky breath, fisting her hand in his shirt. "Of course I did. You'd do it for me." There was a certainty to her voice - she knew he would. She could rely on him, depend on him for her safety, for her life. _He_ was safety, to her.

"I know I would," he murmured. "But…I mean that's obvious."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged a little. "I just mean…I love you more than… well you know."

Her eyes widened. "More than I love you?" She finished the sentence for him, her voice taking a sudden turn toward anger. Her arms dropped from around him and she took a step back, crossing her arms across her chest.

"C'mon Maddy, we both know it's true," he said, like it was obvious. "And don't get me wrong - it's fine. So long as you're happy and I know that you _do_ love me-"

"That is bullshit Bucky Barnes!" Her eyes were wide and her mouth gaping; _how could he say something like that?_ "I love you just as much as you love me! After everything, you ought to believe that! I wouldn't do all this for just anyone you know!"

He sighed, having not expected such a reaction from her. "When did you realise?"

"What?" Her voice was filled with exasperation.

"When did you realise you were in love with me?" He pushed. She paused for a moment.

"Well.. Right before I said it, at the airport," she replied truthfully. His eyebrows shot up a bit.

"I realised I was in love with you before Christmas, when I saw you and that prick going into your apartment," he said matter-of-factly. For a moment Maddy just gaped at him.

 _No that can't be right,_ she thought. _He's got to be lying. There's no way he could have known that he loved me all the way back then._

"That's-…You can't-…What?" Her mouth moved like a fish's and for a few moments Madelyn was left speechless (a relatively are occurrence). "You kept it a secret all that time?" She gasped.

He shrugged, looking down and nodded. "I didn't want to scare you off. I guess…I had just spent so long on my own, that when I finally found someone, I latched onto them. Latched onto you. And you were so…perfect. You made me happy and when I saw you with someone else, I realised how I really felt about you. How I'd always feel about you."

Tears burnt her eyes at the thought. She couldn't imagine internalising that love for so long. The love between them was so consuming and desperate, that she couldn't imagine keeping it inside, even for a minute. She just wasn't the type of person to do that; she would have told him as soon as she knew, within herself, that she was certain of her love.

She suddenly felt guilty for questioning her feelings for him, after Adeline had asked her about them. She had been so unsure whether she loved him, whilst by that time Bucky had been completely positive in his feelings for her. It made her feel like he _did_ love her more than she loved him. But then she thought about the fact that she had, without second thought, given up everything for him. She had risked her life, running out of her apartment whilst the shooting was occurring and risking arrest to save his life. Even after she had made it to safety, with her father, she had ran headlong back into the chaos to ensure Bucky was alright. Perhaps, she thought, she was actually crazy. After all, who would risk as much as she did for someone they'd known barely 6 months? What did that say about her? She'd like to think that it said that she was passionate, but maybe psychotic was a better descriptor. She supposed it depended on perspective.

"Maybe you realised you loved me before I realised how I felt about you," she said in a deadly serious tone. "But that does not, for a second, mean that I love you less. And I think it is completely unfair for you to even _suggest_ something like that, considering what I have happily given up for you."

Bucky, seeing that this was really, genuinely upsetting her, immediately took her into his arms and tried to soothe the hurt. "I'm sorry," he said. "Bambi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just-….Sometimes," he gulped down a lump in his throat, like it was hard to force his next words out. "Sometimes I find it hard to think that anyone could love me. Let alone to the extent that I love you."

She closed her eyes, resting her forehead on his chest. Sometimes, between his grins and jokes, she somehow managed to forget the guilt that weighed on him every second of every day. God, she wished she could take some of his burden from him, but alas it was his alone to bear. Why did love have to work in such selfish, inequitable ways?

"Don't be mad," he plead quietly and she felt a rush of sympathy for him. She knew that he was only improving in his mental health due to her and Steve. Perhaps, in some ways, that was unhealthy. Maybe it put too much pressure on her and Steve, maybe it made their relationship too co-dependent.

She didn't care.

"I'm never mad at you," she said. "I love you too much to ever be mad at you," she echoed his words from days and days ago. He pulled her up to kiss her fervently. He locked her in place, afraid to ever let her go. He kissed her ferociously, holding her just a tad bit harshly against him. She tried to keep up with his consuming lips but it felt like she was getting left behind. Her head swam a little as the kiss continued and she was unable to breathe in oxygen.

When she felt a twinge of _something_ in her stomach, she quickly tapped on his shoulders and he pulled back. She gasped in air, shaking a little from the intensity. Bucky, when he wanted to be, could be a _very_ intense person and the emotions between them had always been just that; intense.

"Ok?" He swept some hair behind her ear. When she didn't reply, he bent down to look her in the eye. "Bambi? I didn't mean to overwhelm you."

She shook her head. "It's ok." She assured him. But maybe, in the midst of the chaos and trying to ensure Bucky's safety, she had forgotten about her own issues.

Her sessions with Adeline really had been helping and so was Bucky. Her fear of intimacy was fading quickly, only rearing its head very rarely, and her flashbacks to the kidnapping were decreasing every week. But seeing a councillor was no longer an option and Bucky, although he didn't mean to be, could at times, be just as he said; overwhelming. However, she often allowed her issues to take a backseat to Bucky's, although she knew he would be furious if she said it aloud. She thought it strange - that she loved someone else so much more than she loved herself. And that he loved her so much more than he loved himself. She would die for him and vice versa. Compared to his, her life meant little to her. She wondered if most other people got to feel this kind of extreme type of love, or did most others go through life just teetering on the edge? Loving and perhaps in love, but never truly consumed by it?

 _What a dull way to live,_ she thought.

She took in a deep breath and pulled away from him completely. _Well I'm consumed,_ she decided. _And I love every second of it._

"I just needed to breathe," she assured him and his shoulders slumped a little in relief. She decided to change the subject. "Can I show you something?" she asked with a cheeky smile. His eyes narrowed at her.

"What?"

"It's a surprise."

~O~

Hey guys! Just a nice little update for y'all to tide you over. This was originally one massive, long chapter but I split it into two cause it was just too big. Hope you enjoyed it! I'm actually not that happy with it but oh well.

Please leave a review! It means a tonne to me.

Thanks, until next time! xoxo


	39. Yours

"It's a surprise," she said with grin. "I got it after you and Steve got bored of shopping the other day and went off for a _second_ lunch whilst I continued to shop. Sit on the bed and wait," she commanded and he grinned and obeyed. He loved it when she got bossy.

She looked him over, his wide shoulders, glinting metal arm, long hair and perfect jaw. His eyes were especially bright that day, the blue of them almost seeming to glow. He was so gorgeous it physically hurt her to look at him.

She slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind her, being sure to lock it. Then she pulled out the plastic bag she had hid in there when they first entered the room.

She quickly shed her clothes and then slipped into the items that she pulled out of the bag. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, biting her lip and she released her hair from its pony tail. She wasn't nervous - per say - Bucky didn't make her nervous, not anymore. She was comfortable around him, completely. But she was…excited to the point of nerves.

She hesitated only for a moment before opening the door and slowly walking out. Bucky was still sitting on the bed, his arms resting on his knees and his eyes cast downward, but they snapped up as soon as she entered the room.

It felt like someone had punched him in the gut as the breath left his body in a gasp and his eyes widened, mouth hanging open.

Before him, looking like the most gorgeous thing the universe had ever created, stood Madelyn, in nothing but two tiny scraps of lingerie. She was wearing a dark red bra that pushed up her breasts and made them look larger than they probably were. It had frills of lace all over it and black trimming and the matching panties, made of the sheerest material that left nothing to the imagination, stretched over her perfect ass, with a decorative little bow and crystal at the front, literally making his mouth water. The deep scarlet colour of the set made her already olive skin look even darker and her gorgeous hair fell down her back in waves. Despite her compromising lack of clothes, her face was as innocent as ever. The way those full lips parted _just so_ and her dark, thick lashes fluttered over her wide, doe eyes, her rosy cheeks colouring to perfection and her gorgeous, blemish-free skin glowing in the dying sun.

He had never in his life been more turned on. She was looking only a little shy, smiling confidently, but wringing her hands together in front of her and shifting on the balls of her feet. She was very rarely, if ever, ashamed of her body or shy but she hadn't ever bought lingerie or worn it for a man before (Jason, Ellie's brother, had tried to convince her to a few times but she'd never actually gone through with it) and she wasn't sure what his reaction would be. Luckily, it was as good of a reaction as she was expecting.

It took him a solid minute to find his voice and even then, he could only breathe, "Fucking hell, Bambi."

She dipped her head with a grin, some of her hair falling across her shoulder. "I figured you've been so good and behaved yourself - _mostly_ \- for the past 5 days whilst we haven't had a chance to… you know."

He slowly stood up, his eyes still sweeping up and down and up and down, as he approached her like a predator stalking prey. She gulped as that familiar feeling that only Bucky could elicit began to tighten in her lower stomach, her whole body beginning to tingle and anticipate his very touch. He walked right up to her, until he was a mere centimetre from her body. Then he reached up and put his right hand on her stomach, splaying out his fingers and feeling the warmth of her skin. He gently began pushing her backward and she obliged, taking a step back as he took one forward until her back met the wall. Then he looked her over again, gulping and she watched his throat bob. He slowly leaned down until his lips were brushing against her cheek, his hand still pressing onto her stomach.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" He muttered, air fanning over her cheek and making her shiver. She slowly shook her head. "Do you have any idea how hard it has been for the past few days for me to keep my hands off of you? Jesus, when you came out of the bathroom the other day wearing those stupid little _tiny_ shorts..I wanted to fuck you up against the wall right there. And you knew what you were doing to me as well. You knew I was going fucking crazy and what do you do? Bend fucking over and show not just me but Stevie too that perfect ass of yours. You're such a fucking tease." His hand pressed harder against her stomach, almost knocking the wind out of her. She was smiling like an idiot - he was right after all, she'd known exactly what she was doing, getting him riled up for something he couldn't have, at least not for a few days. "You try something like that again and I won't give a shit who's in the room. I swear to God I'll rip your clothes right off and bend you over and make you forget there's other people watching. Do you understand?"

Her whole body was shaking with arousal, his words making her want to whine and beg for him to touch her. She nodded obligingly.

"But that's exactly what you wanted, isn't it? For me to get all riled up? To be able to anticipate nothing but touching you, being with you again?" he leaned impossibly closer, trailing his lips along the skin behind her ear. "Well you got it, sweetheart."

By this time, Maddy was ready to explode. The ache between her legs had turned to a burning need and what she needed was him. She arched up off the wall, whining in the back of her throat. With the hand on her stomach, he pushed her back hard, knocking the breath out of her.

"Bucky please," she whimpered.

"Please what?" He teased, grazing his teeth over the skin of her neck. "You're going to have to be more specific, doll."

"Please touch me Bucky," she pled. "Please, I need you. I need you to touch me and kiss me."

He hummed into her neck, the vibration going straight through her body and making her whine again. "Do you really think you deserve it baby? You've been such a tease all week, I really don't know if you do."

"Oh Buck please," she cried out. "I'll do anything. Please. Just touch me."

He seemed pleased with that reaction, grinning evilly. "Anything?" he countered. She nodded in a haze, only her goal to get off in mind. "Hmm I like the sound of that." He ran his hand resting on her stomach down lower till it stopped right above the frills of her deep red panties. "Go lie on the bed, baby."

She complied immediately, hurrying over to the bed and lying down on her back, her hair fanning out over the pillows that she lay back on. He walked over toward her slowly, watching as she squirmed with impatience. He pulled his shirt over his head, then unbuttoned his jeans and pulled down the zipper, sighing when some of the pressure that the tight constraint had had on him released. Then he slowly crawled onto the bed, hovering over her body, his knees either side of her. He brushed his lips over her shoulder, then her collarbone and her throat, watched her as she arched into even the faintest of touches. He reached behind her and unclipped her bra with practiced ease. He slowly slid it down her arms, revealing her breasts beneath. He lay the bra beside them, instead of tossing it to the floor as he would usually do, clearly appreciating the effort she'd gone to to get lingerie for him. He kissed down between her breasts and her hands went to his hair, to push him down further, where she really wanted his mouth, but he grabbed her wrists in his much bigger hands and slowly brought them up above her head. He wrapped her delicate little fingers around one of the bars on the headboard, making her grip it tight. "Hold there and don't let go," he commanded softly.

"But I want to touch you," she complained, although she didn't move her hands.

He nuzzled into her neck. "Too bad baby. We're doing this my way remember?"

She huffed, but obliged and he began to make his descent again down her body once more. He reached her pretty little panties and fingered the sides of the soft garment, blowing air softly against her and making her whine, before sliding them all the way down her legs and off of her. He lay them next to the bra and kissed her hip bone. "So pretty," he murmured into her skin. "So pretty and all mine."

She wriggled her legs, desperate, and he chuckled lightly. He ghosted his fingers over her wet heat, eliciting a gasp from her mouth. "Please," she whined out again.

He, painfully slow, began slipping a finger inside of her, rubbing at her with his thumb at the same time. _Finally some relief,_ she thought. He began slowly thrusting his finger in and out of her. She pushed against him, desperate for more. His left arm anchored her hips to the bed, stopping her movements as he continued his ministrations slowly - too slowly.

"C'mon Buck," she begged and he finally began to speed the finger up and then, when he added his mouth into the mix, she began moaning loudly. Less than two minutes later he had her teetering on the edge, so close to coming that her body was already clamping up. Her hands flew from the headboard down to bury themselves in his hair and god _she was so close -_

And then, all of a sudden, he pulled away completely, leaving her gasping and gaping at him. He grabbed her wrists in his hands and pushed them back down above her head. "What did I say?" He growled, making her grip the headboard again. She still couldn't believe that she'd been right on the edge and he'd fucking pulled away. "No touching."

"James!" She wailed.

"Do as I say and maybe I'll let you come," he grinned at her devilishly and somehow it made her drip even more with arousal. He was so hot and her stomach flipped and tied itself into knots at just the sight of him.

"Maybe?" She questioned in anguish. He pressed a kiss to her mouth, their tongues tangling together.

"Be good for me baby," he murmured and she outright moaned. Then he kissed his way back down her body and slid a finger inside of her once more. He, again, brought her to the edge and just as she was ready to fall off of it, he pulled away.

"Bucky!" She shouted, white-knuckles curled around the headboard, desperate and squirming. He continued this act, bringing her to the edge again and again, but never quite letting her come. By the time he'd done it four times, she was near crying, more desperate than she'd ever been in her life to just get _release_. "Please," she pleaded again and again. "Please, please, please."

He mouthed at her neck, sucking a spectacular bruise there that let everyone know she was taken. "You wanna come baby?"

"Yes," she breathed as he rubbed his palm up and down her stomach. "Yes, yes, yes." Her brain was so muffled and riddled with want that she couldn't string together a proper sentence.

He hand slid back down to between her legs and in a very short amount of time he had her back on the edge, his fingers working magic for her. She expected him to pull away, as he had so many times previously, but instead he added his mouth to the mix, licking and sucking and making her shout in pleasure.

"Please, please Bucky!" She cried out, arching her back hysterically.

"Alright Bambi. You've been good. Come for me," he murmured and with a gasp and one more stroke of his fingers, she came apart at the seams. It was like nothing she had felt before and lasted longer than any of her previous orgasms. She writhed beneath him, legs clamping around him like a vice as she tossed and turned, riding out the waves of ecstasy. She doesn't know how long it lasted - seconds, minutes, hours, days. Time seemed horribly irrelevant when all she felt was blinding and pure bliss.

When the waves finally subsided she felt half unconscious, exhaustion rushing through her and making her limbs feel like lead. Her throat was a little sore from being so loud and her body felt like it just ran a marathon. Her hands finally slipped from their grip on the headboard, falling to her sides as she panted.

"Good," Bucky slithered back up her body and kissed her jaw, her cheek. "So good _malyutka_."

All she could do in response was make a small sound in the back of her throat. He kissed her lazily for a few moments, allowing her to recover, before gently grabbing her hand and guiding it down to rub over his hard member, over the rough fabric of his jeans. He groaned and dropped his head to rest on her shoulder at even that small bit of relief. When she finally managed to calm her pounding heart and regain her bearings a little, she slipped her hand into his jeans, massaging him over his boxer briefs. He gasped a little into her neck, beginning to rock his hips into her grip. She tried to tease him a little, to feather her touch or pull away for a moment, but he growled into her skin and then grabbed her hand again, pushing it firmly against him. They continued like that for a few minutes until Bucky was a hard, aching mess. Then, suddenly, he wrapped a cold, metal arm around Maddy and rolled them over, her legs falling either side of him to straddle him. She placed a hand on his bare chest to steady herself as he looked up at her, his eyes slowly travelling over her body like he was seeing it again for the first time, just drinking her in, like he could look at her forever and never get bored. It made her feel…powerful, in a way. Appreciated, certainly. But also important, potent and maybe even dominating. She slowly rocked her hips against his, a burst of pleasure seizing her body as he threw his head back and moaned. God, she could listen to him moan all day, it was like music to her ears. It made her blood boil in her veins, making her arousal spike once again and she became nearly as desperate as he was.

She rocked like that on him for a few moments, the harsh material of his jeans scratching against her bare skin. But then they needed more. She lifted up for a moment as he pushed his jeans down, off his legs and kicked them to the floor. Then she was back on him, grinding on him and relieving them both at least somewhat. His hand came up to tangle in her hair and he tugged lightly, making her head fall back as she half-rode him, back and forth, back and forth. The only sound was their heavy breathing and light moans. His other hand came up to cup one of her breasts, a finger flicking over her nipple and making her swear loudly. Next, his boxer briefs went - tossed meaninglessly onto the floor somewhere. But they still didn't actually have sex. She continued to just grind on him, up and down his length. He placed a hand on her spine and pulled her down so they were chest to chest. She caught his lips in a kiss, messy and filthy, with their mouths open and panting against each other. Their hips continued to rock against one another, bringing them closer and closer to their climaxes.

"God Bambi," he groaned into her neck and then sunk his teeth into her skin, making her cry out in a haze of pleasure-pain. Their movements became messy, more desperate as they both neared their end. He clutched her against his chest desperately as she began rocking against him faster and faster. Their lips met again, teeth clashing and tongues tangling. Bucky came first, his expression turning into one of pure bliss and it was the sight of him climaxing, his soft gasp and silent 'o' shaped mouth, that pushed her over the edge for a second time that day. She cried out and came right behind him, their hips jutting against each other to ride out the pleasure.

Maddy collapsed fully against his chest when they were done, a sticky, hot mess between their bodies. All of her limbs felt like jelly and so did Bucky's, save for the hand that insistently petted her hair.

After a few minutes, in which Maddy near dozed off, Bucky spoke. "You ok?"

She let out a long, content sigh. "Yeah," she said quietly. "Yeah, I'm ok."

He grunted happily and pressed a kiss to her hair before insisting that they clean up.

Then she convinced him to let her braid his hair and put little ribbons in it. He grumbled throughout the process but practically keened under her compliments that he looked as pretty as they come.

Then they ordered room service and wore the fluffy, white hotel bath robes, feeding each other chips and fruit.

At 10 o'clock that night, Maddy went into Steve's room to kiss him goodnight, Bucky trailing behind. Steve was sprawled across his bed, watching TV. He smiled softly at her as she kissed his cheek. Then she pulled out her phone before Bucky could grab it out of her hands and showed Steve the pictures she had taken of their precious Buck with his hair all braided and little pink bows accentuating the ends.

Steve laughed and laughed and then made Maddy text the pictures to him for safekeeping. "Is he wearing lip gloss and eye-liner?" Steve chuckled hysterically, zooming in on the picture.

"No!" Bucky protested fervently, although Maddy _had_ put some stuff on his face - although he didn't really know what it had been. God, he really needed to learn how to say no to this girl.

When their laughter finally died down, she wished Steve goodnight and left Bucky and Steve alone for a little.

After a few minutes, because she was nosy, she peeked back around the door and saw them embrace each other tightly, Steve's hand fisting in the material of Bucky's robe. She didn't know what they had just spoken about, but she assumed it was some memory of the past or such. They didn't hug or have heart to hearts often, but she knew when they did it was for good reason. She quickly retreated and left them be.

When Bucky came back in, a good 5 minutes later, closing the door behind him and shedding his robe as he approached their bed, she thought maybe he looked like he'd been a bit teary eyed. She couldn't be sure and it was strange to see on such a strong, resolute man, but she thought it sweet all the same and chose not to comment. He kissed her on the cheek and then climbed into bed and she watched, enamoured as ever, as his large muscles rippled and moved in his shoulders, his back and stomach, the metal arm acting as though it were his own flesh and blood. He pulled her down into his side, tugging her so she lay half on top of him and opting to ignore her blatant staring. She began tracing patterns on the perfect, olive skin of his chest with her fingertips, occasionally letting them run over the scars on his left shoulder, as he put one hand under his head, staring up at the ceiling. She clutched his dog tags, resting around her neck, briefly in her palm before letting them fall back between her breasts.

"Okay?" She questioned quietly. She didn't know if what he and Steve had been talking about was happy or sad, although she suspected - hoped - for the former. His gaze shifted to her and he nodded with a small, reassuring smile before pulling her even closer to kiss her lips. She lay her head on his chest. She knew he would not sleep for a few hours yet, but that eventually the pull of rest would be enough to lull him in.

"Night Maddy," he murmured quietly.

"Night Buck," she pressed a little kiss to his throat, where his pulse point was and then closed her eyes.

~O~

A/N: Hey guys! I hope you liked this! It was long and smutty and cute all at once.

Please leave a review and tell me what you're thinking!

Love you all xx


	40. Morals

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the wait on this chapter, but I hope you enjoy it! We continue to build up and learn a bit more about our villain Wyndham in this!

Love you all! Xx

~O~

After exploring Venice for a good portion of the next day, the trio ventured back to their rooms for a few hours before they would head back out to dinner again.

In their time before dinner, Maddy produced a pack of cards and Steve and Bucky taught her how to play Gin Rummy and Blackjack, which they had played a lot with their fellow comrades and the Howling Commando's in the 40's. They played for well over an hour, laughing when Maddy managed to win near every game after she got the hang of it. Bucky accused her of counting cards. She did not deny, nor confirm, his suspicions.

Then Bucky and Maddy went back to their room and, still having a good two hours before they had to start getting ready for dinner, ran their spa-bath, filled it to the top and poured in a whole bottle of bubbles.

Sitting in the bath naked together, facing each other with just their feet touching and overlapping, Maddy and Bucky talked. And talked and talked. God, there were not enough hours in the day or words in any language to say everything she ever wanted to say to him. She was sure that a hundred lifetimes would not be enough time with him. Together, their possibilities were infinite. It was so sad that they were so limited and mortal when their love was so enduring and eternal. She hoped that all the people she loved would get to feel what she felt when she sat in a bathtub, naked with Bucky Barnes, and spoke with him about the world surrounding them.

She scooped up a handful of bubbles and padded it around his chin and cheeks to make a bubble-beard. He sat still and allowed her, with a small, amused grin on his face.

"You'd look hot with a beard," she laughed. He rolled his eyes and splashed her with water before reaching over and pulling her close to sit on his lap. The water had begun to run cold by then and their fingers were pruned and wrinkled, but neither cared. She reached out and touched her lips to his, very gently. He stroked some of the wet strands of her hair out of her face and she gave him another kiss and then rubbed their noses together, making him smile, before pulling back to sit in front of him again. For a few moments, silence reigned. It was not the type of silence that _could_ not be filled (for it could, forever) but rather the type that demanded to be heard, the type that _had_ to be left without any words, for they were so intensely not needed. The looks in Bucky and Maddy's eyes were incomparably more communicative than any words in any human dialect were.

"I love you," he eventually said and it wasn't a strong enough phrase for what he felt for her, but it was all he had, so he made do. She smiled at him, so sweet it nearly hurt him to look.

"I love you too," she said and then launched into a speech regarding how amazing the schematics of his arm were in order for it to function completely in water and never get water bogged. He smiled at her fondly.

~O~

As far as he can remember, Wyndham had really only ever loved 3 things in his 39 years on the Earth. He'd had a girlfriend when he was in the third grade. They had dated for two weeks and she had kissed his cheek once behind the toilet block. He had been stupidly infatuated with her. Other than that, there were very few things in the world that he had loved. His mother, who had raised him and cared for him and loved him like only a mother could. And his dog, Augustus, a beautiful, sleek Dalmatian that had been obedient to a T and named after the first Roman Emperor.

He never spoke to the girl from the third grade again after she broke up with him for Jimmy Machen, who was taller and funnier. His mother had died when he was 29 of a horrible, debilitating disease that had eaten away at her for years. And Augustus had died four months ago when Wyndham had injected him with the first prototype of the serum that he was currently working on, Isotope A. It was supposed to turn Augustus into a powerful, towering beast. And it had - for all of 2 minutes. And then poor, sweet Augustus had corked over and died.

Wyndham supposed that if he had to choose one other thing he loved, it would be his work. His goal. But really, that was not love. Dedication, surely. Obsession, even. Passion, at a stretch.

Whatever it was he felt toward his work; commitment, fixation, obligation, all that really mattered was that he would get it done. He would succeed. No matter how many pet dogs he went through or how many painful assistants he had to endure. He had a goal. He would achieve it. There was little to nothing else he cared about. He wondered absently, if that was what made him dangerous.

~O~

Overlooking the beautiful city of Venice, Steve and Bucky sat on Steve's hotel room veranda (Why did Steve's room have a veranda and not Maddy and Bucky's? But then again Maddy and Bucky's had the spa bath and Steve's didn't, so I guess that made it even) drinking cold beers, despite the fact that they both knew that the alcohol would have no effect on either of them. Maddy had made a friend - _typical Maddy_ \- in one of the girls that worked at reception and she and Maddy were currently getting their hair done in a salon. Maddy had been saying she needed a hair trim for awhile.

"Can I ask you something?" Steve broke the comfortable silence that had fallen over them as they reclined in the chairs, watching the sun sink lower down the sky, the gentle breeze making the air just the perfect temperature. Bucky hummed agreement and Steve put his beer down on the small glass table that lay in front of them. Bucky looked over to him, eyebrows furrowed, noting Steve's serious expression. "Back when they first brought us in, at Berlin, Everett Ross was there. He and Maddy knew each other."

Bucky leaned further back in his chair. Maddy had, of course, already shared this with him over the past few months and he thought he had a pretty good idea of where Steve was headed with the conversation.

"Ross said that it was his team that rescued Maddy from-from a kidnapping," Steve continued, piercing Bucky with his serious, blue gaze. "When was she kidnapped? What happened?"

Bucky let out a long breath, letting his eyes sweep over the beautiful city before him. Part of him said that it wasn't his story to tell, that if she wanted to, in time, Maddy would share her horror story with Steve herself. But the other part of him had already resolved to tell Steve long ago, in order to garner his help on a particular matter regarding the situation.

"I actually've been wanting to talk to you about that for awhile," Buck admitted, placing his beer down as well and turning to face his best friend. "A bit less than a year before I met her, one of her father's arms dealers, Stefan Ronaldo, kidnapped her. He was obsessed with her, I guess. Drugged her up and took her to some safe house in Budapest."

Steve leaned forward, eyebrows furrowed, expression worried. Bucky gulped, hands clenching into fists and his jaw tightening as his muscles tensed just thinking about it.

He took in a shaky breath, trying to compose himself. "He raped her, beat her up. Messed her up pretty badly and held her for a month before the police rescued her."

Steve's worried expression gave way to pure rage, his back straightening as he sat up ram-rod straight, his blue eyes flaming with anger. He thought about Maddy, her always smiling face and ever-kind words. He had realised she was brave, but he had never realised just _how_ brave. To survive something like that and come out the other side still kind and happy - or at least seeming so - was a feat not many could say they had achieved.

"But the fucker, Ronaldo, he got away," Bucky continued to explain, he finally looked at Steve and met his friend's eyes. "He hurt her so bad Stevie. And just thinking about him.." Bucky trailed off. "Thinking about the fact that he's still out there, that he got away with even laying a fucking finger on her. That he could be doing the same thing to some other poor girl. I can't stand it. Sometimes I can't even sleep because of it." Bucky stopped himself before he got too over-emotional, forcing himself to calm his heartbeat, as he had mastered the ability to long ago. "When all of this with the police has calmed down and I find Maddy somewhere I know she'll be safe on her own for a few weeks or months," Bucky said. "I want you to help me find him. And I want you to help me make him suffer."

Steve gulped. He knew what Bucky meant when he said suffer. He wanted to torture the bastard.

Torture was _not_ Captain America's style, especially when they didn't have a particular motive or goal in mind, such as needing information out of him, other than to cause pain. But then again, maybe Steve was no longer Captain America. Maybe, when he had dropped that shield after his fight with Stark, he had stopped being that iconic hero. It didn't matter either way, because just thinking about some disgusting man forcing himself onto Maddy was enough to make Steve's blood boil. Enough to drive him to such lengths as torture.

"We'll find him," Steve assured his friend, picking up his beer and taking a long swig of it, holding it hard enough to nearly break the thick glass. He looked out over the city. "And we'll kill him."

Killing was not in fact Steve's style either. At least, not planned, straight up murder - casualties of war were, of course, unavoidable and if they came at Steve's hand then he could always justify it with not having another option at the time. But when you kill someone like he was thinking of doing to Ronaldo, there is always another option, such as jail. But maybe Steve wasn't that same Steve anymore. Maybe he wasn't the same man with a heart too big to fit in his tiny body, who didn't want to kill and only wanted to do good. Maybe he had been through too much to still be that person. He wasn't sure, but what he did know was that he cared about Maddy tremendously - possibly more than he should - and the man that had made her suffer so badly would pay for every single one of his sins.

"Just..don't mention it to her ok? It'll just upset her. Don't tell her I told you. She hates talking about it," Bucky added and Steve reluctantly nodded his consent; he didn't want to lie to Maddy or pretend that he didn't know something he did. Lying and deceit had never been Steve Rogers style and, despite some aforementioned changes in his recent moral compass, honesty was still one of his leading values. But it was Bucky who was asking him to keep quiet and if there was one thing that had become evident about Steve in the past months, it was that he would do anything for Bucky.

When Maddy came back less than an hour later, it was with a massive grin and pink streaks throughout the bottom of her brunette hair. Bucky and Steve laughed at her as she twirled for them, showing off the new colour.

"It'll wash out in a couple of days," she grinned. "But isn't it great?"

Her hair was a little shorter than before, but not significantly. It still fell in long, luscious waves down her back, long enough to touch her bum if she bent her head backwards a bit. She flung the strands over one shoulder and jumped at Bucky, kissing him hard on the lips before pulling back and declaring that she was hungry. Bucky smiled. He loved seeing her so happy. He tried not to let his and Steve's previous, dark conversation impede the remainder of their night.

~O~

"Miles, for God's sake, hold the subject down!" Wyndham barked at his flailing assistant, who grunted and struggled to keep a hold on the scrambling, mewling cat in his arms. It was a stray, off the street, with a mottled pelt and too-trusting nature. Or maybe the way they had caught it hadn't come from a place of trust but rather out of desperation. They had presented the cat with food, and thus it had come to them. Trust did not have place in that, he supposed. Survival did. Maybe, if the cat had have known that the food was not in fact presented by life but rather death, then it would have run in the opposite direction.

Miles Warren finally managed to wrestle the cat down onto the operating table, sustaining considerable scratches on his forearms from the feline's long claws. In a moment of stillness - maybe the cat had given up - quiet reigned and Wyndham pounced. He jabbed the needle into the cat and pushed the plunger down, the bright blue liquid seeping into the animal's system. The cat squealed and the thrashing commenced once again.

"Get it in the cage," Wyndham ordered and his abiding assistant immediately complied, lifting the thrashing fur ball into his arms and swiftly heaving it over to one of the large cages. He dropped the cat in and locked the metal pen gate. Wyndham watched his newest test subject closely. The cat meowed loudly and threw itself against the enclosure, again and again. Then it fell to the ground and began convulsing. It was a similar process as to what had happened to Wyndham's dog, Augustus.

The cat's muscles began to bulge and intumesce. Its four legs began to elongate, as did its claws. It increased in size, now large enough to reach Wyndham's mid thigh, and began pressing up against the sides of the cage. It's mewling turned to roars and the new creature threw its increased body weight against the cage door. Luckily, the latch did not give and then, the animal slumped to the ground.

Disappointment crashed through Wyndham - _just like Augustus; dead within minutes,_ he thought. But his despondency was short lived, for within seconds the creature was on its feet again and roaring anew. It thrashed against its cage and Wyndham looked to his startled apprentice.

"Subdue it," he commanded and the younger man hurried to comply, fumbling with a needle and hesitantly edging closer to the rattling cage. When the creature slammed itself against its confines again, Warren took his chance and jabbed it with the needle through the metal bars, injecting it with a sedative.

The creature was strong, but the sedative was a horse tranquilliser, and the once sweet-kitty was stumbling to the floor in moments, its eyes closing in sleep.

"I did it," Wyndham murmured softly, looking at the hideous, monstrous creature he had created. His Frankenstein, his lovely, deadly monster.

But the true monster wasn't the thing in front of him. No, no, no. Wyndham was coming for the true monsters.

 _Sleep tight Mr President,_ he thought as he crouched down to pet the sleeping animal's tufty fur through the cage. _The true monster in you will soon be revealed. And then…_ His fingers tightened in the beast's coat. _And then you will pay for your sins._

~O~

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter! I will try and get the next chapter out ASAP!

I love you guys and PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW? It would mean a lot to me!

Until next time my lovelies x


	41. Pretty as a picture

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry about the wait on this chapter - I was trying to make it perfect. It was a bit...intricate. Especially the scene in the middle. But I hope you enjoy!

~O~

From Venice they headed down the Adriatic Coast, stopping in beach towns at their leisure to stay the night here and there. Realistically, it was still too cold to swim. But that did not hinder Maddy. She made them stop at several beaches along the way and would dive into the beautiful waves despite the chill. Eventually, as Bucky had predicted, it caught up to her.

They were in a hotel in Pescara when Maddy fell ill. She woke up with a ridiculously sore throat, a very high temperature and a cough that could be heard for miles. She groaned and rolled into herself and Bucky outright _panicked_.

"I think I should take her to a hospital," Bucky said to Steve, his eyes wide and his heart pounding. He remembered Steve waking up in the middle of the night, years and years and years ago, and not being able to breathe. He remembered being completely helpless and useless as all he could do was listen to his best friend cough and wheeze and try to breath without the help of an inhaler. God, he had hated that powerlessness, when all he could do was rub Steve's little, bony back and whisper comforting things to him.

"Bucky, she'll be fine," Steve soothed, now strong and large and never having to worry about something like asthma again. Maddy, despite all her boldness and vibrancy and sprightliness, was still fragile and vulnerable and that scared Bucky more than anything. "It's just a cold or maybe the flu. We'll get her some Tylenol and make her some soup and she'll be alright."

Inconveniently, at that moment Maddy let out a loud and wet cough, her whole body shaking with the force of it. Bucky's eyes turned even more panicked.

"Steve are you sure she doesn't need a doctor?" Bucky questioned, completely relying on his friend. Bucky had been sick before - he knew that, remembered it even. He remembered lying on their tatty old couch whilst Steve made him soup (His mum, Sarah's, recipe). But he didn't remember what it felt like. He hadn't had to worry about something as trivial as a cold in a long, long time. He didn't know how severe Maddy's was or would get and she was so-so _small._ So susceptible and helpless. At least she looked that way curled up in a ball under a mountain of pillows and a thick quilt.

"If it gets any worse, we'll get a doctor," Steve promised. "But she's a strong girl. She just needs time."

For the next 48 hours, Bucky did not leave Maddy's side. He got her soup and tissues and anything else she could have possibly needed. Her fever spiked for a few hours during the night and Bucky's worry increased ten fold, but Steve assured him that it wasn't in life-threatening or dangerous range and that if it got any higher, they'd call a doctor out. However, by the next morning it had gone down enough for them to stop worrying.

Bucky just wanted to protect her; to protect her from pain and the horrible things in the world, including sickness. But he was powerless and he hated it. Powerlessness was one of his least favourite things in the entire universe, right after Maddy being sick.

After two more days, Maddy began to get better. The fever broke and she became more coherent, actually talking and laughing again, albeit with a croaky voice and getting tired very swiftly.

"I know what you're going to say," Maddy said, sitting up in bed with the bundle of blankets pooling around her legs. "You're going to say 'I told you so' - about the swimming in the beaches. And _yes_ you did. But still, I'd do it all again."

Bucky's eyebrows furrowed as he sat on a chair beside her bed. "You were so sick I thought you were going to die, Bambi."

Maddy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but you're a drama queen."

Bucky glared at her. "You shouldn't take unnecessary risks like that. Don't scare me like that again."

When she saw how serious he was, her heart melted a bit. She reached out and grabbed his hand, resting her cheek on it. "I know you want to protect me, Buck. But you can't - not from everything."

He got up and slid into the bed next to her, pulling her gently against his chest. His metal fingers feathered over the skin of her arm, eliciting goosebumps from her. She rested her head in the crevice of his neck, breathing in his scent like a drug.

He kissed her forehead. "I can try."

~O~

After Maddy recovered they moved on. They saw a lot of Italy, touring from town to town, city to city, hotel to hotel. Everyday Maddy fell more and more in love with Bucky. Everyday Bucky became more and more afraid of losing her.

~O~

The afternoon sun cast deepening shadows across Italy's capital and the crowds that filled the sprawling streets were slowly beginning to thin as night readied to take day's place. Rome was just another destination that Maddy would never tire of, the atmosphere unparalleled to any other city in the world.

Bucky had had terrible nightmares the previous night, and so he had gone back to the hotel to try and get some more peaceful sleep early. Steve and Maddy continued to walk the streets of the metropolitan; they had already visited the Colosseum and Vatican city and now they walked without particular purpose, simply soaking up the atmosphere on their last day before heading back to the safe house in Florence.

"Hey look!" Maddy grabbed Steve's hand suddenly, pulling him close to her. "It's my favourite art gallery. C'mon, let's go see it!"

He followed her obediently as she weaved through the crowds with a practiced elegance and ease.

The gallery wasn't much, a hole in the wall kind of place, with an industrial feel that seemed out of place in such an ancient city.

"I came here with a boyfriend a couple years back when he took me to Italy, thinking I'd never been and that he was showing me all this new stuff. The only new thing he _did_ show me was this place. I loved it. I wonder how much it's changed," she spoke as they walked inside. It was a few large rooms connected by narrow hallways, with paintings spaced on the white walls throughout. There was a desk with a worker behind it, who looked up and smiled.

" _Buona sera._ _Posso aiutarti con qualsiasi cosa_?" _Good evening. Can I help you with anything?_ She was young and dressed in a hipster-indie way that made Maddy smile, thinking back to her own indie phase back when she was 19.

" _Ciao! Stiamo solo cercando, grazie_." _Hello! We're just looking, thank you._ Maddy smiled at the girl before leading Steve down a hall. They looked at the art as they went, some abstract, messy, and others detailed and exact. Steve stopped them in front of one; it could have looked like a photo from a bit further away. It was the bottom half of a girl's face, her lips plump and her chin square and it showed her holding up her hand, a small bird perched along her slender fingers. The pastel colours were subtle, but beautiful and elegant.

After Steve looked at it for a few minutes, taking in the excruciatingly amazing detail, they moved on. They saw a few sculptures and drawings and more paintings. As they were walking through the last room, a sole painting caught Maddy's eye and stole her breath. She blinked once, twice and fell in love.

It was an impressionist oil painting and it was one of the most vivacious paintings Maddy had ever seen. It depicted a couple on a walkway through the trees, alight with lamp poles that mirrored off the ground beneath them and made the pathway look like an effulgent reflection of a rippling, luminous river. The leaves that decorated the trees either side of the path, covered the entire upper part of the canvas and were a mirage of colours, of violets and emeralds and ambers and crimsons, blending together and yet standing apart to create the effect of a chaotic rainbow of nature. The very air of the park seemed to be made of colour. All at once, the lighting was both dark and absolutely vivid, flamboyant and positively colourful. The couple, silhouettes that were walking away, huddled together under a shared umbrella, their heads tilted close as the arc of colouration besieged over them, around them. The sky could not be seen, for the tree branches were so thick, the colour so rich, that they met over the walkway and made for the appearance of a sanctuary, a secluded world, free of the struggles and pain that beset the Earth in which Maddy resided. It was scintillating, captivating and an embodiment of Maddy herself. Bold and bright and unable to be ignored, harmonious and tumultuous all at once.

It was the most striking thing Maddy's eyes had ever laid upon.

"I love it," she breathed, her gaze unmoving from the picture before her. Steve smiled at her gently. "It's a Leonid Afremov painting," she noted, looking down at the small caption below it. "He never sells his paintings in galleries - usually only ever does it online. I wonder why he made an exception."

"You should buy it," Steve suggested and Maddy took pause. "If you love it so much - it's not like you can't afford it, even if it is ridiculously expensive."

She contemplated this for a moment, looking at the charismatic painting for a few heart beats. "No," she decided. "I'm not going to buy it."

Steve's eyebrows furrowed. "Why not? You could put it up in your room back at the safe house. Bucky's not exactly an art-buff, but I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

Maddy smiled and finally tore her eyes away from the painting. "If I buy it and put it up in my room at the safe house, who gets to see it? Me, you, Bucky, maybe my dad one day?" She glanced back at it, as if her gaze could not be coaxed away from it for long. "This painting deserves to be renowned. To be seen by thousands. If I leave it here maybe it will be. Or maybe it won't. Maybe it'll be bought by some recluse with no family or friends, who hangs it up in their dusty old sitting room, never to be seen again." She took in a deep breath and then let it out. "But, I suppose, that's a risk I'm willing to take. And if even one other person gets to see this painting and love it as much as I do, then I'm not going to just take it. That seems so...selfish. To take something as beautiful as this and claim it all as my own."

Steve wondered if that was sometimes how Bucky felt about Maddy.

She continued to drink in the piece of art for a while longer and Steve stood and let her watch. Maddy looked at the painting with an intense kind of infatuation, a passion that was unwavering in nature and complexion. Steve looked at Maddy the same way.

Then she silently took his hand and led him out of the shop. She thanked the assistant politely as they passed and then they walked out the door. She did not look back. She never saw that painting again.

~O~

 _13th of May - back at Maddy's holiday house/safe house in Florence_

Something was nudging at her side and it pulled her from a beautiful and restful sleep. She groaned a little, trying to flip away from the gentle, but incessant nudging and somehow only proved to move closer to the source. She felt it move further down her body and finally a sharp nip at the skin on her hip made her eyes fly open. For a few, disorientated moments, she was confused. Then she felt her underpants being pulled off of her and she looked down to see Bucky settled between her legs.

She almost laughed. "What are you-?"

She cut herself off with a gasp when his mouth descended on her eagerly, her hands reaching out to grasp onto anything close by and ending up tangled in the bed sheets. She writhed beneath him, half in surprise and half in ecstasy (ok, so maybe only a little surprise and _mostly_ pure ecstasy).

He inserted a finger and in a matter of short minutes she had met her end with a rather loud cry of his name. She panted, her eyes closed and barely on Earth as he shimmied his way back up her sweating and shaking body. When she finally managed to open her eyes after a solid minute of recovery, she was met with his large (and exceptionally pretty) grin.

"Happy birthday, beautiful girl," he said. She blushed, looking down for a moment as he hovered above her body.

"I didn't know if you'd remember," She admitted.

"Of course I remembered," he sounded mock-hurt. "23 years ago today, the best person in the world was born. This should be a public holiday. How could I forget?"

She smiled, wide and unadulterated, and then leaned up and kissed him.

"Come on," he encouraged, rolling out of bed and holding his hand out for her. She didn't question him, instead slipping her hand into his and allowing him to quickly dress her in a thin dressing robe before leading her downstairs.

She was met with the kitchen bench laden with food, Steve piling pancakes and bacon and cut up fruit onto platters. He looked like he'd been at it for a good hour, maybe more.

He smiled at her as she walked down the steps and met her with an arm around her waist and a kiss to her cheek, his lips lingering on her skin. "Happy birthday Maddy," he said quietly and for some reason it felt…she wasn't sure. Intimate? That wasn't quite the right word, but it was close. Either way, it was nice. So, so nice and if she leaned into him a bit too much, well, no one cared or had to know.

"Thank you Stevie," she replied when he pulled back.

They sat down at the kitchen bench and immediately dug in, Bucky stuffing his face before Maddy even got something on her plate.

"So, what's the plan today?" She queried, looking at her two boys.

They shared a secretive look, communicating with just their eyes. (She hated it when they did that and always demanded they tell her what they were thinking.)

"Something fun," Bucky answered mysteriously, a little smirk on his face. "Something you'll definitely enjoy."

"Oh really?" She challenged with a laugh, throwing a grape at him and meaning to bounce it off his temple. But his hand shot up and he managed to catch it with unnaturally fast reflexes. He popped it into his mouth and shot her a 'seriously?' look.

"Eight year old," he muttered, but he was smiling so it couldn't be taken seriously.

Despite her best efforts, Steve and Buck would not give up what their plans were for her Birthday day. They ate their fill (which was a lot, between two super-soldiers and a girl that would literally eat her weight in food if she could, they went through a lot of groceries) and then were cleaning up their plates and the crockery when there was suddenly a loud knock at the front door.

Maddy froze, anxiety spiking through her. Was that the police?

She looked at Steve and Bucky, eyes wide, but they were both smirking and looked undisturbed by the sudden and unexpected knock. Her eyes narrowed.

"Who is that?" She demanded.

"Why don't you go and find out," Bucky suggested. She looked at him and Steve suspiciously for a few moments. Another, louder and somewhat obnoxious knock startled her enough to make her move out of the kitchen and through the foyer, toward the large wooden front door. She glanced over her shoulder at her boys, who were crowded behind her with matching grins and mirroring positions; their arms folded across their chests (Bucky's chest bare, as it was 90% of the time they were at home) and each leaning against a wall in the corridor.

She turned back to the door and took in a deep breath before flinging it open.

~O~

A/N: Don't hate me for the cliffhanger - just keeping you guys on your toes!

Also you guys should look up Leonid Afremov, he's an amazing artist. The painting I described is based off his work 'Farewell to Anger'. It's really good.

Also sorry if any of the Italian is wrong - Google translate can be unreliable.

Please leave a review and support me!

Love you all, until next time x.


	42. Birthday Bash, Part I

A/N: Hey guys! Here's the next chapter. Could you pleaseee leave a review at the end? Just tell me what you're thinking at the moment! Thank youuu.

~O~

As Maddy stood at the open door, her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. Her heart stuttered in her chest and tears rushed to invade her eyes.

She screamed and flung herself at Ellie, the blonde haired beauty that currently inhabited her front welcome mat. She clung to her best friend, whom she hadn't seen in months, like a koala bear, as Ellie gripped her back just as tightly.

"Oh my god, oh my god," she muttered, over and over again as Ellie held her. She breathed in Ellie's familiar perfume - a vanilla bean scented one that Ellie had been wearing for so long that it literally had integrated into her very scent.

Maddy loved passionately, she loved completely and recklessly and utterly. She loved her family (what little she had left, despite his - her father's - several adversities), she loved her friends, like Gabe and Marcus and Steve, and she loved her boyfriend. But most of all, she _loved_ Elizabeth Jay. The bond that she and Ellie shared was like no other. They fought and wept and laughed and loved. They were a pair, a duo, unbreakable. And by God had Maddy missed her.

Ellie pulled back first and Maddy immediately saw the tears glistening in her friend's blue eyes. It was not often that Ellie cried - in fact, not a single time had Maddy seen Ellie cry over a boy and she suspected she never would. Ellie didn't care about her many boyfriends. Ellie cared about Maddy.

"I fucking missed you," Ellie said, her voice edged.

Maddy wiped a stray tear on her shoulder. "I missed you too."

Ellie kissed her cheek and then rested their foreheads together. "Are you ok?" She asked, quietly.

Maddy nodded. "I am now."

Ellie pulled back and looked Maddy over, from head to toe. Ellie got this strange look on her face for a moment, like she was so unbearably happy she might burst. She quickly reeled in her emotions though.

"Happy birthday best friend."

"What a day to be born," Maddy grinned. "I cannot believe you're here!" She looked over her shoulder at Steve and Bucky. "You guys organised this?" Her heart swelled.

Bucky and Steve smiled at her and that was all the affirmation she needed.

"You have some serious explaining to do," Ellie said to her firmly and Maddy at least had the decency to look sheepish. "But first." And then Ellie, all 5ft5, 120 pounds of 24 year old fury, walked up and slapped the Winter Soldier, accredited with over 2 dozen assassinations and so infamous that he was believed to be a ghost story, right on the face. And she slapped him _hard_.

Maddy put a hand over her mouth, yelling, "Ellie!" whilst Steve had to turn away because he was laughing so hard he might just fall over, his broad shoulders chuckling as tears of humour literally pooled in his eyes. It was _not_ the first time he'd seen a girl smack Bucky clear across the face and every time was just as funny as the last.

" _That_ is for lying to my best friend for 6 months and causing her to be fucking _arrested_ ," Ellie stated whilst Bucky held a hand to his cheek, still looking surprised (and maybe a _little_ impressed).

And then, to literally everyone's shock, Ellie then reached up and pulled him into a strong hug. Maddy's mouth dropped open and Steve's chuckles ceased and Bucky froze for a few moments before hesitantly (still completely confused) wrapping an arm around her.

Ellie held it for a few moments before pulling back and saying in a much softer voice, "And _that_ is for making her the happiest I have seen her since…" She and Bucky shared a meaningful look and the words _since the kidnapping_ luckily did not have to be spoken. She then looked back over her shoulder at Maddy, her eyes running up and down her best friend again like she had just minutes prior.

For a moment, Ellie was stuck on that day, nearly two years ago now, when she found out that Maddy was safe from her kidnapper. A month before that, she had gotten a call to tell her that her best friend's house had been broken into and that the girl that Ellie loved more than anyone, was gone. She was told that the first 24 hours were crucial and that if Madelyn was not found within those 24 hours, the chances of her coming home alive began to diminish substantially. Her father had sent out every single person in his cartel to look for his daughter, but she was nowhere to be found. When the 24 hours were up, there was no sign of Maddy and Ellie was _devastated_. As days turned to weeks, Ellie had to accept the fact that the chances of her precious Maddy coming back were slim to none. She was crushed, to say the least. But then, as if by some miracle, a month after Maddy's disappearance, she had gotten a call from Madelyn's father.

She had rushed to the hospital, demanded Maddy's room number and then flung the door open. And there, unconscious but undeniably alive, as indicated by the steady beeping that was coming from a machine she was hooked up to, had lay her best friend. And she had looked like a wreck. Although her face was blemish free, her forearms were covered in bruises, along with her throat and undoubtedly the rest of her body. Her usually glowing, tan skin had been pale and ghastly. She'd looked like a ghost of her former self. And she was skinny, _God_ was she skinny, her already thin body having lost any muscle and fat till she was nothing but skin and bones, her collarbones jutting out and her cheeks sunken in. She had looked frail, like she was broken. Maddy's father was standing at her bed side, the doctor in the middle of talking to him. They both turned to look at her when she burst in.

"I'm sorry this is family only-" The doctor had tried to send her away but Maddy's father, commanding the authority that someone with his amount of power constantly seemed to exude, had interrupted him.

"She _is_ family," he had said with a look so stern that the doctor allowed it. That was the single time Ellie appreciated Madelyn's father.

Ellie had rushed to Maddy's bedside and stroked her limp hair and kissed her hollow cheeks. And then, with tears in her eyes, she had listened to the doctor's analysis of Maddy's wounds.

"She has considerable bruising over various parts of her body. Particularly her throat, arms and thighs. She has two large knife wounds on her back that were made a few weeks ago. Had they been treated properly, they more than likely would have healed without fuss. But they needed stitches and to be cleaned out and neither of those things happened. They'll scar, quite badly, but shouldn't cause her too much trouble in the long run. She has a hairline fracture and severe bruising along her ribs, but that should also clear up in a few weeks," the doctor had paused then and shifted on his feet, his eyes flickering between the two people. "But they're not the only issues we found."

"What?" Henry had barked impatiently.

The doctor took in a deep breath, eyeing the larger man cautiously like he was afraid what he was about to say would cause the man to snap. "There is evidence of considerable sexual assault trauma and, although that won't cause her any issues physically…Mentally," the doctor had sighed, looking at Maddy's sleeping form with pity. "It's hard to say. A stay in a psychiatric hospital after she's physically recovered would probably be a good option to look into."

Henry had had to leave the room then and Ellie had felt so faint that she had to sit down. (Ellie had never felt 'faint'before in her life.)

Maddy had, predictably, refused to go into a psychiatric hospital. Three weeks after going home to the manor, she had moved out, to the little apartment that she had resided in until…well, until Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers.

She had, slowly albeit steadily, recovered. The bruises had faded and the wounds on her lower back had scarred. She had, bit by bit, put on weight and her skin had slowly began to turn olive again, her cheeks turning rosy with colour and no longer sunken in but rather plump with life. Her defence classes helped her develop a bit of muscle that she had lost and she grew stronger on her feet. And yet, despite these improvements, she never quite returned to the girl that she had been before. And, after a year, Ellie had begrudgingly come to the resolution that her best friend wouldn't be as happy as she was before she was taken ever again.

And then Bucky Barnes had entered Maddy's life.

It was the small things that Ellie noticed first; Maddy's extra energy, the glow of her skin, the ever-present smile looking more real, less forced. And it all started around the time Maddy and Bucky began dating. Or-or maybe it was even before that, but Ellie couldn't pinpoint an exact time frame. And now, as she stood beside James, looking over at her best friend, the improvement seemed glaringly obvious.

Maddy was now the perfect weight - still skinny, as she was, naturally, a slight girl - but with muscle and just that _hint_ of fat that gave her curves. Her skin literally seemed to be illuminated, glowing in the morning sun, with a beautiful bronze colouring to it and a healthy red hue to her cheeks. There was not a bruise marring her body, excluding a hickey on her throat that came from pleasure rather than pain, and her hair was healthy and luscious, long and thick. But most of all, her expression glowed. Her eyes had that spark in them that, although had never been extinguished, had certainly dimmed after her return from captivity. Now they burned brightly, her amber eyes aware and alight. She was smiling, completely, 100% genuine. She was relaxed, comfortable. Beautiful. Ellie hadn't thought she'd see her best friend like that again and yet, there she stood, glowing like an angel.

"You're fucking weird," Bucky said to break the mood and they all laughed although Ellie gave him a look that said 'insult me again and I'll fuck you up' that was all the more scary considering the smile on her face.

"We have a lot to catch up on," Ellie said, moving toward her best friend and grasping her arm. "Like. A lot."

Maddy hastily agreed and with a kiss to both Steve's and Bucky's cheeks, she and her friend moved up to Maddy's bedroom. Ellie wandered around the large room for a few minutes. When her eyes landed on one of Maddy's red, lacy pieces of lingerie crumpled up on the floor, she raised an eyebrow, scooped it up with one finger and held it up.

"I'm assuming the whole intimacy issue is no longer a thing?" Ellie questioned. Maddy blushed and laughed and Ellie dropped the bra. They both sat on Maddy and Bucky's bed, legs crossed and facing each other. And they talked. And talked and talked. Maddy recounted everything that had happened to her since she had woken in Bucky's apartment to find Captain America there. She told her all about Tony Stark's attempt to kill Bucky and about bringing Steve and Bucky back to her holiday house. She told her about their road trip and how much she loved those two men.

"So, Captain America huh?" Ellie raised her eyebrows and licked her lips appreciatively.

Maddy sighed dreamily and rested her chin on her hand. "He's the best. Seriously. Probably the nicest person I have ever met in my entire life."

"I'd be fucking him over tin man," Ellie said causally and Maddy threw a pillow at her, scandalised.

"Elizabeth Jay! Do not say things like that," Maddy scolded, although they were both laughing. "It's not like that with Steve. _At all_. And just so you know, the sex with Bucky is fucking amazing."

Ellie gave her a look like she didn't believe it could be _that_ good.

"No," Maddy insisted. "Seriously. It's bloody brilliant. Best I've ever had."

"Better than that Calvin Klein model you fucked after that college party?" Ellie questioned, because at the time Maddy had proclaimed _that_ he had been the best sex she'd ever had.

"Oh Bucky's definitely better," Maddy agreed. "100%." She and Ellie giggled. Maddy loved Bucky and Steve, don't get her wrong, but she had missed this - girl talk. _Ellie_ talk. _Best birthday ever_ , she thought as Ellie went off on a tangent about her brother's new girlfriend who probably, maybe, most likely does crack.

~O~

A/N: Hey guys! I know this was a little short and didn't have nearly enough Bucky, but next chapter will have more of our favourite Super Soldier, I promise. And I know that the holiday thing is dragging on a little bit but I wanted to fit a lot into it and don't worry, their utopia won't last forever (Unfortunately for Maddy, Bucky and Steve).

Anyway, pleaseeee leave a review for me, would mean so much. I am working really hard already on the next chapter so please encourage me with reviews!

Love you all x


	43. Birthday Bash, Part II

A/N: Hey guys! I know this is so late and it's also short, but i could either update with this short portion or make you guys wait EVEN longer and make it a bit longer, but I decided to just give this to you now since it's been almost a month since I updated! School is just SOO busy and I am drowning. But don't worry this is not dead and I have so many plans for it. Enjoy and please please leave a review at the end!

~O~

Ellie and Maddy took up a good portion of the day talking and then Steve knocked on the door and poked his head in when summoned, polite as ever. "I don't mean to interrupt," he said with a beautiful smile. "But we booked a dinner reservation at a nice restaurant in Florence. Do you guys want to start getting ready? Ellie, I moved your bags up into one of the guest bedrooms."

"Thanks Captain," Ellie grinned at him. "We'll start getting ready in a minute."

Steve blushed a little at the way Ellie was looking at him - like he was dessert that she was ready to devour - and so he turned his gaze on Maddy.

"Thank you Stevie," She said kindly. He gave them both another smile and a small nod before making his retreat.

"Come on," Ellie dragged Maddy to her feet once he was gone. "The birthday girl needs to look gorgeous."

Forty minutes later she and Maddy walked down the staircase, arm in arm, to find Steve and Bucky waiting for them, both wearing suits, minus the ties and jackets.

Bucky's eyes nearly bulged out of his head when he saw Maddy. She was wearing a silver, glittering slip dress that, from afar, looked to nearly be dripping of diamonds, and stopped mid thigh. It hung on her beautifully, dipping low between her breasts and showing off a great deal of her back. Wrapped around her neck was a necklace seemingly of the same, diamond looking material, that may or may not have been connected to the dress. All in all, she looked drop dead stunning, with her hair in a high ponytail and makeup flawless (thanks to Ellie). He looked Ellie over too, a little more subtly, who was wearing a long sleeved, short and tight fitting velvet maroon dress, with her long golden hair spilling over her shoulders, but he could only take his eyes off of Madelyn for a moment before they were drawn back to her. He took her hand and kissed it, keeping eye contact with her eyeliner circled eyes, that made the amber pop even more than usual. He kissed her cheek and murmured a compliment into her ear that made her blush and giggle. Then the four of them headed into the garage. Bucky produced the keys to the Ford Mustang and grinned at Maddy cheekily. Maddy laughed, throwing her head back and nodded her consent before they piled into the old, beautiful car.

The restaurant they went to in Florence was called _Borgo San Jacopo_ and had a beautiful view of Ponte Vecchio, the medieval stone bridge that arched over the Arno River. The cuisine was exquisite and the wine was beautiful.

Maddy had thought that between her, Bucky and Steve, their dynamic had been full. But Ellie fit in with them so flawlessly that it suddenly felt like they had been missing her the entire time, like the jigsaw hadn't been complete but she was the final piece. They laughed and they ate. Maddy held Ellie's hand tightly and the three of them sung her happy birthday loud enough to get dirty stares from the waiters. It was a brilliant birthday - one of the best she had had since her mother died.

That night she got undressed in her room, with Bucky who followed suit.

She let down her hair and wiped off her makeup before getting dressed into pyjamas and walking over to Bucky who was just finishing brushing his teeth in the bathroom. She rubbed her hand up and down his back, feeling his muscles flex under his smooth skin as he bent down to drink out of the tap. He straightened back up and wiped his mouth with a towel before facing her.

She looked at him for a few moments, placing her other hand on his metal arm. "Thank you Bucky. For tonight. For bringing Ellie here."

He hooked some of her hair behind her ear and then leaned down and kissed her cheek. He pulled back to look her in the eyes. "You're welcome Bambi. Seeing you happy…." he sighed, but it sounded like a happy sigh. "That's all I ever want."

She continued to just look at him for a few moments, her eyes wide and wondrous.

"What?" he mumbled curiously after a couple of heartbeats, smoothing his thumb over her exposed collarbone.

"I just-…" she took in a shaky breath, a small smile painting her lips and her eyes still fixed on him resolutely. "Do you think it'll ever stop feeling like this?" She questioned aloud. "Like we fall in love again and again, more and more, every single day? Like the world could die and explode into fragments and so long as you were still here for me to love, I'd be alright?…Do you think that feeling'll ever fade?" There was a hint of fear in her voice.

Bucky breathed in through his nose, his chest expanding and his hands coming up to cup both sides of her neck, his thumbs resting on her pulse points. "No," he said, with a certainty that made her heart leap in her chest. "It'll never fade. Not for me."

She gulped past the lump in her throat and leaned up close to his face. She stopped, barely a centimetre away from him. "Me neither," she promised, or at least it felt like a promise, and then kissed him, their lips connecting perfectly, slotting together beautifully.

Maddy wondered how there was ever a time when she could not or was not allowed to kiss Bucky Barnes. How did she survive without the superb, indescribable feeling that she got when she pressed her lips to his? She could not imagine a life in the future in which she had to go without that feeling. She refused to imagine a life like that. It would be like going from a colour TV, filled with violets and crimsons and sapphires, to a dull, black and white television, only she didn't even know that her life was in black and white _before_ Bucky. She only realised once she met him, once she fell in love with him and her world burst into brilliant, vibrant shards of colour, piercing her heart and leaving her forever changed. Losing him would be like stepping out of a dream and back into a prosaic and horribly lifeless reality.

 _God_ , she prayed, even though she didn't believe. _Please don't make me go back to that life_.

Bucky wound their hands together and led her back out into the bedroom. She glanced at their bed, but did not head toward it. She squeezed his hand. "I'm going to sleep with Ellie tonight," she said. "I've missed her so much."

He nodded his understanding and swooped down to press a kiss against her cheek. "Goodnight _mishka_." _Little mouse_.

She smiled up at him, squeezing his hand, before turning and walking out of the room. She padded down the hall and pulled open Ellie's closed bedroom door. She did not bother knocking - there comes a time between two people, where they knew each other so intensely well, when knocking becomes unnecessary. That time had long come between Ellie and Maddy.

Ellie was pulling her long, flaxen hair up into a bun piled on her head. She was a vision; a golden goddess of the summertime and everything good that Maddy could think of.

Ellie smiled at her and Maddy smiled back and then they lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, their legs pressed together and their arms just touching.

"What are you going to do in the future?" Ellie asked, very quietly, into the night air around them. "You can't hide out here forever, can you?"

Maddy took in a deep breath. "No," she sighed. "I don't-I don't know." She bit her lip, her heart a pounding drum in her chest. "Can I tell you something?"

"Always," was the immediate reply.

"…I'm scared of the future," Maddy breathed. "Scared of what it holds. How long until the world needs Captain America again?" She squeezed her eyes closed and Ellie's hand found hers. "Bucky will follow Steve anywhere, especially into battle again. It's what they do, I suppose." The brunette felt tears pricking her eyes. "Sometimes I think that they both can't live without a war. Maybe they were just born to fight."

Maddy could tell that Ellie wanted to assure her, to say that everything would be alright. But Ellie would not lie. Would not sugarcoat things, even for Maddy's sake. It wasn't in her nature. And it was for that reason that Maddy believed her next words.

"No one's born to fight, Maddy. They're made that way, over days, years, decades. They're engineered into killers. No infant is born with the malice of war in their blood."

Maddy felt a single tear slide down her cheek; it had been an emotional day. "Do you think it can ever be engineered out of them?"

Ellie thought on that a moment, before turning to face Maddy and resting her arm around her waist. "I'm not sure. We'll think about it in the morning. Let's go to sleep."

Maddy acquiesced, settling into the bed further, but did not close her eyes for hours.

~O~

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed!

Please leave a review and tell me what you think. It would mean a lot and I promise it will motivate me to update faster!

Thank you and love you all x


	44. Chromosome 4

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry, I know it's been awhile - hopefully this chapter makes up for it! I should be updating Teacher, Tutor, Boyfriend too in a bit!

~O~

It's said that you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain. Remarkably, he supposed, James Buchanan Barnes had managed to achieve both of these feats in the space of a century. He had died Bucky Barnes, Howling Commando, best friend of Steve Rogers and an American war hero martyr. He had returned as the Winter Soldier, the assassin of all assassins, the ghost of shadows, the bringer of death. To the Bucky he was now, neither seemed like particularly impressive achievements. What was impressive, astonishing even, to him you ask?

There were three things;

First; his best friend, a literal angel, who had hardly done anything wrong in his entire life, still loved Bucky despite Bucky's attempted murder on him and Bucky's several other _successful_ murders on other people. Steve forgave him without blinking and took Bucky back in like nothing had changed (despite the fact that everything had changed).

Second; Madelyn Rosette Thompson. (Her endless amber eyes, her perfectly flushed cheeks, the way she sounded when she moaned his name, her smiles in the morning, the fact that her telling him 'I love you' was not a rare occurrence.)

Third; that he was beginning to actually like Ellie.

The last was the newest, and most surprising development. Maddy was thrilled that they were getting along and he was honestly, downright stupefied. Ellie was hilarious and fun and made jokes at his expense that somehow made him laugh harder than anyone else.

As of current, she and Maddy were blasting music out of the surround-sound system in the lounge room. They had a bottle of vodka and were pouring it into 4 shot glasses, whilst Steve and Bucky reclined on the large, leather sofa.

"Who wants shots?" Ellie shouted, laughing. She was, quite possibly, already a little tipsy from the cruisers that the girl's had had.

"No thank you," Bucky bit out, staring at the alcohol with distaste.

"Oh come on Grumpy Cat! Loosen up!" Ellie insisted.

Steve, thankfully, cut in. "We, uh, we can't get drunk."

Maddy snorted in amusement, having of course already known this.

"What do you mean you can't get drunk?" Ellie demanded.

"The serum that they were both given," Maddy cut in. "It enhanced their metabolism. They burn through drugs and alcohol in like, 1 second."

Ellie gaped at them before quickly swigging down one of the shots, not even grimacing as she was so used to the taste. "Jesus," she breathed. "No wonder you guys are always so serious. Your lives must suck. I'd be miserable too if I couldn't get drunk!"

Steve chuckled and Bucky rolled his eyes before looking Maddy up and down, who was wearing just a singlet and some short denim shorts, showing off her long, tanned legs. "Oh yeah," he intoned sarcastically, his eyes still trained on his gorgeous girlfriend. "Our lives are the worst."

Ellie rolled her eyes as she and Maddy linked arms and then downed another shot. Within twenty minutes, the two girls were dancing to the bass-pounding music that Bucky and Steve both hated with a passion.

Maddy and Ellie were jumping around with linked hands, singing all of the words to the song perfectly like they'd listened to it a thousand times. Maybe they had.

Steve and Bucky exchanged an amused look. They both enjoyed seeing the two girls so happy. They did more shots and then the music changed and became a little slower, a little more solemn, although still with that same harsh bass that Bucky hated.

Ellie gripped Maddy's hips and pulled the brunette closer to her before spinning her around and pressing their bodies flush together, Maddy's back to Ellie's front. The dancing continued between them, but suddenly it felt a bit more..sexual.

Maddy threw her head back laughing, resting it on Ellie's shoulder as the blonde giggled into her friend's neck, her hands sliding up and down Maddy's body. Maddy shimmied down Ellie's body, grinding on her and Ellie began placing kisses on Maddy's shoulder.

Steve's eyes were wide and a little confused. _Did this constitute as Maddy cheating?_ He thought, looking over at his own best friend. From Bucky's expression, Steve deduced that it was a solid _no_ to that question. Bucky's eyes were trained on the girls, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. He looked like he thought it was the single hottest thing he'd ever seen. Steve had to admit that, for him personally, it probably was. The two girls were drop dead gorgeous, with their smooth skin and sinful lips and generous bodies. He shifted uncomfortably as his jeans began to get a little tight.

Ellie gripped Maddy's hand and spun her out, under her arm before catching her back in her chest. They grinned at each other, their eyes sneaking a little glance at the two boys on the couch, who were gazing at them openly, with lust filled eyes.

"Shall we put on a little show?" Maddy whispered to Ellie, smirking devilishly.

Ellie grinned as well, her hands trailing down Maddy's back to cup her friend's ass cheeks and pull their hips together, making Maddy gasp. "Isn't that what we've been doing for the past ten minutes?" Ellie shot back quietly, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow.

Maddy giggled as Ellie's hands began guiding her to move, side to side in time with the music. Ellie's lips brushed up the brunette girl's throat, to her jaw. Then, she kissed her. Soft, delicate lips slid together perfectly, tongues tangling and hands roaming.

Bucky let out a low groan as he grew impossibly hard in his pants. Maddy glanced over to him and her own arousal, already raging, spiked up. He was leaning back, his arms resting up on the back of the couch, his hips shifted forward and his legs spread apart. She could see he was achingly hard in his pants, but the best part was the look in his eyes. His sapphire depths were blazing with heat and want and absolute _lust_ , desperation even. He looked ready to eat her alive. She loved it; drunk on the alcohol and power that she held over him. She sauntered over to him until she was standing between his legs. He looked up at her, his gaze an inferno that made her whole body feel hot. She leaned down slowly, until their lips were so close to touching that she could practically taste him. From muscle memory, his hands came up toward her waist, but before he could touch she was backing away again, toward Ellie with a mischievous grin on her face. She and Ellie did another shot and then they were dancing again and Bucky was just about ready to explode. He needed her.

He surged to his feet and scooped Maddy up, causing her to squeal and throw her head back laughing as her legs wrapped around his waist. He buried his face in the column of her neck as her hands threaded through his hair. Then he turned and began marching her out of the room.

"Play nice," Maddy mouthed to Ellie over Bucky's shoulder right before the couple disappeared upstairs.

That left just Steve and Ellie alone. She sighed and dropped down on the couch beside him, bottle of vodka in one hand. She took a large gulp of it, swallowing it with ease and without grimace. She glanced over at him. He was still looking over his shoulder at where Maddy and Bucky had disappeared. She sighed again and got up.

"Typical," she muttered under her breath. He seemed to snap out of his reverie.

"Sorry, pardon?" he looked at her, innocent and polite.

She sighed for the third time in less than three minutes. "Nothing. I'm going to bed." She took the bottle of vodka with her.

~O~

The smell of nail polish pervaded the air around them; familiar and although acrid, somehow comforting. Ellie was focussed on Maddy's fingernails, coating them in a thick layer of baby blue polish. Maddy shifted and Ellie scolded her for moving, picking up a tissue and wiping away the amiss drop of varnish.

"I thought - hoped, maybe - that you and Steve might get together," Maddy admitted, with a small, mischievous smile. Ellie glanced up at her, eyebrows furrowed.

"Seriously?"

"What? That surprises you? He's gorgeous, you're gorgeous - why not? Your hair matches," Maddy grinned, but Ellie was still frowning. The blonde haired girl sat up, staring at her best friend, her task forgotten. "What?" Maddy asked, curious as to why Ellie was taking it so seriously.

"You really can't see it can you?" Ellie said, studying her friend's face.

"See what? What are you talking about?" Maddy began blowing on her fingernails in an attempt to force them to dry faster.

"He's not interested in me," Ellie pointed out.

"There's no straight guy in the world that isn't interested in you," Maddy shot back.

"Bucky," Ellie retorted. Maddy barked out a laugh.

"Untrue - he'd fuck you, but unfortunately he's in love with me," Maddy joked, smiling.

"Yeah," Ellie agreed, reaching out and grasping Maddy's wrist, pulling it back down between them and beginning to paint Maddy's nails once more. "He's not the only one."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Madelyn questioned, staring at the top of her friend's head.

"It means…" Ellie sighed, pausing for a moment and then looking up at Maddy. "It means that I've seen the way Steve looks at you."

Maddy's breath caught in her throat. Was Ellie implying that…?

"How? How does he look at me, Ellie?" Maddy demanded and when El didn't reply she jerked her hand, causing a strip of nail polish to smear across her knuckle. Ellie huffed and straightened up, levelling Maddy with an unimpressed stare.

"He looks at you the same way Bucky looks at you," Ellie replied, annoyance aflame in her blue eyes. "Like he'd start a war or blow up a planet just to see you smile."

Ellie yanked Maddy's hand toward her once more, wiping away at the nail polish determinedly. Maddy did not protest. Shock slithered over her like ice to a fire. Realisation was a bitch.

~O~

When Wyndham was 22 years old his mother, who had raised him and worked her ass off to put him through school and college, was diagnosed with Huntington's Disease, a debilitating and incurable defect caused by a crappy gene on chromosome 4. Wyndham fucking hated chromosome 4.

He dedicated the next 7 years of his life to trying to find a cure for it, studying the human genome, researching protein build up and nerve cell damage. And he had been close. So. Fucking. Close.

And then, when he was 28, the Government had shut him down (for the first time - it would happen again years later for his experiments toward developing Isotope A), just days away from a break through that could have possibly saved not only his mother, but thousands of other sufferers all over the country. And they had shut him down because he was supposedly illegally experimenting on animals - which, yes he was, but in his eyes a few animals lives were worth sacrificing in order to save thousands of human lives.

A year later, his mother died. And Wyndham could have saved her, if given the chance. His whole life he had, to an extent, resented the Government. His ma had been a single mother, working three different jobs and trying to raise him right, whilst the President and his family - along with other millionaires and billionaires all over the country - were living in their ridiculously fancy houses, with too much money and too much time. But when she died, that resentment turned to a burning, insatiable hatred. A living thing inside of him that screamed in his ear to do something. To make them pay, to make them suffer. It was their fault. They killed her in cold blood, stole away his chance to save her life. They had to pay for that.

 _And they will,_ he thought _. Soon enough the reckoning will come. Their sins will catch up with them and the demons inside of them will be revealed._

Hellfire was coming their way and they would surely be engulfed by it.

~O~

A/N: Ooooo dramatic! I hope you enjoyed!

Pleaseeeee leave a review and let me know what you think!

Thank youu love you all xx


	45. New York in Distress

Finally, after delaying for as long as they could, it was time for Ellie to leave. Her work had already given her considerable time off for 'a family holiday' and they were demanding that she return. Maddy had promised herself, the night before as she lay in her best friend's bed, with Ellie curled up into her side, that she would not cry. She broke that promise when Ellie got out of the car at the Florence airport, Steve holding her bag. Hot, wet tears welled in Maddy's eyes and dripped down onto the bitumen below her feet.

"Are you ever going to come home?" Ellie was crying too, but only just. Maddy looked over at Bucky, who's face was shadowed with guilt, like it was his fault that Maddy was separated from her best friend, from her old life. Maybe it _was_ his fault - Maddy didn't know. If it was, she loved him too much to care.

"I don't know," Maddy admitted and Ellie's gaze dropped to the ground for a moment. She and Maddy hugged each other tightly, hands clutching backs, fists curling in shirts. Maddy didn't want to let go.

"It's ok," Ellie whispered into her ear as they embraced. "It's ok. You're happy. Bucharest was never really your home anyway."

Maddy pulled back, wiping her cheek on her shoulder. "Where is my home then?"

Ellie half smiled and her eyes darted over Maddy's shoulder to Bucky. "It _was_ in London when you were a kid, with your mother. But not anymore, hasn't been for a long time. And now? That's for you to figure out, my love. Maybe it's with him." She nodded toward Bucky jerkily. "Or somethin'."

Maddy gulped around the lump in her throat. There was a physical pain in her chest, like a pressing weight that threatened to crush the life out of her.

"I'll miss you," Maddy promised, like Ellie didn't already know that first hand.

"I'll miss you too," Ellie said. They stared at each other, like Romeo and Juliet about to be torn apart. Maddy thinks that if Bucky wasn't her one true love, then maybe Ellie was. Whoever said platonic love wasn't as strong as romantic love, was a fucking liar.

"El, you're going to miss your flight," Steve nudged gently. Ellie nodded and took in a long, deep breath.

She looked at Bucky and said, "See you 'round loser. Look after her or I swear I'll kill you."

Amusement lit Bucky's face, although there was still a note of sadness to it. "I will."

"I know," Ellie sighed quietly.

Ellie's eyes connected with Maddy's, but they didn't say anything more to each other. Their expressions, Maddy supposed, said enough.

Steve put a hand on the small of Ellie's back and began guiding her away like she would never leave otherwise. Most probably, he was right. He walked her into the airport and they disappeared from sight. Maddy stood, staring after them with tears still silently streaming down her face. Bucky gulped, his heart pounding in his chest. He hated seeing her upset. He hesitantly reached out and grabbed her arms, gently pulling her backwards into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder and pressing a kiss to the side of her neck. He could taste the salty tang of tears on his lips. He didn't bother asking her if she was ok. He knew she wasn't and he also knew she would lie and say she was. He didn't want to hear that.

"I'm sorry," he murmured instead. Maddy's eyes finally closed, squeezing shut tightly.

"It's not your fault," it sounded like a default response.

He gulped, the familiar guilt - like second nature to him now - invading his chest. "What if it is?" He said quietly. "What if-…What if you'd never met me and you were still in Bucharest, with Ellie, safe-"

She turned in his arms, cutting him off by kissing him. She tasted like tears and toothpaste. When she pulled back, more tears had invaded her eyes. "And what? I'd be living in Bucharest, still scared to have sex with anyone, still flinching at every loud sound and just as _not_ safe as I am now because of my father."

He looked down, his face twisted with grief, disbelief maybe.

"I chose you," she said, her voice cracking. "I chose you then and I choose you now. Again and again…Because I love you." He pulled her close, cradling her small body against his and resting his forehead against her. She hiccupped, a sob pulling out of her lips. "But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. It doesn't mean that I won't miss my best friend or miss our shitty apartments in Bucharest or miss the mornings when I could wake up to your smile and not have to worry about all of this Avengers bullshit." She cut herself off, squeezing her eyes shut. "I miss that. But that doesn't change my mind. I'll always choose you, Buck. Every time. Until I don't have to anymore. Until the universe understands that you're mine and I'm yours." She opened her eyes and kissed his jaw, lingering briefly. When Steve came back she pulled away, wiping at her cheeks with the heel of her palm.

Ever since Ellie's revelation about Steve's feelings, Maddy had been trying her best to minimise her and Bucky's PDA in front of him. If what Ellie said was true and accurate, then Maddy would feel _awful_ for being so on top of Bucky around Steve. She hadn't even considered it an issue before.

Steve squeezed her hand supportingly before opening her car door for her. She clambered into the car, her face feeling puffy from the tears. The two super soldiers got in and, with one last despairing look at the airport that had just ripped her best friend away, they drove off.

~O~

Maddy bounced back quickly, because it was in her nature to do so, and although by the next day she was back to smiles and constant chatter, Bucky could tell that it was simply a front. The sadness at losing her best friend once more was still there, bubbling just beneath the surface, beneath the happy facade that she donned for the outside world. Bucky wanted to talk to her about it, really he did, but he wasn't entirely sure how. How exactly was he supposed to comfort her when the thing he was comforting her about was his fault?

~O~

Night hung heavily around the Italian manor, the moon less than a sliver of light. Maddy and Bucky's room was pitch black as they slept peacefully.

Suddenly the door burst open and the couple startled awake. Steve stood in the doorway, light streaming in from the hallway behind him, illuminating his blonde hair and large frame, making him look like some kind of angel, some kind of divine intervention.

"What's going on?" Bucky questioned, the expression on his face completely serious as he drew Maddy toward his chest protectively. Bucky could see in Steve's eyes; he was panicked, even if he did hide it well.

"I have to go," Steve said and Maddy's heart skipped. _What the hell?_

"What's happening Steve?" Maddy demanded.

Steve pursed his lips. "Stark called. New York is in trouble."

~O~

A/N: hey guys! I'm sorry this is such a short chapter AND I haven't updated in awhile, but the next chapter is going to be pretty big so this is kinda a filler/lead up I guess.

ALSO I have an announcement: Drum roll please… 'Stay' is going to be coming to a close soonish! I know, I know it's sad - but I like keeping my stories to a not-ridiculous-length (the average novel is roughly 80,000 words long and obviously this is considerably longer than that) and I really don't want this to get above like 150,000. But don't fear! I am writing a sequel! YAY!

This is so exciting for me because I haven't actually fully finished a story before so I am so keen for you guys to find out more about the sequel (which will, of course, be based around Bucky and Maddy). I have already started planning it out and it should be amazing! I hope that after Stay is wrapped up that you guys will stick around for the next chapter in Bucky and Maddy's journey. I will tell you guys the title next update! But don't worry too much, there's still a considerable amount of 'Stay' left before I wrap it up. Just a heads up!

Love you all, please review and support me in this! Until next time xoxo


	46. Stay

A/N: Hey guys!

SO… I'm really sorry about the wait on this chapter BUT I do have a reason. So, my reason is: As I was writing this, I realised that this is probably going to be the last chapter of 'Stay'. I thought that there would be like 2/3 more chapters but I decided instead of pack it all into one massive chapter to give to you guys. So yeah, here is the end of Stay! I love you all and really hope you enjoy this final chapter!

~O~

Wyndham pressed his foot on the accelerator a little harder, the crappy old van speeding up with a clanking sound that indicated it was 8 months overdue for a service. He listened to the news over the radio with white knuckles clutching the steering wheel. Today was the day. Today was the day justice would be served. And everything was going to plan.

His assistant, Miles Warren, had released the dozens of beasts they had created onto New York City, to wreak havoc as a distraction for the Avengers and the world. Everyone would have their eyes on the Nation's Big Apple, whilst Wyndham was on his way to Washington DC, toward the White House, with one of his own beasts in the back of the van. He would release the beast at the White House and amidst the chaos, get to the President.

He pressed down on the accelerator more - he just had to reach the White House before the Avengers defeated his monsters.

~O~

Maddy watched on in distress as Bucky and Steve suited up, donning costumes that they had not worn since they'd departed Siberia. Bucky's gaze was hard and cold, just like it had been all those months ago when he had, briefly, been turned back into the Winter Soldier.

"You can't tell me that Stark and the Avengers can't handle some mutant creature things alone," she protested, trying to reason with them. "If you go, then they'll have you arrested! How do you know this isn't Stark setting you a trap?"

"It isn't," Steve protested. "He told me. He's bargaining amnesty for me and Bucky in exchange for our help. Or at least, he's trying."

"Bullshit," Maddy said. "The Winter Soldier assassinated dozens of high-profile politicians and a lot of it came out in the info-dump after the fall of HYDRA. There's no way they'd just forgive that!"

"At the HYDRA base in Siberia, they found videos and documents. Enough to prove that Bucky wasn't responsible for everything he did," Steve explained.

"Bambi," Bucky cooed, reaching for her arm. His eyes were softer again, his attention on his distressed girlfriend. "Go back to bed. Just stay here and relax and I'll take of everything. When it's safe, we'll come back for you."

Maddy felt tears filling her eyes. Their paradise, their little slice of heaven in the Italian countryside, was coming to a close. "Please don't go," she choked out.

Bucky's eyes filled with pain, but then resolution. He stepped back, away from her. "Where Steve goes, I go. I'm not letting him walk into battle again without me. Ever. You need to learn to accept that."

It was like a stab to her heart. Fear bubbled up inside of her. She didn't want to lose Bucky or Steve, but she certainly wouldn't be able to handle losing both of them. _What if they both die in battle and I'm left alone?_ She thought. But it was a risk that she didn't have a choice but to take.

Steve was looking at her worriedly. "Maddy, we'll be fine. We'll come back when it's done and get you. I'll look after him," his gaze flicked to Bucky, who was slipping a gun into his waistband. "I promise."

Maddy was angry at Steve for trusting Stark and for ruining their perfect little haven, and that's why she said what she would later come to regret. "Is that what you thought in 1944 before you let him fall from a train and into the hands of HYDRA?"

Steve recoiled, hurt and shock flashing over his handsome features. Bucky looked over his shoulder at her, surprised as well. She turned on her heel and walked back upstairs. She couldn't bare to watch them leave.

~O~

Less than half an hour later, well after Steve and Bucky had left, Maddy realised she'd made a mistake. She regretted being so harsh on them and being so selfish. In between her attempts to not lose them, she had somehow managed to drive them away. It was baring this thought in mind that she jumped into the Ford Mustang and sped as swiftly as she could toward the airport.

Bucky would follow Steve to the ends of the Earth. But Maddy would follow them both just as far.

~O~

The tension between Tony, Steve and Bucky was tangible, but all of that melted away in the battle field that New York had become. Mangled, distorted creatures attacked them from all sides. Natasha thought she might have a location on the source of the mutilated animals and she and Clint were tracking it down as Steve, Tony, Bucky and the other Avengers fought off the creatures and tried to keep more civilians from getting caught in the crossfire. The supply of engorged beasts seemed never-ending and the fight seemed to go on forever.

When they finally got the call from Nat that she had found the source - a lair in downtown New York, nestled amongst drug dealers and gang hangouts, with substantial science equipment that must have gone toward engineering the animals. She and Barton had captured a man - boy, really - who seemed to be the one that was letting the beasts free.

"I don't think he was the one behind this whole thing," Nat spoke on the phone to Steve whilst Bucky covered him, taking out a particularly nasty looking, although fairly small brute that might have once been a rat, with his gun.

"What do you mean?" Steve had to shout into the phone over the noise of combat.

"I mean he's an idiot. This is advanced science - I got Bruce on the phone too. There's something deeper going on here, more to it than just some chaos in New York City," Natasha replied.

Steve let out a breath. "Then we need to figure out exactly what this is. Get the boy to talk."

~O~

Maddy had somehow managed to fall into a fitful sleep on the plane ride to America. The pilot, whom she had known for years from the Florence airport, woke her with a gentle shake of her shoulder.

"Miss Thompson," his weathered old face smiled kindly down at her. "We've arrived in Washington D.C."

She shot up, wiping away the sleep in her eyes. "Washington?" She gasped. "What do you mean? We should be in New York!"

His eyebrows furrowed. "New York? Miss, I was given strict instructions by your companion Mr Buchanan Barnes that if you were to hop on this plane in the next 48 hours, it was to take you directly to Washington D.C."

Maddy's jaw hung open. _That slippery bastard! He must have told them only to fly me to Washington when he and Steve went to the airport to wait for the aircraft that Stark had sent to collect them!_

She groaned in frustration and stood up, exiting the plane as her luggage was unloaded. The lengths Bucky would go to to keep her away from danger seemed ridiculous.

There was a car waiting for her, one he and Steve had clearly also orchestrated.

"Where is this car supposed to be taking me?" She sighed, half resigned to her fate to simply wait until Steve and Bucky came for her. At least she was now in the same country as them.

"Mr Rogers' apartment Miss, near Downtown Washington," he explained, his American accent thick.

She rubbed her eyes with her hands. "Fine," she acquiesced and slid into the town car. As soon as they were moving, she pulled out her phone and dialled Bucky's number. It went straight to voicemail. Next, she tried Steve.

He answered on the third ring. "Maddy?" Steve's voice was nearly drowned out by chaos in the background.

"Steve?" Maddy was surprised that he'd answered. "Where are you? Are you and Bucky ok?"

"We're fine - we're still in New York. Where are you?"

"Freaking Washington D.C.!" She half shrieked, before toning it down when the driver sent her a look in the rearview mirror. "I wanted to come to New York, but _someone_ told my pilot to only take me to the capital."

There was some muffled noise in the background and Maddy thought she may have heard Bucky's voice, but then Steve returned to the phone line. "Bucky says you're predictable. Look, Maddy I really can't talk right now. We're about to head down to Washington now, there's been a mishap, the real threat is down there. But don't worry, you'll be safe. Just go to my apartment and wait there until we come for you. Do you understand? Can you actually stay put this time?"

Maddy's eyebrows were furrowed and she was suddenly on full alert. "What do you mean the real threat is in Washington?"

The phone line crackled and there was a loud roar in the background. "I really have to go!" Steve was shouting again, as the noise surrounding him increased ten-fold. "It'll be fine - it's just something at the White House, but we're on our way, or about to be. Don't do anythi-"

The line cut off and Maddy tore the phone away from her ear to look down at it. The words 'call failed' flashed across the screen. She swore under her breath, praying to any God that may or may not have existed that Bucky and Steve were alright. Her hand came up to grip Bucky's dog tags that hung around her neck. She fingered the familiar, cold metal of them for a few moments, her eyes brushing over the engraved words 'BARNES, JAMES B.' Somehow, they made her brave. She looked up at her driver. "There's been a change of plans. Take me to the White House."

~O~

Natasha had gotten the boy to talk. Steve didn't want to know what methods she had used to do so, but she had got the job done. The boy had told them that he was, in fact, not the mastermind behind all of the chaos. Instead, he was the assistant, to a scientist with a deadly grudge against the president. The outbreak in New York had simply been a distraction and the real danger was in Washington - exactly where he and Bucky had sent Maddy.

 _She'll be fine_ , he told himself and hoped to God that it was true. He would never forgive himself if she got hurt - the thought alone made him sick to his stomach. Maddy, with her never-ending smiles and animated stories; Maddy, with her infinite bravery and glimmering, fiery eyes; Maddy, with her quiet pain and her limitless devotion to Bucky, was something to be protected, to be defended and shielded. And Steve, determined to make amends with Tony and get pardons for both him and Bucky, had left her behind, defenceless and alone.

~O~

The continuous chorus of high-pitched screams and loud gunshots was distant background noise for Wyndham as he stared in the eyes of a certain politician. Whilst the White House security attempted to fight off Wyndham's beast, the scientist had found the President and his perfect little family; a wife and two children, one girl and one boy. They were the exemplary pedigree of fine bred, white privilege.

"Look at you now," he mused, his gun pointed directly at the President, the safety off and his finger on the trigger. "Shaking like the coward you are." He had a syringe in his other hand, with just enough of his Isotope A to inject every single member of the First Family of the United States. He would watch them become the monsters they were born to be. He took a step toward them and the little girl started crying.

Then, suddenly and intrusively, the door burst open. He spun around, his gun now pointed at whatever person had managed to wade their way through the chaos and to this room.

He'd expected a security guard, maybe a politician or Secretary General, possibly even an Avenger. He hadn't expected this.

A girl, who was probably in her early to mid twenties but honestly looked something closer to nineteen, stood in the doorway. She was weaponless, defenceless and although nervous looking, unafraid.

"Leave. Before I put a bullet in your head," he threatened. He wasn't here to kill people unnecessarily, he was here for the President. Everyone else was simply collateral.

"You're the one that released the beasts in New York," she stated, her hands up in a non-threatening manner. She took a tentative step closer to him. "The Avengers know your plan and they're on their way here now. You should leave while you can." Although she, of course, wanted him to be caught, she would rather he escaped and let the President and his family live rather than have the scientist behind bars but innocent people lose their lives. She couldn't bare to see two children killed _or_ their country's leader and his wife.

His jaw clenched and his grip on the gun tightened, although she could see his hand trembling. Then he swung and pointed it directly at one of the two crying children. "If you don't get out, now, a bullet goes in his head."

Maddy's throat went dry, but she just had to stall him for a bit longer until the Avengers arrived. "Your hand's shaking," she said. "You don't want to kill a child."

His eyes blazed with enough fury that she knew her statement had been true.

"So what do you want? Why are you doing all this?" She demanded. Motives were a good place to start.

"You need to shut your mouth, little girl," he barked, frustrated, marching forward and pressing the gun to her forehead. Fear pounded through her but she forced herself to remain calm. "You don't know what you just walked into. I've been planning this for years."

"Planning what? Destroying New York City? Terrorizing children?" She motioned toward the President's crying kids.

"You think they're innocent?" He had a crazed look in his eyes, one that scared Maddy a little. He was definitely not 100% sane. "They might seem it now, but just wait until they grow up. Until their privilege gets to their head. Until they realise they're better than the rest of us! That they deserve better - better education, better housing, better medical treatment!"

"Is that what this is about? They're...luckier than you?" Maddy questioned. "Richer?"

"Not just richer. They get access to things that poor people can't even dream of!" He shouted.

"Black people have been facing that problem since before the dawn of America," Maddy pointed out.

"Shut up!" He jammed the gun closer to her face. "You don't know what it was like! I watched my mother die, wither away. And I could have stopped it. If we were all equal, then she might be alive. But some people," he glared over his shoulder at the President. "Some people are privileged. Some people don't have to worry about paying medical bills and buying food."

Maddy did feel a pang of sorrow for the crazed man standing in front of her - he had clearly witnessed some horrible things. But that didn't make up for what he had done. Besides, she only had to stall him a little longer. "So, you're a communist?"

"No!" He practically screamed and Maddy flinched. "Enough! Enough of all of this! It's time for him to pay." He looked over at the President and went to step toward the man.

"Wait!" Maddy stopped him, panic flaring in her chest. The gun was still pointed toward her and now the scientist was glaring at her, daring her to make a move. She put her hands up in an innocent way, but edged forward toward him. "I'm sorry about your mother. I'm sorry you had to watch her die slowly." She gulped past a lump in her throat. "My own mother died when I was young as well." She didn't want to be telling him this, didn't want to be reliving her past at that moment, but she was out of ideas on other ways to stall him. "She was murdered. Ripped from me, just like yours was from you." His eyes began to glow with understanding and she knew that she was, on some level, connecting with him. She edged closer. "And I know how hard it is to recover from that. How easy it is to try and blame something else, someone else." She felt tears begin to burn her eyes and quickly pushed them away. _Now is not the time._ She was so close. "But it's no one's fault. Sometimes, tragedy is simply etched into life." Their eyes were locked in a silent contest. He looked torn, torn between relating to her and wanting to finish his mission. His jaw hardened, his body tensed. But she sprung into action first.

Her hand shot out and smacked the gun away from him. It slid along the floor and he shouted in indignated annoyance. He lunged for her with the syringe in his hand and they fell to the floor, grappling. He managed to get on top of her, his larger body weighing her down and knocking the breath out of her. He plunged his hand, with the needle in it, toward her neck and she managed to block him. But he pressed harder. He was bigger and stronger than her. The needle edged toward her neck as her arms slowly gave out. The thin, metal spike touched the skin above her collarbone and his thumb went onto the plunger….

The door burst open and there was a loud bang. Blood exploded over Maddy, coating her chest and splattering onto her face. The scientist fell back, the syringe still in his hand, a bullet wound in his chest. She pushed herself up and glanced over her shoulder. The Avengers - Steve and Stark and Clint Barton - were filtering into the room and Bucky was standing with a smoking gun in his hand. His aim had been expertly perfect. She looked back at the scientist.

Crimson blood trickled out of the side of his mouth, his glazed eyes staring up at the ceiling as he twitched. His stare slowly moved and met hers.

She felt stupid, unworthy sympathy flood her body. "I'm sorry," she said, quietly. "Really, I am." She leaned over a little.

"You're…" his voice was barely there; raspy, and he gurgled on blood in his throat for a moment. "You're just as bad as the rest of them." He finally managed to get out. She didn't know why, but that hurt - a blow to her stomach that wasn't physical.

Her jaw clenched. "No, I'm not. Because 'the rest' aren't bad. Injustice is never solved with more violence."

She felt a familiar, cold hand on her shoulder, but she kept eye contact with the scientist. Their stares stayed locked together until the life drained from his eyes.

She finally looked away and up at Bucky, who was staring down at her with copious amounts of worry on his face.

"Are you hurt?" He asked, lifting her up gently by her arms. She shook her head.

"I'm fine," her voice was smaller than she anticipated.

He let out a long breath. "Bambi, what on earth were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that you were all the way in New York. And I had to do something," she said.

"Maddy, are you ok?" Steve shouted from behind her, where he was standing next to the President. Captain America looked slightly distraught at the thought that she might be hurt. She nodded.

"Crazy thing, you coming here," Clint Barton said, eyeing her. "You could've been killed."

"Yeah, well she seems to show up at pretty crazy convenient times," Tony Stark remarked from within his iron armour, clearly recalling the last time they had met in Siberia. Albeit, this time it was on much better terms.

"Maybe it _was_ crazy of you, coming here," the President spoke up, rising to his feet. He was shaken and had a little blood on his forehead, but he was alive and so was the rest of his family. "But I am damn glad you did. You saved my life. You saved my family's life." He glanced down at his wife and children. "I can't ever repay you for that, but I can try..." He looked at her expectantly.

She gulped and glanced at Bucky, then at Steve. Italy had been amazing and beautiful, but she knew her boys wanted to go home, to the country they had fought for in wars and conflicts, the country that they loved. "Actually," she said. "There is one thing you could do for me, Mr President…"

~O~

Maddy looked out across Washington DC. It was a pretty city, she supposed. She'd thought it would be different for some reason...more crowded, maybe.

Stark had gotten them all nice hotel rooms for a few nights until they sorted everything out. He was still being sarcastically hostile toward Bucky, but he seemed nice enough.

She breathed in the fresh air, standing on the hotel balcony.

Bucky came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her gently back against his chest. She melted into him.

"What are you think about?" He murmured, his thumb brushing up and down along her hip. She looked out over the lights and buildings.

"Everything," she admitted. "That scientist, the President...this country. What it means for me and you."

He sighed. She turned in his arms and looked up at his handsome face. He had dark stubble across his jaw that gave him a dangerous tint, as if the metal arm and ridiculous body wasn't enough.

"What you did for me Bambi," he said. "I won't forget it."

She knew he was referring to the fact that she had asked the President to reinstate both Steve and Bucky into the Avengers Initiative and wipe their names clean of any crimes. It had been a big ask, but Tony had already been halfway there to convincing the State before she came along. Her request simply finalised it.

"It's not a big deal," she said quietly. "It's not like I had any other life-changing wishes to ask the President of the United States."

Bucky barked out a laugh. "What, were you going to ask for a yacht?"

Maddy rolled her eyes chuckling. But their amusement quickly died off. She played with the zipper on the hoodie he was wearing, chewing her lip. "What about us?" She said, quietly. "If you're living here...where does that leave us?" She looked up at him, through her lashes.

He tucked some of her damp hair behind her ear. "I wanted to talk to you about that," he admitted and cupped her face in his large, cold and hot hands. "Bambi I love you. And I want to be with you. Right now, I need to be here. And I know this is a lot to ask. And I know you have already given up so much for me. But I'm selfish when it comes to you," he looked at her with a kind of intensity that almost scared her. "Because I've never felt this way about anyone - ever…. I want you to move to America, here with me and Stevie."

She had had a feeling he would say something like that. But how was she to respond? Was she to say no, and simply kiss him goodbye and go back to Bucharest? Or was she to say yes, to give up her home permanently and move to a foreign country, uproot her life just like she had done after her mother's death?

She thought back to what Ellie had said at the airport before she had left Italy, about Bucharest not ever truly being Maddy's home. She was right. Her home, at least now, was with the love of her life.

"Ok," she said, very quietly. He looked confused, for a moment, and then his face slowly stretched into a large smile. His blue eyes were glowing as he stared down at her. He mirrored the young man in an army uniform, who was pictured beside a brightly-dressed Steve back in 1944. Bucky Barnes had never died, he'd just been dormant for 71 years, until he had bumped into a pretty girl in the hallway of a grotesque apartment block in Bucharest, Romania. Maddy had made his heart beat again that day - he remembered it, pulling off his glove after she'd left to press against his chest and feel the _ba-boom, ba-boom_ of his pulse. She made his heart pound every single day since.

"I love you, Bambi," he said. She grinned, that beautiful electric grin of hers, and she took his metal hand in her own.

"I know." She leaned up and kissed him, a brief pressing of pink lips on lips. "I have to go and talk to Steve," she then said. "I have to make things right with him."

Steve Rogers was one floor down, in room 304. She hesitated only for a few seconds before knocking. He pulled it open and looked a little nervous or surprised when he saw her.

"Maddy," he said, staring at her. He quickly moved to the side. "Come in."

She walked inside, her eyes trailing over the Captain America outfit laid out on the bed. She trailed her fingers over his shield. "Tony gave it back to you," she stated.

He nodded. "He...He wants to make amends, I think. But him being Tony, he'll never actually come out and say that."

There was a pause. "He's not the only one that wants to make amends," she admitted quietly. Steve let out a long breath. "Steve, what I said back in Italy…"

"It's ok-"

"No, it isn't," she interrupted. "It isn't ok. It was nasty and untrue, and I didn't mean it. Not one bit."

His jaw tightened. "It was true," he said, quietly. "I let Bucky fall all those years ago-"

"Steve," guilt crashed through Maddy and she stepped closer, reaching out and placing a hand on his arm. "That's not true. I didn't mean it, I swear. It wasn't your fault then and if something happened to him now, it still wouldn't be your fault. He makes his own decisions. After everything Hydra did to him, the least we can do is respect his decision." Steve begrudgingly nodded. "I didn't mean to hurt you Stevie, I was just….I was afraid," she admitted. "The thought of losing you or Bucky…It makes me sick." She felt a heaviness in her throat and stomach, like she was about to cry.

"I'm not mad, Maddy," he said. "And me and Buck aren't going anywhere." She smiled and reached up and hugged him. He wrapped his strong arms around her and held her close. He smelled like patriotism and freedom and the sea. He smelt like home.

There was a knock on the door. "Can I come in yet?" Bucky called in. Steve and Maddy burst out laughing and pulled away.

"Yes, you jerk," Steve called back. Bucky opened the door and wandered in.

"Punk," he muttered under his breath. Maddy smiled brightly at them and flopped down onto the bed.

"I'm starving, let's get room service," she said, reaching over for the plastic menu. "Let's order like, everything on the menu and charge it to Stark's account."

Bucky and Steve laughed and they did just that. They sat in that hotel room, on the bed and ate until their bellies were stuffed full, talking around mouthfuls of food. The stars of Washington D.C. sparkled brightly through the window onto the trio as they laughed and poked fun at each other good heartedly. If Maddy closed her eyes, they were back in Italy again, sitting in the lounge room or by the lake. But the present was just as good as the past - her boys were safe and she was with the person who made her happiest in the world.

"Are you staying, Maddy?" Steve asked, looking a little worried. "Here, in America, with us?"

Maddy smiled and reached out for Bucky's hand, threading their fingers together. "Yeah," she said and brought their conjoined hands up to kiss his knuckles. She looked at Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. _There's no other place I'd rather be_. "Yeah, I'm staying."

~O~

A/N: OMG guys! I really hope you guys enjoyed the final chapter of 'Stay'. This has been such an amazing experience and I have LOVED writing for all of you guys! Thank you so much for the reviews and the follows and favourites. I can't even explain how much it all means to me. I have really fallen in love with Bucky and Maddy and their disastrous story line. I love the little world I have created around them, with your guys help!

I have already started writing the sequel which will be titled 'Let Go'. I will post that story pretty soon I think!

Please leave a review and tell me what you thought about this story as a whole and this final installment of it!

Thank you my loves for sticking with me through this experience! It's my first story that I've fully finished and I owe that to you guys for motivating me!

Love you all very much. Until there's a next time xx


	47. SEQUEL

A/N: Hello my beautiful readers! I know I have been MIA for a little bit, but I was preparing the sequel for you all! The sequel, titled 'Let Go', is now posted, with the first chapter up. I will be updating as regularly as I can. Please go and give it some love. I can't wait to keep writing Bucky and Maddy's love story for you all. Go check it out on my profile!

Love you all x


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